discussion I might send a risky text to my crush at work but i'm stressed out

[MoonGoodandHappy]

Well for a few days, nothing has been going well with my boyfriend, I no longer want to continue a relationship with him because I felt disrespected.  And I never really had feelings for him anyway and apparently neither did he because he can not send me a message for days without it bothering him.   

 

Anyway, for some time now, at my job (I clean in a nursing home) I have been very attracted to a nurse at my work who is gay.  He always attracted me and besides I was ashamed of myself for being attracted to a man other than my boyfriend.... 

And this nurse has been there since around December and since then every time he is there he gives me very cute smile and eyes contact.... I really have the impression that he is also attracted to me.  Recently he added me on Facebook for no reasons and I accepted it and since then he has liked some of my photos.... I know it doesn't mean anything but I still wonder if it's not a sign.

 What bothers me the most is that sometimes we talk at work but very often he speaks to others in a very comfortable way but with me he is very shy.... When he sees me he gives a very shy smile but with an intense eye contact.... I don't know if he's single but today I prepared a message to send him, it's not a very explicit message but  I tell him that I think he's someone  wonderful, a very good person and I would like to know him more.  I'll send him the message tomorrow evening and I admit I wonder if it's a good idea.... I'm stressed out. 

 

And I feel like i'm a bad person for that, because until today, my ex boyfriends always used me, treated me bad.... And now I feel like its me because I have not really broke up with my actual boyfriend because I'm afraid of him and his reaction, he can get very angry... And at the same time I really want to send this message to the nurse... I'm very very atrracted....What should I do ? 

[Hallad173]

Dont.

[Hallad173]

I mean Zont. Zont do it.

[Devin]

its not good to text/email people when ur stressed. wait til u relax and rethink what u want to say.

 

Spoiler

and dont text them under the influence to gain courage either.

 

[The Next Day]

Is your boyfriend actually dangerous or do you want to avoid a very difficult conversation. I don't think you need to officially break up with a person who would actually harm you. Either way, I would figure out first how you "get rid" of your boyfriend safely cause if it's a loose end it could damage your possible relationship with the next guy.

 

I don't think it's hard to find out whether someone is single. Just ask whether he has weekend plans, just be polite and people will tell you.

[Saintlor]

If you're feeling bad and stressed out right now, wait 4 weeks.

 

If you still feel the same way, send it

[KatyPrismSpirit]

dump your boyfriend. whats the point of being with someone that makes you unhappy and scared even? honey like Goda Lipa said, if these walls could talk they'd tell you to break up.

 

and lets be serious. if that nurse guy randomly befriends you and likes your posts, flirts with you… that man wants you too. why wait

Edited May 8 by KatyPrismSpirit

[Goaty]

Idk sis, mixing work and romance is never a good idea 

 

If this doesn't turn out exactly as you hope, work could become awkward for both of you 

[LoveInStereo]

I say give it a shot. The relationship with your current bf is going to end regardless because you're both dissatisfied so why not choose a chance at happiness? Ultimately, he has to find closure on his own, that's not your responsibility. My only question is does the guy at work know that you have a bf? If so, it's a light touch of a soft red flag. I wouldn't say a deal breaker but maybe worth knowing what fidelity/faithfulness means to him bc you don't wanna start a new relationship with somebody who doesn't take loyalty seriously

[Quiqui4eva]

Now why was I expecting the re-up of @Hot Volcano 

 

OT: Do you live with your BF? If not, I'd just get over with the inevitable. Once you have a clearer mind and he is confirmed out of your life, I'd text your next man.

[MoonGoodandHappy]

20 minutes ago, The Next Day said:

Is your boyfriend actually dangerous or do you want to avoid a very difficult conversation. I don't think you need to officially break up with a person who would actually harm you. Either way, I would figure out first how you "get rid" of your boyfriend safely cause if it's a loose end it could damage your possible relationship with the next guy.

 

I don't think it's hard to find out whether someone is single. Just ask whether he has weekend plans, just be polite and people will tell you.

Yeah he can be very angry and know my personnal adress :/

[RideOrDie]

just say you wanted the car and go 

[The Next Day]

16 minutes ago, MoonGoodandHappy said:

Yeah he can be very angry and know my personnal adress :/

If you're actually scared you should really figure out your current situation first. I'm not an expert and I don't know him, but there are options. You can just text him if you're too afraid to do it in person. If you do it in person, take a friend with you. If he hasn't been abusive in the past (which I assume?), I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He might get very angry, but that doesn't always mean he will go further. It's best to be cautious tho. If he has been abusive (you don't need to tell us), you need more time and help to prepare. 

 

Either way, it seems like you will need a lot of time and energy to prepare, execute and maybe deal with the aftermath of your breakup. But you need that time and energy to nurture a new relationship. Of course only you know whether you might overwork yourself with those two situations. Don't rush if you don't have to.

Edited May 8 by The Next Day

[MoonGoodandHappy]

Oh and I forgot to specify but 3 weeks ago, he in the middle of a discussion, he told me that I was "very cute" and I was so embarrassed that I said to him "you too  " but I left very quickly afterwards.  But even with that, I can't be sure because maybe he finds me cute but without actually being attracted to me....

[DeadInside]

You should tell him you need help at work, lead him into a private room, then make your move . 

[getBusy]

At least this is not an Android vs iPhone thread 

[Nashe]

no texts lol just ask him straight up if he has a boyfriend and if he could imagine something with you other than friendship, if he says yes ask him out for a date

 

end the relationship you've got going on before

[popmusicisdead]

stream this for emotional guidance 

 

 

[CottageHore]

Okay well you're not a "bad person" for having feelings about another person but you yourself are saying you feel texting such a message to this man while you're in a relationship with another man feels wrong, so why are you ignoring that? Ignoring your intuition and bypassing your moral compass never, ever will lead to anything but a mess… especially where a relationship is concerned.

 

If you truly believe there's potential for something more with this nurse, then you should handle this with decorum. Don't send a text until you've first broken up with your boyfriend. Otherwise, you're starting out this "connection" on a note of distrust and you're showing yourself and this new man that you don't value loyalty and honesty with your partner. Is that a precedent you want to set?

 

Also, you said you're afraid your boyfriend's reaction to you breaking up could get volatile. If you mean in an abusive sense, you need to talk to someone to ensure your safety. With that said, you've made it sound like your current partner doesn't care much for your company anyway so why would he care if you FORMALLY broke things off with him?

 

Lastly, just my interpretation, but the way you're describing this nurse man sounds very idealistic and not rational. You're hyperfixating on the way he looks at you and are making very large assumptions about how he thinks of you from very, very limited information.

 

You likely will do whatever you want to do, but since you asked people's opinions- I'd say handle this situation with care and respect and move slowly. Don't impulsively text this man or impulsively break up with your boyfriend. Go for a walk and think about what you truly want, where these desires are coming from, and the best way to go about it. Cheating on your partner is not okay if you're monogamous and you know this. You're better than that (I think). 

[ThousandMiles]

stream this for emotional guidance

 

[hawx23]

Never mess with work.