ughgabriel Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 Well, space-time travelers, how are we doing? @8thPrince @Hug @funnellegs @fountain @Rence
Hug Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 41 minutes ago, ughgabriel said: Well, space-time travelers, how are we doing? @8thPrince @Hug @funnellegs @fountain @Rence I am formatting my document and preparing it to be sent
Hug Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 The Cinematic Parallels Between Dreams & Reality Dreams | Reality DON'T-ASK-ME | Rainbow of the Night Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring | Someday's Not Today / Someday Came To Be ?REC | x Werewolf/Moon | The Score Run No More | Crimson Water Runs x | We Can't Be Friends
fountain Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 1 hour ago, ughgabriel said: Well, space-time travelers, how are we doing? @8thPrince @Hug @funnellegs @fountain @Rence To be honest my doc may be blank, but I think I’ve decided what to write about. I don’t want to say I’m necessarily in need of an extension though because the idea is always what takes me the longest and I’m perfectly fine with doing it tonight.
Hug Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 Am I not last to send or what the hell I was positive everyone would have sent and I'd be the one holding the game up
fountain Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 8 minutes ago, Hug said: Am I not last to send or what the hell I was positive everyone would have sent and I'd be the one holding the game up Hug never underestimate how trash we (I) am.
Rence Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 Well I’m going to ask for an extension cause I’m not done yet
fountain Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 5 minutes ago, Rence said: Well I’m going to ask for an extension cause I’m not done yet Oop right when I was about to submit! I still will now though, if I feel like changing anything I'll just edit the doc. This round was definitely more testing though so I understand Settling on an angle was really a majority of the battle.
funnellegs Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 Mine is gonna be a few hours late but it’s coming
Prisoner Posted January 14, 2021 Posted January 14, 2021 ROUND X: WORMHOLE So you all did so fantastic once again. I'm really proud of you all. Great, great work everyone! 1. Hug - "Run No More" Spoiler This is actually a very different entry from you. While you did do a variety of stuff this season and handled vastly diverse themes, I feel like the voice, (or language) of your previous entries were mostly set to the tune of a pop song while this one feels more archaic so I'd say you did the round's challenge quite well. Onto the song itself, I really like the way you set the story, the story itself and the fact that this is sort of a peep into an epic monarchy fantasy stuff which I just love. The imagery too here, is very fine. I love the mention of smoke coming out of burning trees, fire imagery has always been one of my faves and the lines you wrote here just greatly amplified the scenes and setting. The use of smoke I particularly love since it accentuates the point of the fire by giving us a glimpse into consequences. That chorus is also really beautiful and you did that repetitive style once again but it's even more effective here for a song like this since it really adds to the emotion of the narrator so this is repetition gold imo. I'll say though that the personifying of a country/land is commonly done in literary works so I'd maybe have liked to see a different approach but it still works here and I don't hate it so it's okay for me. Overall, this is another great entry from you, well done! 2. fountain - "P 311320" Spoiler Wow oh wow, I think this is your most personal entry so far; not that your previous entries weren't, but knowing the context of this really adds to the reading experience. I feel like the writing style or concept isn't a big departure from your usual but the subject here and the direct addressing of it is a new thing so I think you did do the challenge pretty well. The song itself is a really nice piece of comforting work. I really loved reading this. Same as "T A", this one gives me a haven sort of reassuring feeling so I applaud you on doing that. I think it's obvious what/who the song is about but that mention of their work of art in the last third line is such a gem and really adds a specific detail that will make this entry extra special for them. I also like that while this is a very specific song, it also manages to feel universal and so helps any reader relate to it in his own way. If I have to say something, I'll say that the last two lines felt a bit cliché-y to me but that's just a very minor thing and it's mostly just a nitpick. Overall, you went ahead and created another great entry once again. Well done! 3. 8th Prince - "Debut" Spoiler I think this is your most ambiguous entry so far with your previous entries being usually about specific things or situations while this one could be interpreted in a different way, so you handled the round's challenge pretty well, in my opinion. Onto the song itself, I think the title really says a lot. It did feel like a debut, the start of something new. I love that you placed references to some of your previous songs, it really helped add layers and depth to the song by giving us a sense of familiarity and stage upon which this song was built. The pre chorus here is also just really fun to read, it's great imagery all around. The 2nd verse here with the melody being a coronation song that's only heard by you is really effective at portraying the sentiment of the whole song, I just live for this part. Besides these, I think the switch into different scenes and imagery is really good, as usual from you. I'll say though that I feel like phrases like 'come as you are' or 'come one, come all' could've been replaced with stronger phrases but that's it. Overall, this is another fine piece of work from you. Great job! 4. funnellegs - "a million tiny pieces" Spoiler This is indeed a very different approach to the way you did "something like kintsugi" or some of your other songs. I imagine this to be one of your most realistic songs where the lyrics directly addressed the feelings and emotions of the narrator without going around anything else. There's so much pain expressed in the lyrics and you wrote the lines really well, that particular stanza that starts with the 'no happy ending..." specifically is really great at this. The imagery you placed right there is really effective at portraying the exact suffocating feeling of that situation. I also love that the song ends with the titular words 'a million tiny pieces' because I can imagine the scene and the narrator just broke apart into that. Gives me chills tbh. That outro is also nicely done, I really loved the nod to 'something like kintsugi', it helped establish the fact that this round's song is another exact path someone could've taken if they hadn't gone the 'kintsugi' way. I'll have to say that I felt the chorus is a bit weak compared to the rest of the song, not that it's bad but things like 'bluest skies' or 'dull grey' could've been replaced by stronger analogies imo. But it's still good, just a minor issue. Overall, I'm really pleased at you revisiting one of my favourite songs this season and think you did a really great job at it too. Great work! 5. Rence - "cigarette lips" Spoiler So you did the exact opposite of what funnellegs did and went with a more hopeful song while he did a more dark one hmm. I also feel like this is your most 'sexual' entry this season. Anyway you passed the round's challenge pretty well. Onto the song itself, I love how you used cigarettes as a plot device and incorporate elements of cigars into the actual structure and plot of the song. This is done cleverly with phrases like 'smokescreen of mistakes', 'hazy past', 'air I used to breathe' etc and as such I also love the portrayal of addiction and how you showed the experiences and effects of it. The hopeful tone towards the end is also something that I'm a big fan of, it really helps create depth to the song by adding diverse emotions in the song. I'll say though that for a storytelling entry, the story itself could've been more engaging but I see that this entry is more about the takeaway and emotion than of the actual plot so it's not really a big issue for me. Overall, I'm pleased to see such a new side to your writing and think this is another great entry from you. Well done! @Hug @fountain @8thPrince @funnellegs @Rence
Prisoner Posted January 14, 2021 Posted January 14, 2021 @ughgabriel @Auburn @Courtney Love post the results!
fountain Posted January 14, 2021 Posted January 14, 2021 2 hours ago, Prisoner said: @fountain Thank you
Hug Posted January 14, 2021 Posted January 14, 2021 Thank you for your comments Prisoner. I am happy to see you thought I did the challenge well enough as that was my biggest worry. ♥
Courtney Love Posted January 14, 2021 Posted January 14, 2021 It's fascinating how everyone approached the challenge differently (some even going directly opposite of what each other did). This was my favourite round to judge i think. It didn't feel right to add any negative critiques because of how polished (and individualised) everyone's songwriting is so I didn't add any. @Hug - Run No More Spoiler This entry was honestly breath-taking to me. Every single line was perfect. I think the old fashion writing was such a brilliant idea to take because it felt so different to any of your previous songs, yet still had all the elements that make your song-writing so incredible (I’m also glad you decided to keep your rhymes in) The lengthier verses (in comparison to chorus) really allowed your story-telling and emoting skills to shine through I felt. ‘Its fleeting peace, Billowing smoke cascades, From blazing trees’ Was just one of the many impactful images I got from the song. I don't want to keep going on because it feels weird to critique something so great, but just know that I loved this!! @fountain - P311320 Spoiler This was such a nice entry. It brought back so many nice memories even though it was only a few months ago we all started this game. (Especially the pick your favourite planet part!!) This was overall a really nice and creative way of exploring the theme of perseverance and to just keep going. To wrap it around the actual game narrative was also so clever and brilliant. I liked the reassurances throughout, I think that was also presented really well. Also I can’t wait until the person reads it. I think you really tackled this challenge well from your description also that I don’t think anyone else is going to do. @8thPrince - Debut Spoiler This was a risk I think, moving drastically away from what you usually write about. But I think you pulled it off well (but I really do prefer your narrative style a lot more). Going for a conventional pop song, you definitely achieved that. The prechorus was so rhythmic that I almost started to sing it. The imagery and ideas in this section is also great with the champagne and anticipation of a celebration. Really strong and concise song-writing. I really enjoyed the chorus, the clever lines about being set ablaze by the moon to being baptized by the confetti just brought this sense of importance and euphoria to this experience of becoming anew. Overall, it was a really sweet song about wanting to unleash that person someone has always wanted to be inside. (Also I really liked the easter eggs throughout, great job!) @funnellegs - a million tiny pieces Spoiler This was bleak. But I really loved it so much. You really went all the way with the tragedy and suffering and didn’t ease up on it. But it also didn’t come across as overly-emotional or melodramatic either. I think you addressed the challenge well also by taking that twist on one of your best songs you submitted in this competition and you executed it really well. Onto the song, the ‘just simply shatter to a million tiny pieces’ was really impactful and resonated throughout the whole song,. Especially when you started playing with the metaphor a bit with ‘the whole person et.” That was definitely my favourite part and was the lasting impression for me on your song. Overall, I think you addressed the challenge well by turning one of your songs in a completely different direction. @Rence- cigarette lips Spoiler I really loved this song. I think the whole theme of running away from the old person/old ways/old environment was done really well here with the escaping the air you used to breathe metaphor. Especially when the cigarette (and the types of cigarettes!!) was brought into it. ‘My name is Alex, I have always been here’ was such an amazing line when I read it. And it flowed so well. WOW. This is incredibly different to the songs that stand out to me as ‘Rence’ songs. It’s a real step out of your comfort zone writing about this kinda sexual topic. I genuinely wasn’t expecting it at all. Onto the song, this person is so hardened by life and love that they’d rather suffocate than even attempt to chance it with someone just in case it’s wasted is so tragic. You explored it really well I felt when I was reading it. Then the ending starts to come in and it feels like he’s going to drop this person but he doesn’t and it’s turns really hopeful really contrasts amazingly with the bridge. It just added this depth to the song that I wasn’t expecting at all. Great job. The ending was actually one of my favourite sections of the entire competition I felt. Great job.
fountain Posted January 14, 2021 Posted January 14, 2021 40 minutes ago, Courtney Love said: @fountain - P311320 Thank you
Auburn Posted January 15, 2021 Posted January 15, 2021 AUBURN'S REVIEWS @Hug - Run No More Spoiler I think you did a good job of changing up your style while also bringing something new for yourself. I love that it shows another side of the story that you’ve already written. It’s a really interesting perspective. @fountain - P 311320 Spoiler I think you did a great job of stepping out of your comfort zone here, as this is definitely the clearest and most straightforward entry for you in the game. You did a great job of telling a story here. @8thPrince - Debut Spoiler I love how you pulled inspiration from all of your songs this season to create something that was unique to you but also different from everything you’ve done. It really does feel like a celebration. @funnellegs - a million tiny pieces Spoiler I think you captured the hopeless feeling successfully here. It’s a different take on the challenge but it works for me. But also you’ve lengthened it to be different from your other songs as well, so that’s another check for you. @Rence - cigarette lips Spoiler I was hoping this would (finally) have a happy ending cuz that would be very different for you, and it DOES! I think you have a distinctive style but this one definitely pushed the limits for you. I really enjoyed it. It doesn't really feel right to rank things anymore at this point. Everyone had such different entries this round, and everyone has different writing styles. It's all so arbitrary now when it feels like you are all so strong. I'm going to struggle ranking these songs, and as always, will be very sad to see someone go.
fountain Posted January 15, 2021 Posted January 15, 2021 1 hour ago, Auburn said: @fountain - P 311320 Thank you
Hug Posted January 15, 2021 Posted January 15, 2021 Thank you Courtney Love and Auburn for your comments, love being validated
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