discussion Should you be able to filter out people in open relationships on apps?

[ZIVERT]

I was scrolling through Tinder and Grindr today, and found myself getting frustrated by the amount of people in open relationships taking up space on my feeds. I think it’s okay for them to be on the app, especially if you’re just looking for friendship or sex. But if you’re looking for something a little more than that, or maybe you just feel uncomfortable hanging out with someone else’s man, do you think we should have the option to filter these people out?

 

[pigeon]

Yes, it would be great tbh. I was thinking the same thing

[Europe]

Great idea.

[RideOrDie]

yeah omg the amount of times i see a cute guy and want to ask him out and i see "open relationship" on his profile  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

[youreyesgocold]

Yeah I feel the exact same way. It’s very frustrating. But I don’t even think being able to filter would matter anyways because it would require those people to disclose it in their profiles via some setting. I’ve already talked to guys who didn’t have it written in their profile and revealed later in our chat that they are polygamous or in an open relationship. I think it would be the same situation if the option to disclose it was in the profile settings. If they don’t bother to disclose it, then they won’t get filtered anyways. 
 

No shade or judgement from me against anyone in one of those relationships, they just aren’t my thing so I wish it was easier to just not see them in the first place to avoid wasting time

[Dancehall Queen]

I just checked and apparently it’s a paid filter on Grindr.
 

I wonder if it’s a little pointless though, since I don’t think most people actually have a relationship status on their profile. 

[swissman]

No you should just be able to filter for people looking for monogamous, long-term relationships.

 

To filter someone out just because they're open if you're not looking for a relationship is kind of weird and pointless.

[scenekiller]

1 minute ago, swissman said:

No you should just be able to filter for people looking for monogamous, long-term relationships.

 

To filter someone out just because they're open if you're not looking for a relationship is kind of weird and pointless.

But then why would you choose to filter them out if you weren't looking for a relationship? 

 

I think it's a good idea that would save a lot of issues between people.

[jesus del rey]

Omg yes. A filter is much needed! I hate liking someone then seeing he is in an open relationship. 

[swissman]

31 minutes ago, scenekiller said:

But then why would you choose to filter them out if you weren't looking for a relationship? 

 

I think it's a good idea that would save a lot of issues between people.

Many people just don't like the idea of being with someone in an open relationship, rather than them explicitly looking for a long-term relationship. To prioritize their judgements over what they actually are looking for in that moment doesn't really let people with open relationships have respect on the platform. If someone doesn't want to be with someone in an open relationship but is only looking for a weekend-hookup and someone on the app in an open relationship is otherwise a perfect match, the only thing blocking them from having a great time with that person is their own bias, and no one is going to grow and open their mind if they automatically block people out. There are also a variety of open-relationships too, so what you may think doesn't work about them for you may not even be the case.

I'm suggesting a method of filtering by desired relationship-goal for the very fact that it does the same job as "filtering out" open relationships without stigmatizing them.

 

Since the question was posed as "filter out" not "filter by relationship type", there seems to be a desire to dismiss open relationships rather than just ascertain who wants what, which imo is a more fair and less judgmental way of setting up a platform and allows for more options to be considered.

 

 

 

 

Edited July 12, 2022 by swissman

[swissman]

Basically the reasoning behind NOT "filtering out" open relationships is it priortizes biases and allows individuals to be judged and sorted out rather than sorting by what you actually seek.

[ZIVERT]

14 minutes ago, swissman said:

Many people just don't like the idea of being with someone in an open relationship, rather than them explicitly looking for a long-term relationship. To prioritize their judgements over what they actually are looking for in that moment doesn't really let people with open relationships have respect on the platform. If someone doesn't want to be with someone in an open relationship but is only looking for a weekend-hookup and someone on the app in an open relationship is otherwise a perfect match, the only thing blocking them from having a great time with that person is their own bias, and no one is going to grow and open their mind if they automatically block people out. There are also a variety of open-relationships too, so what you may think doesn't work about them for you may not even be the case.

I'm suggesting a method of filtering by desired relationship-goal for the very fact that it does the same job as "filtering out" open relationships without stigmatizing them.

 

Since the question was posed as "filter out" not "filter by relationship type", there seems to be a desire to dismiss open relationships rather than just ascertain who wants what, which imo is a more fair and less judgmental way of setting up a platform and allows for more options to be considered.

 

 

 

 

I didn’t mean it that way, but I can understand why my wording would come across like that. I think filtering by desired relationship status would also be good - but we kind of have that already on Grindr with the seeking option (friends, dates, networking, relationship, right now). Maybe it would be better if Grindr let us filter by single, in an open relationship, committed etc since they already allow us to put that in our profile.

[swissman]

2 minutes ago, ZIVERT said:

I didn’t mean it that way, but I can understand why my wording would come across like that. I think filtering by desired relationship status would also be good - but we kind of have that already on Grindr with the seeking option (friends, dates, networking, relationship, right now). Maybe it would be better if Grindr let us filter by single, in an open relationship, committed etc since they already allow us to put that in our profile.

But even filtering by relationship status wouldn't allow those bothered by open relationships to never have the issue of getting let down by them. For example, if you filter FOR those seeking monogamy it would exclude those who may be single (not in an open relationship) but wanting to enter an open relationship. Monoagmy is really the important factor in this, not current status.

[Josh]

just dont message them

[Alldeezy]

yes they should. I legit hate it.  open is just a way to cheat. 

i haven't used dating apps in long time, found my bf on discord  (well we always had eachother on fb just never talked till i joined his discord server)

dating apps are overrated. 

[The7thStranger]

Yes. And I’m in an open relationship. 

[Selegend]

Instagram > Dating apps 

just go and like old pictures of someone u found cute, the worst that will happen is nothing happening at all.. and with IG u’ll always know things like that AND a little more about the guys personality than on a dating apps. I think there has been years that i dont use a dating app, Instagram is my tinder