tournament Platinum Hit 12: ST☆RDOM

[UFO]

THE RENAISSANCE

Now when we see red, LOVE not rage.

 

 

 

VERSE
In the light, in the dark
Was terrified to explore
It was either too bright
Or we were either too blind
So we ran from the unknown
Reinforced the status quo
But soon we’ll learn to let go
View the world through different eyes
Now the world is ruins
And we are the ashes
But we’re made of stardust
We’re damaged goods all of us

PRE-CHORUS
(Forgive the past)
But if we trace our minds
(Forgive the past)
With reimagined life
We can forgive the past
To live in the future
The present future

CHORUS
We’re brought into the new age
We’re dancing on the ceilings
We’re all living works of art
(art, art)
Reborn in the Renaissance
(we’re art)
And we transform, we awake
To a different kind of change
Reforming all of our hearts
Reborn in the Renaissance
The Renaissance

VERSE
Freedom blooms transcendent
With our conscience blossoming
We understand the other
We’re cultured in the foreign
All the colours uncensored
But in the past, in the past
We held onto tradition
Viewed the world with different minds
And the world was ruined
We were fools and human
But we’re also stardust
We’re valuable all of us

PRE-CHORUS
(Forgive the past)
And if we trace our minds
(Forgive the past)
With reimagined life
We must forgive the past
To live in the future
The present future

CHORUS
We’re brought into the new age
We’re dancing on the ceilings
We’re all living works of art
(art, art)
Reborn in the Renaissance
(we’re art)
And we transform, we awake
To a different kind of change
Reforming all of our hearts
Reborn in the Renaissance
The Renaissance

BRIDGE
Our minds think in the same freedom 
We bridge all of our differences 
We choose to cross the horizon 
And live beyond the tradition 
We connect through the same palette
A range of colours, we're all artists
We cast out violence, hate away
Now when we see red, love not rage
Reborn, reborn
Love not rage

CHORUS
We’re brought into the new age
We’re dancing on the ceilings
We’re all living works of art
Reborn in the Renaissance
We’re brought into the new age
We’re dancing on the ceilings
We’re all living works of art
(love, love)
Reborn in the Renaissance
(not rage)
And we transform, we awake
The Renaissance
To a different kind of change
The Renaissance
Reforming all of our hearts
Reborn in the Renaissance
The Renaissance

 

 

Island - 5,836,000 [#14] // Rings of Saturn - 7,364,000 [#11] // The Renaissance - 7,078,000 [#11]

Edited May 26, 2018 by UFO

[Tsareena]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

The songs have been forwarded to the other record executives.  Sorry it wasn't done right on the deadline, but I was otherwise unavailable (irl job). However, I'm still yet to receive:

 

- Trio V's song @ceremonials@Tsareena@MattyTacos

- Personal summaries from @Temporal@Kylie Jenner@Overprotected (your contributions were outlined by your nominated submitter but you were supposed to submit your own summary for verification purposes)

 

I'm back at work again all day tomorrow so I'll judge the five songs we have now.

I sent the song yesterday to the pm for my submissions. You didn’t get it?

[Galah]

12 minutes ago, Tsareena said:

I sent the song yesterday to the pm for my submissions. You didn’t get it?

We love 503's messing with things. This has happened to two of ceremonials' entry's this season now.  Also yesterday I replied to this thread, yet it still had SaintWest as the last poster on the thread when viewed from the Games section. I kept checking to see no new replies. A disaster.

 

And with that, everyone's entries have been forwarded to the judges. Those who haven't sent personal summaries yet can feel free to do so (maybe on Discord and just @Executive so everyone can see as I'm going to be offline for about a day). I've judged 2/6 songs and will do the rest in ~24 hours.

[beatinglikeadrum]

19 minutes ago, Aurora said:

We love 503's messing with things. This has happened to two of ceremonials' entry's this season now.  Also yesterday I replied to this thread, yet it still had SaintWest as the last poster on the thread when viewed from the Games section. I kept checking to see no new replies. A disaster.

 

And with that, everyone's entries have been forwarded to the judges. Those who haven't sent personal summaries yet can feel free to do so (maybe on Discord and just @Executive so everyone can see as I'm going to be offline for about a day). I've judged 2/6 songs and will do the rest in ~24 hours.

I can't even say how happy I am bcuz of that. 

[Kylie Jenner]

excited for reviews

 

[Kylie Jenner]

nnnnn my parts being DRAGGED

[ceremonials]

Thanks Corsola xx

[beatinglikeadrum]

@Corsola this wasn't about a toxic relationship at all... Lol. My part was about the struggle of a normal day. When you are trying to gave to the second half everything, but this person is disappointed not bcuz it is not enough but bcuz you don't understand she doesn't care about everything around you but you next to her. 

[beatinglikeadrum]

Just now, Corsola said:

I know that it wasn't meant to be about a toxic relationship, but that's how it came off. The thing is, when a normal day is such a struggle for you in a relationship, maybe you shouldn't be in said relationship at all. Relationships have conflicts, yes, but when every single day is a conflict, it's probably too unhealthy to be in. 

The couple loves each other. They are trying. Bcuz she sees the effort he puts. And it's not like they hate each other. They miss each other all the time. But he realizes it when she decides to leave. And then the next verse begins

 

[Citrus]

Title: Unknown

1.

2. Friends

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8. Our Home of Flowers

9.

 

 

 

[Citrus]

Pop Crossover Album: The Orchard

1. Fruit

2. Father

3. Younger

4. Bubble

5. Painted Lady (feat. Carrie Messiah)

6. Ellis Dee

7. Scary Movie

[ultraviolence.xx]

43 minutes ago, Citrus said:

Title: Unknown

1.

2. Friends

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8. Our Home of Flowers

9.

 

 

 

you're gonna wreck us that early into the album, arent you?

[Speezy]

I was the Sakura of my group  . But thanks for the feedback

[ceremonials]

Oh I should update my track list ?

 

maybe 2nite.

[Citrus]

23 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said:

you're gonna wreck us that early into the album, arent you?

I was honestly shook y'all liked Friends, I thought it was kind of a cheap mess aside from the slayful echoing R&B chorus (which y'all hated !)

[Auburn]

@Corsola thanks for the review, I'm glad that you kinda noticed the line in the middle was supposed to be sort of like a spoken interjection, because reading it out loud does sound so stupid  

[ultraviolence.xx]

Just now, Citrus said:

I was honestly shook y'all liked Friends, I thought it was kind of a cheap mess aside from the slayful echoing R&B chorus (which y'all hated !)

if it was a song that wasn't just words on paper the chorus probably woulda shook me but on paper it read like "Stay, Stay, Stay" or something like that so... not today satan !

[Overprotected]

[Temporal]

1. Citrus
2. Minho 
3. Gastrodonatella 
4. UFO 
5. Temporal 
6. Ceremonials 
7. Kunst 
8. Overprotected 
9. Speezy 
10. Kylie Jenner 
11. Achilles. 
12. MattyTacos
13. Obsession 
14. Tsareena 
15. OreGuy 
16. Nait Phoenix 
17. Auburn 
18. Beatinglikeadrum

 

1. Ezreal

2. Varus

3. Nami

4. Karma

5. Vayne

6. Xayah

[Auburn]

2 hours ago, Corsola said:

I'm honestly not sure how the other judges will feel about it. It might be controversial. I liked it though 

there's no such thing as bad press I guess 

 

[ultraviolence.xx]

those four lines in Friends still have me shook...

 

 

[Tsareena]

5 hours ago, Corsola said:

I like this. I think this is a very nice starting point to your song and it opens up the atmosphere pretty well. I think ‘’head/instead’’ is pretty forced because when adding on to how you searched the earth and skies above, I feel like it would be ‘’but have found nothing in them’’ or something rather than saying instead so it feels to me like it was just added to rhyme with head. I’m not sure I follow the ‘’all my fault, all my naivety’’ part because I don’t exactly know what it’s entailing so feel free to tell me if you want. Dreams not becoming a reality is a cute motif, I’m just not sure what the dream you’re speaking of is. I think there was a lot of potential with this, though! I liked the structure you used with stuff like ‘’everywhere but in my own head’’ and ‘’got nothing back’’ and how they contrast with the original point you used. There’s editing that could be done to make this reach its full potential, but it’s a decent way to start your song and I liked your structure.

thanks for the ruhview. I was trying to capture the feeling that the narrator has "failed" in multiple parts of their lives and things aren't looking well and they blame their youth (showing a chance to grow). the head/ instead rhyme was a forced rhyme situation, it was heart/ dirt before and they might have worked better in the end 

[ultraviolence.xx]

 U MAGAZINE

THIS WEEK'S TRACK REVIEWS

 

 

 

Gastrodonatella, UFO, Speezy – "Eternities Apart"

Gastrodonatella: the “hands of time” line took me about four minutes to figure out – a layered line if i’ve ever read one. overall a great verse. my one critique is that it’s a bit awkward to say “i follow your spirit” in one line, which suggests activity, and “i stand here” a couple lines later – feels kind of disjointed.

UFO: the head/said rhyme is a little forced, but you immediately made up for it with the winter/linger couplet that stole my wig. that was my favorite part. your opening couplet feels lowkey odd to me – how do teardrops “decorate” a grave if they’ll evaporate in like 4 seconds?

Speezy: first off, i’ve got to congratulate you for serving something that’s so outside of your box. i was lowkey expecting the two of them to start stripping down and ****ing but i’m so satisfied by the way your section is so cohesive with the others. my favorite part was the “hands/thin” couplet.

group: the outro was great – without reading your explanations, i couldn’t tell who wrote what part, which suggests you’d write effectively for other artists.

 

 

Temporal, Achilles., OreGuy – "Just for the Night"

Temporal – the first couplet is, whew. the third line feels odd, though, a simile right after a simile. that might be a personal thing but metaphor after metaphor feels overbearing to me. but the fourth line is cute, suggesting forward motion, ushering us into the prechorus.

Achilles. – the prechorus is cute, it’s similar in tone to the verses but a bit simpler. i can’t decide whether i like the doubled “feel” in the fourth line of the chorus, each with a different meaning – right now i’m leaning toward yes. the second half of the alt-prechorus is a slay; it gives the song a dark undertone 

OreGuy – the “liberty” line is a SCREAM. i smell a euphemism. i also really like the image of the body talking – adds an interesting element to the song. the only part that dives too much into clichéd territory for me is the “blue jeans” line (and not because it’s lana, but because i’ve seen it crop up a lot lately in pop music).

group: like the first group, you guys effectively blended your styles to where without having read the explanations, i wouldn’t have been able to figure out who’d written what.

 

Citrus, Obsession, beatinglikeadrum – "Timeline"

Citrus – this is technically written very well, and there are some bits in here i love. right off the bat, the opening line and its internal rhyme gave me wood. the first two lines are perfection. lordy me, though, the showbiz metaphors need to be universally retired. bon qui qui, the stage/curtain/bow/encore parts need to go. (for whatever reason, i find the last line cute and not overdone. don’t know why that is. might just be me.) i love the “blush” line in the chorus, but then i thought, how do you

feel someone blush? the last couplet of the last chorus are so cute :’(

Obsession – one of the first things that jumped out at me when i was reading over the song as a whole was the boxers line – it feels oddly specific and doesn’t really add anything.  the spine/sign/mine/intertwine part feels forced – how do stars intertwine? i definitely feel like i’ve read better from you but this wasn’t bad by any means.

beatinglikeadrum – i like the image of the words and arguments destroying the house. the late/forgave couplet is one of my favorite things i’ve ever seen from you! i think you did a great job in this challenge – you’re improving across the weeks which is great. having to fit within the confines of the song seemed to help you with meter, which is great and one of your strong points this week.

group: seems to me like you guys did a good job working together and not letting your individual styles poke through. a job well done!

 

Kunst, Auburn, Nait Phoenix – "Stockholm Syndrome"

Kunst – i don’t understand what “faded to ceiling” means, but the rest of this verse is quality and kind of eccentric. it gives me the feeling of being mania just reading it – the phrasings are odd and kind of hazy. really enjoyed that.

Auburn – of all the verses, this one sticks out the most to me stylistically. it works, considering it’s a bridge, and often bridges take on tonal/stylistic shifts, but i’m not sure if that was the goal or just your personal style poking through. the second line in particular felt a lot different than the rest of the song. it is a good bridge, though, so there’s that!

Nait Phoenix – this feels unedited/like there are typos – “i imagine there could be no sweeter grace / than trapped inside your arms in a cold embrace,” perhaps? with those fixes when i’m not just looking at the errors, this couplet is a smash. 

group: more than the other songs, this one felt a bit less cohesive as a whole. i can see the efforts of collaboration in some spots, but it feels more like a collaboration between three artists than a single coherent vision from one artist.

 

ceremonials, Tsareena, MattyTacos – "Phantom Pain"

ceremonials – by “erod[ing] the cracks,” do you mean eroding them further, or repairing them? i’m assuming you meant the second, but i read it like the first one. aside from that this is a really solid verse, and i love way the rhyme scheme runs through the entire theme instead of being separated by stanza.

Tsareena – the first two lines are throwing me off. how do you live your life in search of love but not in your head? where else? I Got Lost . aside from that, this is solid and i can’t find much else to comment on.

MattyTacos – i don’t understand what the first line means but aside from that you’ve got cute images and lines in here and i’m here for it. it doesn’t really mesh as well with the rest of the song though – most of the rest of what’s here is pretty concrete and this bridge is abstract af, layered with metaphors – but it’s still good.

group: using “thoughts” twice in the third/fourth lines of the chorus felt repetitive to me, but i love the first two lines. no one’s individual style emerged strongly at any point, so that was a job well done.

 

minho, Kylie Jenner, Overprotected – "Day One"

minho – “from where i stand the hedges are city towers” this is a snatch. the pre-chorus is probably my favorite thing of yours i’ve read in this season so far. it’s so evocative and agh, what a slay. come on.

this is not something they ****ing made, this is some professional like… this **** is in different areas! what the ****!

Kylie Jenner – your chorus is beautiful wow. i love the “close to the sun” line, suggesting that the narrator is realizing it wasn’t a good situation for themselves and trying to get out while they still can. that’s wonderful. the “star-crossed” line in the bridge doesn’t really work for me, because i think you’re trying to suggest the old love was star-crossed but that doesn’t really come through – it sounds like you’re talking about the self-love, which doesn’t sound star-crossed based on the rest of the song. that being said, whew. this song, y’all.

Overprotected – the “trembling walls” line is so good!!! that’s such an evocative image and definitely my favorite part of your verse. the rest isn’t bad, but that one line totally shook me.

group – let me say: i appreciate that you wrote about loving yourself without any masturbatory undertones. i never see that and it’s so refreshing.

 

[Galah]

will finish my reviews tonight after work and post them immediately x thanks to legends @Corsola and @ultraviolence.xx for being swift and giving y’all something to ponder until then

 

It seems everyone did rather well from preliminary reviews so this cut is going to be a difficult one. ?

[Overprotected]

That one line better pull through