BrentB Posted January 4 Posted January 4 (edited) So there's been a mass awakening among gays who are now realizing their rightful gripes with hookup/dating culture. And that's good and all & let's keep this discussion going onward in 2024. But when it comes down to it, do you personally have any room to complain? Do you ghost people? Do you flake on meetups without following up with a "Sorry, can't meet up today" heads-up message? Be honest y'all, let's really dissect this. When it comes to me, I'd say yeah I have enough of a ground to stand on to earn having a gripe with all the mess. I try to reach out to people I make plans with on any hookup/dating apps I'm on, but ONLY if they message me first asking if I'm still due to meet at their place. If neither of us bite the bullet on the day, or hour, of the planned meetup, I just brush it off & chalk it up to "just not the right time." And I only ever ghost anyone if their profile gives me a creepy, narcissistic or overly-thirsty, vibe (don't know if it's a good thing, but I try my best to be intuitive to avoid creeps). Edited January 4 by BrentB 2
glitch Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Tbh I've never ghosted anyone. I blocked a guy with no explanation once but both times we hooked up he made me feel super uncomfortable, pressuring me into doing things I didn't want to do, so I feel like that was an extenuating circumstance. If I'm not interested in seeing someone again I just say that. I did cancel a couple of dates last minute when I was younger but I wouldn't do that now. 1
Gorjesspazze9 Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Complaining about other people’s relationships is funny 1 1
alexrex Posted January 4 Posted January 4 The culture itself brings all those insecurities to light, and I have the feeling people being rude in hookup apps is due to insecurities and the anxiety of not knowing how to handle a situation. I have been ghosted, but I am to blame as well because I have ghosted for not knowing how to react, or how to say no. But I realized that is more hurtful to be ghosted rather than getting a reply like "Hey, sorry I'm not interested". And when it comes to hookups, I'll say that it's kind of difficult when you only know a person's physique and you think that's all you need. I try to get to know the person a little bit more and see if we are on the same page, that way things go smoothly I think. 2
JonginBey Posted January 4 Posted January 4 35 minutes ago, Gorjesspazze9 said: Complaining about other people’s relationships is funny Is that what we’re calling it now?
Gov Hooka Posted January 4 Posted January 4 (edited) 4 minutes ago, heckinglovato said: ghosting is better than confronting Agreed. But honestly, If there’s no actual meaningful/more than once “in person” development in your interaction with other people (just one hookup doesn’t count), ignoring a message or letting the conversation fade doesn’t really count as ghosting. Ppl overuse this term a lot imo. The surface level back and forths so many of us have with one another online or briefly in person can’t result in ghosting. Edited January 4 by Gov Hooka 1
heckinglovato Posted January 4 Posted January 4 5 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said: I’ve gone back to my 2020 days where all i did was jerk off, listen to music, and type. Hooking up is a **** ton of fun. A **** ton of fun. A **** ton of fun. BUT I think i had so much sex that I just stopped cold turkey and then came up with an imaginary boyfriend for myself. So essentially every time i listen to a new album by one of my favorite artists or a song i love i’m like OMG my boyfriend is so thoughtful. Like when i heard Agora Hills for example. Sex was literally part of my job. And I had so much sex that I was able to write a **** ton of amazing songs. And it just doesn’t interest me to have sex as much as before when there are very few sexual interactions i have left to experiment with. And honestly i think i’m getting horny typing this. Because I’m thinking back on all of the amazing sex I had and how ughhhj i’m so ******* horny. I ******* love ******* and i don’t think there is anything wrong with hookup culture i think it’s ******* hot to **** yourself out and i love getting horny and thinking about hot people and writing crazy ****. u ok buddy?
heckinglovato Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Just now, selena_lavigne said: How you doing? are you flirting with me
sourprint Posted January 4 Posted January 4 when i was single id never flake on people but keep to my word.. unfortunately (jk for the best) ive always had my grindr profiles flagged, in hours they would be deleted i even posted my pics on reddit just for the funsies and got my acc and post deleted due to "minor sexualization" im now in a loving relationship
heckinglovato Posted January 4 Posted January 4 18 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said: If you’re actually Ariana Grande then yes. Idk if she’s into MFM but i’d try it with her and Spongebob. yuh
John Slayne Posted January 4 Posted January 4 (edited) tbh a lot of complainers and moaners about "hookup culture" are just as bad if not worse and projecting. i have a friend who's terrible at replying to texts even though he's on his phone 24/7 and he LOVED nothing more than complaining about men not texting back when he was single... not saying the gay community doesn't have issues, but a lot of the time dating is what you make of it. if you keep chasing unavailable men and ghosting/treating people like garbaj, don't act shocked when you end up at the receiving end of it. edit: and to expand on this, I see a lot of people these days complaining about gay culture in general but like... y'all are a part of it. it's like those posts where people say bears are hotter than hunks en masse but then irl bigger men just get called fat and ugly. some of y'all must be lying about being attracted to all these body types! (for the record, I'm not bodyshaming or saying one body is better than the other, but a lot of body positivity online is performative and fake asf) Edited January 4 by John Slayne 3
John Slayne Posted January 4 Posted January 4 37 minutes ago, Gov Hooka said: Agreed. But honestly, If there’s no actual meaningful/more than once “in person” development in your interaction with other people (just one hookup doesn’t count), ignoring a message or letting the conversation fade doesn’t really count as ghosting. Ppl overuse this term a lot imo. The surface level back and forths so many of us have with one another online or briefly in person can’t result in ghosting. I agree. I don't consider it ghosting unless we've met irl. 1
LoveInStereo Posted January 4 Posted January 4 (edited) I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 2 years. I think social media’s conditioned ppl to become painfully egocentric & navigate dating (& most of life) through a lens of “how does x fit into my life plan/self concept without challenging my comfort?” without realizing real love is gonna radically shift your focus & change your worldview. If you’re not giving out what you’d want to receive, you’re not ready to be in a mature relationship 15 minutes ago, John Slayne said: tbh a lot of complainers and moaners about "hookup culture" are just as bad if not worse and projecting. i have a friend who's terrible at replying to texts even though he's on his phone 24/7 and he LOVED nothing more than complaining about men not texting back when he was single... All of this comment spilled, bolded part especially. Ppl love to be the victim & not see how they’re complicit in their own misfortune Edited January 4 by LoveInStereo 5
Dragonfly Posted January 4 Posted January 4 I´ve never done hookups, so I guess I can´t complain about them I can´t imagine being intimate with a stranger
PrettyHurts Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Dating and hookups are two different things though. It never bothered me to be ghosted/ignored/flaked by someone I never established a romantic connection with and communicated with solely for the purpose of sex. If you want to build a connection with someone, date them, don’t just **** them
CottageHore Posted January 5 Posted January 5 I haven’t been involved in the hookup culture for 3 years now. I just grew out of it. It was all about seeking external validation for me and now I don’t seem that surface level validation the way I used to and just love time with myself and those I know genuinely enjoy my presence.
dumbsparce Posted January 5 Posted January 5 How about expect nothing and anything from random people you met with for sex? If the malicious gay faggotry is too much for you to handle then you either have to grow some thick skin or abandon the apps completely. 3 1
tjspy Posted January 5 Posted January 5 Well, hookup is all about sex, but the issue here and the reason why this is a topic is because... sex is never just sex. Sex can be validation, sex can be fighting loneliness, sex can be an escape to a ton of underlying things. So well, hookup is NEVER just about sex, even if you refuse to admit it. Therefore, obviously, there are several hidden expectations and hopes that will get frustrated and hurt you when somebody treats you badly, in hookup culture or in any other space. That's why, just like in any other space, respect and consideration are important. And that's why ghosting (for instance), in this or ANY OTHER situation will always be a bad thing, and it doesn't really matter what are the excuses one use to make him feel better about doing it. It's still a wrong thing to do. The thing is, some (or most) gays in hookup culture refuse to accept this and want to create this idilic, perfect, that is not by any chance clear that is going to fail, "space" where "it's just about sex". Like, forgetting we are humans and not sex machines only. Forgetting we all have emotions in literally any situation. And that's the mistake. People shouldn't be that innocent. But well, evetually they all grow out of that and acknowledge this, but sadly there's always damage made in the way. Like everything, actually. 3 2
OnlyManInTheWorld Posted January 5 Posted January 5 11 hours ago, dumbsparce said: How about expect nothing and anything from random people you met with for sex? If the malicious gay faggotry is too much for you to handle then you either have to grow some thick skin or abandon the apps completely. Exactly. I have no expectations from them. It helps me avoid disappointment.
DamianSolo Posted January 5 Posted January 5 I've ghosted people, but never intentionally. It was either me just deleting an account or losing my information. I've never outright stopped communicating with someone, leaving them hanging; even though they were. I have a sizable amount of room to complain about it all, though. Even through my faults, which are few and far in between, I've always been a decently levelheaded guy—always looking for ways to better himself and be much more respectful and accepting towards people. Some things I just can't go along with, like open relationships, but I'm just all about finding someone who works for me. And vice-versa. I question the substance of those who only look for hook-ups. I've engaged in it solely to have a physical connection with someone, even if temporarily—which I originally thought to be better than nothing. It's something I still struggle with, however, even at the moment. 1
Kern Posted January 5 Posted January 5 18 hours ago, dumbsparce said: How about expect nothing and anything from random people you met with for sex? If the malicious gay faggotry is too much for you to handle then you either have to grow some thick skin or abandon the apps completely. thissss. Like the other day guy messaged me on insta all angry and **** because I... deleted a match w him on Tinder? He was boring so I cleared some space, he should be glad we never even met and I didn't ghost him right after because he couldn't say more than one sentence 1
AMIT Posted January 6 Posted January 6 15 hours ago, tjspy said: Well, hookup is all about sex, but the issue here and the reason why this is a topic is because... sex is never just sex. Sex can be validation, sex can be fighting loneliness, sex can be an escape to a ton of underlying things. So well, hookup is NEVER just about sex, even if you refuse to admit it. Therefore, obviously, there are several hidden expectations and hopes that will get frustrated and hurt you when somebody treats you badly, in hookup culture or in any other space. That's why, just like in any other space, respect and consideration are important. And that's why ghosting (for instance), in this or ANY OTHER situation will always be a bad thing, and it doesn't really matter what are the excuses one use to make him feel better about doing it. It's still a wrong thing to do. The thing is, some (or most) gays in hookup culture refuse to accept this and want to create this idilic, perfect, that is not by any chance clear that is going to fail, "space" where "it's just about sex". Like, forgetting we are humans and not sex machines only. Forgetting we all have emotions in literally any situation. And that's the mistake. People shouldn't be that innocent. But well, evetually they all grow out of that and acknowledge this, but sadly there's always damage made in the way. Like everything, actually. Wow I don't think I've ever thought about it or saw anyone put it this way. I think it also has something to do with the way competitiveness is so pushed on us by the system, especially onto men, such that it can turn these sort of situations into a fight to decide who's gonna be the object and who's gonna be the subject in the relation and also who's gonna ghost who first. It's really not healthy for any of us to treat hook ups like a game or something. Thank you for your post. 1
Asscatchem Posted January 6 Posted January 6 16 hours ago, tjspy said: Well, hookup is all about sex, but the issue here and the reason why this is a topic is because... sex is never just sex. Sex can be validation, sex can be fighting loneliness, sex can be an escape to a ton of underlying things. So well, hookup is NEVER just about sex, even if you refuse to admit it. Therefore, obviously, there are several hidden expectations and hopes that will get frustrated and hurt you when somebody treats you badly, in hookup culture or in any other space. That's why, just like in any other space, respect and consideration are important. And that's why ghosting (for instance), in this or ANY OTHER situation will always be a bad thing, and it doesn't really matter what are the excuses one use to make him feel better about doing it. It's still a wrong thing to do. The thing is, some (or most) gays in hookup culture refuse to accept this and want to create this idilic, perfect, that is not by any chance clear that is going to fail, "space" where "it's just about sex". Like, forgetting we are humans and not sex machines only. Forgetting we all have emotions in literally any situation. And that's the mistake. People shouldn't be that innocent. But well, evetually they all grow out of that and acknowledge this, but sadly there's always damage made in the way. Like everything, actually. brilliantly put. "it's just lust/sex nothing emotional" never sat right with me 1
Kimi Posted January 6 Posted January 6 Gen z sex neutral attitude is honestly so refreshing. sex is never just like masturbation and we should stop pretending it’s not that big of a deal who you have sex with. Especially for people under 25, not developed it’s important to be careful and not treat random casual sex like this forbidden fruit thing previous generations chased
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