discussion How have you handled the death of a loved one?

[Bears01]

In just over a month, it’ll be the 5th year anniversary of the death of my father. My fathers death crushed me and left me absolutely devastated beyond words, but getting through that grieving period made me stronger beyond my wildest dreams. It’s incredibly hard for me to get upset about anything anymore. I rarely if ever cry, and I rarely if ever let anything that upset me linger anymore. 
 

I guess I’m trying to ask: if you’ve gone through extreme grief, did it to permanent damage to your mental health, or did it make you stronger? 

[Tropez]

I did therapy. It was the most helpful thing. I learned that it’s okay to feel bad, just let it be. You have to release the emotions you feel because holding them actually makes things worse. I also had to learn that this is a natural process. Every person will have to feel the loss of a loved one. It’s a part of life. I oddly found comfort in that. Like I’m not the only one, and I won’t be the last. It’s a part of being human, and life will have its hard parts. But also it’s amazing. 
 

Lastly time. Time heals wounds. I knew things got better when I walked outside and it was a sunny day. And that simple thing made me happy. The sun, and it’s warmth just made me realize things will be okay. 

[Ryan]

26 minutes ago, Bears01 said:

In just over a month, it’ll be the 5th year anniversary of the death of my father. My fathers death crushed me and left me absolutely devastated beyond words, but getting through that grieving period made me stronger beyond my wildest dreams. It’s incredibly hard for me to get upset about anything anymore. I rarely if ever cry, and I rarely if ever let anything that upset me linger anymore. 
 

I guess I’m trying to ask: if you’ve gone through extreme grief, did it to permanent damage to your mental health, or did it make you stronger? 

I’m still going through my grief. In 2020 I lost my dad to COVID, my grandma in September 2022 and my mom unexpectedly at the end of May. I don’t know how to describe my grief other then an overwhelming weight anchored to my spirit while I’m in water. I’m holding it together as best I can. But I’m not okay. And I don’t know when I will be. My mom was my everything. And each day I’m reminded that she isn’t here. 

[Bears01]

1 minute ago, Ryan said:

I’m still going through my grief. In 2020 I lost my dad to COVID, my grandma in September 2022 and my mom unexpectedly at the end of May. I don’t know how to describe my grief other then an overwhelming weight anchored to my spirit while I’m in water. I’m holding it together as best I can. But I’m not okay. And I don’t know when I will be. My mom was my everything. And each day I’m reminded that she isn’t here. 

I’m here if you ever need anything king  just if you need to vent or get anything off your chest. 

[Starshine]

I was raised by my grandmother and I lost her to cancer around Christmas 2021. Even though I had anticipatory grief, I did not expect to lose her that fast where it went downhill in less than a month (especially when I have been used to receiving positive news from her oncologist over the years). I just remember being in a state of shock. I did a lot of reflecting the past 2 years. I think about her every day and I don't miss her any less, the pain is still there, and if you asked me to describe grief, it would be hard for me to do so. One moment I'm laughing, another I'm angry, and then my heart is sinking and I'm just bawling in bed lol. As cliché as it sounds, it is a rollercoaster of emotions. But I do feel like I'm making progress as time passes and I learned it's okay to feel the way you feel, never suppress it. I just accepted that everyone's going to have to go through losing a loved one as some point, we're human and it's just apart of life. 

 

It did damage to my mental health, it changed my perception of life.. however I feel like I can tackle anything going forward as I already faced my worst fear. 

[SoSickOfThatSOL]

For me, it was both. The death of my father almost 5 years ago did some incredible damage to my overall health. I was somehow diving in the remnants of what was left of a person. Until one day everything just blow up and I knew I need help. I went through pharmacological and conductual therapy for about 2 years.

 

After that, one day I just woke up feeling calm and in peace with myself and everything else. Time and therapy healed my wounds and I feel blessed to be where I am right now. I’m someone I didn’t think was possible to exist, all because of my lost.

 

I’m still battling with the idea that the only certain thing everyone has is death… but I’ve come a long way.

[Saintlor]

It's worth adding to this discussion that a lot of billionaires (including Jeff Bezos) are investing a LOT into life extension and the goal of reversing ageing. Scientists are making ok progress and some estimate that by 2030 we could be able to achieve it.

 

Lets live in hope that one day death will be something that is a choice only.

[Devin]

I would recommend therapy. 

 

I loss several close/core fam members at a young age which effected my mental health and anxiety – in result I’m numb to it which isn’t exactly healthy. 

[KFC]

Spoiler

I don't know how to say this without sounding callous or heartless but my mother died nearly 2 years ago now and apart from the night I found out (I screamed/cried myself to sleep) I have barely felt anything  

 

It's very strange, the next morning I woke up feeling fine, of course I was sad that she was no longer here but all of the grief I was expecting to feel just....wasn't there. I thought it would hit me later on but it's coming up to 2 years now and I still feel fine. 

 

I didn't even feel sad at her funeral. It's not that I'm not sad that she's gone, I just maybe think that I've accepted that death is part of life and me being upset won't bring her back. 

 

I realise this doesn't answer OP's question at all and I really hope it doesn't make me seem like a bad person but actually typing this out is the first time I've put my thoughts into words 

 

[Saintlor]

5 minutes ago, HotFriedChicken said:

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I don't know how to say this without sounding callous or heartless but my mother died nearly 2 years ago now and apart from the night I found out (I screamed/cried myself to sleep) I have barely felt anything  

 

It's very strange, the next morning I woke up feeling fine, of course I was sad that she was no longer here but all of the grief I was expecting to feel just....wasn't there. I thought it would hit me later on but it's coming up to 2 years now and I still feel fine. 

 

I didn't even feel sad at her funeral. It's not that I'm not sad that she's gone, I just maybe think that I've accepted that death is part of life and me being upset won't bring her back. 

 

I realise this doesn't answer OP's question at all and I really hope it doesn't make me seem like a bad person but actually typing this out is the first time I've put my thoughts into words 

 

Were you not close with her or something?

[KFC]

4 minutes ago, Saintlor said:

Were you not close with her or something?

We weren't SUPER close but we weren't distant either

[SinnerCity]

When I was 21 my best friend was murdered and when I was 26 my dad died from lungs cancer. I dealt with depression and anger and I didn’t even know I was dealing with that until I hit rock bottom. I did drugs to try and escape my reality and I tried to fill the emptiness with whatever I could find.

 

Eventually and with lots of therapy I got out of that hole I put myself into and now I check on myself regularly, I connect with how I feel and I keep my emotions in check. I have a strong support system but most importantly, I’ve became my own hero, I embrace my strengths and I am kind to myself, how I talk to me and how I see me. 
 

As cliché as it sounds, self love and therapy saved me.

[HungryByTheBuffet]

Basically, the first thing on this planet that made me realize what 'love' feels like, caring for someone and their safety and warm comfort, to make a true intense deep bond with someone that's unbreakable...died last year, idk if I've been dealing, it's been in bursts, steps ig, therapy just felt like a rehash and getting answers I already knew and did nothing for me, it's been an ending spiral of drugs and shitty routines and times lost, pain never stops, there were more hits that aren't losses after too, that it just felt like too much, I've disconnected in a way/my feelings are based on whatever drug I'm on at the moment, distractions over and over again...

 

2 hours ago, Saintlor said:

It's worth adding to this discussion that a lot of billionaires (including Jeff Bezos) are investing a LOT into life extension and the goal of reversing ageing. Scientists are making ok progress and some estimate that by 2030 we could be able to achieve it.

 

Lets live in hope that one day death will be something that is a choice only.

That would really put a dent in how everything is nowadays, like imagine your 443 years old mother accepting the fact you wish to no longer be, at the young age of anything less than 1000s of years because she has lived long enough that she'd be able to move on and she doesn't wish to force existence on someone who doesn't want it...

In such a world though, I'd imagine losing someone to a physical accident would be 1000x more devastating, then having to carry that loss with no expiration point besides the one you make.

[HungryByTheBuffet]

Idk if allowed but if you guys wanna maybe make a discord server for grief/depression/sharing generally it can be a cute idea maybe, I find it harder to open up to everyone nowadays, I don't really want to enter into deeper connections with anything cause I know it all leads to pain

[Invisibility]

The biggest grief I've lived is my grandpa's, since he lived 10+ years at home with my parents, my brother and I. Talking at length about my grief with my two best friends the day of his passing, crying the ugliest cries I ever have three times that night and talking at length with my mom, and keeping a memorial bear made from his clothes are what massively helped me process my feelings, but of course It's a process as unique as every person, and I can't compare my loss to losing one of my parents.

[naval23]

So sorry about your father! I use music - Together Again, I'll Be Missing You to help

[Alldeezy]

Im biggest sook I cry over everything however I'm 2009 I lost my dad in tragic accident. I was super super close to him but was super numb for 6 months afterwards like even at his funeral I didn't cry I went to school like everything was fine and everyone was like wtf is she lying or is she that cold.  But eventually it hitted me especially a year later we moved to a new town I never left the house even acted up here on atrl but idk think after being so chilled about it it eventually hit me hard. And that was a year after.

 

Everyone reacts different I've had a lot of people around me now uncle, cousin but never really cried with them too idk im quite scared bc only person I have left is my mum and if I ever lost her idk how I'd react I honestly idk where I'll be and that plays at the back of my head.

 

I miss my dad daily October is still a dark month for me and I can't listen to blues music because I would break down. I mean he died just before my 18th birthday and being almost 32 It still feels dark and cold without him.

[Pop Art]

My mom passed in October 2021 and honestly that very well may be the hardest thing I'll ever have to experience. She was honestly my best friend, the person I was closest to, and the person I loved more than anyone, and I miss her every single day still. I find keeping her alive in my everyday life (by listening to songs that remind me of her, going places she/we loved, remembering things about her, etcetera) helps a lot. As weird as it seems, I don't really want to fully "get over" or "get past" the sadness/pain of losing her to a certain extent because I fear doing that will result in me forgetting her, how much I love her, and all the memories we shared to some degree since she passed while I'm still in my 20s and, assuming I live a long life, that means the majority of my life will be without her and that's a lot of time for me to lose her (that fact haunts me so much honestly). As weird as it sounds, I almost thrive off of how much I miss her because it helps me keep her close to my heart.

 

In terms of how it's changed me, I've changed so much since her passing, my god. My entire outlook on life has changed, and I feel like my life goals have pivoted immensely. I still have yet to fully determine if it's in a good way or not honestly, but I'm leaning towards the changes being positive. I think they are due to me having a lot more responsibility and losing my biggest support system, so I'm more "on my own" now, even though I still have my partner, other family, and friends. But it's just not the same if that makes sense.

 

Sorry this was so long, it's just something that's been, well, kind of my whole life since her passing.

[Kevin2803]

I thankfully never lost anyone close to me so far. But i sometimes think about how i will react if it does happen and i'm honestly not sure, because i don't feel a strong emotional connection to a lot of my family members. I think it would hit me harder if i would lose one of my friends.

[Buffy]

Losing one of my best friends was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to experience. The only thing that helped me through the grief was praying for God’s peace to overwhelm me, which he faithfully did for me. The heaviness was lifted off of me for 2 weeks straight going into 3 years now. It doesn’t mean the grief goes away. It remains with us for a lifetime, coming and going in waves, but we learn to how to continue living in their absence.

 

The reality is as we grow older more people we love will pass on. It’ll become more of a common occurrence.

Edited August 9, 2023 by Buffy