discussion I think my partner likes/liked somebody else...

[MusicFan98]

So, I've been with my partner for over 9 months, however we have a close friend in common that used to get along very well with the two of us, my partner is a very nice person however, not particulary clingy to anyone other than me, but with this friend, their behaviour was different it felt that they were closer than usual, like best Friends, in several occassions this friend did some questionable things but my partner decided to defend him and refused to call them out for their wrong doings, so I decided to confront them but the answer was that they're just like friends and he was like an older brother and helped a lot during hard times so... The question is... Should I let go of the situation or should I talk about how I feel yet again...? 

 

 

[WitnessOblivia]

Communication is key in a relationship, but I understand that you might feel like you're a little too much, since you've talked about this topic already. 

However, it's your partner, and you should be able to have these types of conversations with him. 

 

I would confront him again. Try not to be accusatory, but simply explain why and how certain things made you feel uncomfortable. So be vulnerable. 

Assuming you have a healthy and well-functioning relationship, I'm sure he'll be happy to talk about your insecurities. 

[Julia Fox]

I think you should talk again if anything else happens again. And by talk I mean “be real. It's something happening?”. And also you need to talk with his friend but before he have to talk because if he loves you he could definitely just talk with his friend and told him “see… I love my boyfriend and he has this issue with us…”. That would make everything more transparent and could show how loyal he is and how true is what is he saying.

[shyboi]

is the other dude hotter than u? be honest sis

 

 

[Rotunda]

I think the answer to this has less to do with them and more to do with you.

 

Is there an answer that can satisfy you, and is there an answer you'll believe? 
 

If not, you need to walk away for your own sanity.

[She-Rah]

Would you be open to a throuple? 

[Mandalore]

What are the "questionnable" things that you called out?

[RideOrDie]

Wouldn't your bf be with him instead if he liked him more? Why would he date you for over 9 months

[feelslikeadream]

Open the relationship and it should resolve your issues.

[Illuminati]

Hook up with the friend and ask him if he done this before

[Selegend]

Tell us what were the questionable things the friend did

 

and communicate, talk to him again about the boy 

 

“Letting go" hardly works. It works with stupid things like not reminding a special date, being rude 1 night, forgetting that u 2 had plans and stuff.
It wont work with something as big as thinking he likes someone else, u will have to communicate with him again

Edited March 20 by Selegend

[Comedor]

40 minutes ago, feelslikeadream said:

Open the relationship and it should resolve your issues.

But then it would no longer be a relationship. 

[Dolce Vita]

i'm sorry but you need to sabotage the friendship at ALL costs. find out everything you can about the friend and analyse why he bonds so well with your boyfriend and mimic those qualities in your relationship. im telling you this works if you do it subtly. you probably have access to this friend's socials, STALK him. talk to any mutuals you both have. find any dirt you can to weaponise and bring up to your man as ways of making him less likeable. you are doing this all while making sure you're catering to your boyfriends needs even more as well as playing up your best qualities. this is you positioning yourself as your best self to make him remember why he chose YOU in the first place. good luck

Edited March 20 by Dolce Vita

[Cesar]

2 hours ago, MusicFan98 said:

they're just like friends and he was like an older brother

i've heard this one before, turns out they were f***ing on the low

 

[Facelessboy]

Your boyfriend is being very disrespectful towards you. You need to press your foot down & claim your title

 

 Your the boyfriend & he's just the friend you come first period.

[Selegend]

29 minutes ago, Dolce Vita said:

i'm sorry but you need to sabotage the friendship at ALL costs. find out everything you can about the friend and analyse why he bonds so well with your boyfriend and mimic those qualities in your relationship. im telling you this works if you do it subtly. you probably have access to this friend's socials, STALK him. talk to any mutuals you both have. find any dirt you can to weaponise and bring up to your man as ways of making him less likeable. you are doing this all while making sure you're catering to your boyfriends needs even more as well as playing up your best qualities. this is you positioning yourself as your best self to make him remember why he chose YOU in the first place. good luck

this seems like a lot of work. i'd rather breakup 

 

[Dante Silva]

I think you should distance yourself and your partner from your friend. If your partner does not agree then you've sadly already lost his heart. 
 

Your intuition really should have told you to cool your relationship with your friend weeks ago, by not cooling things down with your ‘friend' it now means your partner (like most men) is now starting to wonder if the grass is greener on the other side and this dynamic has inadvertently allowed your friend to get their feet under the table in both your home and your relationship.

 

It is not politically correct but aside from phasing your friend out of your life the only other practical thing you can do at this time is to keep your man freshly milked at least six times a day (more often than you presumably already do) to erase the soft spot he has formed for your friend and to tame his wandering eye (at least until your friend really has got the message they are ghosted and no longer welcome).

 

 

Edited March 20 by Dante Silva

[dumbsparce]

They had a situationship before he met you, mutually agreed they're better off as friends and now that you're in the picture, the other guy is jealous af and your bf is toying him for his own satisfaction. It's clear as day. If the friend is hotter than you break up, if he's not then you have nothing to worry about.

[Attitude]

Hook up with him first.

[MusicFan98]

Sorry to dissapoint you all, but my partnert is a "she" and I am a "he" lol but regardless... 

 

9 hours ago, WitnessOblivia said:

I would confront him again. Try not to be accusatory, but simply explain why and how certain things made you feel uncomfortable. So be vulnerable. 

 

9 hours ago, Mandalore said:

What are the "questionnable" things that you called out?

 

6 hours ago, Facelessboy said:

Your boyfriend is being very disrespectful towards you. You need to press your foot down & claim your title

 

8 hours ago, Selegend said:

Tell us what were the questionable things the friend did

The thing is, my girlfriend tends to not really give a damn about any other guy except me, but when it comes to him, it seemed like she wanted to include him in group activities with other friedns of ours and whenever he was rude or irresponsable she would just ignore it, swep it under the rug and act like nothing happened, at first when we started dating she used to ask about him and how he was doing fairly often, also, he kinda messed around with a friend of hers and she kinda got mad at her friend when she first found out, even though he was the one to be blamed because he was dating another girl. However I can't say, they spent time together alone or claim they talked on daily basis. Let alone after we first disccused this issue.

 

[MusicFan98]

9 hours ago, shyboi said:

is the other dude hotter than u? be honest sis

 

 

Well, I can say I objectively look better but does that change anything? I mean, I could have decided to date other people that are "hotter" but I didn't care for them like that.

 

8 hours ago, RideOrDie said:

Wouldn't your bf be with him instead if he liked him more? Why would he date you for over 9 months

I know, but she is kinda mature, and I guess she wants someone you can count on, so I guess I am just a "right decision" to make.

 

9 hours ago, Rotunda said:

I think the answer to this has less to do with them and more to do with you.

 

Is there an answer that can satisfy you, and is there an answer you'll believe? 
 

If not, you need to walk away for your own sanity.

I guess I wanted her to say she is/was interested in him, but when she said he was just a close friend that helped her a lot during hard times I couldn't truly accept such answer.

 

Again I am really confused in what to do because our relationship has been really cool, she's done so many cute things for me, but sadly there's something that keeps telling me, I am just a backup plan.

[Rotunda]

1 minute ago, MusicFan98 said:

I guess I wanted her to say she is/was interested in him, but when she said he was just a close friend that helped her a lot during hard times I couldn't truly accept such answer.

 

Again I am really confused in what to do because our relationship has been really cool, she's done so many cute things for me, but sadly there's something that keeps telling me, I am just a backup plan.

I think you have to ask yourself is this is something you're able to get over or if it isn't. Because revisiting this topic and looking for a different answer won't necessarily go the way you want.

[chaklux]

Your issue is not clear . Is this close friend just recently became close to your partner or they have been close for longer than you have been dating ? If yes , then I think the fact that he is dating you despite knowing the other person prior suggest their friend is likely just platonic.

You also said you've been dating him for just 9 months , if the other guy is a long term close friend who has been there for him during hard times, it makes sense for him to cherish him that much. These days , relationships come and go, but good friends, though hard to come by, but at least , are always there. Give it time, if you guys are end game , I'm sure you will be his number one priority over time .