tournament ATRL's Drag Race S04 | ALL STARS 2018

August 23, 2017

slamming my foot on the pedals of my sewing machine right now

August 23, 2017

@Citrus I sent it.

Ugh, I always get so nervous when I submit my entry. :jonny:

August 23, 2017

Whew, not me being the fan fave

August 23, 2017

I sent my entry too

August 23, 2017

12 minutes ago, Buddy! said:

Whew, not me being the fan fave

Dark horse, coming for that Fan Fave Award. :clap3:

August 23, 2017

I sent in my entry. :jonny3: I think my end product is pretty great, I just hope every else agrees askjdhashduhad

August 24, 2017

https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/atrl-drag-race_150197407760069

August 24, 2017

I'll send in two hours. I got caught up doing the rate. Sorry xoxo

August 24, 2017

1 minute ago, DripDrip said:

I'll send in two hours. I got caught up doing the rate. Sorry xoxo

You're doing great sweetie. :-*

August 24, 2017

2 hours ago, DripDrip said:

I'll send in two hours. I got caught up doing the rate. Sorry xoxo

Told ya!

August 24, 2017

well good luck yall :jonny2:

August 24, 2017

does citrus want another page?

August 24, 2017

10 minutes ago, DripDrip said:

does citrus want another page?

He's not posting them today.

August 24, 2017

11 minutes ago, DripDrip said:

does citrus want another page?

Tomorrow morning. Either 11am EST or 1pm EST.

August 24, 2017

2 minutes ago, Aciid said:

He's not posting them today.

1 minute ago, Rhisiart said:

Tomorrow morning. Either 11am EST or 1pm EST.

Wow me being perched for nothing

August 24, 2017

I hope all the cakes are ready

August 24, 2017

:cupid: where are the entries?

August 24, 2017

:chick3:

August 24, 2017

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Episode 10 - The Entries

Lola Cabezas

11 hours ago, DripDrip said:

.

Hello! Hello!?! Is this thing on????? HI! HI! My name is Lola Cabezas and I'm a Gemini Mermaid! My friend Chamoo, she goes by Chanel tho, talked me into this dating service and I thought, hey, why not! My blowhole hasn't erupted in....what I can't say blow hole?.....I mean I'm fun! I like to have fun, that's what my therapist tells me. By therapist, I mean my good friend Stella Rose. *whispers* that's a wine brand*whispers*. I'm always up for a nice moonlight walk on the sea shore, finding homeless men along the coast and whacking them with baseball bats. I'm a good girl I swear!

I'm not like other girls either! I'm a girl who loves to eat. I'll eat anything, they use to call me Roomba in High School because I would just suck everything up in sight of me. After the hockey injury that caused me to wire my jaw shut, 244lbs lighter and I still got an appetite! I'll eat anything but sushi. Unless you want to go backdoor, then I'll only eat water and air. Try the air diet, trust me, trust me!! Anyways, besides eating I also really enjoy basic thuggery. Ever beat a homeless man up? You're not living until they're bleeding!

Oh, oh dear, it seems like I've come undone. I know what you're thinking. Is Lola a lusty gal? Does she enjoy getting pork roasted for fun and spending her evening in between two 6ft tall men making her feel like a Moana? Yes. These are all true statements. I enjoy my body, I enjoy my life. What I do for fun is make men happy. I'm not a ***** because I don't charge. What I do for free because it's so good it deserves to be shared. The best things in life are free they say and I'm the best thing in life. So why shouldn't I be free?

Here are just a few images of my modeling I do. It's all clean I swear! I like to just get naked some nights and get out the polaroid. You know roll around on the old fur rug and get a little messy, get a little wild. I like men that can take control and make me pose like their own doll. C'mon sugar, make me bend in places Barbie can't.

I'm just looking for a guy who can entertain me. I want them tall. I want them with nice arms that can lift me up as I climb the fence escaping from the police. I like him to be hung. Why waste my time on guys who don't make my holes feel like every inch is filled. I'm just looking for a real connection you know? Like a legit one. The only games I like to play are video games.

That's what there is to Lola. Take me out to the beach, lets look at the moonlight as it hits the coast. Take a stroll through a park maybe. Grab something to eat. Then we get to my place and we make passionate rough and dirty sex until we can't feel anymore. Photograph me and make me feel like Naomi. I'm a bit crazy, so what If I come knocking at your door at 4AM demanding to know who you're texting. I just like keeping things secure. This knife is tottally fake, I'd never stab you trust me. I'll excite you and have you coming back for more again and again. I'm a simple girl. Just entertain me!

Please Call xoxo

_________________

I'm giving you Lola goes to prom 1988, I'm sweet, flirt and bubbly. As I walk down the runway all smiles and cheerful, I open my mouth and a pull of blood starts pouring out. After all, this is the 80's there is no way I'm pretty and surviving with all those slashers out there killing young girls. Finally you can see I've been stabbed in the back! Guess my time in this sequel is OVER!

Faye Shull

On 8/20/2017 at 3:25 PM, True Skarlet said:

Script here:

Hide contents

________________________________

[80's gameshow music plays]

"Hello everybody and welcome back to newest episode of

S ingles

T alking

D irectly"

"This is the show where boys and girls looking for love directly send us a dating tape so WE can help find them a match."

"Note: Terms and conditions apply: if you're MoonChild we definitely cannot find you someone."

"Today's dating tape is from a man who is a drag queen by night, hopeless gay by day. Let's give it up for CONOR."

"Hello, I'm Conor. I'm here just like everyone else on this planet. Looking for love. I'm looking for a broom to swept me off my feet, a thief to steal my heart and..."

[record scratch]

"Let's get to the f***ing point. Question time."

[music plays]

When you meet a man what's the first thing you notice?

"Generally my eyes go to his face because I'm not rude then if I notice his face is ugly, well, then I don't notice him anymore."

What are you looking for in a potential partner?

"I'm looking for someone with blue eyes like the ocean, so I can be lost at sea... no f*** that. I'm looking for a man to dick me down, dick me up. Just have a dick basically and maybe you know, be emotionally secure. I'm not here to raise self esteem all the time."

What is your perfect date?

"I haven't been on a date so.. a perfect date for me would just be having one honestly. Is that a cop-out answer though? I mean really bitch, why do you think I'm sending in this tape?! You should be telling me what a 'perfect date' is. You're going to be setting me up after all!"

Are you religious?

"No. I've been on my knees a few times but not because I was praying."

What are your best and worst qualities?

"I'mma play my Robbie Turner card right now and say my personality is winning, but as for my worst quality...

well right now you're hearing me talk like this but I'm from Ireland and sometimes I talk like this. You know feck, shite, rubbish, up the banner, getting the crack, having a lock-in and I don't know about you now but going from sounding like yank to sounding like a Paddy out of nowhere, it's kind of a problem I have."

What automatically rules out a guy for you?

"Oh, I don't think I'm that bad when it comes to pet peeves, you just have to not be ...

a damn bitch, horny 24/7, clingy, irresponsible with money, a messy bottom, smoke, drink heavily, anti-gaming, whiny, dishonest, devoid of humour, unhygienic, mentally insane, tacky, late responding to messages, ANYTHING like Carbon, dumb, ugly, over the top foolish, a diva and overly defensive.

But other than that I'm really easy to please."

What do you like to do in your free time?

[sad music plays]

"I spend my days, alone, no hope for anything. Trying to find meaning in this world but effortlessly failing at every chance. My free time consumed by tears, regret and pain."

[end of sad music]

"but on the plus side I love cycling! I don't do marathons or anything like that but, trust and believe, I put my petal to the metal!"

Do you kiss on the first date?

"Ok, here's the thing. If the date goes well and the mood is right then I see no issue. I mean it's a f***ing kiss. Lemme guess, the next question will probably be "Would you hold hands after a date?" or some crap like that."

Would you hold hands after a date?

[cricket noises]

After what date would you be ready for sex?

"Now THIS is more my kinda question. I feel like you can boil it down to the idea that there are two kinda gays in the world: the one's who put out fast, generally Grindr users, Scruff users, etc.., and the ones who really make you work for it. That gay that you have to really sweet talk to get into their pants. You know who you are.

So, back to the question at hand, if I'm dating the eager gay, then probably the 3rd date. If it's the guarded gay though, then we're looking at maybe the 8th date."

[sponsor break]

"We interrupt this programme to bring you a message from our sponsor."

[80's beat plays]

"UGH, I'm so horny and the Bull Dyke club is closed tonight. What am I going to do?!"

"Well Rebecca, try the newest hook up app: Vagiseek!"

"Vagiseek lets you see all the single lesbos in your area for FREE!"

"WOW, I just downloaded it and already I found a carpet to munch."

"See those results, if you need that puss then try Vagiseek today. Vagina, at the touch of a button"

[break over]

Describe an action you'd find endearing on a date.

"Hmm... you know when someone flirts but it's not really naughty? Like I see Pears and say "I'm glad you're the fruit in my fruit bowl" kinda thing. I mean obviously now I wouldn't be that bad but I just love sweet funny sentiments."

Which of your Season 4 castmates would you go on a date with?

"That's a trick question right? This cast is literally the hottest yet. Heck, make it a group date with everyone included."

What is your preferred sex position?

"Just read my t-shirt and also, let's be clear, if I'm the top and you're the bottom you will sound like this:

[Xtina's off key scream from her Make The World Move Voice performance}

What is a must characteristic for your partner?

"Charisma. Everyone is on about Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent but everyone is already unique, having nerve isn't actually a plus, especially if they're sassy all the damn time and talent is just a means to show off. So yeah, I'm good with just charisma."

Final question. Do you think you'll ever find true love?

"Love is like war, easy to begin but hard to end. And let me tell you something about me bitch. I don't have the time to start wars, I'm fighting the battle that is LIFE. A cute guy would be nice right now, but my life needs to keep moving with or without a man. I don't even know why I did this dating application to be f**king honest, you're probably going to find some f@g-hating psycho off of Craigslist and just pair him up with me.

So you know what, you can take this application and shove it right up your-"

[80's game show music starts again abruptly]

"Annnnd on that note folks that's all we have time for today. Thanks for watching and remember, if you're on the search for love, apply now to S.T.D.!"

[fade out]

[blooper reel]

Category Is: 80s Eleganza

When I think of the 80's one of the first things that springs to my mind is neon.

Neon was prevalent for the 80's, also becoming one of the biggest fashions trends of the decade. Fluorescent day-glo colours were all the rage back then.

With neon as my 80's inspiration I created this:

I LOVE florescent lighting. Using it along with neon as my colour scheme allowed me to really have fun putting this together. I really wanted this look to be simple yet striking and elegant. I guess now you can really see my true colors, shining through.

Melanoma

20 hours ago, talent said:

Hi, my name is Melanoma. I'm 20 years old, I live in Toronto, Ontario, and I'm just a simple,

single lady living in this, the physical world of flesh, looking for a soul to unite with in the afterlife.

I'm a big fan of mysticism and astrology. I'm a very spiritual person, and I live with ghosts on many levels. Currently, I have an apartment with the spirit of my old dog, Pickles McBig. I'm an Aquarius and he was a Taurus, so we're great friends. Pickles is a very important part of my life; to paraphrase the Spice Girls, "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my dead dog."

As stated before, I love anything to do with practical magic. Homeopathy, witchcraft, and, of course, the movie Practical Magic. I dabble in all types of mystical power, from Alchemy to Zoboomafoo, which was taught to me by an old African shaman.

I also enjoy knitting from time to time. I have a patch on my quilt to commemorate every important memory and relationship I’ve ever had. My favourite square is the one of my deal with the Devil!

In my free time, I sell healing crystals and soul candles on Etsy. My username is MeIAmMelanoma. I love to name my products after pop culture references to tie my presence to Earth. My best sellers are my Billy Crystals and the cinnamon scented Too Hot To Candles.

During the day, I work part time at Build a Bear. There is nothing more magical than a child's smile, of course. Also, the bears are so customizable- great for voodoo dolls.

One of my best qualities would definitely be my soothing aura. I’ve trained my spirit over time to be this comforting. It involves many ancient rituals and more LSD than I can remember, but that’s what my dealer told me.

I also have many secret talents, so every day you learn something new about me. I’ll get you a head start on that; I can put both legs behind my head.

As for my worst qualities, I’d love to say I don’t have any, but Pickles McBig constantly reminds me that I tend to be a very messy roommate. It’s true, I always leave my spell remnants all over our apartment. That's why I got a Roomba!

I'm mostly into men of all shapes and sizes. I think I dated women in a different life, so I wanted to try something new. I’d love a man with a warm heart, a big brain, and an organ donor card in his wallet. No need to waste those precious parts! I’m very open to meet anyone who is open to meet me! I’m looking an open mind, an open heart, but not open sores. I might be able to fend off evil spirits, but not gonorrhea.

I've had a few boyfriends, but nothing too serious. I'm a very available lover, very devoted, and willing to try anything- I mean it. To be honest, most of my boyfriends have died or vanished under mysterious circumstances, but I'd say the risk is worth the reward!

Well, I broke up with my last boyfriend because he was mean to me in a dream. He was wonderful and we had been dating for 6 years, but I wasn't ready to deal with that kind of negativity.

My perfect date would start off with a cleansing ceremony to prepare my mind and body to accept new memories into my life. I also tend to cleanse my ass as well, as my vagina is sacred and has protective charms on it that only wear off by the fifth date.

Next, I inspect the natal astrology chart of my suitor to ensure I am ready for our personalities to bind. One night, I saw that his chart was absolutely loaded with fire signs, and I knew that my wind sensibilities were not going to mesh, so I blocked his number and cleared my apartment with sage.

As for what we do during the date, I love to go foraging in the wild for new ingredients to use in my spells, or even a simple night out on the town dancing tends to get my bones rattling. Afterwards, rattling bones I’ve collected tends to relax me for the rest of the night.

Then, to top it all off, a late night cuddle session with Pickles McBig snugly between us. Sometimes, if you align your chakras just right, you can feel his physical form and the irregular heartbeat that killed him in the end.

Gladys Laurie Myers

15 hours ago, Rhisiart said:

Hey guys! Welcome back to my YouTube channel! DragCon is coming soon and I have a hell of a lot prepared for you all. Today, I’m going to be revealing a brand new merch item that I’ll be debuting: Gladys’ Dating VHS Tape! Filmed like a Dating VHS in the 1980s, I’m looking for love and putting myself out there in a way I never have before. Now this VHS is actually a Blu-Ray/DVD Combo pack of a movie I filmed over the course of my last tour. Framed as a sit-down interview, I talk about what I’m searching for in a partner, and I reveal some secrets I’ve never told anyone. There’s an option to watch the film all the way through, but there’s also a special Interactive version! With this version, questions will pop up on the screen along with multiple choice answers, and you can either choose a question you’d like to ask or an answer you’d like to hear. Now I’ll be giving you a sneak-peek at some footage from the film! I hope you guys enjoy!

Hello. My name is Gladys Lux Maure, I am 23 years old, and I am a “professional” drag queen!

I do drag as a full-time job, it’s how I make my living. But I’ve never really made the time to look for love. Between constant traveling, designing outfits, creating setlists, and rehearsals, while also juggling trying to stay fit and healthy, I barely have time to be a functioning person. To add a man into the mix? In this economy and political climate? Right in front of this salad?

However, I’ve been pressured lately by my sisters Stone and Noah to give the dating world a shot. So, Stone gave me this cute bottle of Absolut Acai Berry Vodka, a drink I love, and Noah gave me this little pill with an E on it, which I’m assuming is Vitamin E. I’m feeling a little loosey goosey, so let’s get to it!

1. What is your perfect date?

Hmmm… I think the perfect date for me would be something off the beaten path, so to say. There’s nothing wrong with tried and true answers like “dinner and a movie”, but that’s the same thing we do every night, Pinky. I want to have a date that’s unique and different.

So if I we’re going to go on a date…

A. Option A

...a museum or art exhibit would be the place to go. Art is a huge part of my life obvi, and I noticed how people react to art says a lot about their character. For example, does he immediately want to head to the dinosaur exhibit? That could mean he’s masc, childlike at heart, and probably into rough sex. Does he gravitate towards the marble statues and stare at them longingly? That means he’s not focusing present, but he could be planning towards the near future. I personally gravitate towards the taxidermied animals. My inner fursona gets wild, but I save that for when we get to know each other better.

B. Option B

...I’d want to just go outside. As much as I travel, I don’t often get the time to sightsee or relax and unwind. I’m usually stuck in my dressing room with the other queens, which smells like cooked pork, Frankie perfume, lube, and tuck sweat. I’d love to take a moment to see the sights and walk children through nature. I never get to really appreciate the places I travel to, and having a nice man show me around sounds like a such a nice time.

C. Option C

...I’d love to go LARPing! My entire job is basically an eternal role-playing session, but to get the chance to do it with straights?! A ye olde gaggeth! I’ve always had an active imagination ever since I was a kid, and you could say that was one of the Lost Founding Mothers of the LARP movement. Anyway, getting high and hanging out with a bunch of straight weirdos at an off-brand Medieval Times sounds hysterical. And if my potential other is afraid to get down & dirty and put his typhus into my bubonic plague, he is not the man for me.

2. What are your best and worst qualities?

As a celebrity that is world-renown and regarded as a deity in most alien universes, I have a brand to upkeep and a social media presence I need to keep stain free. There’s a fine line between oversharing and acting a fool, or being too secretive and alienating your fanbase with your dud persona. Do I be completely honest and bare my inner vagina, or do I try to be coy and have it blow up in my face when I inevitably stuff my Jimmy Choo in my mouth? For the sake of this tape, I’m going to try to be as truthful as possible. And if I regret something later, it’ll be gone in the editing stage and you’ll never see it!

A. What are your best qualities?

My best quality would be my dedication. To my friends and family, I’m always lending an open ear, silently judging, and giving advice that I’m no way qualified to give. For work, I will never call out sick or be late. I made a commitment and I can’t let my fans down, so I push myself to do every show. Throughout this tour, I’ve passed out on stage multiple times and threw up into the audience at least twice. They ate it up, literally. I’m also dedicated to academics. Back in school, I strived to achieve the best grades possible because I feel satisfied from accomplishing hard goals. I’m kinda like Sasha Velour, just less pretentious and with a solo win to my name.

B. What are your worst qualities?

My worst quality is most definitely my pessimism. Nina Bo’Nina Brown has nothing on this self-saboteur, honey. I think everything I do is awful, and I shut out friends by rejecting their compliments and praise. My pessimism also plays into my paranoia. I basically feel like I live in Final Destination, and I’m always going to die. When I’m in a plane or a car, when I’m at a meet & greet, when I’m untucking, the list goes on. I think that if something can go wrong, it will. But I’ve gotten lucky that when things do go wrong, they happen to one of the other girls and not me. Another sucky quality of mine is that I’m a shedder. I was unfortunately born a hairy beast, and no amounts of Nair and hormones make me any less beastlike. Alena helps me wax between my numbers, that’s how bad it’s gotten. She tells me she enjoys it though.

3. What do you like to do in your free time?

Free moments for me are few and far between. I’m a girl that says yes to every gig because I’m broke and I need the money. I spend most of my free time either in the hotel room where I’m staying, or backstage at a gig. I don’t really have any scheduled days off until vacation or when my manager’s put me on lockdown after a near-deathdrop experience. When I somehow hit the jackpot and manage to snag a couple of hours to myself, I normally...

A. Option A

...Play Video Games. There’s a strange rumor that started circulating that says I came out of the womb holding a Gameboy cartridge. I cannot confirm nor deny those rumors in this particular video, but suffice it to say, I’ve been a gamer since birth. Gaming manages to stimulate and relax my mind at the same time. I carry my Nintendo Switch with me at every gig. I once fully completed a Zelda speedrun during Colleen’s number. The applause the queens in the back gave me was louder than hers, I was very proud of myself for that one.

B. Option B

...Draw. Most of the drawing I do is for work, because I sketch up designs for my future outfits. But sometimes I just like to doodle. Every piece of paper I can find, I write on and color. It’s gotten to be an unhealthy addiction at this point. The girls always yell at me when they’re checking the setlist and see a little dick drawn in the corner. I also have a giant stack of coloring books that I use to pass the time. The other girls in the dressing rooms eventually got jealous and make be bring them some too. I’ve really become a trendsetter with the girls. One thing that hasn’t caught on though is snacking on crayons. That’s another weird habit I’ve developed, but I’ll expound on that later.

C. Option C

...Watch Hentai. Most of my aesthetic and references are from my love of anime, but no one quite knows my obsession with hentai. My standards for sex have skyrocketed after really diving into the rabbit hole of hentai. I can’t go to the aquarium anymore because the thought of tentacles immediately makes me ink. I’ve also developed a cuckolding fetish and a peeing fetish. It’s gotten to the point where I physically cannot enter a public bathroom because things could happen. I do have standards though, I have crossed the line with incest. I’ve spent so much time with my ADR sisters, I find all of their bodies to be gross and weasel-like now, and I couldn’t be happier. And **** Boku no Pico.

4. What qualities are you looking for in a partner?

If someone can manage to watch this tape and not be disgusted or want to run for the hills, I’m prepared to buy a wedding ring right now. All I really want is someone that can understand me and have the patience to deal with me. My standards are not high because I want to be open to finding the one for me, and that one probably won’t be perfect. So as long as you don’t smoke cigarettes, aren’t racist/misogynistic/LGBTphobic, don’t own a lemur, and don’t have a criminal record, I’d be willing to give things a try. And even then, if you show me the Criminal Minds episode that kind of matches your criminal past, I’ll probably give you a chance depending on the crime and how hot Shemar Moore was in that particular episode.

A. Turn ons?

I really like art supplies a lot. I used to work as a nude painting model, and the sound of pencils writing and paint splashing really gets me going. I got booked for a lot of classes, and I was provided with my own easel so every time I climaxed (which was often), I’d create my own “master”piece. That was a really long time ago, so none of them are on sale as merch, but I did make a lot of revenue by selling them on eBay back when I was in school. Rulers and measuring sticks get me hot and bothered too. If the sex isn’t good, I can just do measurements on his body and take notes for when I do outfit commissions for other queens. But if the sex is good, woo lord. Getting choke-****ed by my own tape measure is the quickest way to my Phresh Cherry.

B. Turn offs?

Stone.

I hope you all enjoyed that sneak-peek! It’s been a few months since I finished filming, and I’m still feeling that cocktail a little bit. I showed off the tamest questions and answers just now, but there are so many more questions in the actual movie, such as: What are the best songs to get choke-****ed to? Which ADR judges would you have sex with? What is the best dressing for a tossed salad? Who should pay on the first date? Who should bottom on the first date? What is the best place to eat out? What are your favorite smells? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg! I’ve never gotten this personal or ****ed up before, and it was such a life-changing experience. In all seriousness, I truly am looking to find love. It’s not something I have a lot of experience in, but I really crave it. If anyone is at all interested, please feel free to let me know, because I’d love to see where it could lead us. Remember guys, to shoot your shot always! Love you all. Yours Truly, Gladys! ….And don’t forget to subscribe!

***

When I first heard the theme for the runway, my mind immediately went to Jem & The Holograms and Cyndi Lauper. My first few sketches had me worried because I didn't want to go that basic. I then thought about some 80s staples: bright neon and interesting silhouettes. I sat down and let my hand take over, and this is what I created! I'm giving you 80s working woman who just clocked out and is on the prowl for a big man and a good time. I'm giving you a neon fantasy that Detox wishes she could pull off, my hair teased for the gods, and angles for days. I'm a mathematician's wet dream right now. Along with a leopard scarf and a giant-ass bow to provide the right amount of extra, I am the epitome of the 80s and I am simply eating the runway.

My written entry started off a lot more personal like I feel Gladys usually is, but I ultimately decided to go in a different direction and tried to go full on ridiculous and funny. It's a choice I hadn't quite taken to the max before, but it's a choice I'm happy I made because this was a blast to write, and I hope you all enjoy!

Noah Fence

16 hours ago, Lémur said:

Hi boys My name is Noah Fence, but you can just call me Noah. I’m a professional ATRL Drag Race contestant from Lemurville, West Dakota. I’m six feet tall but seven when I get an erection.

I think one of my best qualities is that I’m very kinky and freaky in the bedroom. I’m very, very into lemurplay, and I go full out. I love wearing my lemur costume and getting my tail stroked hard and fast. I want to feel my grey fur up against their warm, bare skin, knowing that they’re ****ing an animal and not a human. Just the thought of it makes me a rock in the pants. I love being their little lemur bitch boy. Also I have nice eyes.

My worst qualities are probably that I’m too kind, too beautiful, and my dick is too large.

In my free time, I like to eat out at new restaurants…

…throw parties at my place…

…and sometimes get a little crazy!

My perfect date… well, I don’t know exactly, so I’ll describe to you the best date I’ve ever had instead, for reference. I hope one day, I could have another date this spectacular.

It was a two-hour drive to Chanel’s house, and I was shaking the entire time. My lemur costume was stuffed in my book bag. I kept playing through everything that would happen that evening. I would ring the doorbell, Chanel would open the door and say “kill yourself,” she would hand me a noose and I would get things going. When I got to her house, however, it wasn’t anything like what I expected.

I delicately pressed my finger into the doorbell, hearing it ring inside. Chanel slowly opened the door, and she was completely naked except for a black mesh top. I was shocked to see that Chanel not only had an enormous penis but also had a tight vagina right next to it. I was rendered speechless, but before I could ask if she was able to have penetrative intercourse with herself, the words “come to my room” left her lips, and she slithered up the stairs.

Before I knew it I was butt naked in her room, blindfolded and tied face down to her bed. I started to scream for Citrus but Chanel whipped me and yelled “Citrus and I are both hosts, god damn it! I have just as much authority as him!” Suddenly, something warm and slimy entered my anus, and I realized that Chanel must be eating me out. Instead of moving her tongue around, however, she just stuck it in and left it there for about five minutes.

After I felt it leave, I was immediately flipped over and my blindfolds were removed. Chanel’s butt was directly above my face, spread open. “Eat it or I’ll fart,” Chanel commanded, and I was left with no choice. I explored the region with my tongue. For some reason, it was covered in dry blood, but I was too scared to ask why. After about an hour, Chanel untied me and let me free. Neither of us had achieved orgasm or was even hard the whole time. “Let’s go to dinner,” Chanel said.

I drove us across town to go to a dim sum place in Chinatown. As soon as we went inside Chanel leaned over to me and whispered, “Look! Your people!” but I tried to pretend she didn’t say anything. “这个白变性人是谁？” the woman moving the cart yelled at the hostess. “What does that mean?” Chanel asked me nervously. “Oh,” I consoled her, “it means ‘So excited! New customers!’”

We sat down and got our food. I had steamed pork dumplings, while Chanel binged on two snow pea leaves. As she chewed the second one, she turned to me and said “You know, I can still taste your ass in my mouth.” Then she winked with both her eyes and pointed to the bathroom. “I’ll meet you there,” she cooed, and in a flash she was gone. Like some kind of dick zombie, I followed her with my lemur costume, leaving our food and phones on the table, unattended.

Once I got into the bathroom, I quickly changed into my lemur costume and started making out with Chanel. As we made out, Chanel reached over and grabbed my tail. Then she gave it a big yank. I perked up immediately and moaned with pleasure. “**** yeah baby” I screamed in my whistle register like a Mariah Carey song as Chanel began to stroke it as fast as she could. I ripped Chanel’s pants off, exposing her ghostly legs, and began moving Chanel’s penis in and out of her corresponding vagina.

“****, I’m getting close!” Chanel’s face was straining, her neck vein popping out. “Talk dirty to me!”

“Yeah, you like that, baby?” I said in a really deep voice in an effort to assert my masculinity and seem like a top.

“No, no, no!” Chanel broke character, before resuming and commanding me “Tell me what I really want to hear!”

I paused and thought for a second before saying “jpow deserves to ****ing die.” “AAAAAAHHHHJLKSDGNAGILLAJDGKSDATUWIEGLSKJNWUTIWONSVKCARRIEMESSIAHSHOULDNOTHAVEWONATRLDRAGRACESEASONONEDGSGLJAWLIKTGNWILISLKSLDKAJLGJSFILEKS!!!!!!!!!!” Chanel yelped and her penis exploded with bucket loads of yellow ***, all over the bathroom tile.

“That was amazing,” I swooned, and closed my eyes for a moment in sheer pleasure, but as soon as I opened them Chanel had disappeared! All that was left on the ground was a black mesh top and a picture of Eve Saint Laurence covered in jism. To this day, I don’t know if I will ever experience anything like it.

If you think you can give me an experience like that, call me! My number is 1-877-KARS4KIDS. Bye boys, hopefully I’ll be seeing you again ;)

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For my runway look I am giving you neon on neon! The big statement of this look is the sickening makeup inspired by the 80s, with the huge neon yellow streak, green eyebrows and even a little bit of glitter on the mouth in the center. I'm wearing a black and neon jumpsuit and paired it off with a neon yellow stiletto that's red on the bottom. MY hair is a classic 80s updo and my pink star earrings give it a playful touch and match the pink stars on my ta-tas. I'm half a second away from joining the Bangles!