PrettyHurts Posted February 18 Posted February 18 9 minutes ago, X~MoviePoP said: When i connect all the dots it feels like he just needed an emotional companion during their break up...honestly.. He told me in the beginning when we first started talking that he gets lonely alot and would like see me alot. So to me it looks like i was just the place holder...even though he said he had feelings for me. I feel used...but i also cant blame anyone but myself i feel like, im just overall disappointed and hurt because i wanted more and feel like i got blindsided in the process. I could barley focus today without thinking about what they are possibly doing and if hes even thinking about me at all. I hate going through this. Its just crazy to me how he was saying he was also looking for more because he was open to wanting a bf...and then here comes his ex and hes right back to him. Clearly he hates being alone but at the time i truly thought he wanted to see me alot because he enjoyed me, not because he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts... its hard for me to not wonder if he truly would of ignored his ex if we had something established quicker..but i think im realizing that you are all right.. that no matter the amount of time..he probably would of still done this to me :( This is my first time going through something like this. Would trying to fight for him be a bad thing? you were only seeing him for a month, i don't think its worth trying to fight for. him and his ex have a history that has simply nothing to do with you. i know it hurts, but you have to understand their feelings for each other. you experienced strong feelings for him and that's beautiful, but i think it would be better to try to find someone else to feel that way about. and don't feel bad about yourself like you weren't enough or he didn't like you, i'm sure he did. but what's going on with his ex is probably more important to him at the moment, and you must understand that.
X~MoviePoP Posted February 18 Author Posted February 18 4 hours ago, Dephira said: Honestly there’s nothing you did wrong or could have done differently to change how he acted. it’s very clear from your interactions that both of you were into each other. I doubt he was confused about that. He has a seemingly messy situation with his ex that has been going on for a long time and sadly you just can’t do anything about that. Even if you told him about your feelings outright, he still would’ve gone back to his ex, he’s just trying to excuse his own actions and shifting part of the blame on you. If there’s a chance to meet him soon, maybe do that so you can have a feeling of closure. While I doubt it’ll change anything, it might make it easier for you to get over him. But overall imo it would be best for you to distance yourself from him as quickly as possible. You’ll probably soon realize when the hormones wear off that he didn’t act too nicely in this situation. 22 hours ago, alexrex said: Relationships can be complicated, because people are complicated. It's kinda tricky, but it should work if the two parts are on the same boat. Which wasn't really the case here. I will just say that you shouldn't feel guilty because you did nothing wrong. You messaged him, you called him. You didn't straight up ignore him like he did. He was the one avoiding you because he did something wrong. And also why did he lie to you about his ex in the first place? He's an idiot. If I were you I would move on to someone more emotionally intelligent and honest. I know it's easy to catch feelings when we feel validated and loved, but he literally told you he wants to go back to his ex. So radically accept it, accept the broken heart and start dating again whenever you feel ready. The crazy part is when we were talking at first and he asked me what i was looking for, he said he was looking for a fwb but would prefer a close friend and even a bf because he gets lonely alot and prefers the the 1 person to be with instead of hooking up with numerous. So we agreed to only see each other. And truly if he told me about his ex before or when we first met.. i probably would have been prepared for this or at least would of had a warning that he wouldn't stick around most likely. I just..theres unfortunately a part of me that wants to stay in contact with him somehow because of how sweet he was sometimes to me as a friend alone. Giving that up mostly is what ill miss. I would hope that if we met for closure/goodbye that i could still request us to remain friends and be there if he needs to talk (when he's going through something). Is that bad? I think i could move on better knowing hes not fully disappeared
Bosque Posted February 18 Posted February 18 (edited) 38 minutes ago, X~MoviePoP said: The crazy part is when we were talking at first and he asked me what i was looking for, he said he was looking for a fwb but would prefer a close friend and even a bf because he gets lonely alot and prefers the the 1 person to be with instead of hooking up with numerous. So we agreed to only see each other. And truly if he told me about his ex before or when we first met.. i probably would have been prepared for this or at least would of had a warning that he wouldn't stick around most likely. I just..theres unfortunately a part of me that wants to stay in contact with him somehow because of how sweet he was sometimes to me as a friend alone. Giving that up mostly is what ill miss. I would hope that if we met for closure/goodbye that i could still request us to remain friends and be there if he needs to talk (when he's going through something). Is that bad? I think i could move on better knowing hes not fully disappeared You need to be really realistic about what you want from him. 99 times out of 100 in these situations, one guy is still hoping they’ll get together somehow while the other one keeps him around as emotional support when needed. But he won’t give you the same attention that you’ve been used to. truthfully, how do you expect a future friendship to work? Is this really going to help you move on or do you just want to keep yourself available in case things go downhill with them and he changes his mind again? If he tells you about problems with his bf, will you be able to handle it rationally and talk to him as a friend? What if he tells you about how great things are in his new relationship and you’ll wonder why it couldn’t have been you? Edited February 18 by Dephira
Nashe Posted February 18 Posted February 18 1 hour ago, X~MoviePoP said: Would trying to fight for him be a bad thing? yes, love yourself.
cuteboyzay Posted February 18 Posted February 18 I read like two paragraphs and thought “You need to leave this man”. Idk how old you are, I’m assuming in your 20s. And I will tell you you can discard 20 terrible men and you’ll have another guy right at your doorstep that’ll be 20x better. I could understand if you’ve known this man for years and he’s having changes in his character, but any man that you’ve known for less than a year that starts acting this way towards you. Put him in his f*cking place.
alexrex Posted February 18 Posted February 18 8 hours ago, X~MoviePoP said: The crazy part is when we were talking at first and he asked me what i was looking for, he said he was looking for a fwb but would prefer a close friend and even a bf because he gets lonely alot and prefers the the 1 person to be with instead of hooking up with numerous. So we agreed to only see each other. And truly if he told me about his ex before or when we first met.. i probably would have been prepared for this or at least would of had a warning that he wouldn't stick around most likely. I just..theres unfortunately a part of me that wants to stay in contact with him somehow because of how sweet he was sometimes to me as a friend alone. Giving that up mostly is what ill miss. I would hope that if we met for closure/goodbye that i could still request us to remain friends and be there if he needs to talk (when he's going through something). Is that bad? I think i could move on better knowing hes not fully disappeared I guess that is up to you and if you're going to be prepared to just be friends with him. When the emotional part is already involved it can be tough to just see him as a friend. Although I wouldn't want someone who lied, disappeared and ghosted me for a while to be my friend tbh.
Alldeezy Posted February 19 Posted February 19 Hmm since you were playing it cool he probably didn't know exactly how you felt so guess he didn't want to get hurt to lead on so I guess his ex coming back is why he got back with him I know bc when I went to tassie with this guy and came back he played it too cool didn't know how he felt so I got in a relationship and it hurt him but he kept around. This was in 2018. 3 relationships later I've been in he been sending me valentines gifts because he doesn't want to let ne slip again. Im not saying wait 5 years but maybe just have him as a friend on the back burner start dating again. Who knows if its meant to be you might get a second chance. I mean you said him and his ex are on & off. But for now just keep your head up high. I know it probably sucks.
X~MoviePoP Posted February 19 Author Posted February 19 4 hours ago, Alldeezy said: Hmm since you were playing it cool he probably didn't know exactly how you felt so guess he didn't want to get hurt to lead on so I guess his ex coming back is why he got back with him I know bc when I went to tassie with this guy and came back he played it too cool didn't know how he felt so I got in a relationship and it hurt him but he kept around. This was in 2018. 3 relationships later I've been in he been sending me valentines gifts because he doesn't want to let ne slip again. Im not saying wait 5 years but maybe just have him as a friend on the back burner start dating again. Who knows if its meant to be you might get a second chance. I mean you said him and his ex are on & off. But for now just keep your head up high. I know it probably sucks. On 2/17/2024 at 3:39 PM, CottageHore said: No, you should not have begged. And future you will thank you for not doing so. Keep your dignity. This is someone you formed an attachment with. That’s great. But it’s clear he never truly let you get to know him. This idea you have of him being “perfect” for you is just that- an idea. He isn’t. The person who is right for you won’t lie to you and withhold important information and then ghost you for their ex. He’s clearly got ghosts in his past that he’s not ready to do away with and as long as that’s the case, he’s not going to be someone who can commit to you or anybody else. His actions are not a reflection on you. He’s got his own **** to sort out. I’m sure down the line when the thing with his ex most likely doesn’t pan out as he’s hoping it will, he may come back to you. In the meantime, work on finding ways to raise your self esteem so that when that time comes, you don't cave. We've all been here before. Men like that are too emotionally immature to ever cut their exes off and will always have pieces of their past messing with their future. You'll be grateful the trash took itself out, just give yourself time and feel all the feelings. On 2/17/2024 at 11:50 AM, Maroonx said: Best thing to do is distance yourself from him and cut contact. There is nothing you could've done to make him not be into his ex. I've been in a similar situation. The thing with these type of guys in these type of relationships is, if things don't work out with their ex, in a couple of months they will come back to you (they need validation for their worth... also happened to me). It will give you great pleasure (if you are over him) to tell him that you've moved on. Guys like that are trash, sorry to say. You're better off on your own. If he doesn't have the decency to tell you how he feels/felt about his ex, and then ghosted you after weeks of chatting/sleeping with you, then he is an ass. Trust me, it will hurt for weeks/months, but you will survive. Sending some positive vibes babes. x Truthfully, right now i cant lie..thats what im hoping for..for him to come back to me. But i know i shouldnt be feeling like that since you're all probably right that hes stuck in a constant on and off thing with his ex and ill probably just get hurt again. Currently i just cant get over the feeling of losing his company and stuff. I dont know if ill get the chance to get him back or if theyll break up again...but apart of me wants to let him know that im here as a friend still and maybe one day..if ever..we can try again. I just dont want to he fully cut off and removed because i still care for him as a person. I was also thinking like..the fact that they are on and off just means that they prob wont last again ...and that he will either be back on that dating app searching for someone to be with for those lonely moment again or he will reach back out to me...and right now id want that but months from now ill probably be more secure in myself without him... Having no control of this outcome is whats hurting me, cause i feel like i was protecting my heart and myself by going slow. While protecting it, it was still being taken by who i thought was a great guy... he was giving me all this undivided attention and intimacy .. and now im left alone while hes in a moment of bliss with his ex. Im the outsider/side guy in the situation i know...but i miss holding him. Staying in contact probably wont happen while their together if hes scared to text me even though i can control myself, i just want him to know that i am here if he ever needs a listening ear.
X~MoviePoP Posted February 19 Author Posted February 19 (edited) Thank you all for your responses and positive words btw, all the advice means alot to me as i try to navigate these new feelings. This is why dating and stuff scares me, the loss and rejection is so difficult mentally. Currently listening to JoJo's "Good to know" album and it has so many lyrics hitting home. i feel so sad and i think its because its the way that this all unfolded. I just...i feel lost and like im searching for some sort of conclusion to this horrible ending of something that i thought was blossoming into greatness. For him to say "i had feelings for you but you never told me you did too" and that "oh you should of told me sooner" makes me feel so gaslit and like its my fault. When we talked on the phone on friday, he told me to call him Tuesday for us to potentially see each other 1 last time to talk cause thats when his ex will be gone for a bit but i dont even know if he will even agree to meet up or talk since days have past and they've been together for days now and i havent seen him in over a week. He promised but im not holding my breath at this point.. Edited February 19 by X~MoviePoP
X~MoviePoP Posted February 19 Author Posted February 19 14 hours ago, alexrex said: I guess that is up to you and if you're going to be prepared to just be friends with him. When the emotional part is already involved it can be tough to just see him as a friend. Although I wouldn't want someone who lied, disappeared and ghosted me for a while to be my friend tbh. 22 hours ago, Dephira said: You need to be really realistic about what you want from him. 99 times out of 100 in these situations, one guy is still hoping they’ll get together somehow while the other one keeps him around as emotional support when needed. But he won’t give you the same attention that you’ve been used to. truthfully, how do you expect a future friendship to work? Is this really going to help you move on or do you just want to keep yourself available in case things go downhill with them and he changes his mind again? If he tells you about problems with his bf, will you be able to handle it rationally and talk to him as a friend? What if he tells you about how great things are in his new relationship and you’ll wonder why it couldn’t have been you? I understand that i was mostly likely only there for him to feel better because he was lonely and stressed and didnt have his ex as a rock anymore...so when his ex comes back now..suddenly im not needed and hed rather ghost me lowkey instead of giving me a headsup or telling me himself that he cant see me anymore..i had to basically find out myself..if i never called him on friday i dont even think id find out at all, he prob still would be ignoring me. And i know it sounds really dumb to want to remain friends with someone who treats you like this, but when i try to understand from his perspective, it makes me feel like maybe he truly didnt know i cared. But then i remember all those moments we had and like ..how could he not know? It was pretty obvious i cared. I think wanting to not be ghosted and blocked is what im hoping for. I think i can handle being someone he reaches out to later down the road when he needs a friend to help him through a stressful situation. He told me he doesnt have much friends (hopefully that wasnt a lie too). Its the moments when we were alone talking about our pasts and issues weve dealt with that is hard for me to let go. If i am assured that theres still some way of contact then i think i can accept this outcome of not seeing him intimately/physically for now. And your all probably right..by then..if he chooses to reach out to me..ill probably be over it and moved on myself but id still want to offer a listening ear and advice.
alexrex Posted February 19 Posted February 19 4 hours ago, X~MoviePoP said: I understand that i was mostly likely only there for him to feel better because he was lonely and stressed and didnt have his ex as a rock anymore...so when his ex comes back now..suddenly im not needed and hed rather ghost me lowkey instead of giving me a headsup or telling me himself that he cant see me anymore..i had to basically find out myself..if i never called him on friday i dont even think id find out at all, he prob still would be ignoring me. And i know it sounds really dumb to want to remain friends with someone who treats you like this, but when i try to understand from his perspective, it makes me feel like maybe he truly didnt know i cared. But then i remember all those moments we had and like ..how could he not know? It was pretty obvious i cared. I think wanting to not be ghosted and blocked is what im hoping for. I think i can handle being someone he reaches out to later down the road when he needs a friend to help him through a stressful situation. He told me he doesnt have much friends (hopefully that wasnt a lie too). Its the moments when we were alone talking about our pasts and issues weve dealt with that is hard for me to let go. If i am assured that theres still some way of contact then i think i can accept this outcome of not seeing him intimately/physically for now. And your all probably right..by then..if he chooses to reach out to me..ill probably be over it and moved on myself but id still want to offer a listening ear and advice. Babe, love yourself. That guy is an a**hole an he lied to you. He doesn't deserve to see you again. You're wasting your time trying to reach out to someone that's not interested in you. He's with his ex rn. There are better people out there
X~MoviePoP Posted February 19 Author Posted February 19 14 hours ago, Alldeezy said: Hmm since you were playing it cool he probably didn't know exactly how you felt so guess he didn't want to get hurt to lead on so I guess his ex coming back is why he got back with him I know bc when I went to tassie with this guy and came back he played it too cool didn't know how he felt so I got in a relationship and it hurt him but he kept around. This was in 2018. 3 relationships later I've been in he been sending me valentines gifts because he doesn't want to let ne slip again. Im not saying wait 5 years but maybe just have him as a friend on the back burner start dating again. Who knows if its meant to be you might get a second chance. I mean you said him and his ex are on & off. But for now just keep your head up high. I know it probably sucks. And when you two where just friends during that whole time did you feel weird around him ..or where you okay with the fact that a friend had feelings for you ? I ask because a common statement is - " idk if i can keep you as a friend, it may be weird". And did you two even see each other or text during the relationships you were in. Like him ssying he doesnt think we should text because he doesnt wanna cheat on his ex or cause drama is hurtful since i dont want to lose contact, i can respect their space but id want to know hes alive once and a while. I dont see myself waiting years but all i can say is if the time would come again idk if ill be still into him intimately... but id just want to be there if he needed help.
X~MoviePoP Posted February 19 Author Posted February 19 10 hours ago, alexrex said: Babe, love yourself. That guy is an a**hole an he lied to you. He doesn't deserve to see you again. You're wasting your time trying to reach out to someone that's not interested in you. He's with his ex rn. There are better people out there Yah.. you're right..you're all right. I cant stop crying from feeling used and now i did what he promised and i called him, 3 times today and it went to voicemail after ringing a couple times. Hes the one that said we could meet up today and he cant even be truthful about that. Just a liar and a scum, im soo mad and upset.
alexrex Posted February 19 Posted February 19 5 minutes ago, X~MoviePoP said: Yah.. you're right..you're all right. I cant stop crying from feeling used and now i did what he promised and i called him, 3 times today and it went to voicemail after ringing a couple times. Hes the one that said we could meet up today and he cant even be truthful about that. Just a liar and a scum, im soo mad and upset. It's painful. And it will be for a while. But you gained some experience from this. Next time you will see the red flags beforehand. The good thing is that you will eventually forget about him. As for now focus on yourself, nurture your passions. And eventually you will find someone who truly wants to be with you. Good luck! 1
X~MoviePoP Posted February 20 Author Posted February 20 2 hours ago, alexrex said: It's painful. And it will be for a while. But you gained some experience from this. Next time you will see the red flags beforehand. The good thing is that you will eventually forget about him. As for now focus on yourself, nurture your passions. And eventually you will find someone who truly wants to be with you. Good luck! Very painful :( i feel just like crap..im judging myself hard to see if im comparable to his ex and what if it was my looks or blah blah blah. Its gonna take a while your right. I appreciate your kind words. Hopefully i can start eating again because the anxiety of this has removed my appetite.
Alldeezy Posted February 20 Posted February 20 8 hours ago, X~MoviePoP said: And when you two where just friends during that whole time did you feel weird around him ..or where you okay with the fact that a friend had feelings for you ? I ask because a common statement is - " idk if i can keep you as a friend, it may be weird". And did you two even see each other or text during the relationships you were in. Like him ssying he doesnt think we should text because he doesnt wanna cheat on his ex or cause drama is hurtful since i dont want to lose contact, i can respect their space but id want to know hes alive once and a while. I dont see myself waiting years but all i can say is if the time would come again idk if ill be still into him intimately... but id just want to be there if he needed help. Well since he was in Tasmania and I was from Melbourne we didn't get to see each other. Tho we called and texted a lot but when I was in a relationship he did step and messaged me a lot less Though everytime I was single he would give me a phone call. I but only just found out recently he never stopped liking me 😅 So I think staying friends part on socials is probably the way to go for now .. especially if he doesn't want to cheat on his partner.
X~MoviePoP Posted February 20 Author Posted February 20 16 hours ago, alexrex said: It's painful. And it will be for a while. But you gained some experience from this. Next time you will see the red flags beforehand. The good thing is that you will eventually forget about him. As for now focus on yourself, nurture your passions. And eventually you will find someone who truly wants to be with you. Good luck! On 2/18/2024 at 2:49 AM, Nashe said: yes, love yourself. On 2/17/2024 at 2:38 PM, AMIT said: First, I am sorry this happened to you. You are right that it isn't fair per se, but sadly all that's left to do now regarding this situation is harm reduction. No, you did not mess up by waiting and he was an a s s hole for making it seem otherwise and by making you feel like you did anything wrong (regarding the situation/''relationship'') and there was nothing you could do to change his mind. He is most certainly not ''happy'' with his ex, you don't even know how their relationship is but just 1 month and a half with this guy was enough for him to show you just how emotionally immature he is. Their relationship shouldn't matter to you anyway, nor should the reasons for what made him do what he did. I know it hurts and I'm sorry, it will keep hurting for a bit more unfortunately, but the best course of action is definitely to block him on everything and cut out all contact. Absolutely do not meet with him again willingly in anyway, you are only asking to prolong the hurting even longer for you and you will 100% not get what you want, it is not worth it at all. On 2/17/2024 at 1:30 AM, vinster13 said: Been there. It’s hard. Cut contact. You have to go ghost. Do what you have to do. Block his number, then delete the contact so you don’t feel tempted to reach out. 1st month sucks. You rebound with some guys you don’t really like. 2-3 dates but it starts the healing process and you still get to socialize. 2nd month you get lucky and find someone better. (Preferably on vacation in a city away) Then they break your heart but you have experience handling the emotions so it doesn’t feel as serious. Plus it’s a separate city 3rd month you reflect. Do you reach out? them two-three months time goes by and then all of a sudden he remembers you more lovingly. tldr: go ghost like you’re dead, absence makes the heart grow fonder Do you have any recommendations to help move this phase of sadness and stuff along faster? I need to focus on work and i feel like i can't. Even the fact that i tried reaching back out yesterday offer friendship since i know hes going through alot mentally and him ignoring those calls (he told me to call him), I think im just searching for one inch of him to remain in my life... On friday over the phone call he told me he'd save my number but blah blah blah...i just. How do i stop fixating on him/this situation? What things helped you move on? I know a rebound would probably help a bit but i dont even have the urge to eat ..or to feel anything sexually. I feel numb and sad and like i loss a friend..not just a lover. I would hope he'd remember me with fondness, especially if his ex leaves again..and that i was there for him when his ex wasnt, but i think he just sees me as nothing at this point.
AMIT Posted February 20 Posted February 20 1 minute ago, X~MoviePoP said: Do you have any recommendations to help move this phase of sadness and stuff along faster? I need to focus on work and i feel like i can't. Even the fact that i tried reaching back out yesterday offer friendship since i know hes going through alot mentally and him ignoring those calls (he told me to call him), I think im just searching for one inch of him to remain in my life... On friday over the phone call he told me he'd save my number but blah blah blah...i just. How do i stop fixating on him/this situation? What things helped you move on? I know a rebound would probably help a bit but i dont even have the urge to eat ..or to feel anything sexually. I feel numb and sad and like i loss a friend..not just a lover. I would hope he'd remember me with fondness, especially if his ex leaves again..and that i was there for him when his ex wasnt, but i think he just sees me as nothing at this point. I mean most of us in here have been through similar stuff, so it's no surprise we basically came to the same conclusion (stop talking to him/block him on everything). It's hard, but it will be even worse for you if you keep holding onto hope of ever talking to him again. You should try to refocus your attention on yourself and what you got going on, work can help with this. You feel like you can't because you are still reluctant to let go of this situation, which is normal (denial phase), don't beat yourself up for it. A rebound can be of help too, but it won't magically fix how you feel and you run into the risk of creating even more issues so I would advise against it. It's a proccess which means it will take some time, allow yourself to feel those feelings and soon enough you will pull through this. You will end up feeling even better than you were before you met him and also looking at this whole thing with another perspective entirely, but you need to allow yourself to go through the grief process first. Wish you well sis.
Nashe Posted February 20 Posted February 20 Girl, you're a lost cause. Sorry, but everyone's told you the same thing and you still ignored us. Block his number, do what you like doing in your free time and time will heal the wounds.
UnusualBoy Posted February 20 Posted February 20 (edited) My advise is block him from all socials, don't call him, don't text him and move on and don't feel bad for what you did and what you didn't. You acted in the best way you could, he lied and whatever you would've done wouldn't have changed the outcome because it was obvious that he still had feelings for his bf. You'll be fine sis but as I said, move on without looking back, it's obvious that he's not worth the effort. Edited February 20 by UnusualBoy
Dante Silva Posted February 20 Posted February 20 (edited) You throw every last trace of that man in the dumpster (unless it’s something of non sentimental value). You draw a line in the aftermath of his departure. You do not coalesce to “can we still be friends”? type departure speeches. That is ‘bro’ code for (“I might still want to F*** you when I’m horny so I will leave the possibility open of you becoming a booty call. if your self-esteem is low enough, you’ll let me use you for that purpose”). You go to H&M and splurge on a new look then go home. Lock the door, listen to empowerment anthems whilst having an intense facial/ spa day and you decide it’s the start of a brand new era in your life (reflected by your new look). When you step out the shower you switch your clothing/ hairstyling up, you approach your clothing choices from a fresh new angle. You step in to a new era of your life and you don’t look back. Edited February 20 by Dante Silva 1
UnusualBoy Posted February 20 Posted February 20 (edited) On 2/19/2024 at 12:19 AM, X~MoviePoP said: I understand that i was mostly likely only there for him to feel better because he was lonely and stressed and didnt have his ex as a rock anymore...so when his ex comes back now..suddenly im not needed and hed rather ghost me lowkey instead of giving me a headsup or telling me himself that he cant see me anymore..i had to basically find out myself..if i never called him on friday i dont even think id find out at all, he prob still would be ignoring me. And i know it sounds really dumb to want to remain friends with someone who treats you like this, but when i try to understand from his perspective, it makes me feel like maybe he truly didnt know i cared. But then i remember all those moments we had and like ..how could he not know? It was pretty obvious i cared. I think wanting to not be ghosted and blocked is what im hoping for. I think i can handle being someone he reaches out to later down the road when he needs a friend to help him through a stressful situation. He told me he doesnt have much friends (hopefully that wasnt a lie too). Its the moments when we were alone talking about our pasts and issues weve dealt with that is hard for me to let go. If i am assured that theres still some way of contact then i think i can accept this outcome of not seeing him intimately/physically for now. And your all probably right..by then..if he chooses to reach out to me..ill probably be over it and moved on myself but id still want to offer a listening ear and advice. Don't stay as friend, DON'T. I tried this with a guy I was seeing and it's HELL. You cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for and less when you have an anxious attachment to that person, it will only lead to pain and hurt. Those feelings of trying to oferring a listening ear or advice are not genuine they come from the same attachment you have, deeply in your mind you have hopes that if you stay as friends or as his shoulder to cry upon, he will say oh he's a great guy, he's better than my ex, blah blah blah, I will give him a chance, that won't happen sis and you don't deserve to be someone's else second choice. I know it's hard to hear that but I lived through it and your mind stays full of what ifs, buts and all those thoughts that keep you anxious, sad, stressed, moody and that's not a way to live. At the end is your choice what you will do but think, do you prefer to focus on you, in your life, your goals or you prefer chasing someone who's not avaiable for you? Because remember, if you're chasing something, it means that it doesn't wanna be caught. Edited February 20 by UnusualBoy
Redstreak Posted February 20 Posted February 20 On 2/18/2024 at 12:45 AM, X~MoviePoP said: When i connect all the dots it feels like he just needed an emotional companion during their break up...honestly.. He told me in the beginning when we first started talking that he gets lonely alot and would like see me alot. So to me it looks like i was just the place holder...even though he said he had feelings for me. I feel used...but i also cant blame anyone but myself i feel like, im just overall disappointed and hurt because i wanted more and feel like i got blindsided in the process. I could barley focus today without thinking about what they are possibly doing and if hes even thinking about me at all. I hate going through this. Its just crazy to me how he was saying he was also looking for more because he was open to wanting a bf...and then here comes his ex and hes right back to him. Clearly he hates being alone but at the time i truly thought he wanted to see me alot because he enjoyed me, not because he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts... its hard for me to not wonder if he truly would of ignored his ex if we had something established quicker..but i think im realizing that you are all right.. that no matter the amount of time..he probably would of still done this to me :( This is my first time going through something like this. Would trying to fight for him be a bad thing? Yes, you fight for people who give you something to fight for, he’s shown you the opposite
Twilish Posted February 20 Posted February 20 Girl i was exactly where you were like 2 years ago and I’ve had plenty of time to process etc. I know it feels like you found the one and he will be the one that got away etc but i promise you it’s not the case. I have recently found a man who’s made me feel things I’ve never felt before and that’s in a way shorter period of time then my ex did. There’s billions of people in this world and to think that “your person” is someone you need to fight for or win over is ridiculous when you step back and look at the bigger picture. I personally found it easier to just completely remove their number and every trace of them like the others have said and each day slowly became easier as i realized i should not feel these negative emotions towards someone i care about etc. There’s nothing you can do or say to change the outcome and him even slightly implying there was is just a toxic way for him to not feel as bad for effing you over like he did. Give it some time and you’ll be back on the market and feeling these positive feelings you’ve had for him with other people and this time without the negative baggage that he brought. Trust me it feels like your world might be ending but once you get over the initial speed bump you’ll be so much happier you didn’t reach out and kept your dignity etc. No friend or relationship is work 24/7 anxiety and not eating etc. Sending love and positivity your way
VerdantHue Posted February 20 Posted February 20 (edited) I am so sorry you had to experience this. It sucks when you have such a great experience right off the bat, to then have things fall apart quickly. Take time to mourn the relationship you imagined with this guy but don't forget that you are worthy of love and the right person for you will come along. I do feel both of you could have communicated early on what the intentions were - is it just a sexual relationship or are you wanting to be exclusive? It seems like he wasn't ready to be in a relationship with you since he clearly has feelings for his ex. Honestly, I think you dodged a bullet. I always take into account how someone treats their previous relationships. Like if someone cheated on their partner to be with another, what's stopping them from continuing that behavior with the next person. Don't be pissed at yourself because inevitably he was bound to get back with his ex. Edited February 20 by VerdantHue
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