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Taylor Swift - 'THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT'


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Posted
1 minute ago, LiamVillain said:

 

i need y'all to stream this to get it back into top 10 on Hot 100 and Spotify Global :bam:

Isn't it already predicted to be top 10? :celestial:

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Tusk said:

Isn't it already predicted to be top 10? :celestial:

it's not secured yet

Posted
2 minutes ago, swiftawaywithme said:

If she makes us stream ME! this week for one of those stupid words

 

:clack:

Now that'd be true torture

 

:clack:

Posted

I bet she's doing the least streamed tracks on each album for these Apple Music lyric clues lol

  • Like 1
Posted
1 minute ago, Goaty said:

the worst part of the song.

I hate the production. That department store commercial buh-duh-duh-duh-duhduh. :mazen:

 

But the tipping point for me is probably "in my feelings more than Drake.” Oh my gods. She deserved to have an AOTY or two revoked after that. 

 

99db40156fc51ea38392b7d223a06d4a0e5aeedb

  • Haha 2
Posted
10 minutes ago, swiftawaywithme said:

I did enjoy YNTCD a lot actually! It was so fun hearing it that summer

Yeah. It was a total gag that summer. All the reaction videos were really fun. But it was just a bad song that had a good moment. As soon as that moment ended, that was IT for the song. I've only played it 7 times in the 2020s. 
 

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Posted

Me! is really just a poor-mans rehash of Shake It Off. And unfortunately for her it's hard to capture lightning in a bottle twice, especially when SIO was basically carried by one of Max's greatest productions to date. "And to the fella over there with the hella good hair" is arguably as bad as "hey kids, spelling is fun!" but turns out many are willing to turn a blind eye to cheesy sins when Max's godlike horns and percussion are booming in the background. :suburban:
 

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Posted
57 minutes ago, wastedpotential said:

ugh my Target doesn't open until 8 :gaycat6:

 

 I wish my local record store did a midnight opening for the album release but the owner hates Taylor (I once asked him what it would take for them to stock her vinyl and he told me that the store would have to be sold to someone else :rip:)

lol what is he doing? a small business who hates making money?

 

  • Like 1
Posted

And now a message from the vice chairman of the board of the tortured poets department:

 

Good evening, 

 

I hope this message finds you well. Republic Records has recently signed a new legacy act and we're currently assembling a writing camp to put together an album for her. I'm writing you today to invite you to participate.  

 

Our new artist, Taylor Swift, wants to make a statement about the freedom, support, and happiness that she has found in her new home on Republic, so she intends for her very first single with us to be a bold and upbeat empowerment anthem that celebrates all of the things that make her her. Of course, she has an artistic reputation to uphold, is still reeling in disappointment after missing the general field at last year's Grammys, and insists that she has to prove her best days are yet to come. Thus, it is essential that this empowerment anthem be an undeniably excellent song that will impress critics, audiences, and Grammy voters alike.

 

On her most recent album reputation, Taylor went "dark" and leaned heavily into a bad girl persona. It did not go all too well for her, so now she's keen to rinse off the stink by recording an album whose cliche "return to form" narrative has already been written before even a single lyric has been. As she wishes to get back to basics, Taylor is looking to record some cute and catchy love songs like the classics that made her famous back in the day. She has conceived of the project as an ode to love in all its forms and has been floating 'Lover' as a plausible title for the record. Naturally, it is therefore imperative that the greatest love songs of her storied career be written for this project.

 

However, Taylor has also come under fire lately for her deafening silence on political matters, so she is also eager to set the record straight by recording some rhyming press releases set to catchy beats in order to correct this public misperception. Songs addressing feminist issues and expressing support for the queer community are in very high demand for this project and will be prioritized as promotional singles. The recording sessions for these songs may also be filmed for inclusion as part of Taylor's upcoming damage-control "documentary.”

 

Please let me know if you're interested in being part of the writing sessions for Taylor Swift's new album!

 

Thanks,

O. T. H. 

The Tortured Poets Department

Republic Records


 

Spoiler

Loser is an abysmal piece of mediocrity the likes of which we as swifties have never seen before. It is so blatantly forced. Almost the entire album was just written for the sake of "correcting" the narratives of her career. "They think I'm a white supremacist trumpster bigot so I'll write a feminist song about how I'm ~oppressed~ because I'm a woman!” and "now that I'm flopping I need to shore up my gay fanbase so I'll write a tokenizing, corporatized pride anthem for them, except half of it will actually be about how centuries of overt bigotry is just like all the mean tweets people write about me!” "After underperforming with my dark, goth-punk moment of female rage I need to book a quick little return-to-form comeback narrative, which is the single most cliche thing that I could do at this point!”

 

Because the narratives were prioritized over the actual music, she ended up producing an album that sounds like a playlist of songs thrown together by a writing camp instructed to write a Taylor Swift album. The songs are mostly shallow, reductive, and derivative. They're like parodies of Taylor Swift songs. Half of the singles were literal PR statements. This album has an entire handful's worth of contenders for the crown in the competition of "worst Taylor Swift song of all time.” The album's concept, if you can even call it that, is the weakest of her career—and particularly embarrassing because none of her best love songs are even on this album.

 

I swear that half of this album's enduring "success" just comes down to the fact that it's hideous aesthetic appeals to the Basic White Girl demographic that is unfortunately a disproportionately large segment of her audience. 

 

Gods. It's so disgusting that this album has sympathizers, let alone stans.

 

99db40156fc51ea38392b7d223a06d4a0e5aeedb

  • Haha 6
Posted

4 days away before the TTPD apocalypse

  • Like 1
Posted

I remember hearing the first verse of ME! thinking it would be good; finally, alas, a decent lead single--unlike the previous album's LWYMMD, which I didn't really enjoy--but that wasn't the case at all. The pre-chorus hits, But one of these things is not like the others Like a rainbow with all of the colors and I begin to feel queasy. The chorus arrives and I am devastated and disappointed even more so than my first listen of LWYMMD. We all waited 13 days for this?

 

aVDxfki.gif

  • Haha 1
Posted
6 minutes ago, Migs30283 said:

4 days away before the TTPD apocalypse

We are already in apocalypse, Friday will be the Judgement Day

  • Thanks 1
Posted

I'm praying this isn't all depressing. I don't want a summer bummer right before summer kicks off :jonnycat:

Posted (edited)

Some of my original Loser reactions from August 2019:

 

Spoiler

I Forgot That You Existed

Filler. Kinda never need to hear it again

 

Cruel Summer

Cute

 

I Think He Knows

Toe tapping filler

 

Miss Americana

A masterpiece. One of her best songs. 

 

Cornelia Street

Beautiful perfect flawless speak now vibe

 

London Boy

Super cute, kinda poorly mixed

 

Soon You'll Get Better

She Colbie Callait'd the Dixie Chicks but it's so beautiful and sad

 

False God

Beautiful filler

 

It's Nice to Have a Friend

... why?

 

Daylight

Stunning

My mind was so ahead of its time with that first one, but not nearly ready to fathom FG and INTHAF.

 

:clack:

 

I wonder what will be the False God of Tortured Eardrums (initially considered filler but eventually a top 3 song from the album).

 

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Edited by Achilles.
  • Haha 1
Posted

My favorite thing about the surface level political allegory of "Miss Americana" is that the only possible reference of "they whisper in the hallway 'she's a bad, bad girl’” is…

 

Spoiler

hillary-clinton1-feb3d96fe94246679d56967

99db40156fc51ea38392b7d223a06d4a0e5aeedb

  • Haha 1
Posted

I remember going through the five stages of grief when I pressed play on ME!

 

:clack:

  • Like 1
Posted

TTPD Manifest today along with word #3? :gaycat6:

 

Posted
3 minutes ago, Achilles. said:

99db40156fc51ea38392b7d223a06d4a0e5aeedb

She looked so beautiful in the YNTCD video :jonny5:

Posted

Paper Rings theoretically should be great and I do not actually have any complaints about it, but there's a certain je ne sais quoi that holds it back from greatness. Hate when that happens. Hope none of the songs on Poets are like that. 
 

99db40156fc51ea38392b7d223a06d4a0e5aeedb

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Posted

Just got an email that my order has been shipped! :gaylorcat2:

Posted

I'm in a good mood this week cause duh album release so I'll just leave my Lover top 5 :bird:

 

1. False God

2. Cornelia Street

3. Miss Americana

4. I Think He Knows

5. The Archer

Posted
3 minutes ago, *.Digambar.* said:

Just got an email that my order has been shipped! :gaylorcat2:

Who did you order with - her site or another retailer? I've been hoping to get that email early for days :jonnycat:

Posted

What if "hereby" and "conduct" do not actually form a phrase / sentence. What if the words are actually unrelated. What if "conduct" is actually the noun, rather than the verb. What if. 
 

:clack:

Posted
6 minutes ago, *.Digambar.* said:

Just got an email that my order has been shipped! :gaylorcat2:

lie again 

 

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Posted
Just now, Achilles. said:

What if "hereby" and "conduct" do not actually form a phrase / sentence. What if the words are actually unrelated. What if "conduct" is actually the noun, rather than the verb. What if. 
 

:clack:

hereby conduct the poets society management

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