Revolution Posted January 14 Posted January 14 You are too insecure imo. There are too many awful people on planet Earth to be so easily hurt by other's remarks and not know when to walk away from people. It is very difficult to live if you're not sure of yourself or take things too seriously.
GraceRandolph Posted January 14 Posted January 14 Honestly they sound kinda rude. I think some banter is normal, but I don't like to be friends with people who put me down.
Dante Silva Posted January 14 Posted January 14 (edited) The people you describe are a little crass (due to lack of life experience) as opposed to toxic. They are not out to gaslight you or lower your self esteem. In those scholastic situations it’s about networking as much as friendship. I did something similar once and consequently later found that because I had not invested in those ‘friendships’, I was on my own when it came to group assignments and had to face the reality that in order to pass I had to do a level of work on my own that was intended to be done and submitted by a group. These courses don’t come cheap and for many are a once in a lifetime situation. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and invest in people so they will be there as a backup security blanket to call upon during times of stress born of intermittent (yet inevitable) periods of heavy workload. You also need to get away from inauthentic pop cultural perceptions of ‘mental health’. Ask yourself how much better it will be for your actual mental health to have to manage (with zero wiggle room) unforeseen periods of intense course syllabus stress all on your own without colleague backup? Then ask yourself how much easier it is to simply invest in others during periods of calm and less intensity. Edited January 14 by Dante Silva 1
slowdive Posted January 14 Posted January 14 5 hours ago, Danny789 said: I can tell by your writing style that you’re a lot, but if they make you feel uncomfortable then you have every right to distance yourself. not the first reply
Bussea Posted January 14 Posted January 14 Yeah they sound insufferable. You made the right choice tbh
John Slayne Posted January 14 Posted January 14 9 hours ago, Phantom said: I recently decided to distance myself from them. I did it cordially by telling them via several essays and voice notes (this is a norm in this group by the way, and I'm okay with it. If I just distanced silently I would be yelled at), and 2/3 members of the group took it well, albeit with a lot of emotional duress. The last one was angry but I think she came around. I know you say this is the norm in the group, but it sounds exhausting and kind of toxic from them. Why would you be yelled at? That's not what friends do. Contrary to the popular belief, just because you're in a friend group does not mean you have to do everything together all the time. If you don't fancy going out and getting drunk they shouldn't make you feel bad about it. You're all independent persons with lives, it's ok not to be around each other all the time. It sounds like the girls are very much still stuck in a school mentality, and the real world is gonna hit them hard once they leave uni. You're doing the right thing by focusing on your studies instead of going out. Your priorities are in order and true friends would respect that, especially if you live in a country where you have to pay for higher education or if having a diploma influences your career prospects. 1
Mr. Peanutbutter Posted January 14 Posted January 14 When I was on college I "cycled" between several group of friends because of things like that. I would hang out with people from group assignments who were pretty good at it but they didn't translate well into good people to be around outside of the college context. So just leave them, you are likely to make new friends.
Maroonx Posted January 14 Posted January 14 I applaud you by distancing yourself from these toxic women so gracefully. You don't want to align yourself with shoplifters and mean spirited people. These women don't deserve your time. Sometimes it's better to be alone than be in bad company! x
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