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Taylor Swift - 'THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT'


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Posted

The Stella McCartney namedrop is a bottom 10 Taylor Swift line I fear. 
 

She better not do Clara Bow dirty. 
 

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Posted

I think ME! is fun. Can be unpopular but i like ME More than Cruel Summer.
but her place is a Disney Movie or a Kids Program.

Taylor was really goin extreme in both eras REP-LOVER. The spookiest and the most cutesy. i SEE why it was chosen as lead :giraffe:

Posted
7 minutes ago, Cruel Summer said:

Who did you order with - her site or another retailer? I've been hoping to get that email early for days :jonnycat:

I ordered it with her site. I ordered all four covers but they're shipping me "the albatross" first. 

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Posted

Tortured Pets Society in just 4 days oh my god :jonny5:

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Posted

The way that Soon You'll Get Better nearly destroys Loser because it's so serious, raw, personal, deep that it makes everything else look so bad, stupid, and shallow in comparison. 

 

Good thing the song is too sad to listen to too much or else more people would be hip to the way it cuts right through all the bull— of this album.
 

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Posted
39 minutes ago, Achilles. said:

And now a message from the vice chairman of the board of the tortured poets department:

 

Good evening, 

 

I hope this message finds you well. Republic Records has recently signed a new legacy act and we're currently assembling a writing camp to put together an album for her. I'm writing you today to invite you to participate.  

 

Our new artist, Taylor Swift, wants to make a statement about the freedom, support, and happiness that she has found in her new home on Republic, so she intends for her very first single with us to be a bold and upbeat empowerment anthem that celebrates all of the things that make her her. Of course, she has an artistic reputation to uphold, is still reeling in disappointment after missing the general field at last year's Grammys, and insists that she has to prove her best days are yet to come. Thus, it is essential that this empowerment anthem be an undeniably excellent song that will impress critics, audiences, and Grammy voters alike.

 

On her most recent album reputation, Taylor went "dark" and leaned heavily into a bad girl persona. It did not go all too well for her, so now she's keen to rinse off the stink by recording an album whose cliche "return to form" narrative has already been written before even a single lyric has been. As she wishes to get back to basics, Taylor is looking to record some cute and catchy love songs like the classics that made her famous back in the day. She has conceived of the project as an ode to love in all its forms and has been floating 'Lover' as a plausible title for the record. Naturally, it is therefore imperative that the greatest love songs of her storied career be written for this project.

 

However, Taylor has also come under fire lately for her deafening silence on political matters, so she is also eager to set the record straight by recording some rhyming press releases set to catchy beats in order to correct this public misperception. Songs addressing feminist issues and expressing support for the queer community are in very high demand for this project and will be prioritized as promotional singles. The recording sessions for these songs may also be filmed for inclusion as part of Taylor's upcoming damage-control "documentary.”

 

Please let me know if you're interested in being part of the writing sessions for Taylor Swift's new album!

 

Thanks,

O. T. H. 

The Tortured Poets Department

Republic Records


 

  Hide contents

Loser is an abysmal piece of mediocrity the likes of which we as swifties have never seen before. It is so blatantly forced. Almost the entire album was just written for the sake of "correcting" the narratives of her career. "They think I'm a white supremacist trumpster bigot so I'll write a feminist song about how I'm ~oppressed~ because I'm a woman!” and "now that I'm flopping I need to shore up my gay fanbase so I'll write a tokenizing, corporatized pride anthem for them, except half of it will actually be about how centuries of overt bigotry is just like all the mean tweets people write about me!” "After underperforming with my dark, goth-punk moment of female rage I need to book a quick little return-to-form comeback narrative, which is the single most cliche thing that I could do at this point!”

 

Because the narratives were prioritized over the actual music, she ended up producing an album that sounds like a playlist of songs thrown together by a writing camp instructed to write a Taylor Swift album. The songs are mostly shallow, reductive, and derivative. They're like parodies of Taylor Swift songs. Half of the singles were literal PR statements. This album has an entire handful's worth of contenders for the crown in the competition of "worst Taylor Swift song of all time.” The album's concept, if you can even call it that, is the weakest of her career—and particularly embarrassing because none of her best love songs are even on this album.

 

I swear that half of this album's enduring "success" just comes down to the fact that it's hideous aesthetic appeals to the Basic White Girl demographic that is unfortunately a disproportionately large segment of her audience. 

 

Gods. It's so disgusting that this album has sympathizers, let alone stans.

 

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DEMOLISH IT :jonny5:

Posted


I wonder if I was the 2 billionth stream.
 

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Posted
22 minutes ago, Achilles. said:

My favorite thing about the surface level political allegory of "Miss Americana" is that the only possible reference of "they whisper in the hallway 'she's a bad, bad girl’” is…

 

  Reveal hidden contents

hillary-clinton1-feb3d96fe94246679d56967

99db40156fc51ea38392b7d223a06d4a0e5aeedb

nnnn

 

Spoiler

I was kinda hoping that the 'Miss Archangelcana and the Heavenly Priest is about HRC' discourse would never happen… I'd hoped and prayed and dreamed and wished upon every star that that… revelation would get lost to time and be forgotten as fewer and fewer people went to strihm the song. Of course, Lord had to go and use it to open the biggest tour of all time so my hopes, prayers, dreams, and wishes got thrown out the ******* window.

 

Nevertheless, I fear you may correct in your assertions here. She tried to fit like eight meanings into one metaphor, so getting past the surface level take that she and Hobo are high school rebels into the 'save the country!!’ Subtext… considering that MAATHP was made months  before she came out of the closet as a Democrat and that she may have felt the need to hide such a protest song this way to protect her neutrality… oh I hate her sometimes. 

 

 

Posted
14 minutes ago, AvadaKedavra said:

I think ME! is fun. Can be unpopular but i like ME More than Cruel Summer.

I never got the obsession with Cruel Summer. I like it, but it's like Getaway Car for me. So many people are so into that song. But both songs are mid tier rankings on their respective albums for me.

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Posted
6 minutes ago, *.Digambar.* said:

It's not a lie. 

https://postimg.cc/Y4xWBPsZ

Well. Even though I don't want this, the chances that it doesn't leak before Thursday are becoming slim… :chick3:

Posted

Yes, I did manually insert ME! from my local files into my queue so that I could hear "hey kids, spelling is fun" AS GOD INTENDED. 

 

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Posted

afterglow is the best song in Lover i'm sorry (not sorry) 

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Posted
9 minutes ago, folkloreking said:

Well. Even though I don't want this, the chances that it doesn't leak before Thursday are becoming slim… :chick3:

If anyone who payed for overnight shipping is in the first batch of shipments - which, to be fair, might be something they've intentionally avoided allowing - then it could be in some people's hands by Tuesday :toofunny3:

Posted
1 minute ago, Cruel Summer said:

If anyone who payed for overnight shipping is in the first batch of shipments - which, to be fair, might be something they've intentionally avoided allowing - then it could be in some people's hands by Tuesday :toofunny3:

Oh this thread will be extinct within 48 hours. :toofunny2:

Posted
10 minutes ago, GAGAISTHEBESTYA said:

afterglow is the best song in Lover i'm sorry (not sorry) 

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I'm still convinced Afterglow will get it's own mini Cruel Summer moment. It should have been a single back in the original album run tbh

Posted

Let me go ahead and get this one out of the way as well:

 

Spoiler

Lover:

1. Death By A Thousand Cuts 
2. Cornelia Street 

3. Cruel Summer 

4. Miss Americana 

5. Paper Rings 

6. False God 

7. All Of The Girls You've Loved Before

8. Need 

9. It's Nice To Have A Friend 

10. I Think He Knows 

11. The Archer 

12. Soon You'll Get Better 

13. Daylight 

14. Afterglow 

15. Lover 

16. The Man 

17. You Need To Calm Down 

18. I Forgot That You Existed 

19. Me! 

20. London Boy 

For what it's worth, the best songs on Lover are better than the best songs on Puta, so that's how I determine the winner of that war. But still, the strength of the top 6 (plus 7-8, but they didn't even make the original album) still isn't enough to excuse the rest of the album. 
 

:clack:

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Posted
14 minutes ago, GAGAISTHEBESTYA said:

afterglow is the best song in Lover i'm sorry (not sorry) 

99db40156fc51ea38392b7d223a06d4a0e5aeedb

Don't apologize, history remembers the truth-tellers.

 

Sorry Tiffany Pollard GIF

Posted

Also when the **** did "Lover" get so many streams, how many horse girls are using it as their first dance song? :WAP:

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Posted
4 minutes ago, IBeMe said:

I'm still convinced Afterglow will get it's own mini Cruel Summer moment. It should have been a single back in the original album run tbh

the way it's never even considered to become a single is just astonishing for me :rip: It really is the best song in the album. It's properly constructed with a perfect length for a pop song, beautifully written, catchy and relatable hooks, i feel like if it was top 5 in the tracklist, it would have smashed just as much as Cruel Summer. 

 

The audience seems to agree with that too because it's literally the 2nd most streamed non-single in Lover (besides Paper Ring which went viral) 

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Lille said:

Don't apologize, history remembers the truth-tellers.

 

Sorry Tiffany Pollard GIF

exactly, she could have bagged a smashing career-defining pop-ballad fusion but she said no because then she'd be too powerful and she had lives/careers to spare 

200.gif?cid=a595bef3b7svd886b93xp7g3najs

Posted

I'm very happy I got a signed copy of TTPD. ♥️♥️♥️

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Posted (edited)

Let me be so controversial:

 

Spoiler

1. Cornelia Street

2. Christmas Tree Farm

3. False God

4. Death By A Thousand Cuts
5. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

6. Soon You'll Get Better

7. Beautiful Ghosts

8. Cruel Summer

9. Lover

10. It's Nice To Have A Friend

11. All Of The Girls You Loved Before

12. Daylight

13. Paper Rings

14. The Archer

15. ME!

16. You Need to Calm Down

17. Afterglow

18. London Boy

19. I Think He Knows

20. The Man

21. Macavity

22. I Forgot That You Existed

 

 

CTF was very nearly my #1. I do love to say that it was her best song released in 2019.

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Edited by Achilles.
Posted
2 minutes ago, GAGAISTHEBESTYA said:

the way it's never even considered to become a single is just astonishing for me :rip: It really is the best song in the album. It's properly constructed with a perfect length for a pop song, beautifully written, catchy and relatable hooks, i feel like if it was top 5 in the tracklist, it would have smashed just as much as Cruel Summer. 

 

The audience seems to agree with that too because it's literally the 2nd most streamed non-single in Lover (besides Paper Ring which went viral) 

It's funny because I always thought both Paper Rings AND Afterglow should have been singles aside from the obvious Cruel Summer and ppl used to clown me for it but now look at the receipts! Afterglow gets the most streams and Paper Rings went viral randomly lol! 

in a ideal world, this is what the singles would have looked like imo:

 

1. Paper Rings (sounds like a Avril Lavigne "The Best Damn Thing" era throwback song that could have been a hit back in 2019)

2. You Need to Calm Down (Taylor CLEARLY wanted to become a obvious LGBTQ+ ally so let her have this as a single since YNTCD aint that bad overall tbh)

3. Lover 

4. Afterglow 

 

(Cruel Summer could have also been a single but like many have said...idk if it would have been big back then so in this timeline let's just leave it as a album track I guess)

Posted

Oh hey, LOSER.

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