tournament Song of the Season 3 ? WINNER ANNOUNCED (pg. 137)

[fountain]

[ughgabriel]

On 11/15/2020 at 8:22 PM, Ampersand13 said:

I'm so sorry y'all my GRE exam was this week and so was the deadline for my graduate school application. I don't think I'll be able to submit a song and will thus be disqualified. I've had such an amazing time writing with y'all. I love you all so much and thank you to the judges for always providing such thoughtful critiques. Truly, I know it might sound silly but I feel as though I've grown quite a bit as a writer throughout participating. Much love to y'all! 

It was a pleasure to read your songs and see your growth. I do believe that you grew as a writer! I'm saddened by this but I understand, it might be difficult to continue with this competition when you have real life responsibilities :( 

I hope you play again on a future season <3 

[ughgabriel]

2 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said:

Your doc is telling me that I need access :( 

[fountain]

39 minutes ago, ughgabriel said:

Your doc is telling me that I need access :( 

I think I fixed it?! ?

[Dessy]

19 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said:

This reminds me...

[fountain]

18 minutes ago, Dessy said:

This reminds me...

Of a peach? 

[Dessy]

1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said:

Of a peach? 

Of something else you don't wanna know

[fountain]

6 minutes ago, Dessy said:

Of something else you don't wanna know

Why, Dessy?

 

[Hug]

Lemon stealing whores

[Hug]

Does @Prisoner like the song Miley made for them? ?

[Rence]

stream cherry magic while waiting

 

[Prisoner]

7 hours ago, Hug said:

Does @Prisoner like the song Miley made for them? ?

wait what? shook ? 

[Prisoner]

So I broke my laptop and that's been an issue with the way I do my reviews, so I apologise for that. Anyway here are the reviews, good work everyone! 

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11Wt7CGvRBGhTRoTQ4Oh97PUD9FG8PNBV2jZyYThcOsk/edit?usp=drivesdk

 

@Hug @funnellegs @8thPrince @Rence @keshaspearsxo @Dessy @Posh Spice

[Hug]

@Prisoner Truthfully, I didn't really expect to go that personal this season because I find it really hard to be honest and impactful while still keeping the level of lyricism of my less personal pieces, but if there was a round to go for it, it was this round. Your review boosted my confidence in my ability to write something personal and have it still be worthwhile, however. Thank you so much ♥

[Hug]

OH and idk if you're going to be getting your laptop fixed or getting it replaced, but I hope for either or. 

[Rence]

Dark king  Voldemort is shaking

 

Thank your Prisoner 

[fountain]

19 minutes ago, Prisoner said:

keshaspearsxo - "O R 2"

 

A shorter length entry from you? I'm shook tbh. But this entry still feels very you and I'm not mad that you went back to this O R thing. What I love about this is how I wasn't able to predict where the ending would go based on the first stanza, I think this is how most of your entries are tbh, so good work. The 3rd stanza is also really really amazing with the way the metaphor builds up to create these really nice pieces of imagery, I was gasping reading each line, this section deserves a standing ovation because it's that good. Well done! 

Oh, thank you! So actually that third verse is the moment when writing it that the song really started to come together for me. I wrote a majority of the rest of it early in the week but it wasn’t sitting right with me. It’s not that what I was writing wasn’t what I wanted to say, but, it just wasn’t feeling good. I’ve kind of been spacing out the iterations of this O story, not just for the sake of trying to keep my entries interesting but also for the sake of my mind, and doing back to back songs for it was really plaguing me at first. But, there was no honest way that I could approach the theme of this challenge without pushing myself to do it. So I continued on and when I wrote that third verse was when it finally started to feel complete to me, so I’m glad that you really liked that section specifically. 

[Courtney Love]

Courtney Love's Reviews

 

Apologies for how late I am with critiques. I've never really been more busy with college, work and volunteering

But I loved everyone's entry this week. 2 of the songs are my favourite song I've read this whole competition. 

 

@Hug - Some Day Came To Be

Spoiler

Just wanted to say before I jump into SDCTB, Someday’s Not Today really struck me. I loved the honesty (and I believed every single word you wrote), and really made me emotional.

 

There are so many lines there I absolutely love so much. This song could not have come at a better time for me as I’m currently doing grief work in college at the moment. I think it’s a great stylistic choice to write this as almost like a letter to this person, while also weaving in reflection pieces throughout.

 

‘so I let myself laugh, I don’t need to be sad’, really perfectly conveys that complexity of learning to move on. A lot of people that go through grief, feel guilty if they start to feel any type of happiness. Almost like you shouldn’t ever move on, or you risk believing that person didn’t matter/or that you are forgetting them. Which isn’t true at all, but when we’re in grieving stages, it can seem that way. It’s that ‘letting’ yourself to do the things you used to do before grief, that helps to move on with that person still being a relevant part of us. Really perfect way of describing this I thought.

 

The outro comes across as this ultimate acceptance that even though this person will always be apart of you through memories which will pop up, but you’re ready to move on and I think you conveyed that message extremely well.

 

There are so many lines I can pull out from this that have stuck out to me, but I’d be writing an essay! I think this is your best song that I’ve seen in this competition.

 

Overall, it’s just a really positive, and honest song, and such a great progression from the original.

 

@Astronomy - Payton

Spoiler

I really liked this song. It’s very narrative and story-telling piece that just explodes into raw emotions and upset by the time we reach the outro.

The imagery in verse 1 was really impactful, i really liked the little details about the wedding and how there’s that hint that something is going on between the two. I also really enjoyed the chorus and how this person is in a really complex situation and knowingly choosing to do what they did regardless of the other person’s feelings. But the last line makes me feel that there is some type of guilt there, but the emotions is faaar too strong to actually do something about it. I really liked how you conveyed that throughout the rest of the song also.

 

The outro was my favourite part of this song. I felt build up of emotions and then it bursts into the raw, personal and honest verse about not wanting to waste the chance of love from this situation that they’re both in. The whole outro is a definite highlight.

There was some minor nitpicks I had with it.

For example – I really didn’t think you needed to state ‘you knew it was love’ in  the bridge, it’s implied with the previous lines. It felt like an eyesore when I read it the firs time.

I’m also kind of on the fence with Chorus 2 and stating the name of the person. I think while It can be effective sometimes to make that personal connection, it can easily fall into melodrama and I’m still on the fence with which way that lines falls.

I think personalisation is conveyed much more effectively in the outro with the ‘Love on the Brain’ and the classroom line.

 

@funnellegs - fake flower

Spoiler

The imagery… THE IMAGERY. Throughout, but even from the first lines:

 

it was like a flower that refused to bloom,

a secret only allowed to breathe in my bedroom.

 

What an amazing way to convey hiding a part of yourself. Just really blown away at how great this rolled off the tongue but also the personification is just so rich and creative. Such a strong opener.

 

I loved the section where you described the mother’s reaction feeling like being watered as a flower and supported, yet the person had not accepted this part of themselves and felt this mental anguish.

 

I gasped when you moved into the garden section towards the end, what an incredible way to really describe that support parents offer, even if we ourselves don’t want it. And in this case, the shame associated with being true to themselves meant that they didn’t want support, yet they couldn’t stop it.

Really loved the alliteration with the parents gently shove and the learning to shed shame. A great use of poetic devices to make their parents never giving up on their child connect with the child having to learn that they can’t feel shame for being who they are.

 

‘To my mother and my father,

I no longer wish to wither and die,

I’ve never felt quite so alive,

this is the rebirth of flower number five.’

 

I just really loved these last 4 lines a lot. It really filled me with so much hope and appreciation for this person. I think the last line is always one of my favourite last lines of a song ever.

 

@Dessy - Mount Andres

Spoiler

This song came across to me as being about a couple at a crossroads where both were going different directions. The climbing the mountain felt like it was describing their relationship. I thought the line about the sunset in verse 1 really helped illustrate and was a great concept for it. But then we see that they’re choosing to ‘ignore any create that appear to stalk’, which makes it seem like you personified the issues in their relationship which I think is a really effective way of presenting this. Because at the end of the day, issues can’t be ignored because they’ll only get bigger. Which  we can see with the Apex predatory wicked king and mountain lion who has decided the fate of their at the summit of the mountain.

 

Overall I though this was a great concept. The only thing I would nitpick is that at some points it felt the song had started repeating itself a bit. I think just after the 1st chorus, there was a constant understanding that this relationship was over that I didn’t think needed to be as overstated as it was. However, you brough it back with the bridge about wishing that it wasn’t over and how the person wished they had did things different or fought harder. I really liked this part also. 

 

 

@Rence - Mother's Mercy

Spoiler

Some of your imagery in this song is extremely effective and vivid. The language in the first verse in the garden as well as the graduation later in the song I felt were standout moments that really put me in the place and get the point across that this woman has gone through a change and is extremely toxic.

 

My favourite part was the prechorus sections with the father not knowing what to say or do so he just sits in the living room. I through it was an authentic and honest account. I kinda wish it was utilised a bit more because it was so good. Even weaved into the verse or the bridge.

 

I really wasn’t a fan of the title of your song. I think borders on the type of melodrama that ‘Mother Dearest’ draws on, and I kept getting reminded of that book in the chorus. I thought there was probably stronger ways of saying what you wanted to say in the 2nd half of each chorus. I know if this song is extremely personal to you tho, it could be just a case of it not translating for a reader. Also, the rose imagery seemed like such an important part to the song, but it just wasn’t utlised enough. It almost feels like an afterthought that was just added.

 

These are obviously very nitpicky, but it’s really down to the line at this stage with the quality of songs. For those reasons, I wasn’t really able to connect with the song as much as I wanted to

 

@keshaspearsxo - O R 2

Spoiler

First of all I just wanted to say that I really love that the last few songs have found a great balance between grounding each idea while also continuing your high conceptual parts to each song. I think it really allows for better understanding and also some of the lines start to hit a lot harder with the grounding to back it  up (i.e. line 1-6 of stanza 4).  The last line of stanza 4 is also extremely effective (and I can’t really explain why without using some of the lines and the set up but it really paid off).

 

 

Towards the end, I started to get this gut-wrenching feeling and my heart dropped. The last stanza in particular I think is likely your best closer of a song from what I’ve read. You definitely know how to tug at the heartstrings, without coming across melodramatic.

 

I’ve also never been more intrigued about what is going to come next.

 

@8thPrince - Life Is Laughing 

 

Spoiler

First of all, I just want to say the title is absolutely amazing. If this was the title of a book or a coming of age movie, I would be first in line for it!

 

It’s the details in the song that really make it. The takeout boxes in the room because you can’t clean the room, the  ‘5 free sessions’ with a therapist, that note the therapist gave being pressed into the wallet, the snapped crayons. It’s so conversationally pessimistic, and just creates this amazing imagery, tone and mood.

 

I really loved the deception of the title and what it actually meant in the chorus. I fully assumed Life Is Laughing something positive, rather than the literal life laughing at the person. Really great and effective songwriting here.

 

My only real nitpick is that I don’t think it needed the bridge onwards. It started to lose that conversational tone and become abstract and conceptual. But just to be clear, I think this is the best song from you that I’ve read. It was a really great read.

 

[Rence]

Thank you Courtney Love 

[Hug]

@Courtney Love I still get emotional when I look at Someday's Not Today (given I really just didn't look at it after I wrote it for that reason) but seeing that it resonates with people that aren't myself makes me feel accomplished as a writer, especially since one of my biggest insecurities is writing something that is both personal and universal (this line is incredibly hard to walk, I've found.) Also really appreciate your comments on Someday Came To Be, it was fulfilling to finish that "arc" so to speak and seeing it so well-received makes my heart swell.  

 

Good luck with your grief work in college, by the way! I've been thinking that I'd love to be a therapist or counselor of some sort if I didn't have my own shit to deal with </3

 

 

[funnellegs]

Thank you for the reviews @Prisoner and @Courtney Love  means a lot 

[fountain]

2 hours ago, Courtney Love said:

volunteering

You give off legend vibes to me, I love it C L 

 

2 hours ago, Courtney Love said:

First of all I just wanted to say that I really love that the last few songs have found a great balance between grounding each idea while also continuing your high conceptual parts to each song. I think it really allows for better understanding and also some of the lines start to hit a lot harder with the grounding to back it  up (i.e. line 1-6 of stanza 4).  The last line of stanza 4 is also extremely effective (and I can’t really explain why without using some of the lines and the set up but it really paid off).

 

 

Towards the end, I started to get this gut-wrenching feeling and my heart dropped. The last stanza in particular I think is likely your best closer of a song from what I’ve read. You definitely know how to tug at the heartstrings, without coming across melodramatic.

I’m glad you noticed I’ve been trying to ground it a little in some of my recent songs. I know the word grand has been thrown around a bit for me, but I agree it’s also good to ground things occasionally as to reconnect. I don’t always go about writing like that, because I feel like sometimes it can come off a bit indistinct (which is one the last things I’d want to be), but it’s honest stuff and can be a bit more raw if you get the right mix I think. I also don’t like saying things so directly and straightforward all the time either, I try to be quite particular with my word choice to avoid being clear, which is probably the opposite to how most people work, but with this song I felt is was required to be more frank to really reach the poignancy that I aimed for. So, not to be emotionally manipulative, but I’m glad your heart dropped   well, I’m just glad that it resonated in some way. There’s definitely a lot of emotion in there but I also think there are some sprinklings of irreverence too, so it’s not all doom and gloom for me. 
 

2 hours ago, Courtney Love said:

I’ve also never been more intrigued about what is going to come next.

However this does scare me. 

[Courtney Love]

On 11/16/2020 at 4:22 AM, Ampersand13 said:

I'm so sorry y'all my GRE exam was this week and so was the deadline for my graduate school application. I don't think I'll be able to submit a song and will thus be disqualified. I've had such an amazing time writing with y'all. I love you all so much and thank you to the judges for always providing such thoughtful critiques. Truly, I know it might sound silly but I feel as though I've grown quite a bit as a writer throughout participating. Much love to y'all! 

Hope your exam went well and good luck in your application. Such exciting times for you!! It was great to read your entries and you should definitely continue with it even if it's not apart of this competition. 

[Courtney Love]

13 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

You give off legend vibes to me, I love it C L 

 

lmao i wish the people i volunteered with thought the same 

 

13 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

 

However this does scare me. 

Genuinely, I feel very privileged to have read any of your work (and everyone else's work here as well).  There's just so much talent here I hope everyone is using it outside of this competition.

 

[fountain]

23 minutes ago, Courtney Love said:

lmao i wish the people i volunteered with thought the same 

Um why, do I have to fight somebody? 

 

23 minutes ago, Courtney Love said:

Genuinely, I feel very privileged to have read any of your work (and everyone else's work here as well).  There's just so much talent here I hope everyone is using it outside of this competition.

You are the nicest, thank you always  

I agree completely, I felt quite similar on the seasons I was involved with. It’s moving getting to see all the entries and it’s melancholic when it starts coming to an end, PH and SOTS are great vehicles but it’s sometimes the only time when people write which is a shame. I always tried to be quite encouraging based on the fact alone that no matter what the judges think about anything you submit, and no matter where you place in a season or whatever, ultimately you have created something and that is an incredible thing to be proud of. There are many people who graze through life and never really try to contribute anything to it, or to think of more than what’s in front of them, and create something, but literally every player of this game can be proud and call themselves a creator. It’s a thing to be really really proud of, to create. I hope everybody feels this.  
I know I mentioned it in my entry doc last week, but I quit my job last year to pursue writing, so I take it quite seriously. And, even if I wasn’t actively trying to pursue this, I would still be doing it anyway as I have for years. It’s not that I’m looking for some kind of validation or success, I just want it to be the focus of my life, regardless of anything else. It’s so important to me and I can’t see myself doing anything else happily, honestly. It’s the most fulfilling thing I’ve done. I don’t specifically just do songs though, what I’m doing at the moment is writing a book. However songs is how I got my start and will probably always be the most natural and easiest for me. I am more or less constantly inspired musically. Sometimes I feel like I’ve warped my brain to think in a more lyrical way than thoughtful  

 

But yeah the tl;dr of what I’m trying to say is not just everybody still in the game, but everybody who even participated in the game should be really proud of themselves. This is the first time I’ve been in a SOTS iteration but it’s been great to come back and I have every intention of being around for the next in any way. I don’t know what the plan is for it but I hope it’s not a distant thought.