Bingo Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 sooo a few days ago, I met my sister's boyfriend. They've been dating on and off for a little over a year and they've known each other since high school. They're both in college now and they've been navigating a long-distance relationship. He seems like a very sweet guy, he's extremely kind. He was kind of shy but my sister says that's because he was very nervous to meet me, which is understandable. First of all, I know it's not right to label someone based on a bunch of dated stereotypes BUT as a gay guy myself, I just couldn't help but notice the mannerisms. Secondly, I'm so happy that my sister is in love and is happy but at the same time, I don't want her to get her feelings hurt in the future btw she knows about me and we have a great relationship and I definitely don't wanna ruin that either so I'm really torn. Should I approach her about this or should I keep this thought to myself? I already lowkey hate myself for even thinking something like that after seeing the guy once He kinda reminded me of myself when I was their age and still in the closet tbh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aston Martin Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Don't say anything. If the relationship goes south, offer support if she asks. Listen if she needs to talk. But do not meddle in the relationship, it'll destroy your own close relationship with your sister. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
State of Grace. Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Don't **** him 6 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninasayers Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 (edited) You said it best yourself: it's not right to label someone based on a bunch of dated stereotypes. There's no need to get involved, it's her relationship and they'll figure things out by themselves if there's anything to figure out. Edited June 13, 2023 by ninasayers 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheers Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Well.. what about him makes him appear Gay? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Torres Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 (edited) It's natural to notice things, but remember that stereotypes don't define someone's sexual orientation. Instead of focusing on mannerisms, look at how they treat each other and communicate. If you're genuinely worried, have a casual chat with your sister, expressing your care and wanting her to be happy. Edited June 13, 2023 by Henry Torres 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smarticle Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Maybe he's bi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skwonderfactory Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Maybe he’s pan/bisexual. Either way, it’s not really your concern until your sister comes to you about relationship issues. Because if you tell her that he might be gay, she’s going to get very defensive and it’s never okay to assume anyone’s sexuality in the first place, no matter the stereotypes. What matters the most is that your sister is in a healthy relationship and that the both of them are genuinely happy. Please remember that matters the most and much more than speculating about his sexuality. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsclubPRESENTSavam Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 nnnn in true atrl style I thought this was going to end up with op saying they've already hooked up with them. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiagol88 Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 I mean...is there any red flag he could be gay besides "mannerisms"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergi91 Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Don’t assume things and let them live their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Power love Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Be nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloudy Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 You should take matters in your own hands, seduce him and **** him just to make sure Jokes aside, I would mind my business Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bingo Posted June 13, 2023 Author Share Posted June 13, 2023 8 minutes ago, Aston Martin said: Don't say anything. If the relationship goes south, offer support if she asks. Listen if she needs to talk. But do not meddle in the relationship, it'll destroy your own close relationship with your sister. Yeah, even the possibility of that over something like this is very scary I don't think I'm willing to take that risk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 But do you have actual tea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EtherealCat Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 all youve got is mannerisms and you are thinking of ruining your sisters relationship and/or your relationship with your sister? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveInStereo Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 I’m a millennial & I’m often floored by how stereotypically gay gen Z acts. But you shouldn’t project your experience onto him, you have similarities, that’s great, doesn’t mean you’re the same person. I get the confusion but if he says he’s straight, he’s straight, all that matters if if he’s treating your sister right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aston Martin Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Just now, Bingo said: Yeah, even the possibility of that over something like this is very scary I don't think I'm willing to take that risk. My sister is the closest person in my own life so I completely understand the fear of not wanting to risk that. It sounds like you've answered your own question, and are acting intelligently in doing so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LVP Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Ask him if he is on ATRL and you will know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kayseri Mantisi Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 You at the meeting: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyshimmery Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Ehmmmm, speaking from personal experience... my bro in law is not exactly straight. I told my sister when I found out in 2019... she is still with him. If I had a do-over, I wouldn't have said anything bc now the dynamic is awkward. If you tell your sister, she will probably have a talk with him, and guess who she's gonna bring up in the conversation? you, bc you were the one to unofficially initiate the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dom Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Just check grindr next time he is close and, if you find him there, then you have yourself an answer. now don’t base smth of because of mannerisms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeAg Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 my sister's husband is straight as an arrow and is just as, if not more, effeminate than my two queer brothers and I (bisexual but pretty androgynous) mannerisms... really don't tell as much as you think they might! he also might be bi. he also might just not have a label! what matters is that he's chill and good with your sis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemDam92 Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 He could be attracted sexually to men and still be her boyfriend or life partner. Not my tea but you know, these things can happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bingo Posted June 13, 2023 Author Share Posted June 13, 2023 11 minutes ago, Smarticle said: Maybe he's bi Maybe! 12 minutes ago, Cheers said: Well.. what about him makes him appear Gay? 5 minutes ago, tiagol88 said: I mean...is there any red flag he could be gay besides "mannerisms"? Well I don't even really know you guys, I just felt like I saw myself in him and in the way that he acts or talks or even stands with his arms crossed etc. I'm embarrassed to admit that those are the little things that I noticed. But suddenly my gaydar went off. Believe me when I say I feel like one of those toxic gheys on the internet speculating that Shawn Mendes is gay... What I mean by seeing myself in him is basically a guy in the glass closet but trying so hard not to out himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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