discussion How do you deal with body dysmorphia/self-hatred/body standards?

[Specter]

So to start off with, in one way I am "grateful" for what I have, physically (and I put the word in quotes because it seems odd to be grateful for something I did not earn, or one that I feel is bizarrely put on a pedestal): height (6'2), and being able-bodied (again the implication is NOT that there is anything wrong with not being able-bodied, but rather that it is valorized by society for again, little reason). I have naturally broad shoulders/back, and an alright face + jaw I have been told.

 

But yet, I have always really disliked my body for not being shredded, and I hate going to the gym. I sacrificed so much for achieving muscularity and losing pandemic weight through 2021-2022, but since I've recently made a big change in my life I haven't been able to regularly go for the last 3/4 months, maintain nutrition or whatever. I categorically do not enjoy going to the gym, and I feel like trash when I see these people 5x bigger than me. At worst, I was only slightly overweight during 2020, but I still constantly felt bad even after losing it. And now that I'm losing weight (unhealthily, I might add) and muscle, I feel horribad constantly.

 

Why do I feel like I HAVE to go to the gym? I can never quite trace the answer for this. I don't like it, it stresses me out, and I don't enjoy the process. Even the litany of mental issues I have feel slightly more manageable than becoming a gym bro (which I was, for almost 1.5 years, but made slow progress because of where I started).

 

Is it just me and my insecurities? Is it socially absorbed? Is it pressures from the community to look a certain way?

 

Ironically, I see the muscle gu(a)ys fight for their life online when they see someone that is not at near single digit bf% be appreciated for...existing. People argue till blue in the face that ~radical body positivity people are forcing people to be obese, but I have only always felt pressure to be muscular.

 

Thoughts?

[MidnightsAtPeace]

I don't, I let it **** me up 

[Bhabylon]

I feel you, I feel like a lot of it comes with the pressure of being gay 
 

My therapist told me to stop following all these hot guys on IG and twitter, and that actually helped. I stopped being so nitpicky to myself once I stopped feeding my brain all those images daily 

[beautiful player]

You're too concerned with how others perceive you 

[jesus del rey]

There's a lot of pressure on "bodies" online and offline. Unfortunately we live in a society where we have to "market" everything. 

[GraceRandolph]

There’s really no solution. I feel like it’s only going to get worse.

[Illuminati]

I drink to cope with it

 

We're all too hard on ourselves, I never pay this much attention to find imperfections in somebody else

[alexrex]

One thing that has helped me deal with my insecuriies is radical acceptance. Im not a hottie for the general standards, but I work with what I have, which is already enough. I radically accept it and take care of it. 

 

I don't go to the gym, but I exercise at home. That has helped me boost my self-esteem and I can see the results after the first year. It also increases my energy levels since I have a thyroid condition. Exercise should not be perceived as a mean to please others, but to take care of your body (and it also helps you get in good shape as well). 

 

So you could maybe try working out at home and eventually going back to the gym if u want. 

Edited December 4, 2023 by alexrex

[Mtjjproducer]

Find some workout you like. I hated going to the gym cause I was once really skinny. So I started doing p90x for several years and that built my base. Then I did body beast and insanity also by beach body. Then I got really into CrossFit. Love the community and the challenge. In good shape now. but I still hate “traditional” gyms. 
 

that being said I know it’s hard but try to workout for more than just the body. There are times im not that lean like in my avi and times I buckle down and get lean. But either way I found workout routines that I enjoy doing no matter what my body looks like

 

 

 

[cOe]

Beauty trends come and go but a timeless attractiveness standard will always be taking care of yourself. And that is healthy for you no matter the external validation.

Getting exercise, staying as healthy as possible and having a positive outlook has and always will be worth it.

 

I also have this crazy idea in my head that I'd definitely rather be a 7/10 than a 10/10. I don't want to be envied by others, and don't want to be intimidating. Being a reasonably good-lucking "person next door" has immense appeal to me. There is nothing wrong with being "ok" or "good". Those are amazing things.

 

I hate being tall (6'2) as a non-binary person. I'd rather be around 5'11 or even 5'9. I can't to anything about it, so I actually see that as an opportunity to humble me down a bit. I'll never like all of me, but I found the things I like and stick to them.

Edited December 4, 2023 by cOe

[harwee]

people deal with issues different obviusly, but what works for me  is donating time to charity. it makes me appreciate what i already have. On holidays we do meals on wheels volunteering, last year it was on the assisted living. Near my area there's always something happening. all the best

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 5, 2023 by harwee

[DeadInside]

2 hours ago, MidnightsAtPeace said:

I don't, I let it **** me up 

Me counting calories, making sure I eat 1500 only, then binging on the weekend and losing all my progress