Hot Volcano Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 Basically ever since I started working at this company, I've had issues with one guy who is quite important and influential in the company. He is known for his attitude and a lot of people had some issues with him. But overall he is not such a bad guy, he just turns into an ******* when it comes to some stuff. Anyways, he was never a fan of me There was just this short period where we were hanging out, but then suddenly he stopped inviting me for a coffee or for a drink after work. Sometimes I feel like he is bipolar. But then again I'm a BIG overthinker and I get easily attached to people, so there were a lot of situation with him that I have completely blown out of porpotion. Also, he is VERY hot, probably one of the hottest men I have ever seen in my life, so that also plays a factor in everything. So, to cut the long story short, there was this particular situation where he was assigned to the same project as me, but since he is a Team lead, he gave that assignment to one of his team members. That guy never bothered to do his part of the work, so basically I had to do everything. But then again, the project was on and off so there were times where there was no work. I tried to talk with both of them, tried to tell them how it's not fair that I'm doing everything, and situation improved for a bit but then again everything was the same. What really annoyed me was the fact that I overheard his team member bragging to another guy how he is no longer gonna be on the project with me, and at the same time my boss is telling me the project's gonna get bigger next month. And that same boss is kinda friends with the Team lead so he never really cared that him or his team member weren't taking a part in the project. In the end, I was frusturated and had a very bad day so I decided to go to the director of our department and told him everything. The director was disappointed at everyone involved so he had a meeting with them and basically forced them to work with me. Now it's a very awkward situation where both of them are not communicating with me. I don't care about the other guy, but the Team lead hangs out with so many of my friends, and I really like the guy (ignoring his issues and attitude) and I'm consumed over this idea that he won't talk to me again. Basically obsessed with him So I decided to have a talk with him, but I never really told him what exactly have I told the director and how I never talked **** about him. It was a nice chat regarding the project itself. But after that nothing has changed, he is still avoiding me, not communicating at all. So I have this idea of calling him for a coffee again, and telling him the entire story. Is it a good idea?? Also forgot to mention, there is another guy in the office that was blacklisted by him and that guy also took it hard and personal and is now thinking about quitting. Not gonna end up as that guy ofc, but as I've told you, this guy is very important in the office, gets to decide a lot of things and overall is very influential and respected. Gonna end this with Olivia's beautiful lyrics that perfectly fit this situation Lacy, oh Lacy, it's like you're out to get me You poison every little thing that I do Lacy, oh Lacy, I just loathe you lately And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fastlane Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 You definitely need to talk and extract a focus from the dialogue for further movement. Don't try to figure it out yourself, this is a weak link position. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brikenbur Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 (edited) I think it’d be best to keep it professional and continue to do your work and complete the project. Honestly, if he is acting that way towards you, you should reciprocate. I would like to know more backstory to come to a better analysis, but, based off of what you provided — I, myself, am an overthinker and have had so many weird situations with guy colleagues both professionally, on rec leagues, school, etc. and I always found it best to just ignore them and act as if they don’t exist… that is, outside of the work you’re doing. I’d be cold and straight to the point in my communication with this man until things change [on his end]! Edited October 2, 2023 by Brikenbur Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mariya Takeuchi Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 sounds to me you were groomed to be the fall guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Volcano Posted October 2, 2023 Author Share Posted October 2, 2023 5 minutes ago, Fastlane said: You definitely need to talk and extract a focus from the dialogue for further movement. Don't try to figure it out yourself, this is a weak link position. 1 minute ago, Brikenbur said: I think it’d be best to keep it professional and continue to do your work and complete the project. Honestly, if he is acting that way towards you, you should reciprocate. I would like to know more backstory to come to a better analysis, but, based off of what you provided — I, myself, am an overthinker and have had so many weird situations with guy colleagues both professionally, on rec leagues, school, etc. and I always found it best to just ignore them and act as if they don’t exist… that is, outside of the work you’re doing. I’d be cold and straight to the point in my communication with this man until things change [on his end]! I have talked to him two weeks ago. And really felt good after that conversation but obviously it didnt help much other than him sending a long awaited email regarding the project. I already feel like an outcast in the office since my other team members are in a different city. So basically I'm stuck in the office with him and five of his team members and I'm literally hanging out with all of them And ofc they worhip him. He is the center of attention always and everyone is doing their best to please him. Since these guys are in his team he is behaving amazing towards them but when it comes to me, he has always pretty much excluded me from most things and in general doesn't care about me. I have always wanted to improve our relationship.....but seems like this time it backfired on me. I dont think I solved the issue with that conversation with the director, it just made things worse for me.... But if I talk to him again, its really gonna seem like I'm desperate for his attention. Dont wanna give him a wrong impression. Also, if he never really cared about me is he gonna really suddenly change 180 if I tell him the whole story? I dont think so... Ugh I hate how much bothered I am over this. Wish I was more cold like him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EtherealCat Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 get on with your job, hes clearly not worth trying to be friendly with 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KFC Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 27 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said: There was just this short period where we were hanging out, Your first mistake. Don't ever hang out with these people outside of work, they're your colleagues, not your friends 28 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said: Also, he is VERY hot, probably one of the hottest men I have ever seen in my life, so that also plays a factor in everything Your second mistake. Take a moment and ask yourself if you would care about this situation at all if he was ugly 29 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said: So I have this idea of calling him for a coffee again, and telling him the entire story. Is it a good idea?? Definitely not. You've already given the situation way too much power. Based on what you've said it just seems like this guy is an ******* who leads a lazy team and doesn't really give a **** about you. If it's that hard to work with him and his people then go to HR or your manager and ask to be re-assigned. If not, then I would suggest you just do your work and clock out at the end of the day 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen. Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 at least give us a TLDR 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
May Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 i think from what I’ve read ur intimidated by this guy and want to be him so you feel a certain gravitational pull toward him maybe to impress him .. but u rly need to just take a step back and do your work 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Volcano Posted October 2, 2023 Author Share Posted October 2, 2023 10 minutes ago, Queen. said: at least give us a TLDR Hot colleague who is very influential never liked me, I always felt like I needed to be validated by him. He is very influential, team lead of all of my work buddies so I cannot avoid him. We were on the same project, he didnt do his part, tried to talk to him, he didnt care so I escalated everything to the director of our department who called him and basically forced him to work with me so now he is avoiding me and its killing me. Should I go and talk to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jesus del rey Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 Are you talking about the same guy from your thread in the roof sis? If so, f- him and his buddy. They sound very unprofessional and you should just get on with your work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Volcano Posted October 2, 2023 Author Share Posted October 2, 2023 10 minutes ago, jesus del rey said: Are you talking about the same guy from your thread in the roof sis? If so, f- him and his buddy. They sound very unprofessional and you should just get on with your work. Yes Didnt wanna revisit that thread, I have PTSP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archetype Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 Never ever be friends outside of work with coworkers. Be friendly and professional, but there are limits that you can put in place to ensure this is mitigated or doesn't happen again. If this lead guy and one of his team members aren't going to do any work on this project, you need to tell your manager/whoever is above you that they aren't contributing and you need to provide receipts. Frame this as, "If they don't want to put in their share of work, or don't have the bandwidth to do so due to other priorities at work, then I will be glad to take this on myself, but want confirmation that they will be taken off the project and I will be the one driving it." Of course, that's only if you think you can handle the project by yourself, which it seems like you've been doing already. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getBusy Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 You’re setting yourself up for failure by trying to be friends with him. Draft a very clear doc with Roles & Responsibilities (who does what, by when) and have your manager sign off on it. Do your part only, report back to your manager when you have, then move on. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonsterJohn Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 I'm really puzzled by how much some of you invested in your work as if it's your whole life. Is this the US working culture? Just do 9-5 5 days/week and then leave everything behind it's really not worth it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen. Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 1 hour ago, Hot Volcano said: Hot colleague who is very influential never liked me, I always felt like I needed to be validated by him. He is very influential, team lead of all of my work buddies so I cannot avoid him. We were on the same project, he didnt do his part, tried to talk to him, he didnt care so I escalated everything to the director of our department who called him and basically forced him to work with me so now he is avoiding me and its killing me. Should I go and talk to him? If he is not into dudes I would just left him alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Slayne Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 (edited) girl you need to change your job. you posted your first thread ages ago and this guy is still bothering you. he's just not that into you, so move on. i don't think you trying to explain anything to him will fix the situation. you're just looking for an excuse to reconnect with him because you think he's hot. and next time try to put some boundaries between you and your coworkers. Edited October 2, 2023 by John Slayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nostalgic Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 I suggest sex and lots of it. Get on your knees and go to work, it's the only way to solve this dilemma. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breathe On Moi Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 2 hours ago, Hot Volcano said: So, to cut the long story short you damn liar 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breathe On Moi Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 all jokes aside, you need to start looking for another job omg… this will literally only get worse and you’ll suffer in silence. I know you’re overthinker as is, but imagine what they’re saying when you aren’t around and etc…you’re literally going to be living a (continuous) nightmare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark! Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 so he's hot and you wanna be friends? this is a workplace maam. Even wendy's don't do that. What happens if he's friendly to you? Are you gonna be delusional and think you're getting together? Keep it professional. You get work, do the work. If he doesn't wanna assign task, then you do less work. End of interaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergi91 Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 Why do you care so much for his validation? You get paid to work and not to make friends with the hot guy. Like get it together! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maroonx Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 OMG babes I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I absolutely hate this kinda workplace behavior, it feels like junior high. This guy is acting like a child and in the end of the day, it's work, you have to set aside your personal feelings and do your task. I think you did the right thing speaking to him about it, and not let things bottle up. This is such a tough situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gatito Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 that guy probably knew you were a sis and tried so charm you to get his way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWayneHolland Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 Girl no matter how hard you try, he won't be your friend, Idk why he doesn't like you but do you really want to be friends with someone like that? He seems like a troubled person, you already tried to make things work and it didn't happen it's clear that he's the one that's not interested in having a friendship with you, let it go and get to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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