Lana Banana Posted April 21 Posted April 21 (edited) Just a few years ago I was very outgoing, I loved going to bars and clubs and meet new people, just hang in the park in the sun and enjoy life. Socializing was one of my biggest fuels daily. Now life has come to only about 30-50 people wishing me a happy birthday (like a 100-200 decrease since last year) or even my best friends forgetting it. Life has become all about a routine which I've always dreaded. Home-work-home-dinner-sleep and weekends go by rapidly. It's all about paying bills now here and there and everywhere. Gaining weight and not being able to find time to just sit and think and have fun without worrying. Lately I really feel like I've lost my cool factor and have almost been alienating people in my life. Most of my friends have gotten children and moved on. I've always been "the connector", who have kept in touch almost weekly even though I moved to a different country 8 years ago but this year I'm feeling like ¯\(ツ)/¯ and am done with providing all the effort if it is one sided and I don't even feel like calling it out. Going through a day is about worrying and thinking about 100 variants of every situation I've gone through and never ending up in a "happy place", only to find myself contemplating solutions to a "problem" - I like to think about things - if there is a problem, what's the solution? People have started mentioning that I am emotionally unapproachable and that I build walls around me with jokes and other humor because I don't want to mention what kind of things are bothering me because I don't like to bother others with my problems. How do you find new joy in daily things after all your surroundings have changed and have become unknown? Edited April 21 by Lana Banana 2 1
Strawberry Bubble Posted April 21 Posted April 21 No one told me that being an adult is, above all, learning to endure losses. 10 3
Galaxy Posted April 21 Posted April 21 You should try streaming Cool by Gwen Stefani and maybe it will come back 4 3
Lana Banana Posted April 21 Author Posted April 21 Just now, Galaxy said: You should try streaming Cool by Gwen Stefani and maybe it will come back I've been streaming Baby Don't Lie.
Pendulum Posted April 21 Posted April 21 What's wrong is your idea of coolness I'm far from what you've described but people always reply with "how cool" and seem genuinely interested in my studies and hobbies.
Lana Banana Posted April 21 Author Posted April 21 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Pendulum said: What's wrong is your idea of coolness I'm far from what you've described but people always reply with "how cool" and seem genuinely interested in my studies and hobbies. Yeah I also had that earlier when I was studying and working in my field and did fun things on the side. Like I said, years later, it's all become boring and a routine. It feels like I'll be doing this until I retire without being able to find something exciting or stable. Edited April 21 by Lana Banana
Lana Banana Posted April 21 Author Posted April 21 6 minutes ago, Gorjesspazze9 said: We all become the Hags we made fun of one day😔 What's your story? Did you become one? Spill 3
St. Charles Posted April 21 Posted April 21 I was never cool to begin with so it's business as usual for me.
Lana Banana Posted April 21 Author Posted April 21 Just now, St. Charles said: I was never cool to begin with so it's business as usual for me. I like to Mind My Own Business.mp3 but I also like the fun part in life, hence, keeping it all in balance. Therefore, it's completely out of it and I'm confused as how to deal with it.
John Slayne Posted April 21 Posted April 21 no, if anything i'm cooler now. some people peak in high schools while some of us are late bloomers
dawnettakins Posted April 21 Posted April 21 (edited) I feel you, but on the alienating people aspect and emotionally isolating myself. Idc about being "cool" that's never appealed to me. But over a year ago I found out my "best friends" were frauds who just talked sh*t about me behind my back, wouldn't defend me, and didn't bother or care to get my side of a story before making judgments. I cut them off quickly, idc how "best of friends" they were I don't have time for fake ass friends and people in my life. Since then I've just kinda stopped caring and have alienated others. Including a guy who had become the only person I've really been close to since I cutoff most my friends. Pushed him away and now I have even fewer people in my life. So I have little-to-no friends, and 0 best friends who I can count on or talk to regularly. Plus no romantic interest anymore. Kinda my own fault I guess at least with this guy, but he has some red flags I've just been ignoring so maybe I'm just subconsciously f*cking things up since I'm not strong enough emotionally to cut things off with him rn. Just tired of losing people. Edited April 21 by dawnettakins 1
Littlejfrey Posted April 21 Posted April 21 I stop trying to be "cool" as I grew older and became waaay happier 1
SidetoSpears Posted April 21 Posted April 21 Tbh yes but I feel like it was due to abusing substances and winding up in situations that ranged from cringe/embarrassing to downright traumatic. I've fallen out with my party friends and I don't drink anymore but I feel like I'm banned from being the crazy/hot/fun person I used to be like I'm an npc without partying. but idk this is probably a self-perception problem more than anything lol
TouchinFree Posted April 21 Posted April 21 I think that's literally the stages of life. But we just didn't get an actual manual or a map for that stage. Quite suddenly you're alone and everyone has moved on. And we are all busy and you barely have energy to socialise. I don't even get invited to places any more since I never show up. I literally don't have time or even energy. Even family events, I'm like nah or show up for food and leave even though I'd like to stay and talk. But I gotta get home and be ready for the next day. Priority now is working less, making every Meal (healthy) at home before I go , my relationship, and working out. I don't know how I'll be able to work in the future when im older though. What a draining thing this life. You just have to catch up its so damn stupid, then we get buried
Pillz Posted April 22 Posted April 22 (edited) I couldn't give 2 sh*ts about how many people remember my birthday. Just a core handful of people who are my family and a couple friends. I think it's great to have a routine and being in a stable situation. I am ever the more grateful considering what's happening with other people around the world. I think cool and popular should not be synonymous. It's cool to work on yourself and to have hobbies and skills. I don't find it validating to maintain a 1000 friendships, it's draining if anything. Edited April 22 by Pillz 2
Bacardo Royale Posted April 22 Posted April 22 13 hours ago, Lana Banana said: Now life has come to only about 30-50 people wishing me a happy birthday (like a 100-200 decrease since last year) or even my best friends forgetting it. I haven't had 30 people wish me happy birthday since I was a child, when my parents would invite the whole class to my birthday party Having more than 5 friends as an adult is exhausting, I don't know how yall do it But to answer your question - not really, I'm more worried about losing my looks as I get older. I've kinda relied on being hot for self confidence 1
Batsy Armada Posted April 23 Posted April 23 I've just always been the type of guy to just be himself. I've never cared about being "cool." I'm generally well-rounded, having a variety of interests and hobbies—ranging across a variety of themes and topics. I'm not not cool, but I'm also not cool; if anything, the generational gap is just becoming a lot more evident. I'm more of a classic fine wine, as opposed to the new drink mix concoction, for example.
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