tournament Golden Hit: Season 6 🪷 Congrats to Legend E! 🏆

[Armani.]

  On 3/23/2024 at 10:55 AM, Aurora said:

 

Once again I'd like to thank everyone who participated in this first round of Golden Hit: Season 6! It's wonderful to see so many new and familiar names.

As this is the first round, I've made my reviews more in-depth, highlighting some of the things I loved, as well as some potential areas of improvement.

 

Pt. I

  Reveal hidden contents

1. hurricane326 - "The Edge"
You never fail to fascinate me with how you are able to conjure up and execute such highly elevated concepts so swiftly. Venturing down the chaos theory path was definitely one of the more difficult interpretations of the prompt, but I love how you have gone about this. It still feels very connected to you as a writer given its association with historical American weather events, but this also feels a bit more commercial for you in some ways. I love alliterations and you've used them fantastically in your verses here. I also enjoyed inclusions such as, "beating my brazen wings,” and, "a harmless flutter to coordinate their fate,” which connected it back to the butterfly imagery. As always, a strong first offering from you and I'm highly anticipating another string of superb songs from you. Could this be your season at last?

 

2. @Invisibility - "Glass Pain"
Firstly, I'd like to highlight that you took inspiration from a significant event in your own life that could be considered somewhat traumatic and made something beautiful from it, which in itself really embodies the essence of a butterfly's transformation I feel. I think incorporating religious imagery can be very effective when used correctly, and I definitely see the connection with stained glass windows in churches, but I don't think it was a necessary inclusion as it took some of that impact and weight of it being a personal experience away for me. I thought the play on words in the title was clever, and your third verse was the highlight of the song for me, particularly the couplet, "Give back stillness, make me whole / Fit these shards into a better mold,” Had you exchanged some of the religious themes for lyrics that connected back to butterflies in a stronger manner, I think that would have really elevated this piece for this challenge. As is, it's still a wonderful first outing for you and I am eager to see what is next.

 

3. @Armani? - "Butterflies"
Welcome to the tournament! I enjoyed that you brought a fresh perspective to this tournament, as often when we see romantic songs submitted, the object of the narrator's affection is typically male given ATRL's core demographic. You built the song around the idiom of having butterflies in one's stomach, and it's a classic combination that just works. There was a good sense of movement from the first to the second verse, and it was good to learn a bit more about why this person is so important beyond just being an old flame. I would have liked to see you flesh out the bridge a lot more, as what you have is great and connects to both the butterfly concept and romantic feelings perfectly. One thing I will say is that this definitely felt like a legitimate song's lyrics and there was no confusion about whether this was lyrics or poetry, as is often brought into question in these tournaments. Looking forward to reading what else you come up with!

 

4. @Julia Fox - "wedding gowns made of clouds"
It's wonderful to see you return after taking a break for a couple of seasons! The absence of your distinctive style has certainly been noticed. What I'm constantly drawn to with your lyrics are the conceptual ideas you always come up with. I think there's almost a sort of beauty in English not being your first language because you turn phrases that perhaps native English speakers would never be able to think of, and it always gives you a point of difference. I like that your song sits in a universe where the presence of butterflies doesn't feel at all random among the forest and airy imagery. There were a few phrases that fell a bit flat here and there (“you put me the crown, I put you the ring,” and, "it haven't disappear,”) but on the whole I liked the direction and approach to the challenge and found this an enjoyable read.

 

5. @AccioMiley - "Philly"
Welcome to the tournament! This was a pretty tried and true formula structurally at least, which I think is a smart choice for your first offering in this tournament because on a fundamental level you're ticking all of those boxes. Unrequited love has definitely been a common theme in my own writing so I found this decently relatable, which is always a positive thing. Again, your usage of butterflies makes perfect sense and is used well within the context of your song, being a strong central element in your chorus rather than just a throwaway lyric. To take this to the next level, I would have loved to see even more of a personal touch here. The titular lyric referencing Philly was a step in the right direction because it wasn't so generalized, and added some context. I love a mix of specific little details that are unique to the people referred to in the song in combination with more general ideas about relationships and romance. All in all, I'd say this was a great look into what you're capable of as a writer!

 

7. @blastoisebaby - "Cocoon"
Welcome to the tournament! The first thing that I noticed about your writing was your aptitude for internal rhyming. The placement of "changing,” "fading,” and "waiting,” in the first verse was catchy and established a good sense of rhythm instantaneously. It's clear to me you have a vision of where this song would be headed sonically based on these rhythmic choices and the repetitions, which is wonderful to see. I was hoping somebody would head down the path of metamorphosis, and I think you've done a solid job. I wonder about the specifics of the numbers chosen in the second verse (“4 weeks,” "crowd of 54,”) as I thought it may have been a clever reference to a butterfly's cocoon cycle, however that appears to only be 5-21 days. I also really enjoyed how you changed the color of the butterfly's wings from warm colors representing happiness to cool colors representing sadness in the outro, and the similar dichotomy between the scent of cherry blossoms and the everglades. Looking forward to your next offering.

 

8. @OreGuy - "A Butterfly's Thorax"
Fantastic to see you back again after a little while away. Okay, I can see the vision here. So you're comparing the process of a performer getting into full drag with how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? That's kinda camp actually! Although I can hardly hear "drag queen" and "butterfly" in the same sentence without thinking about Asia O'Hara… fortunately this song wasn't near the disaster that ended up being. I like how you even took the time to include a bit of social commentary in the second verse: "Going back on the same train / Corporate people's the sea / We belong at the same zoo / Just different audience to please,” I'm kinda gagged? I don't think the pre-chorus added much to the song and could have been worked a bit more, but honestly that's my only critique. A fun and fresh concept, looking forward to your next.

 

9. @Jackson - "Paper Wings"
This feels very much like a classic Jackson song: snatched meter, gorgeous rhyming, and a good sprinkling of religious imagery. You're obviously a skilled lyricist, so my comments are largely going to be personal takeaways and preferences. The pre-choruses here were divine and my favorite sections of this song; couplets like, "You tell me you're ready, my love are you sure? / I don't want to taint something so bright and so pure,” are pure poetry. Conversely, there's a suspicious amount of sexually suggestive subtext in the chorus: the "origami" lyric is reminiscent of that one Selena Gomez lyric in "Fetish", and, "You flutter in my skilled and seasoned hands,” is probably the most delicate way I've ever seen someone refer to themselves as promiscuous.  This song didn't feel as focused as some of your best works, in which almost every lyric is a call back to the central theme. Here we jump between natural themes to bed sheets to origami, with a sprinkling of religious imagery in between, which was perhaps one element too many for me and made it feel more disjointed than it should? The bridge was a complete collapse though, perhaps my favorite section of the round thus far. It's always a pleasure to read your writing.

Pt. II

I will edit this post with my reviews for the remaining entries sometime in the next 24 hours. 

Expand  

I actually had a 2nd part to the bridge that basically repeats besides the 3rd line but I thought it was getting a lil wordy so I didn't include it lol

[AccioMiley]

  On 3/23/2024 at 10:55 AM, Aurora said:

 

Once again I'd like to thank everyone who participated in this first round of Golden Hit: Season 6! It's wonderful to see so many new and familiar names.

As this is the first round, I've made my reviews more in-depth, highlighting some of the things I loved, as well as some potential areas of improvement.

 

Pt. I

  Reveal hidden contents

1. hurricane326 - "The Edge"
You never fail to fascinate me with how you are able to conjure up and execute such highly elevated concepts so swiftly. Venturing down the chaos theory path was definitely one of the more difficult interpretations of the prompt, but I love how you have gone about this. It still feels very connected to you as a writer given its association with historical American weather events, but this also feels a bit more commercial for you in some ways. I love alliterations and you've used them fantastically in your verses here. I also enjoyed inclusions such as, "beating my brazen wings,” and, "a harmless flutter to coordinate their fate,” which connected it back to the butterfly imagery. As always, a strong first offering from you and I'm highly anticipating another string of superb songs from you. Could this be your season at last?

 

2. @Invisibility - "Glass Pain"
Firstly, I'd like to highlight that you took inspiration from a significant event in your own life that could be considered somewhat traumatic and made something beautiful from it, which in itself really embodies the essence of a butterfly's transformation I feel. I think incorporating religious imagery can be very effective when used correctly, and I definitely see the connection with stained glass windows in churches, but I don't think it was a necessary inclusion as it took some of that impact and weight of it being a personal experience away for me. I thought the play on words in the title was clever, and your third verse was the highlight of the song for me, particularly the couplet, "Give back stillness, make me whole / Fit these shards into a better mold,” Had you exchanged some of the religious themes for lyrics that connected back to butterflies in a stronger manner, I think that would have really elevated this piece for this challenge. As is, it's still a wonderful first outing for you and I am eager to see what is next.

 

3. @Armani? - "Butterflies"
Welcome to the tournament! I enjoyed that you brought a fresh perspective to this tournament, as often when we see romantic songs submitted, the object of the narrator's affection is typically male given ATRL's core demographic. You built the song around the idiom of having butterflies in one's stomach, and it's a classic combination that just works. There was a good sense of movement from the first to the second verse, and it was good to learn a bit more about why this person is so important beyond just being an old flame. I would have liked to see you flesh out the bridge a lot more, as what you have is great and connects to both the butterfly concept and romantic feelings perfectly. One thing I will say is that this definitely felt like a legitimate song's lyrics and there was no confusion about whether this was lyrics or poetry, as is often brought into question in these tournaments. Looking forward to reading what else you come up with!

 

4. @Julia Fox - "wedding gowns made of clouds"
It's wonderful to see you return after taking a break for a couple of seasons! The absence of your distinctive style has certainly been noticed. What I'm constantly drawn to with your lyrics are the conceptual ideas you always come up with. I think there's almost a sort of beauty in English not being your first language because you turn phrases that perhaps native English speakers would never be able to think of, and it always gives you a point of difference. I like that your song sits in a universe where the presence of butterflies doesn't feel at all random among the forest and airy imagery. There were a few phrases that fell a bit flat here and there (“you put me the crown, I put you the ring,” and, "it haven't disappear,”) but on the whole I liked the direction and approach to the challenge and found this an enjoyable read.

 

5. @AccioMiley - "Philly"
Welcome to the tournament! This was a pretty tried and true formula structurally at least, which I think is a smart choice for your first offering in this tournament because on a fundamental level you're ticking all of those boxes. Unrequited love has definitely been a common theme in my own writing so I found this decently relatable, which is always a positive thing. Again, your usage of butterflies makes perfect sense and is used well within the context of your song, being a strong central element in your chorus rather than just a throwaway lyric. To take this to the next level, I would have loved to see even more of a personal touch here. The titular lyric referencing Philly was a step in the right direction because it wasn't so generalized, and added some context. I love a mix of specific little details that are unique to the people referred to in the song in combination with more general ideas about relationships and romance. All in all, I'd say this was a great look into what you're capable of as a writer!

 

7. @blastoisebaby - "Cocoon"
Welcome to the tournament! The first thing that I noticed about your writing was your aptitude for internal rhyming. The placement of "changing,” "fading,” and "waiting,” in the first verse was catchy and established a good sense of rhythm instantaneously. It's clear to me you have a vision of where this song would be headed sonically based on these rhythmic choices and the repetitions, which is wonderful to see. I was hoping somebody would head down the path of metamorphosis, and I think you've done a solid job. I wonder about the specifics of the numbers chosen in the second verse (“4 weeks,” "crowd of 54,”) as I thought it may have been a clever reference to a butterfly's cocoon cycle, however that appears to only be 5-21 days. I also really enjoyed how you changed the color of the butterfly's wings from warm colors representing happiness to cool colors representing sadness in the outro, and the similar dichotomy between the scent of cherry blossoms and the everglades. Looking forward to your next offering.

 

8. @OreGuy - "A Butterfly's Thorax"
Fantastic to see you back again after a little while away. Okay, I can see the vision here. So you're comparing the process of a performer getting into full drag with how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? That's kinda camp actually! Although I can hardly hear "drag queen" and "butterfly" in the same sentence without thinking about Asia O'Hara… fortunately this song wasn't near the disaster that ended up being. I like how you even took the time to include a bit of social commentary in the second verse: "Going back on the same train / Corporate people's the sea / We belong at the same zoo / Just different audience to please,” I'm kinda gagged? I don't think the pre-chorus added much to the song and could have been worked a bit more, but honestly that's my only critique. A fun and fresh concept, looking forward to your next.

 

9. @Jackson - "Paper Wings"
This feels very much like a classic Jackson song: snatched meter, gorgeous rhyming, and a good sprinkling of religious imagery. You're obviously a skilled lyricist, so my comments are largely going to be personal takeaways and preferences. The pre-choruses here were divine and my favorite sections of this song; couplets like, "You tell me you're ready, my love are you sure? / I don't want to taint something so bright and so pure,” are pure poetry. Conversely, there's a suspicious amount of sexually suggestive subtext in the chorus: the "origami" lyric is reminiscent of that one Selena Gomez lyric in "Fetish", and, "You flutter in my skilled and seasoned hands,” is probably the most delicate way I've ever seen someone refer to themselves as promiscuous.  This song didn't feel as focused as some of your best works, in which almost every lyric is a call back to the central theme. Here we jump between natural themes to bed sheets to origami, with a sprinkling of religious imagery in between, which was perhaps one element too many for me and made it feel more disjointed than it should? The bridge was a complete collapse though, perhaps my favorite section of the round thus far. It's always a pleasure to read your writing.

Pt. II

I will edit this post with my reviews for the remaining entries sometime in the next 24 hours. 

Expand  

Thank you so much for your wonderful insight! I appreciate it so much 

[Aurora]

  On 3/23/2024 at 10:55 AM, Aurora said:

 

Once again I'd like to thank everyone who participated in this first round of Golden Hit: Season 6! It's wonderful to see so many new and familiar names.

As this is the first round, I've made my reviews more in-depth, highlighting some of the things I loved, as well as some potential areas of improvement.

 

Pt. I

  Reveal hidden contents

1. hurricane326 - "The Edge"
You never fail to fascinate me with how you are able to conjure up and execute such highly elevated concepts so swiftly. Venturing down the chaos theory path was definitely one of the more difficult interpretations of the prompt, but I love how you have gone about this. It still feels very connected to you as a writer given its association with historical American weather events, but this also feels a bit more commercial for you in some ways. I love alliterations and you've used them fantastically in your verses here. I also enjoyed inclusions such as, "beating my brazen wings,” and, "a harmless flutter to coordinate their fate,” which connected it back to the butterfly imagery. As always, a strong first offering from you and I'm highly anticipating another string of superb songs from you. Could this be your season at last?

 

2. @Invisibility - "Glass Pain"
Firstly, I'd like to highlight that you took inspiration from a significant event in your own life that could be considered somewhat traumatic and made something beautiful from it, which in itself really embodies the essence of a butterfly's transformation I feel. I think incorporating religious imagery can be very effective when used correctly, and I definitely see the connection with stained glass windows in churches, but I don't think it was a necessary inclusion as it took some of that impact and weight of it being a personal experience away for me. I thought the play on words in the title was clever, and your third verse was the highlight of the song for me, particularly the couplet, "Give back stillness, make me whole / Fit these shards into a better mold,” Had you exchanged some of the religious themes for lyrics that connected back to butterflies in a stronger manner, I think that would have really elevated this piece for this challenge. As is, it's still a wonderful first outing for you and I am eager to see what is next.

 

3. @Armani? - "Butterflies"
Welcome to the tournament! I enjoyed that you brought a fresh perspective to this tournament, as often when we see romantic songs submitted, the object of the narrator's affection is typically male given ATRL's core demographic. You built the song around the idiom of having butterflies in one's stomach, and it's a classic combination that just works. There was a good sense of movement from the first to the second verse, and it was good to learn a bit more about why this person is so important beyond just being an old flame. I would have liked to see you flesh out the bridge a lot more, as what you have is great and connects to both the butterfly concept and romantic feelings perfectly. One thing I will say is that this definitely felt like a legitimate song's lyrics and there was no confusion about whether this was lyrics or poetry, as is often brought into question in these tournaments. Looking forward to reading what else you come up with!

 

4. @Julia Fox - "wedding gowns made of clouds"
It's wonderful to see you return after taking a break for a couple of seasons! The absence of your distinctive style has certainly been noticed. What I'm constantly drawn to with your lyrics are the conceptual ideas you always come up with. I think there's almost a sort of beauty in English not being your first language because you turn phrases that perhaps native English speakers would never be able to think of, and it always gives you a point of difference. I like that your song sits in a universe where the presence of butterflies doesn't feel at all random among the forest and airy imagery. There were a few phrases that fell a bit flat here and there (“you put me the crown, I put you the ring,” and, "it haven't disappear,”) but on the whole I liked the direction and approach to the challenge and found this an enjoyable read.

 

5. @AccioMiley - "Philly"
Welcome to the tournament! This was a pretty tried and true formula structurally at least, which I think is a smart choice for your first offering in this tournament because on a fundamental level you're ticking all of those boxes. Unrequited love has definitely been a common theme in my own writing so I found this decently relatable, which is always a positive thing. Again, your usage of butterflies makes perfect sense and is used well within the context of your song, being a strong central element in your chorus rather than just a throwaway lyric. To take this to the next level, I would have loved to see even more of a personal touch here. The titular lyric referencing Philly was a step in the right direction because it wasn't so generalized, and added some context. I love a mix of specific little details that are unique to the people referred to in the song in combination with more general ideas about relationships and romance. All in all, I'd say this was a great look into what you're capable of as a writer!

 

6. @helpthomas - "optional"
Welcome to the tournament! One thing that caught my attention off the bat was your song title… on the submission form you listed it as "optional", but on the document itself (and as the lyrics of the song would suggest) it appears to be "Try"? Outside of that, this was a magnificent start to your time in this tournament! Loved the way you incorporated multiple meanings of words within the same line (“feel" in the opener, "sense" in the second verse). It's often difficult to incorporate polysyllabic words without them feeling forced, but your use of "metamorphose" in the chorus was masterfully balanced. You mentioned you felt it may come across as a bit wordy, but I disagree… if anything I wouldn't have minded more (longer verses, perhaps a pre-chorus?) because this was so good! However, I appreciate you not just adding in more for the sake of it. My only small piece of constructive criticism is that I think having a few more unique lyrical ideas or metaphors would have taken this piece to new heights, but as is, it's already one of my favorites of the round thus far. Very excited to see what else you have to offer!

 

7. @blastoisebaby - "Cocoon"
Welcome to the tournament! The first thing that I noticed about your writing was your aptitude for internal rhyming. The placement of "changing,” "fading,” and "waiting,” in the first verse was catchy and established a good sense of rhythm instantaneously. It's clear to me you have a vision of where this song would be headed sonically based on these rhythmic choices and the repetitions, which is wonderful to see. I was hoping somebody would head down the path of metamorphosis, and I think you've done a solid job. I wonder about the specifics of the numbers chosen in the second verse (“4 weeks,” "crowd of 54,”) as I thought it may have been a clever reference to a butterfly's cocoon cycle, however that appears to only be 5-21 days. I also really enjoyed how you changed the color of the butterfly's wings from warm colors representing happiness to cool colors representing sadness in the outro, and the similar dichotomy between the scent of cherry blossoms and the everglades. Looking forward to your next offering.

 

8. @OreGuy - "A Butterfly's Thorax"
Fantastic to see you back again after a little while away. Okay, I can see the vision here. So you're comparing the process of a performer getting into full drag with how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? That's kinda camp actually! Although I can hardly hear "drag queen" and "butterfly" in the same sentence without thinking about Asia O'Hara… fortunately this song wasn't near the disaster that ended up being. I like how you even took the time to include a bit of social commentary in the second verse: "Going back on the same train / Corporate people's the sea / We belong at the same zoo / Just different audience to please,” I'm kinda gagged? I don't think the pre-chorus added much to the song and could have been worked a bit more, but honestly that's my only critique. A fun and fresh concept, looking forward to your next.

 

9. @Jackson - "Paper Wings"
This feels very much like a classic Jackson song: snatched meter, gorgeous rhyming, and a good sprinkling of religious imagery. You're obviously a skilled lyricist, so my comments are largely going to be personal takeaways and preferences. The pre-choruses here were divine and my favorite sections of this song; couplets like, "You tell me you're ready, my love are you sure? / I don't want to taint something so bright and so pure,” are pure poetry. Conversely, there's a suspicious amount of sexually suggestive subtext in the chorus: the "origami" lyric is reminiscent of that one Selena Gomez lyric in "Fetish", and, "You flutter in my skilled and seasoned hands,” is probably the most delicate way I've ever seen someone refer to themselves as promiscuous.  This song didn't feel as focused as some of your best works, in which almost every lyric is a call back to the central theme. Here we jump between natural themes to bed sheets to origami, with a sprinkling of religious imagery in between, which was perhaps one element too many for me and made it feel more disjointed than it should? The bridge was a complete collapse though, perhaps my favorite section of the round thus far. It's always a pleasure to read your writing.

Pt. II

  Reveal hidden contents

10. @djcalpal - "A Little Butterfly"
Welcome to the tournament! I was initially a bit worried seeing you start your song with such long line lengths, but the meter in this couplet is so tight and every word flows after the next so seamlessly. This seamlessness continued right through the first verse into the pre-chorus, which set up for a fantastic first impression of your writing. The second verse isn't as tight but is still very good, however the closing lyric here, "You're not the one for me because of you I am so very strong,” felt a little clunky just to fit the rhyme. This was a very cute song though, but I really would have loved a bridge, it felt as if it was building up to something, and continuing on from that second verse to reveal how the "butterfly" writes their own truth would have been stellar. This was a strong first offering and I hope you continue to submit for future rounds.

 

11. @Rotunda - "Twentysomething"
Welcome to the tournament! I'd like to highlight your decision to write about something personal to you, especially on your first outing in a writing tournament like this. Sharing a piece of writing for the first time is never easy, let alone one inspired by one's own experiences. There was definitely a darkness to this song that I wasn't necessarily expecting to see from such a seemingly light-hearted challenge prompt, but I love that you subverted that expectation. The way you wove butterfly references into various sections of the song was great and amplified the connection to the prompt without feeling forced. Honestly the only takeaway I have for you is… keep doing what you're doing because I found this to be a very well composed piece and couldn't really think of any notes to improve it. Amazing start to your season!

 

12. @beatinglikeadrum - "Psyche"
Oh wow I love your approach to this challenge. This is what I love about open-ended inspiration challenges because there's always submissions like this one that I never would have thought of, and it's so exciting to see. Here I was anticipating a song about the human psyche, but delving into Greek mythology is such a great angle. This definitely reads like poetry a lot of the time, which I'm not against. Very strong spoken word vibes in the verses, or something akin to a Joanna Newsom performance. My main piece of constructive criticism for you would be that some of the lyrics here are quite wordy, which makes it hard to establish a consistent sense of rhythm, which is beneficial to have even in more poetic or spoken word pieces such as this. Love the conceptual ingenuity though, and very excited to see your next offering as well.

 

13. @worldwide angel - "i miss you"
So glad to have you back again! Hug and I were sort of in a state of uncertainty when you posted on the Songwriter's Studio thread that you were keen to write again, and now look at us! So we kind of have you to thank for the season going ahead when it did. You've always had a strong stream-of-consciousness feel to your writing that sets you apart from others and makes your writing very unique. Often that works in your favor a lot, however in this piece I do wonder if there were more opportunities for you to revisit earlier lyrics and connect them to the butterfly theme more strongly? For instance in the second verse there's not a whole lot of connection to the prompt, where I can see you could have reworked the "presidential" lyric into something involving "monarch", also referencing the butterfly species. Always love to have you in this tournament, and I just know this season is going to be the one you earn that Golden Hit!

 

14. @Legend E - "Butterfly, You Give Me Butterflies"
Ooh we love a double feature, incorporating both a metaphor and idiom in the titular lyric here. I like the angle you went with here, likening this object of your affection to an idyllic and beautiful creature such as a butterfly. I enjoyed the imagery and meaning behind the flowers and the weeds lyrics, and most of the metaphors here made sense and aided the narrative of the song well. Couple of things, this may sound like an odd critique in the butterfly challenge, but I felt as if there were almost too many direct uses of the words butterfly/butterflies (especially in the chorus). Sometimes, less is more! Metamorphosis is also a process one must typically undergo themselves, so using it to mean changing someone else in the final stanza didn't really work for me. These things aside, this was another good offering and a reminder of why you're always doing well in these tournaments.

 

15. @Weld_E - "The Dragon and the Butterfly"
Welcome to the tournament! This was such an interesting submission, at times it almost read like a classic folklore tale or something written as a cautionary tale for use in an animated film or something (that's a compliment!) Rhyming is obviously a key aspect in many songs, but it's just as important to experiment with different rhyme schemes and patterns to keep a sense of movement. In your verses you use AABB, and in your pre-chorus and chorus it's entirely AAAA[...], which can be really difficult to do in prolonged stanzas without at least some of the lyrics feeling a little forced just to end on a perfect rhyme. That'd be my main piece of advice for you, to play around with different rhyme structures (try ABAB, or ABCB), and even experiment with internal rhyming (where not just the last words of each line rhyme). I liked the creativity and introduction of another flying creature into this song, and look forward to your next piece.

 

16. @Prisoner - "He'll be dancing on his roof, all alone"
Oh wow oh wow, well this is a rather ARTPOP connection to the challenge prompt, huh? I love when people push the boundaries and subvert expectations by finding connections to the prompt I never would have considered (we've had a few this round), however this might be just a bit too tangential for me. In a venn diagram of literal and metaphorical songs about butterflies, I feel this sits firmly outside of that. As for the song itself, I liked it! I found it a little hard to follow at times, but it was definitely full of some pretty imagery I could visualize. I definitely would have loved to see some references to butterflies brought to the forefront of this piece for the sake of this brief, but I appreciate you taking a more abstract and experimental approach. I'm curious to see how this will fare in a round with a dozen or more songs with really strong yet equally creative connections to the butterfly theme.

 

17. @stupidjock - "Digital Butterfly"
I'm honestly kind of surprised that it took seventeen songs for somebody to think of this concept, because it's a really clever and relatable way to utilize the butterfly imagery in a way that feels natural and relatable when talking about trying to "catch" someone's attention, like trying to catch a butterfly with a net. I think your second verse here is the stronger of the two, simply because you have tied it back to the butterfly theme a little better (the "rare one" lyric, and alluding to wanting to be caught). I know you struggled a bit with this prompt but I think your concept here is solid, and with a little more time this could have been polished even more. Thank you for submitting, and I hope inspiration strikes you a little earlier in the next round!

Expand  

I've updated this post with all of my reviews! This was such a strong first round and much like the many species of butterflies, no two songs were the same.

 

Round 2 will be posted at approximately 5PM EDT, so make sure to be in the thread if you want to have a first look at what the challenge might entail. It's definitely one to celebrate! For those who are unfamiliar with Golden Hit's schedule, as there are no eliminations, new rounds typically begin before the results of the previous round are announced. Once Hug and Hey Dude have finalised and sent in their reviews and scores, we will schedule and announce a time to host our first live results show of the season. Good luck!

[Hug]

So I'm doing more reviews before work. Think I'll just post a first batch of reviews + Round 2 in ~30 minutes from this post.

 

Apologies for reviews taking so long, by the way. I'm going to do better to keep up with them over the week so I have less to rush out during the weekend!

[Hug]

 

Hey, hitmakers! Don't be nervous, but your R1 entries have been flown off to the judges for review.

While in this transitional phase, it's time to get in the spirit of the season and celebrate spring in all its glory.

 

Without further ado, let me introduce you all to the second round of Season 6...

 

 

Golden Hit loves celebrating seasonal events, and as each season of this game spans a different month or two, there's always something new to be inspired by! From New Year's and Valentine's Day to Halloween or the Winter Holidays, there's usually been something worth celebrating in the past seasons of Golden Hit.

 

This season, we don't want to restrict you to just one specific seasonal event. Your challenge this round is to take inspiration from any seasonal event, holiday, or festivity celebrated during the months of March–May. From St. Patrick's Day to Hanami, from Easter to Earth Day, from April Fools to Cinco de Mayo, there are so many to choose from! Simply write a song inspired by any seasonal event that falls between March–May.

 

Songs due via Google Form submission by Fri. Mar 29, 11:59PM EST

 

This challenge is very open-ended, so if you have any specific questions, please ask them here! The top three submissions will earn their writers a Hit Token, so make sure to submit for your chance at one of those. If you have not yet signed up for Golden Hit: Season 6, that's fine! Just submit an entry and we'll add you to the sign-ups list.

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

@Legend E@Jack!@beatinglikeadrum@punisher@Jackson@AccioMiley@Rotunda@worldwide angel@helpthomas@stupidjock@Nashe@Julia Fox@blastoisebaby@fountain@Lana Banana@Lorenzo22@JonginBey@Weld_E@Forestboy@OreGuy@Prisoner@djcalpal

 

[Hug]

And I didn't forgot my batch 1!

 

 

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1n8UOy1sdC6542s48o0dtUTa_3C0Cppau1T7haDFwLQk/edit?usp=sharing

 

hurricane326 @Invisibility @Armani? @Julia Fox @AccioMiley @helpthomas @blastoisebaby @OreGuy @Jackson

 

For those I didn't get to in this batch: I appreciate your patience and while I will do my best to get them done when I can, I expect that will be tomorrow morning. Once again I apologize for being slow!

[Legend E]

Thanks for the review, Aurora! Yeah, looking back now, the Metamorphosis lyric is a bit non-sensical. Got caught in the heat of the moment I guess

[worldwide angel]

  On 3/23/2024 at 10:55 AM, Aurora said:

 

Once again I'd like to thank everyone who participated in this first round of Golden Hit: Season 6! It's wonderful to see so many new and familiar names.

As this is the first round, I've made my reviews more in-depth, highlighting some of the things I loved, as well as some potential areas of improvement.

 

Pt. I

  Reveal hidden contents

1. hurricane326 - "The Edge"
You never fail to fascinate me with how you are able to conjure up and execute such highly elevated concepts so swiftly. Venturing down the chaos theory path was definitely one of the more difficult interpretations of the prompt, but I love how you have gone about this. It still feels very connected to you as a writer given its association with historical American weather events, but this also feels a bit more commercial for you in some ways. I love alliterations and you've used them fantastically in your verses here. I also enjoyed inclusions such as, "beating my brazen wings,” and, "a harmless flutter to coordinate their fate,” which connected it back to the butterfly imagery. As always, a strong first offering from you and I'm highly anticipating another string of superb songs from you. Could this be your season at last?

 

2. @Invisibility - "Glass Pain"
Firstly, I'd like to highlight that you took inspiration from a significant event in your own life that could be considered somewhat traumatic and made something beautiful from it, which in itself really embodies the essence of a butterfly's transformation I feel. I think incorporating religious imagery can be very effective when used correctly, and I definitely see the connection with stained glass windows in churches, but I don't think it was a necessary inclusion as it took some of that impact and weight of it being a personal experience away for me. I thought the play on words in the title was clever, and your third verse was the highlight of the song for me, particularly the couplet, "Give back stillness, make me whole / Fit these shards into a better mold,” Had you exchanged some of the religious themes for lyrics that connected back to butterflies in a stronger manner, I think that would have really elevated this piece for this challenge. As is, it's still a wonderful first outing for you and I am eager to see what is next.

 

3. @Armani? - "Butterflies"
Welcome to the tournament! I enjoyed that you brought a fresh perspective to this tournament, as often when we see romantic songs submitted, the object of the narrator's affection is typically male given ATRL's core demographic. You built the song around the idiom of having butterflies in one's stomach, and it's a classic combination that just works. There was a good sense of movement from the first to the second verse, and it was good to learn a bit more about why this person is so important beyond just being an old flame. I would have liked to see you flesh out the bridge a lot more, as what you have is great and connects to both the butterfly concept and romantic feelings perfectly. One thing I will say is that this definitely felt like a legitimate song's lyrics and there was no confusion about whether this was lyrics or poetry, as is often brought into question in these tournaments. Looking forward to reading what else you come up with!

 

4. @Julia Fox - "wedding gowns made of clouds"
It's wonderful to see you return after taking a break for a couple of seasons! The absence of your distinctive style has certainly been noticed. What I'm constantly drawn to with your lyrics are the conceptual ideas you always come up with. I think there's almost a sort of beauty in English not being your first language because you turn phrases that perhaps native English speakers would never be able to think of, and it always gives you a point of difference. I like that your song sits in a universe where the presence of butterflies doesn't feel at all random among the forest and airy imagery. There were a few phrases that fell a bit flat here and there (“you put me the crown, I put you the ring,” and, "it haven't disappear,”) but on the whole I liked the direction and approach to the challenge and found this an enjoyable read.

 

5. @AccioMiley - "Philly"
Welcome to the tournament! This was a pretty tried and true formula structurally at least, which I think is a smart choice for your first offering in this tournament because on a fundamental level you're ticking all of those boxes. Unrequited love has definitely been a common theme in my own writing so I found this decently relatable, which is always a positive thing. Again, your usage of butterflies makes perfect sense and is used well within the context of your song, being a strong central element in your chorus rather than just a throwaway lyric. To take this to the next level, I would have loved to see even more of a personal touch here. The titular lyric referencing Philly was a step in the right direction because it wasn't so generalized, and added some context. I love a mix of specific little details that are unique to the people referred to in the song in combination with more general ideas about relationships and romance. All in all, I'd say this was a great look into what you're capable of as a writer!

 

6. @helpthomas - "optional"
Welcome to the tournament! One thing that caught my attention off the bat was your song title… on the submission form you listed it as "optional", but on the document itself (and as the lyrics of the song would suggest) it appears to be "Try"? Outside of that, this was a magnificent start to your time in this tournament! Loved the way you incorporated multiple meanings of words within the same line (“feel" in the opener, "sense" in the second verse). It's often difficult to incorporate polysyllabic words without them feeling forced, but your use of "metamorphose" in the chorus was masterfully balanced. You mentioned you felt it may come across as a bit wordy, but I disagree… if anything I wouldn't have minded more (longer verses, perhaps a pre-chorus?) because this was so good! However, I appreciate you not just adding in more for the sake of it. My only small piece of constructive criticism is that I think having a few more unique lyrical ideas or metaphors would have taken this piece to new heights, but as is, it's already one of my favorites of the round thus far. Very excited to see what else you have to offer!

 

7. @blastoisebaby - "Cocoon"
Welcome to the tournament! The first thing that I noticed about your writing was your aptitude for internal rhyming. The placement of "changing,” "fading,” and "waiting,” in the first verse was catchy and established a good sense of rhythm instantaneously. It's clear to me you have a vision of where this song would be headed sonically based on these rhythmic choices and the repetitions, which is wonderful to see. I was hoping somebody would head down the path of metamorphosis, and I think you've done a solid job. I wonder about the specifics of the numbers chosen in the second verse (“4 weeks,” "crowd of 54,”) as I thought it may have been a clever reference to a butterfly's cocoon cycle, however that appears to only be 5-21 days. I also really enjoyed how you changed the color of the butterfly's wings from warm colors representing happiness to cool colors representing sadness in the outro, and the similar dichotomy between the scent of cherry blossoms and the everglades. Looking forward to your next offering.

 

8. @OreGuy - "A Butterfly's Thorax"
Fantastic to see you back again after a little while away. Okay, I can see the vision here. So you're comparing the process of a performer getting into full drag with how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? That's kinda camp actually! Although I can hardly hear "drag queen" and "butterfly" in the same sentence without thinking about Asia O'Hara… fortunately this song wasn't near the disaster that ended up being. I like how you even took the time to include a bit of social commentary in the second verse: "Going back on the same train / Corporate people's the sea / We belong at the same zoo / Just different audience to please,” I'm kinda gagged? I don't think the pre-chorus added much to the song and could have been worked a bit more, but honestly that's my only critique. A fun and fresh concept, looking forward to your next.

 

9. @Jackson - "Paper Wings"
This feels very much like a classic Jackson song: snatched meter, gorgeous rhyming, and a good sprinkling of religious imagery. You're obviously a skilled lyricist, so my comments are largely going to be personal takeaways and preferences. The pre-choruses here were divine and my favorite sections of this song; couplets like, "You tell me you're ready, my love are you sure? / I don't want to taint something so bright and so pure,” are pure poetry. Conversely, there's a suspicious amount of sexually suggestive subtext in the chorus: the "origami" lyric is reminiscent of that one Selena Gomez lyric in "Fetish", and, "You flutter in my skilled and seasoned hands,” is probably the most delicate way I've ever seen someone refer to themselves as promiscuous.  This song didn't feel as focused as some of your best works, in which almost every lyric is a call back to the central theme. Here we jump between natural themes to bed sheets to origami, with a sprinkling of religious imagery in between, which was perhaps one element too many for me and made it feel more disjointed than it should? The bridge was a complete collapse though, perhaps my favorite section of the round thus far. It's always a pleasure to read your writing.

Pt. II

  Reveal hidden contents

10. @djcalpal - "A Little Butterfly"
Welcome to the tournament! I was initially a bit worried seeing you start your song with such long line lengths, but the meter in this couplet is so tight and every word flows after the next so seamlessly. This seamlessness continued right through the first verse into the pre-chorus, which set up for a fantastic first impression of your writing. The second verse isn't as tight but is still very good, however the closing lyric here, "You're not the one for me because of you I am so very strong,” felt a little clunky just to fit the rhyme. This was a very cute song though, but I really would have loved a bridge, it felt as if it was building up to something, and continuing on from that second verse to reveal how the "butterfly" writes their own truth would have been stellar. This was a strong first offering and I hope you continue to submit for future rounds.

 

11. @Rotunda - "Twentysomething"
Welcome to the tournament! I'd like to highlight your decision to write about something personal to you, especially on your first outing in a writing tournament like this. Sharing a piece of writing for the first time is never easy, let alone one inspired by one's own experiences. There was definitely a darkness to this song that I wasn't necessarily expecting to see from such a seemingly light-hearted challenge prompt, but I love that you subverted that expectation. The way you wove butterfly references into various sections of the song was great and amplified the connection to the prompt without feeling forced. Honestly the only takeaway I have for you is… keep doing what you're doing because I found this to be a very well composed piece and couldn't really think of any notes to improve it. Amazing start to your season!

 

12. @beatinglikeadrum - "Psyche"
Oh wow I love your approach to this challenge. This is what I love about open-ended inspiration challenges because there's always submissions like this one that I never would have thought of, and it's so exciting to see. Here I was anticipating a song about the human psyche, but delving into Greek mythology is such a great angle. This definitely reads like poetry a lot of the time, which I'm not against. Very strong spoken word vibes in the verses, or something akin to a Joanna Newsom performance. My main piece of constructive criticism for you would be that some of the lyrics here are quite wordy, which makes it hard to establish a consistent sense of rhythm, which is beneficial to have even in more poetic or spoken word pieces such as this. Love the conceptual ingenuity though, and very excited to see your next offering as well.

 

13. @worldwide angel - "i miss you"
So glad to have you back again! Hug and I were sort of in a state of uncertainty when you posted on the Songwriter's Studio thread that you were keen to write again, and now look at us! So we kind of have you to thank for the season going ahead when it did. You've always had a strong stream-of-consciousness feel to your writing that sets you apart from others and makes your writing very unique. Often that works in your favor a lot, however in this piece I do wonder if there were more opportunities for you to revisit earlier lyrics and connect them to the butterfly theme more strongly? For instance in the second verse there's not a whole lot of connection to the prompt, where I can see you could have reworked the "presidential" lyric into something involving "monarch", also referencing the butterfly species. Always love to have you in this tournament, and I just know this season is going to be the one you earn that Golden Hit!

 

14. @Legend E - "Butterfly, You Give Me Butterflies"
Ooh we love a double feature, incorporating both a metaphor and idiom in the titular lyric here. I like the angle you went with here, likening this object of your affection to an idyllic and beautiful creature such as a butterfly. I enjoyed the imagery and meaning behind the flowers and the weeds lyrics, and most of the metaphors here made sense and aided the narrative of the song well. Couple of things, this may sound like an odd critique in the butterfly challenge, but I felt as if there were almost too many direct uses of the words butterfly/butterflies (especially in the chorus). Sometimes, less is more! Metamorphosis is also a process one must typically undergo themselves, so using it to mean changing someone else in the final stanza didn't really work for me. These things aside, this was another good offering and a reminder of why you're always doing well in these tournaments.

 

15. @Weld_E - "The Dragon and the Butterfly"
Welcome to the tournament! This was such an interesting submission, at times it almost read like a classic folklore tale or something written as a cautionary tale for use in an animated film or something (that's a compliment!) Rhyming is obviously a key aspect in many songs, but it's just as important to experiment with different rhyme schemes and patterns to keep a sense of movement. In your verses you use AABB, and in your pre-chorus and chorus it's entirely AAAA[...], which can be really difficult to do in prolonged stanzas without at least some of the lyrics feeling a little forced just to end on a perfect rhyme. That'd be my main piece of advice for you, to play around with different rhyme structures (try ABAB, or ABCB), and even experiment with internal rhyming (where not just the last words of each line rhyme). I liked the creativity and introduction of another flying creature into this song, and look forward to your next piece.

 

16. @Prisoner - "He'll be dancing on his roof, all alone"
Oh wow oh wow, well this is a rather ARTPOP connection to the challenge prompt, huh? I love when people push the boundaries and subvert expectations by finding connections to the prompt I never would have considered (we've had a few this round), however this might be just a bit too tangential for me. In a venn diagram of literal and metaphorical songs about butterflies, I feel this sits firmly outside of that. As for the song itself, I liked it! I found it a little hard to follow at times, but it was definitely full of some pretty imagery I could visualize. I definitely would have loved to see some references to butterflies brought to the forefront of this piece for the sake of this brief, but I appreciate you taking a more abstract and experimental approach. I'm curious to see how this will fare in a round with a dozen or more songs with really strong yet equally creative connections to the butterfly theme.

 

17. @stupidjock - "Digital Butterfly"
I'm honestly kind of surprised that it took seventeen songs for somebody to think of this concept, because it's a really clever and relatable way to utilize the butterfly imagery in a way that feels natural and relatable when talking about trying to "catch" someone's attention, like trying to catch a butterfly with a net. I think your second verse here is the stronger of the two, simply because you have tied it back to the butterfly theme a little better (the "rare one" lyric, and alluding to wanting to be caught). I know you struggled a bit with this prompt but I think your concept here is solid, and with a little more time this could have been polished even more. Thank you for submitting, and I hope inspiration strikes you a little earlier in the next round!

Expand  

thank you so much for the much needed feedback

[helpthomas]

thanks to the both of you, i'm so glad you liked it  i first wrote a draft called optional but i rewrote it into try but i guess i forgot to change that. so try is the title of the song you received!

[Jackson]

  On 3/23/2024 at 10:55 AM, Aurora said:

 

Once again I'd like to thank everyone who participated in this first round of Golden Hit: Season 6! It's wonderful to see so many new and familiar names.

As this is the first round, I've made my reviews more in-depth, highlighting some of the things I loved, as well as some potential areas of improvement.

 

Pt. I

  Reveal hidden contents

1. hurricane326 - "The Edge"
You never fail to fascinate me with how you are able to conjure up and execute such highly elevated concepts so swiftly. Venturing down the chaos theory path was definitely one of the more difficult interpretations of the prompt, but I love how you have gone about this. It still feels very connected to you as a writer given its association with historical American weather events, but this also feels a bit more commercial for you in some ways. I love alliterations and you've used them fantastically in your verses here. I also enjoyed inclusions such as, "beating my brazen wings,” and, "a harmless flutter to coordinate their fate,” which connected it back to the butterfly imagery. As always, a strong first offering from you and I'm highly anticipating another string of superb songs from you. Could this be your season at last?

 

2. @Invisibility - "Glass Pain"
Firstly, I'd like to highlight that you took inspiration from a significant event in your own life that could be considered somewhat traumatic and made something beautiful from it, which in itself really embodies the essence of a butterfly's transformation I feel. I think incorporating religious imagery can be very effective when used correctly, and I definitely see the connection with stained glass windows in churches, but I don't think it was a necessary inclusion as it took some of that impact and weight of it being a personal experience away for me. I thought the play on words in the title was clever, and your third verse was the highlight of the song for me, particularly the couplet, "Give back stillness, make me whole / Fit these shards into a better mold,” Had you exchanged some of the religious themes for lyrics that connected back to butterflies in a stronger manner, I think that would have really elevated this piece for this challenge. As is, it's still a wonderful first outing for you and I am eager to see what is next.

 

3. @Armani? - "Butterflies"
Welcome to the tournament! I enjoyed that you brought a fresh perspective to this tournament, as often when we see romantic songs submitted, the object of the narrator's affection is typically male given ATRL's core demographic. You built the song around the idiom of having butterflies in one's stomach, and it's a classic combination that just works. There was a good sense of movement from the first to the second verse, and it was good to learn a bit more about why this person is so important beyond just being an old flame. I would have liked to see you flesh out the bridge a lot more, as what you have is great and connects to both the butterfly concept and romantic feelings perfectly. One thing I will say is that this definitely felt like a legitimate song's lyrics and there was no confusion about whether this was lyrics or poetry, as is often brought into question in these tournaments. Looking forward to reading what else you come up with!

 

4. @Julia Fox - "wedding gowns made of clouds"
It's wonderful to see you return after taking a break for a couple of seasons! The absence of your distinctive style has certainly been noticed. What I'm constantly drawn to with your lyrics are the conceptual ideas you always come up with. I think there's almost a sort of beauty in English not being your first language because you turn phrases that perhaps native English speakers would never be able to think of, and it always gives you a point of difference. I like that your song sits in a universe where the presence of butterflies doesn't feel at all random among the forest and airy imagery. There were a few phrases that fell a bit flat here and there (“you put me the crown, I put you the ring,” and, "it haven't disappear,”) but on the whole I liked the direction and approach to the challenge and found this an enjoyable read.

 

5. @AccioMiley - "Philly"
Welcome to the tournament! This was a pretty tried and true formula structurally at least, which I think is a smart choice for your first offering in this tournament because on a fundamental level you're ticking all of those boxes. Unrequited love has definitely been a common theme in my own writing so I found this decently relatable, which is always a positive thing. Again, your usage of butterflies makes perfect sense and is used well within the context of your song, being a strong central element in your chorus rather than just a throwaway lyric. To take this to the next level, I would have loved to see even more of a personal touch here. The titular lyric referencing Philly was a step in the right direction because it wasn't so generalized, and added some context. I love a mix of specific little details that are unique to the people referred to in the song in combination with more general ideas about relationships and romance. All in all, I'd say this was a great look into what you're capable of as a writer!

 

6. @helpthomas - "optional"
Welcome to the tournament! One thing that caught my attention off the bat was your song title… on the submission form you listed it as "optional", but on the document itself (and as the lyrics of the song would suggest) it appears to be "Try"? Outside of that, this was a magnificent start to your time in this tournament! Loved the way you incorporated multiple meanings of words within the same line (“feel" in the opener, "sense" in the second verse). It's often difficult to incorporate polysyllabic words without them feeling forced, but your use of "metamorphose" in the chorus was masterfully balanced. You mentioned you felt it may come across as a bit wordy, but I disagree… if anything I wouldn't have minded more (longer verses, perhaps a pre-chorus?) because this was so good! However, I appreciate you not just adding in more for the sake of it. My only small piece of constructive criticism is that I think having a few more unique lyrical ideas or metaphors would have taken this piece to new heights, but as is, it's already one of my favorites of the round thus far. Very excited to see what else you have to offer!

 

7. @blastoisebaby - "Cocoon"
Welcome to the tournament! The first thing that I noticed about your writing was your aptitude for internal rhyming. The placement of "changing,” "fading,” and "waiting,” in the first verse was catchy and established a good sense of rhythm instantaneously. It's clear to me you have a vision of where this song would be headed sonically based on these rhythmic choices and the repetitions, which is wonderful to see. I was hoping somebody would head down the path of metamorphosis, and I think you've done a solid job. I wonder about the specifics of the numbers chosen in the second verse (“4 weeks,” "crowd of 54,”) as I thought it may have been a clever reference to a butterfly's cocoon cycle, however that appears to only be 5-21 days. I also really enjoyed how you changed the color of the butterfly's wings from warm colors representing happiness to cool colors representing sadness in the outro, and the similar dichotomy between the scent of cherry blossoms and the everglades. Looking forward to your next offering.

 

8. @OreGuy - "A Butterfly's Thorax"
Fantastic to see you back again after a little while away. Okay, I can see the vision here. So you're comparing the process of a performer getting into full drag with how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? That's kinda camp actually! Although I can hardly hear "drag queen" and "butterfly" in the same sentence without thinking about Asia O'Hara… fortunately this song wasn't near the disaster that ended up being. I like how you even took the time to include a bit of social commentary in the second verse: "Going back on the same train / Corporate people's the sea / We belong at the same zoo / Just different audience to please,” I'm kinda gagged? I don't think the pre-chorus added much to the song and could have been worked a bit more, but honestly that's my only critique. A fun and fresh concept, looking forward to your next.

 

9. @Jackson - "Paper Wings"
This feels very much like a classic Jackson song: snatched meter, gorgeous rhyming, and a good sprinkling of religious imagery. You're obviously a skilled lyricist, so my comments are largely going to be personal takeaways and preferences. The pre-choruses here were divine and my favorite sections of this song; couplets like, "You tell me you're ready, my love are you sure? / I don't want to taint something so bright and so pure,” are pure poetry. Conversely, there's a suspicious amount of sexually suggestive subtext in the chorus: the "origami" lyric is reminiscent of that one Selena Gomez lyric in "Fetish", and, "You flutter in my skilled and seasoned hands,” is probably the most delicate way I've ever seen someone refer to themselves as promiscuous.  This song didn't feel as focused as some of your best works, in which almost every lyric is a call back to the central theme. Here we jump between natural themes to bed sheets to origami, with a sprinkling of religious imagery in between, which was perhaps one element too many for me and made it feel more disjointed than it should? The bridge was a complete collapse though, perhaps my favorite section of the round thus far. It's always a pleasure to read your writing.

Pt. II

  Reveal hidden contents

10. @djcalpal - "A Little Butterfly"
Welcome to the tournament! I was initially a bit worried seeing you start your song with such long line lengths, but the meter in this couplet is so tight and every word flows after the next so seamlessly. This seamlessness continued right through the first verse into the pre-chorus, which set up for a fantastic first impression of your writing. The second verse isn't as tight but is still very good, however the closing lyric here, "You're not the one for me because of you I am so very strong,” felt a little clunky just to fit the rhyme. This was a very cute song though, but I really would have loved a bridge, it felt as if it was building up to something, and continuing on from that second verse to reveal how the "butterfly" writes their own truth would have been stellar. This was a strong first offering and I hope you continue to submit for future rounds.

 

11. @Rotunda - "Twentysomething"
Welcome to the tournament! I'd like to highlight your decision to write about something personal to you, especially on your first outing in a writing tournament like this. Sharing a piece of writing for the first time is never easy, let alone one inspired by one's own experiences. There was definitely a darkness to this song that I wasn't necessarily expecting to see from such a seemingly light-hearted challenge prompt, but I love that you subverted that expectation. The way you wove butterfly references into various sections of the song was great and amplified the connection to the prompt without feeling forced. Honestly the only takeaway I have for you is… keep doing what you're doing because I found this to be a very well composed piece and couldn't really think of any notes to improve it. Amazing start to your season!

 

12. @beatinglikeadrum - "Psyche"
Oh wow I love your approach to this challenge. This is what I love about open-ended inspiration challenges because there's always submissions like this one that I never would have thought of, and it's so exciting to see. Here I was anticipating a song about the human psyche, but delving into Greek mythology is such a great angle. This definitely reads like poetry a lot of the time, which I'm not against. Very strong spoken word vibes in the verses, or something akin to a Joanna Newsom performance. My main piece of constructive criticism for you would be that some of the lyrics here are quite wordy, which makes it hard to establish a consistent sense of rhythm, which is beneficial to have even in more poetic or spoken word pieces such as this. Love the conceptual ingenuity though, and very excited to see your next offering as well.

 

13. @worldwide angel - "i miss you"
So glad to have you back again! Hug and I were sort of in a state of uncertainty when you posted on the Songwriter's Studio thread that you were keen to write again, and now look at us! So we kind of have you to thank for the season going ahead when it did. You've always had a strong stream-of-consciousness feel to your writing that sets you apart from others and makes your writing very unique. Often that works in your favor a lot, however in this piece I do wonder if there were more opportunities for you to revisit earlier lyrics and connect them to the butterfly theme more strongly? For instance in the second verse there's not a whole lot of connection to the prompt, where I can see you could have reworked the "presidential" lyric into something involving "monarch", also referencing the butterfly species. Always love to have you in this tournament, and I just know this season is going to be the one you earn that Golden Hit!

 

14. @Legend E - "Butterfly, You Give Me Butterflies"
Ooh we love a double feature, incorporating both a metaphor and idiom in the titular lyric here. I like the angle you went with here, likening this object of your affection to an idyllic and beautiful creature such as a butterfly. I enjoyed the imagery and meaning behind the flowers and the weeds lyrics, and most of the metaphors here made sense and aided the narrative of the song well. Couple of things, this may sound like an odd critique in the butterfly challenge, but I felt as if there were almost too many direct uses of the words butterfly/butterflies (especially in the chorus). Sometimes, less is more! Metamorphosis is also a process one must typically undergo themselves, so using it to mean changing someone else in the final stanza didn't really work for me. These things aside, this was another good offering and a reminder of why you're always doing well in these tournaments.

 

15. @Weld_E - "The Dragon and the Butterfly"
Welcome to the tournament! This was such an interesting submission, at times it almost read like a classic folklore tale or something written as a cautionary tale for use in an animated film or something (that's a compliment!) Rhyming is obviously a key aspect in many songs, but it's just as important to experiment with different rhyme schemes and patterns to keep a sense of movement. In your verses you use AABB, and in your pre-chorus and chorus it's entirely AAAA[...], which can be really difficult to do in prolonged stanzas without at least some of the lyrics feeling a little forced just to end on a perfect rhyme. That'd be my main piece of advice for you, to play around with different rhyme structures (try ABAB, or ABCB), and even experiment with internal rhyming (where not just the last words of each line rhyme). I liked the creativity and introduction of another flying creature into this song, and look forward to your next piece.

 

16. @Prisoner - "He'll be dancing on his roof, all alone"
Oh wow oh wow, well this is a rather ARTPOP connection to the challenge prompt, huh? I love when people push the boundaries and subvert expectations by finding connections to the prompt I never would have considered (we've had a few this round), however this might be just a bit too tangential for me. In a venn diagram of literal and metaphorical songs about butterflies, I feel this sits firmly outside of that. As for the song itself, I liked it! I found it a little hard to follow at times, but it was definitely full of some pretty imagery I could visualize. I definitely would have loved to see some references to butterflies brought to the forefront of this piece for the sake of this brief, but I appreciate you taking a more abstract and experimental approach. I'm curious to see how this will fare in a round with a dozen or more songs with really strong yet equally creative connections to the butterfly theme.

 

17. @stupidjock - "Digital Butterfly"
I'm honestly kind of surprised that it took seventeen songs for somebody to think of this concept, because it's a really clever and relatable way to utilize the butterfly imagery in a way that feels natural and relatable when talking about trying to "catch" someone's attention, like trying to catch a butterfly with a net. I think your second verse here is the stronger of the two, simply because you have tied it back to the butterfly theme a little better (the "rare one" lyric, and alluding to wanting to be caught). I know you struggled a bit with this prompt but I think your concept here is solid, and with a little more time this could have been polished even more. Thank you for submitting, and I hope inspiration strikes you a little earlier in the next round!

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Thank you for the review  In my mind the main theme of the song was "purity" -

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because the song is about taking someone's virginity

 

so I was trying to incorporate metaphors that would reinforce that theme. I appreciate the critique about the religious metaphors because that wasn't even a conscious thing  I think it's just ingrained in my writing

 

  On 3/24/2024 at 12:08 PM, Hug said:

And I didn't forgot my batch 1!

 

 

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1n8UOy1sdC6542s48o0dtUTa_3C0Cppau1T7haDFwLQk/edit?usp=sharing

 

hurricane326 @Invisibility @Armani? @Julia Fox @AccioMiley @helpthomas @blastoisebaby @OreGuy @Jackson

 

For those I didn't get to in this batch: I appreciate your patience and while I will do my best to get them done when I can, I expect that will be tomorrow morning. Once again I apologize for being slow!

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Thank you  I'm glad you liked it! I did mean for the "I've held before" line to be interpreted as "anyone". I can see how that would be ambiguous but I think it was a constraint of keeping to the meter 

 

 

 

I'll be traveling this week and next so I probably won't have time to submit for a couple rounds, but I'm glad I was able to get something in for R1!

[Aurora]

  On 3/24/2024 at 9:03 PM, Jackson said:

Thank you for the review  In my mind the main theme of the song was "purity" -

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because the song is about taking someone's virginity

 

so I was trying to incorporate metaphors that would reinforce that theme. I appreciate the critique about the religious metaphors because that wasn't even a conscious thing  I think it's just ingrained in my writing

 

Thank you  I'm glad you liked it! I did mean for the "I've held before" line to be interpreted as "anyone". I can see how that would be ambiguous but I think it was a constraint of keeping to the meter 

 

 

 

I'll be traveling this week and next so I probably won't have time to submit for a couple rounds, but I'm glad I was able to get something in for R1!

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Oh trust I understood the theme. When reviewing your songs it's almost always nitpicking, but I felt the tonal shift between the verse/pre-chorus and the chorus was... not jarring, but there was definitely a sense of delicacy and softness in those sections I felt the chorus did away with (probably intentionally as that's when the "action" happens?) I can see a version of this song where you sort of build the tension all throughout the song (perhaps a double verse to start?) culminating in the bridge being the "climax" if you will, returning to softness in the outro after the song has "finished". Again, just personal takes and nitpicks!

 

I definitely got that impression from the bolded too, and I concur with that resolution. It plays into the purity theme well regardless, but it perhaps felt like one too many ingredients in the recipe for me. I also interpreted that lyric Hug highlighted to essentially mean, "any lover who had come before," so I'm glad that was the intended interpretation. I'm glad you were able to submit though! Always exciting to see a master craftsman in action.

[Aurora]

  On 3/24/2024 at 8:18 PM, helpthomas said:

thanks to the both of you, i'm so glad you liked it  i first wrote a draft called optional but i rewrote it into try but i guess i forgot to change that. so try is the title of the song you received!

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Thank you, I'll make sure it's referred to as "Try" during the results and season charts!

[Legend E]

Though, "optional" is such a slay title, let me steal it

[Invisibility]

Ty for the critiques judges! Maybe I rushed the round theme a bit, I see how I could've made a stronger connection by making the song a bit longer

Meanwhile I'm feeling it in me to redeem my religious incursion here and write a Holy Week inspired song... let me get to work while we wait for rihsults 

[Hug]

  On 3/24/2024 at 12:08 PM, Hug said:

And I didn't forgot my batch 1!

 

 

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1n8UOy1sdC6542s48o0dtUTa_3C0Cppau1T7haDFwLQk/edit?usp=sharing

 

hurricane326 @Invisibility @Armani? @Julia Fox @AccioMiley @helpthomas @blastoisebaby @OreGuy @Jackson

 

For those I didn't get to in this batch: I appreciate your patience and while I will do my best to get them done when I can, I expect that will be tomorrow morning. Once again I apologize for being slow!

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I updated this with batch two~ (also updated the formatting)

 

@djcalpal @Rotunda @beatinglikeadrum @worldwide angel @Legend E @Weld_E @Prisoner @stupidjock

 

A big thank you to everyone that submitted and allowed the first round to be a huge success! I hope y'all are having fun with the second challenge and looking for ways to celebrate~

[beatinglikeadrum]

Oh I flopped hard. But thank you for the criticisms. I will try to do better next time and I find your tips very helpful.

[Kern]

Thank you Hug!  

[worldwide angel]

 thank you for the sweet review @Hug 

[Legend E]

Thanks, Hug!

[Weld_E]

Thank you, @Hug and @Aurora for your feedback!

 

The song I submitted was an allergy for someone choosing to stay in a abusive relationship with the hope of 'fixing' the other person but losing themselves in the process. It stems from one of my previous relationships, from which I learned a lot from.

 

Regarding the feedback on the rhyming scheme, I will be switching it up this round!

 

I still don't get the token thing though  . Can anyone explain where I can find them?

[Aurora]

  On 3/25/2024 at 7:38 PM, Weld_E said:

Thank you, @Hug and @Aurora for your feedback!

 

The song I submitted was an allergy for someone choosing to stay in a abusive relationship with the hope of 'fixing' the other person but losing themselves in the process. It stems from one of my previous relationships, from which I learned a lot from.

 

Regarding the feedback on the rhyming scheme, I will be switching it up this round!

 

I still don't get the token thing though  . Can anyone explain where I can find them?

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This is more of a general comment for everyone (esp. the first time players), but the "Other information" section on the submission form is an optional field where you can tell us this kind of background information or provide context for more personal and potentially cryptic lyrics etc. A lot of people interpreted it as a feedback section on how they enjoyed the challenge, which is good to know too! But its purpose is for this kind of thing. It doesn't typically impact your scores too much but it is nice to know if our interpretations are on the right track or not and always good to learn a little more about you as writers, and people! 

 

As for the tokens, back in Golden Hit's debut season the Hit Tokens were debuted as sort of a "bonus prize" for the writers who finished in the top 3 of each round (you'll see who they are in the first results show, hopefully soon!) It's just a memento of your time in the tournament. Some people choose to use them as a forum avatar on here, you may see a few in this thread from past seasons (Jackson and Invisibility on this page, for example). If someone submits for at least half of the season without scoring a top 3 hit, I make some special Rose Gold tokens for them too since we love to support commitment to growth just as much as standout successes.

[fountain]

  On 3/25/2024 at 7:38 PM, Weld_E said:

I still don't get the token thing though  . Can anyone explain where I can find them?

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You might see some users with avatars like myself, as well as Jackson and Invisibility on this page for example. These "tokens" are a reward for writing a song that goes top three during a round of Golden Hit (gold for #1, silver for #2, bronze for #3) and you get to pick the design that gets included on it 

[PokiTails]

Sent my scores 

Hope to post reviews soon too.

[Aurora]

[Aurora]

 

Round 1 🪷 Results

 

Hey, Hitmakers! Welcome to the first results show for Golden Hit: Season 6, and for 2024!

 

For our first time players, this is when you find out how your songs fared in comparison to the other writers of the round. Perhaps more importantly however, you have a personal score which you can use as a benchmark for your own self-improvement. Sometimes a low-ranking song may outscore a high-ranking song in another round, so paying attention to how you scored as opposed to where you ranked is always better. At the end of the day, someone is always going to be first, and someone is always going to be last... but last doesn't mean we didn't like it!

 

For our returning players, you may be familiar with the one-by-one live results show format. This season, we've decided to switch to an all-in-one results format: it's both easier on us hosts, and doesn't require as much double posting when few people are online. We will definitely have an exciting live finale though, so hopefully everyone will keep submitting throughout the season so we can see you there!

 

 

The results for Round 1's Butterfly challenge are in! This round was a resounding success; with an average score of over 7.5 and no scores below a 6, you all blew us away! 

 

Our first batch of writers all scored within the 6-7 range. This generally means that we liked your songs, yet also saw some room for improvement:

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At #17 we have @Julia Fox with a score of 6.277 for "wedding gowns made of clouds".

 

At #16 we have @beatinglikeadrum with a score of 6.767 for "Psyche".

 

At #15 we have @djcalpal with a score of 6.807 for "A Little Butterfly".

 

At #14 we have @Armani? with a score of 6.89 for "Butterflies".

 

At #13 we have @blastoisebaby with a score of 6.977 for "Cocoon".

 

At #12 we have @worldwide angel with a score of 6.99 for "i miss you".

 

Please keep in mind this was also the most competitive round Golden Hit has seen in two years. If we consider a score of 5 to mean something is average, you all scored well and truly above that!

Our next batch of writers all scored within the 7-8 range, and coincidentally make up most of our top ten for the first round! We really loved your songs, but had a few notes:

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At #11 we have @stupidjock with a score of 7.05 for "Digital Butterfly".

 

At #10 we have @OreGuy with a score of 7.267 for "A Butterfly's Thorax".

 

At #9 we have @Prisoner with a score of 7.567 for "He'll be dancing on his roof, all alone".

 

At #8 we have @Invisibility with a score of 7.573 for "Glass Pain".

 

At #7 we have @AccioMiley with a score of 7.583 for "Philly".

 

At #6 we have @Weld_E with a score of 7.677 for "The Dragon and the Butterfly".

 

At #5 we have hurricane326 with a score of 7.683 for "The Edge".

 

Amazing scores across the board! We had a very mixed panel this round—some of you had very high scores from individual judges. Try and strike that balance and make it a clean sweep.

Which brings us to the top four of the Butterfly challenge, all scoring 8+! Just outside of the top three is a writer making their debut:

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At #4 we have @helpthomas with a score of 8.333 for "Try"!

 

Success was optional, and try you did! Congratulations on making a very strong impression in your Golden Hit debut.

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 At #3, earning a Bronze Hit Token, we have @Legend E with a score of 8.51 for "Butterfly, You Give Me Butterflies"!

 

Starting off yet another season strongly, well done on snatching another top three hit. Your song gave us the right kind of butterflies!

 

Which of course means our top two of the round are @Jackson and @Rotunda. A GH triple threat (winner, judge, and co-host extraordinaire) vs. a GH newbie. Whose butterflies soared the highest?

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 At #2, earning a Silver Hit Token, we have @Rotunda with a score of 9.017 for "Twentysomething"!

 

 At #1, earning a Golden Hit Token, we have @Jackson with a score of 9.167 for "Paper Wings"!

 

It was such a close battle, but Jackson narrowly edged out Rotunda for the top spot. Congratulations on breaking your supposed "first song flop" curse, Jackson! Safe travels.

 

Rotunda, it cannot be overstated how impressive debuting at #2 with a 9+ scoring song in your debut season is. For comparison, we only had one 9+ scoring song in the entirety of Golden Hit: Season 5. Your song was my personal favourite of the round, so I cannot wait to see what else you have in store for us this season. Well done to you both!

 

 

...and that wraps up our first results show! Congratulations to everyone, larger rounds definitely have the potential to see lower average scores, but everyone set the standard for this season very high.

 

The top three will have their Hit Tokens created and posted here in the thread before the conclusion of Round 2's deadline.

You have a little under 3 days to submit for the "Reason of the Season" challenge. Make it another round to celebrate!