discussion Am I insane for wanting to hire a private investigator to spy on my abusive ex?

[prettyinpink940]

Last year I broke up with my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend of seven years. Its been five months since I heard from him. I don't necessarily regret the fact that I broke up with him, but I do regret the way I handled things. 

 

I know what I'm dealing with is trauma bonding but I do miss him terribly. I can't even fathom the fact that I will very likely never see him again.

 

I know for a fact that he's in a new relationship. He started seeing this guy while he was still living at my place, so thats not something i'm concerned about.

 

I'm now seriously considering hiring a private investigator just to like take some pictures of my ex and tell me what he's been up to.

 

Please tell me that I'm completely insane.  

[tost1]

You are completely insane!

 

Are you a barb by any chance?

Edited March 2 by tost1

[May]

nah i think ur alright

 

id probs do it too if i had the money  

[OmegaRidley]

Send me the money I can take the pictures for you! 

[Alak96]

1 minute ago, tost1 said:

You are completely insane!

 

Are you a barb by any chance?

[SapphireSky]

How will stalking him do you any good? Just move on 

[Katamari]

What do you want hear from us bby girl 

[Bloody Willy]

You're not insane (yet), after all it's not illegal to have extreme thoughts but I wouldn't act on this. It will only prolong the healing/moving on process significantly, not to mention legal issues you could face if he finds out. Letting go is extremely difficult after such a long relationship especially but it has to be done, and the best way to do so is to go full no contact and completely erase the thought of them from your daily life as much as possible. Best of luck 

Edited March 2 by Bloody Willy

[Gelato]

are you in therapy? if not, put that money there instead.

 

best wishes OP

[ABeyBraith]

Please do not do this. It’s extremely weird and you’ll only end up hurting yourself. 

[Aston Martin]

Being curious about your abusive ex doesn't make you insane, but being willing to spend money to find out what he's up to isn't a good idea. Spend the money that you would spend on a PI on something nice for yourself instead. 

[Burn]

Don’t even go there. You broke up with him so that you could move on. Doing something like this won’t help you to move on, will it?

[HardBambi]

26 minutes ago, prettyinpink940 said:

Last year I broke up with my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend of seven years. Its been five months since I heard from him. I don't necessarily regret the fact that I broke up with him, but I do regret the way I handled things. 

 

I know what I'm dealing with is trauma bonding but I do miss him terribly. I can't even fathom the fact that I will very likely never see him again.

 

I know for a fact that he's in a new relationship. He started seeing this guy while he was still living at my place, so thats not something i'm concerned about.

 

I'm now seriously considering hiring a private investigator just to like take some pictures of my ex and tell me what he's been up to.

 

Please tell me that I'm completely insane.  

Yes to the last sentence 

[Alldeezy]

Yes. If he was abusive to you. I'd say move on and love yourself 😭

[pigeon]

Go see a therapist instead of a hiring a detective.

[Archetype]

You need to get over it and move on with life.  See a therapist, talk to some friends and/or family about how you’re feeling.  I’m sorry this happened to you but as an adult, you need to think about this logically.

[Nashe]

A private inspector AND hitman. 

[Dante Silva]

If he was in your life for a long time then that can leave a void. It’s not necessarily insane to want closure from a relationship (or the void left behind by a person you once shared your life with). However it is also important to focus on the future.

 

 

 

Edited March 2 by Dante Silva

[Dottie Hinkle]

1 hour ago, prettyinpink940 said:

Last year I broke up with my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend of seven years. Its been five months since I heard from him. I don't necessarily regret the fact that I broke up with him, but I do regret the way I handled things. 

 

I know what I'm dealing with is trauma bonding but I do miss him terribly. I can't even fathom the fact that I will very likely never see him again.

 

I know for a fact that he's in a new relationship. He started seeing this guy while he was still living at my place, so thats not something i'm concerned about.

 

I'm now seriously considering hiring a private investigator just to like take some pictures of my ex and tell me what he's been up to.

 

Please tell me that I'm completely insane.  

I mean if you're trying to file a lawsuit and need evidence, I guess. Just be prepared for him to use that against you and say you were controlling in court

Edited March 2 by Dottie Hinkle

[DougAF]

He cheated on you so why pay him any thought at all? Move on to greener pastures. 

[Laura Palmer]

Yes you are. 
 

I can guarantee that he ain’t thinking about you, so keep the same energy. 

[Cain]

2 hours ago, Aston Martin said:

Being curious about your abusive ex doesn't make you insane, but being willing to spend money to find out what he's up to isn't a good idea. 

Ding ding ding

[Illuminati]

He moved on, living vicariously through his new partner to imagine that you are still with him is not healthy. Unironically put the money to therapy

[Saddy]

You should move on sis and I agree with other people, go to the therapy instead 

[dumbsparce]

Wtf, just use that money on your body/face if you want to get back at your ex. You already know he's with someone else. Getting a pic of them ******* each other won't make you feel any better.

Edited March 2 by dumbsparce