discussion In a sticky situation. Help

[KnightOfAllRealms]

So I have a best friend for over 12 years. He's been with me through the lowest points of life and is a pillar of support in my life. We met each other after 2 years and went to watch a movie together. When the lights went out, he started kissing my hand and then my cheek. I got super panicked because I didn't want this but I couldn't bear hurting him or losing him so I let him kiss me. He kept looking at me too like he might kiss me on the mouth but I thank God he didn't. Now he invited me over to the pub and I'm scared he might kiss me when drunk. I don't know what to do, I never want to hurt or lose him but I don't like him romantically. ATRLers please help me and tell me what to do

[Nano]

You could try getting drunk enough until you do like him.

[KatyPrismSpirit]

You need to set boundaries, wether that hurts his feelings or not. Because it is your best friend of 12 years and i assume you dont want to lose him, be gentle about it and say you rather don’t have him behave this way with you. 

[State of Grace.]

Be honest and tell him that you are not romantically nor sexually attracted to him and that value you friendship a lot and you don't wanna lose him. 

 

I do feel for him, especially if he's had a crush on you for ages, but he should understand it. 

[Bacardo Royale]

I was drunk in the club with my best friend when I confessed I was in love him. He gave me a big hug and said he loved me as a friend only. And no that's not what I wanted to hear at the time and yes I was heartbroken especially cause he led me on for months. But I had a lot of respect for him for not making me feel bad or awkward about it, so I didn't push anything after that. It was hard but it's not impossible.

 

Fast forward to 6 years later, we're still friends and I'm not even 1% in love with him anymore. I can't believe I ever had feelings for him  But he was always there for me at my lowest points and I think that's what made me fall for him. You guys have been friends for way longer, 12 years in I think it should be obvious to him by now you don't want him in that way.

[arceus]

it sounds like he is ugly that's why you don't want him 

[Ayanaa]

Just tell him in a polite manner and in person, thats all you can do. 

[Khal]

I mean what else is there to do, force yourself to like him?

 

If you feel there might be something there that could grow with time, then you could probably give it a try, but it doesn't sound like there is, so you're going to have to let him down gently and risk losing his friendship if he isn't capable of staying friends with you without something romantic/sexual.

 

Sadly, that's the risk you take when you introduce romantic/sexual feelings into a friendship and it's not reciprocated. As you've been friends for 12 years, I'd hope your friendship can survive this

Edited October 11, 2022 by Khal

[Bubble Tea]

Communicate with him now you're feeling. Don't pretend anything, say you adore your friendship but have absolutely zero interest in anything more. If that causes issues, then I'm sorry my friend but there's no way they won't bubble up eventually regardless.

[Robyn.]

What led him to think you could be romantically attracted to him? Because it sounds like he went for it without a second thought

 

It's weird of him to just go for a kiss out of nowhere 

[Dolce Vita]

be honest and tell him how you only want a platonic relationship with him before it escalates any further. obviously this risks ruining your friendship if he reacts badly, but it is what it is. you can’t force yourself to like someone and he should be able to understand if he truly cares about you 

[KnightOfAllRealms]

3 hours ago, Bacardo Royale said:

I was drunk in the club with my best friend when I confessed I was in love him. He gave me a big hug and said he loved me as a friend only. And no that's not what I wanted to hear at the time and yes I was heartbroken especially cause he led me on for months. But I had a lot of respect for him for not making me feel bad or awkward about it, so I didn't push anything after that. It was hard but it's not impossible.

 

Fast forward to 6 years later, we're still friends and I'm not even 1% in love with him anymore. I can't believe I ever had feelings for him  But he was always there for me at my lowest points and I think that's what made me fall for him. You guys have been friends for way longer, 12 years in I think it should be obvious to him by now you don't want him in that way.

We were always kinda touchy feely and I snuggled up a bit to him while watching because I was glad to see him, I think he might've taken it the wrong way 

[KnightOfAllRealms]

2 hours ago, Robyn. said:

What led him to think you could be romantically attracted to him? Because it sounds like he went for it without a second thought

 

It's weird of him to just go for a kiss out of nowhere 

We always used to hold hands and hug a lot so I thought he was just overjoyed to see me when he kissed my hand then he kissed my cheek and kept looking at me, that's when I realised it is probably something more 

[KnightOfAllRealms]

Thank u ATRLers, I will take your advice if something happens and will update the results here

[X~MoviePoP]

Is he hot

[Theshigo Washidu]

Is he queer? Why would he randomly start kissing on you?

 

Anyway, nip it in the bud and tell him that you're not interested before things get out of hand. But really, you shouldn't be hugging up on each other or being touchy-touchy with one another if there's no romantic or sexual feeling.

[Tedwards]

5 hours ago, Nano said:

You could try getting drunk enough until you do like him.

  

[MonsterJohn]

Don't mislead people, especially for serious relationship, it's a recipe for disaster, just be upfront with him