PopKills Posted July 19, 2022 Share Posted July 19, 2022 This could be a long text, sorry, but I gotta write about this because it’s sucha unreal situation and honestly it scares me a bit. So in June of last year I (21) decided to move into a flat with my boyfriend (19) and our supposed “friend” (20). We knew she had mental health issues but we’ve both been there and she’s always portrayed herself as a good friend in need to us. Also since she has been living alone and felt lonely and me & bf wanted to move together but didn’t have the experience like her and a third party paying for the rent would be easier we decided to move together. A mistake as I now know. In the first weeks of moving in we tried to to make a plan for grocery shopping, cleaning the dishes, flat rules etc.. We sat down together multiple times, which was kinda lost time because everytime we disagreed, me and my boyfriend happened to have the same opinion, which made her completely act out and accuse us of conspiring and teaming up against her, when we just wanted what was best in our opinion. It also was about stuff where she wanted one of us to cook everyday for everyone for a week whereas we thought it’d be easier for our schedules if everyone kinda made their own dinner or ordered food, like it’s not that much of a big deal? When confronted with how incredibly offensive her accusations were she would run into her room until the next day and blame it on her depression. Keep in mind, all three of us had been diagnosed with depression at that point and everyone but her went to a therapist which she didn’t seem to bother about doing even though we told her several times it would be better for her. Anyways after our last attempt to make a plan she ran off, wrote a bunch of rules on a paper and single-handedly decided these would be the rules from now on. She even had the nerve to tell us how much money to pay when one of the rules were broken. Obviously we would not subscribe to *that*, so she went in ignoring mode and we didn’t have any plans or rules for the living-together ever since. Amazing start, I know. So in like a month she would throw random ‘parties’, invite the creepiest people to drink with her and in the process ruined the kitchen in record time. We had cleanup days with the help of friends but somehow she always managed to make the kitchen look like a mess in no time again. Not to talk about the balcony, which is so full of cigarettes, alcohol bottles and food leftovers, I haven’t gone there it in months… She also started to not really living with us, staying at her dad’s house for most of the week and visiting the flat (she partly pays for) like 2 days a week. Mostly for ‘parties’ with friends that seem like she just picked them up from under some bridge. Speaking of friends… we share some mutual friends (most have unfriended her in the previous months and weeks) and they have told us that she always talks to them about us as though we were the meanest bullies, that I wanted to lock her out because I locked the flat door before I went to a party (only because she complained so much about us not locking the door when we leave…), that we were evil for not paying her after she OFFERED to order & pay Pizza for us, etc. One day she even threw a drink at me & my boyfriend because we dared making out at a party while she was single and NEVER SAID SORRY. Obviously our relationship with her became very cold, but I front of us she still presented herself as a good, caring friend, bought us Christmas presents, invited us to her future wedding etc. so that was very irritating considering we were so mean in her eyes. But the messiest part is yet to come: around November last year she found an American army boy who’s stationed in Germany and they already plan on marrying, getting children and stuff (I suspect he only wants to marry her to be able to live in Germany but that’s not important here). However in April, at my boyfriends birthday party she told me she made out ‘and more’ with … boyfriend’s best friend. And in the morning after she told me how she sometimes thinks about what would’ve happened if she got together with him and not army boy. Even crazier, she happily told me a few days later that her boyfriend admitted to cheating on her multiple times and that she now wants to move in earlier so she can control him like what?? That was the last proper conversation we had. In the beginning of June she told us that she wants to move out in July already, without us having much time to adjust to the financial change (boyfriend & me can afford the flat together, but it still caught us off guard). She then said she would go to a trip to New York with her boyfriend/fiancée and her family and left. That day I wrote her boyfriend what happened at the birthday party in April. Yes, I was being petty but I also thought he deserved to know that he wasn’t the only one cheating as she made him believe. Not that I thought this delusional relationship could be saved my any means but yeah. She hasn’t been in contact with us two ever since, but one of our mutual friends told us that *somehow* *someone* deleted her private Snapchat pictures around the same time I sent the messages to her man. And to top that she told the friend that she accused US of HACKING her and even thought about SUING US. And that she’s SCARED of us. So I though okay, whatever, when she’s back she’ll move out and it’s done. We won’t have to endure this madness any longer. Buuut we haven’t heard of her since then at all, even though she planned to move out this month but her room full of junk food and insects is still not empty and she still pays her part of the rent. Btw in her absence she got letter after letter from various banks and lawyers and even though we didn’t open them thanks to flashlights we could read through the letter a bit and they’re nearly all payment demands up to 500€. Keep in mind, she didn’t have a job till May, worked for McDonalds until June and only starts an apprenticeship in September (allegedly). Now with her not responding to our texts, blocking us everywhere and threatening to sue us me & boyfriend (okay honestly just me) are scared of her coming back randomly, causing a scene (she’s screamed at us multiple times before), actually going crazy on us and trying to sue us or just leaving without cleaning her **** up. Also we still don’t have any information about the side costs since she has paid everything except our part of the rent obviously, and she seemingly can’t be arsed to communicate with us. Anyway idek what I’m afraid of but I get anxious really quickly in situations like these (which is the goal of people like this, I know but still) and I just want this to be over so me and my man can live in peace together but without any information it’s really frustrating and frightening honestly. Does anyone know what I could do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daydream Posted July 19, 2022 Share Posted July 19, 2022 It might seem a bit extreme but could you and your boyfriend move out and find a different place? Then it’s between her and the landlord and nothing to do with you. You probably don’t want to if you like it there, but this situation could go on for months and months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GabeInPolaroids Posted July 19, 2022 Share Posted July 19, 2022 Just now, Daydream said: It might seem a bit extreme but could you and your boyfriend move out and find a different place? Then it’s between her and the landlord and nothing to do with you. You probably don’t want to if you like it there, but this situation could go on for months and months. I was about to comment this. Just leave the place with your bf and never look back. She’s not your friend so you won’t be missing anything from cutting her out of your lives. And I’m sorry you went to all this trouble, but try to look for the bright side in it, see what you learned and start to move on carrying those lessons. I’m sure you and you bf will be okay, the worst is almost gone. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotunda Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 You should probably clean up the junk in her room so you don’t end up with an infestation in your stuff. I don’t know what your lease terms are, but if you have a landlord, I’d ask if there’s another unit under them thats becoming available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PopKills Posted July 20, 2022 Author Share Posted July 20, 2022 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Daydream said: It might seem a bit extreme but could you and your boyfriend move out and find a different place? Then it’s between her and the landlord and nothing to do with you. You probably don’t want to if you like it there, but this situation could go on for months and months. 14 minutes ago, GabeInPolaroids said: I was about to comment this. Just leave the place with your bf and never look back. She’s not your friend so you won’t be missing anything from cutting her out of your lives. And I’m sorry you went to all this trouble, but try to look for the bright side in it, see what you learned and start to move on carrying those lessons. I’m sure you and you bf will be okay, the worst is almost gone. ? I actually proposed this idea to him a few months ago when the situation wasn’t *that* bad and I still had a steady income from my apprenticeship but he didn’t like the idea of asking our families to help moving out all of our stuff and going through the turmoil of moving again. And now, due to him being in university and me just finishing my apprenticeship and going to university in September we don’t have an official job (tho we are both jobbing) so I doubt any landlord would take us now. Also the rent here is remarkably low for our area and we’re living very central and near our parents so it’s a perfect flat for the next years. And thanks for the words. <3 we won’t let that person in our lives ever again and certainly learned about a few red flags lmao. 11 minutes ago, Rotunda said: You should probably clean up the junk in her room so you don’t end up with an infestation in your stuff. I don’t know what your lease terms are, but if you have a landlord, I’d ask if there’s another unit under them thats becoming available. He told us we could take over the flat as soon as she’s out but unfortunately there’s not other unit in our price range available for us. Edited July 20, 2022 by PopKills Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daydream Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 It seems like you’re a bit stuck then and there isn’t much you can do right now. She’s continuing to pay her rent, so the space is still rightfully hers as much as it is yours. However could she be breaking other terms of her lease? For example I’m sure general upkeep of the property will be her responsibility too? And if she’s let her room get infested then she’s potentially broken that contract with the landlord? Or maybe when your lease renewal comes up, if she doesn’t renew/extend hers but you and your boyfriend do, then the full space will become yours and you can fairly dispose of her things if still not collected (maybe after giving her yet another opportunity, so message her saying “If your belongings are still here by XX/XX/XXXX or we have not heard from you about your intentions by this date, [etc]…”) The thing is she sounds unpredictable. Like you said she could come back to get her stuff and be aggressive with you or threaten to sue you. But on the other hand she could come back after breaking up with her man and decide she’s staying, and make your lives hell. I hope you manage to find a resolution soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagger Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 Omg I don't really have any advice but I have definitely had a friend like that.....so my condolences. They are so difficult to deal with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katara Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 Oh gosh roommating can become hell on earth if you have bad luck with a flatmate. This reminds me of my student years. I lived in a shared apartment of 3. We had such a wonderful experience for years (we hung out together, cooked together, everyone did their part in cleaning etc) but then one of us moved out due to a job and the remaining 2 of us searched for a new flatmate. We thought we found someone unproblematic but he was just faking it in the beginning. 2 weeks after moving in he brought 2 other guys in his room without asking us so in total 3 people lived in his room. They would never ever clean, stay up late making noise, always clogged up the kitchen and bathroom etc. The worst was yet to come though. Apparently his mattress had a bed bug infestation so those bugs started to spread out from his room to the whole apartment. Anyone who had to deal with them knows that bed bugs are literal hell to deal with. Soon the whole apartment became a dumpster thanks to all his trash and the bed bugs. Mind you this was all in the timespan of 2 months. Me and the other original roommate decided to move out as quickly as possible. I even wrote myself sick for a week from work so I could use the time to find a new aparment in record time. Moral of the story: either you move out or you make her move out. There is no other solution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theshigo Washidu Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 Is it possible to report them to the landlord? That should have been done already tbh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topaz Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 On 7/19/2022 at 4:55 PM, Daydream said: It might seem a bit extreme but could you and your boyfriend move out and find a different place? Then it’s between her and the landlord and nothing to do with you. You probably don’t want to if you like it there, but this situation could go on for months and months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PopKills Posted July 21, 2022 Author Share Posted July 21, 2022 11 hours ago, St. Francis said: Is it possible to report them to the landlord? That should have been done already tbh I’ve now asked whether she told him when she moves out and told him that it’s not possible to get in contact with her regarding her plans to move out and that we’re worried about how she left her room and the balcony behind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sesame Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 Whew ***** I didn’t read this, but judging by how long the post is I’m sure she’s awful and you need to k word her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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