X~MoviePoP Posted February 17 Posted February 17 (edited) So heres the story - So i was seeing this guy i met on one of the gay dating apps. And everything was going great. He was sweet, nice and very shy but also very good in bed and knew my body as my Top, and i did as his bottom. So i kind of had a feeling he was developing feelings for me early on because of how he would text me back to back and check on me if i took long to reply and say he misses me. I have a history of getting attracted too soon emotionally so i brushed his texts off as i wanted to try to not catch feelings right away and take it slow. He told me he doesnt have much of a s*x history and never had a relationship with anyone and this is all new to him, which i found kind of cool and refreshing. So we would see each other like 3 times a week for hours at a time and get food and cuddle, ect. This lasted about a month and a half. But this week...it changed. I was secretly going to tell him on Valentines Day that i have feelings for him and that we should lock it in. But...On sunday we talked via text and he said he was feeling sick but that he misses me, he even called me twice..which i wish i didnt miss those calls but i treated it like a regular day and didnt see the warning signs. On monday we talked on the phone and i asked to see him and that i didnt care that he was sick but he kept saying no and he said that he probably wont see me for a little while because of work aswell...which i found very off.. because even if he had work he would always blow my phone up asking to see me even at 1am just to cuddle. He mentioned that he hasnt been " receiving my texts" ...which i think is a lie because everyone else is and i tested it and when we were on the phone together i texted his phone numerous times and i heard the dings. So after i kept asking to just see him a bit that Monday night he said ok call him back in 30 minutes..and i did..but he didnt answer my calls or texts... But i brushed it off thinking hes just stressed, tired and busy. (This is what i would come to regret)...you know that saying that "you should say and do everything in the moment cause you never know if youll get that chance again" ?...well i wish i did. So Wednesday was Valentines Day and after him ignoring my texts on Monday night and all day tuesday, he texted me early Wednesday morning saying hes sorry for not replying/getting back to me hes just been stressed and tired but that he appreciates me alot and how nice i am to him....so i text him later that afternoon...and again that evening..and night and no reply. Then i texted him Thursday and no reply...so today Friday i decided i was gonna call him because i was feeling off and like something is definitely wrong. He answered and i asked if hes okay and whats going on and he said hes not okay and that he hasnt been getting my messages....(this not getting my messages thing will come back to haunt me and youll see why soon)... he said he thinks hes gonna get back with his Ex..and im like what? What ex? He said he didnt tell me about him because he felt like it would be weird to and that it didnt matter...i said um ok but when did you two start talking again and when did you two even break up. He said they broke up last year and that his ex messaged him this week saying hes sorry and that he misses him.. and they saw each other yesterday....(this is when my eyes started tearing up because i know whats coming), - so i ask him..yesterday? Did you two do anything? And he said yes they had s*x...and i was shocked not only because he told me hes never really had a relationship or done stuff but also the fact that he just did it with him right away even though me and him where exclusively hooking up. So i said wow what about me? And he said he still loves his ex and that they broke up because his ex was going through stuff with school and family and that they are on and off again many times...so im sitting there speechless listening to him wondering how did i end up feeling used in a friends with benefit situation. And then he said he didnt want to hurt my feelings and thats why he didnt talk to me much this week but also that he didnt get my messages...(and im pissed at myself for not calling him more those days and seeing him because maybe then i could of gotten him to be with me and emotionally know that i want him and maybe he wouldn't have let his ex come over and sleep with him)..so i said wow and i wanted to see you valentines day to tell you how i felt, and he said "i wish you told me earlier"...and im like in my head "as if that would of maybe changed what happened this week"..but..wow. so i said did you truly have feelings for me and he said yea and i said then why didnt u tell me confidently and try to be with me..and he said it was because he thought i wasnt ready or that i wasn't into being fully out with a bf. And i said i was literally gonna tell u this Wednesday and i got you a gift even. And all he could keep saying was sorry... in my mind i couldnt accept this, just the way it all turned bad so quick..nope, so i asked to see him right that minute and he said he cant because he needs to get home because....his ex is there and hes sleeping over this weekend...(this is when the tears are flowing even more in my eyes)...and im like oh my god...so do i not get closure or a good bye, like u say you had feelings for me too so why did you just accept your ex back so fast and he said that he can maybe see me Tuesday but that he doesnt wanna cheat on him and that hes not sure if we can talk or text anymore (he said he would save my number still tho).. And im like sir.."i just need answers and honestly.. i just dont want to lose you as a friend because you're a great guy and we helped each other through some tough moments". And he said to call him Tuesday but to not text or call him until then because his ex will be around him and he doesnt want any drama. He then hung up and i was crying in silence for 1 hour. Should i have demanded to see him right that moment more? Should i have begged? I really liked him and hes exactly my type and we had so much in common. So ATRL... what do i do? How do i get past this? Ive never had my heart broken before it was fully even able to be given to someone.. I feel like i miss him and that its not fair.. im not even mad at the ex because its not like the ex knew..i hope...but him ..he knew...and he says its because he thought we were just friends with benefits with a few couple-ish tendencies and didnt think i cared about a relationship. I cant help but be mad at myself for not seeing him more and calling him instead of texting (if he really didnt get my messages)..but i also cant believe he had s*x with him so fast like that on the day they meet up again...a little part of me thinks its because they have history and they are just always gonna be like that...mind you theyve been on and off for 4 years. I liked him..alot..what do i do? Should i see him on Tuesday and speak my mind or should i accept this and go through the depression and then get over it soon enough... Edited February 17 by X~MoviePoP
vinster13 Posted February 17 Posted February 17 Been there. It’s hard. Cut contact. You have to go ghost. Do what you have to do. Block his number, then delete the contact so you don’t feel tempted to reach out. 1st month sucks. You rebound with some guys you don’t really like. 2-3 dates but it starts the healing process and you still get to socialize. 2nd month you get lucky and find someone better. (Preferably on vacation in a city away) Then they break your heart but you have experience handling the emotions so it doesn’t feel as serious. Plus it’s a separate city 3rd month you reflect. Do you reach out? them two-three months time goes by and then all of a sudden he remembers you more lovingly. tldr: go ghost like you’re dead, absence makes the heart grow fonder 3
Carla Rosón Posted February 17 Posted February 17 Get away before it gets worse It will hurt and probably a lot but it's just a beautiful part of life.
PrettyHurts Posted February 17 Posted February 17 why are you mad at yourself? he flat out lied and said his ex didnt exist, knowing fully well they are on and off and have feelings for each other. i'm sure he liked you, but its possible he was just using you to fill a hole left by his ex, someone he has true history with. None of this is your fault, there's nothing you could have said or done to change his actions. I would'nt trust him now knowing that he lied. Let him figure out his situation with his ex on his own. You should find someone who really values you 2
Cesar Posted February 17 Posted February 17 theres plenty more fish in the sea. better fish. bigger fish. richer fish. imo 1
tost1 Posted February 17 Posted February 17 A month and a half is nothing in the grand scheme of things. You will get over him soon. And there's absolutely no chance that your actions or words would've changed anything. Just block him, don't talk about him and in a few months you'll be as good as new. Focus on yourself. 1
HRHCOLLECTION Posted February 17 Posted February 17 This is why it’s important to start slow and get to know each other gradually, rather than 3 times a week for many hours which leads to having s£x faster and feelings get involved. personally i would have not believed the ex story just because i’ve heard it before and it seems like an excuse from the book of breaking up, but I guess in this case it’s true. He was love bombing you which is a huge red flag, so no wonder he was toxic enough to hook up with his ex while you two were apart. you dodged a bullet if anything, not worth suffering after a psycho 3
alexrex Posted February 17 Posted February 17 (edited) Relationships can be complicated, because people are complicated. It's kinda tricky, but it should work if the two parts are on the same boat. Which wasn't really the case here. I will just say that you shouldn't feel guilty because you did nothing wrong. You messaged him, you called him. You didn't straight up ignore him like he did. He was the one avoiding you because he did something wrong. And also why did he lie to you about his ex in the first place? He's an idiot. If I were you I would move on to someone more emotionally intelligent and honest. I know it's easy to catch feelings when we feel validated and loved, but he literally told you he wants to go back to his ex. So radically accept it, accept the broken heart and start dating again whenever you feel ready. Edited February 17 by alexrex 2
EtherealCat Posted February 17 Posted February 17 hes not worth it, you telling him how you felt would have changed nothing he was already lying to you the whole time. go be selfish and do some nice things for yourself.
Donquizote Posted February 17 Posted February 17 You are not exclusive to each other. It's not his fault though that you fell in love so quickly but didnt tell him your feeling sooner. Block his number and move on.
Nashe Posted February 17 Posted February 17 4 hours ago, X~MoviePoP said: and im pissed at myself for not calling him more those days and seeing him because maybe then i could of gotten him to be with me and emotionally know that i want him and maybe he wouldn't have let his ex come over and sleep with him girl....lol. Nothing you did or could've done would've changed anything. The answer is in the premise of this situation and that's that he was never serious about you. Gays are fickle, remember that always and you'll go easier about such situations happening in the future, because they will. Block his number, do things you love doing to distract yourself and move on. It'll be hard for a month or so and then you'll be good. 3
Kern Posted February 17 Posted February 17 (edited) you will feel better in time and get over it but you need to leave this man and his ex alone some gays are in constant cycle with their exes, I had a similar situation with someone too, he was just dating people and then ditching them and going back to his ex Edited February 17 by stupidjock
X~MoviePoP Posted February 17 Author Posted February 17 5 hours ago, EtherealCat said: hes not worth it, you telling him how you felt would have changed nothing he was already lying to you the whole time. go be selfish and do some nice things for yourself. 6 hours ago, tost1 said: A month and a half is nothing in the grand scheme of things. You will get over him soon. And there's absolutely no chance that your actions or words would've changed anything. Just block him, don't talk about him and in a few months you'll be as good as new. Focus on yourself. Him saying that he wishes i told him about my feelings for him sooner felt like a jab to my heart tbh. Made me feel like i messed up waiting and honestly everything that i could of done is clogging my mind right now. I cant help but feel like i could of prevented this someway...it just hurts so much and ill miss him because its so hard to find a guy you want more time with, especially the friendship that was building at first..and to find out all this at once is just mentally draining. And the fact that hes happy with his ex (even tho they keep breaking up) and im here feeling low is so sad...like if you truly have feelings for someone wouldnt you consider them before hooking up with your ex the moment they want you back?....
X~MoviePoP Posted February 17 Author Posted February 17 5 hours ago, Donquizote said: You are not exclusive to each other. It's not his fault though that you fell in love so quickly but didnt tell him your feeling sooner. Block his number and move on. I was trying to be responsible and not push my feelings on him too soon. I thought i was being smart taking it slow. And if i knew he had a ex that was in and out of his life i probably would of addressed it weeks ago and laid the groundwork for this relationship to happen for us... or to atleast clarify where they stand as EX's before i could get my heart broken. We literally told each other that we wouldnt see other people or hookup with other people while we are doing "it"...i would think that meant we are exclusively only doing each other.. his Ex must have said some magical words to just get him in bed right away the moment they reconcile.
Donquizote Posted February 17 Posted February 17 6 minutes ago, X~MoviePoP said: I was trying to be responsible and not push my feelings on him too soon. I thought i was being smart taking it slow. And if i knew he had a ex that was in and out of his life i probably would of addressed it weeks ago and laid the groundwork for this relationship to happen for us... or to atleast clarify where they stand as EX's before i could get my heart broken. We literally told each other that we wouldnt see other people or hookup with other people while we are doing "it"...i would think that meant we are exclusively only doing each other.. his Ex must have said some magical words to just get him in bed right away the moment they reconcile. If a guy wants you, then he wants you no matter if his ex comes back or not. That means he doesnt love you to begin with. You are just a rebound until he finds someone new. This guy doesnt worth your time. Move on. 2
John Slayne Posted February 17 Posted February 17 (edited) 2 hours ago, X~MoviePoP said: Him saying that he wishes i told him about my feelings for him sooner felt like a jab to my heart tbh. Made me feel like i messed up waiting and honestly everything that i could of done is clogging my mind right now. I cant help but feel like i could of prevented this someway...it just hurts so much and ill miss him because its so hard to find a guy you want more time with, especially the friendship that was building at first..and to find out all this at once is just mentally draining. And the fact that hes happy with his ex (even tho they keep breaking up) and im here feeling low is so sad...like if you truly have feelings for someone wouldnt you consider them before hooking up with your ex the moment they want you back?.... nah, if he truly wanted to be with you he would dump his 'on and off' ex and stay with you. but also... didn't you say you were only seeing each other for a month and a half? that's not a long time, you did the right thing by not wanting to fall for him sooner. don't keep him as a friend, it'll make you hurt more in the future. you need to cut him off. he's not as great of a guy as you think if he was comfortable with ignoring you and kicking you to the curb with quickness. if he was meant for you, he wouldn't have done those things. Edited February 17 by John Slayne
Maroonx Posted February 17 Posted February 17 Best thing to do is distance yourself from him and cut contact. There is nothing you could've done to make him not be into his ex. I've been in a similar situation. The thing with these type of guys in these type of relationships is, if things don't work out with their ex, in a couple of months they will come back to you (they need validation for their worth... also happened to me). It will give you great pleasure (if you are over him) to tell him that you've moved on. Guys like that are trash, sorry to say. You're better off on your own. If he doesn't have the decency to tell you how he feels/felt about his ex, and then ghosted you after weeks of chatting/sleeping with you, then he is an ass. Trust me, it will hurt for weeks/months, but you will survive. Sending some positive vibes babes. x 1
AMIT Posted February 17 Posted February 17 5 hours ago, X~MoviePoP said: Him saying that he wishes i told him about my feelings for him sooner felt like a jab to my heart tbh. Made me feel like i messed up waiting and honestly everything that i could of done is clogging my mind right now. I cant help but feel like i could of prevented this someway...it just hurts so much and ill miss him because its so hard to find a guy you want more time with, especially the friendship that was building at first..and to find out all this at once is just mentally draining. And the fact that hes happy with his ex (even tho they keep breaking up) and im here feeling low is so sad...like if you truly have feelings for someone wouldnt you consider them before hooking up with your ex the moment they want you back?.... First, I am sorry this happened to you. You are right that it isn't fair per se, but sadly all that's left to do now regarding this situation is harm reduction. No, you did not mess up by waiting and he was an a s s hole for making it seem otherwise and by making you feel like you did anything wrong (regarding the situation/''relationship'') and there was nothing you could do to change his mind. He is most certainly not ''happy'' with his ex, you don't even know how their relationship is but just 1 month and a half with this guy was enough for him to show you just how emotionally immature he is. Their relationship shouldn't matter to you anyway, nor should the reasons for what made him do what he did. I know it hurts and I'm sorry, it will keep hurting for a bit more unfortunately, but the best course of action is definitely to block him on everything and cut out all contact. Absolutely do not meet with him again willingly in anyway, you are only asking to prolong the hurting even longer for you and you will 100% not get what you want, it is not worth it at all.
CottageHore Posted February 17 Posted February 17 No, you should not have begged. And future you will thank you for not doing so. Keep your dignity. This is someone you formed an attachment with. That’s great. But it’s clear he never truly let you get to know him. This idea you have of him being “perfect” for you is just that- an idea. He isn’t. The person who is right for you won’t lie to you and withhold important information and then ghost you for their ex. He’s clearly got ghosts in his past that he’s not ready to do away with and as long as that’s the case, he’s not going to be someone who can commit to you or anybody else. His actions are not a reflection on you. He’s got his own **** to sort out. I’m sure down the line when the thing with his ex most likely doesn’t pan out as he’s hoping it will, he may come back to you. In the meantime, work on finding ways to raise your self esteem so that when that time comes, you don't cave. We've all been here before. Men like that are too emotionally immature to ever cut their exes off and will always have pieces of their past messing with their future. You'll be grateful the trash took itself out, just give yourself time and feel all the feelings.
Bosque Posted February 18 Posted February 18 Honestly there’s nothing you did wrong or could have done differently to change how he acted. it’s very clear from your interactions that both of you were into each other. I doubt he was confused about that. He has a seemingly messy situation with his ex that has been going on for a long time and sadly you just can’t do anything about that. Even if you told him about your feelings outright, he still would’ve gone back to his ex, he’s just trying to excuse his own actions and shifting part of the blame on you. If there’s a chance to meet him soon, maybe do that so you can have a feeling of closure. While I doubt it’ll change anything, it might make it easier for you to get over him. But overall imo it would be best for you to distance yourself from him as quickly as possible. You’ll probably soon realize when the hormones wear off that he didn’t act too nicely in this situation.
X~MoviePoP Posted February 18 Author Posted February 18 23 hours ago, PrettyHurts said: why are you mad at yourself? he flat out lied and said his ex didnt exist, knowing fully well they are on and off and have feelings for each other. i'm sure he liked you, but its possible he was just using you to fill a hole left by his ex, someone he has true history with. None of this is your fault, there's nothing you could have said or done to change his actions. I would'nt trust him now knowing that he lied. Let him figure out his situation with his ex on his own. You should find someone who really values you 19 hours ago, stupidjock said: you will feel better in time and get over it but you need to leave this man and his ex alone some gays are in constant cycle with their exes, I had a similar situation with someone too, he was just dating people and then ditching them and going back to his ex 20 hours ago, Nashe said: girl....lol. Nothing you did or could've done would've changed anything. The answer is in the premise of this situation and that's that he was never serious about you. Gays are fickle, remember that always and you'll go easier about such situations happening in the future, because they will. Block his number, do things you love doing to distract yourself and move on. It'll be hard for a month or so and then you'll be good. When i connect all the dots it feels like he just needed an emotional companion during their break up...honestly.. He told me in the beginning when we first started talking that he gets lonely alot and would like see me alot. So to me it looks like i was just the place holder...even though he said he had feelings for me. I feel used...but i also cant blame anyone but myself i feel like, im just overall disappointed and hurt because i wanted more and feel like i got blindsided in the process. I could barley focus today without thinking about what they are possibly doing and if hes even thinking about me at all. I hate going through this. Its just crazy to me how he was saying he was also looking for more because he was open to wanting a bf...and then here comes his ex and hes right back to him. Clearly he hates being alone but at the time i truly thought he wanted to see me alot because he enjoyed me, not because he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts... its hard for me to not wonder if he truly would of ignored his ex if we had something established quicker..but i think im realizing that you are all right.. that no matter the amount of time..he probably would of still done this to me :( This is my first time going through something like this. Would trying to fight for him be a bad thing?
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