UFO Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 All of my songs this season, as a collective, really showcase the struggles I've been going through last year up until now. My songs aren't straightforward or extremely personal but they always come from a personal place albeit heightened and dramatised. To start off R1 with a self-love self-empowerment anthem to then work my way through all of that and break myself down from that supreme place of self-love to topics such as depression, impossible love, eco-socio-political awareness is incredibly cathartic and soul-tingling I'm happy to share such a realisation and life experience with you all. NO MATTER what you think of me.
UFO Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 6 minutes ago, Citrus said: Oh wow we really about to have a legendary lipsync I'm ready
UFO Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 12 minutes ago, Corsola said: oh wow... i didn't even consider the repetition serving glitching out everything really DID have a purpose also @ the being inspired by me we love pandering fldksjflkdsflksdf I didn't lie when I made sure everything in my song adheres to the concept and is thorough I did that with the intricate world-building if it were a real song, it would be like a mix of Florence, Lana, Ke$ha, Bjork, Ariana, Grimes, Gaga, Utada, Natalia Kills, Poppy, Marina, Charli XCX (+ the PC Music crew), vocaloids like Hatsune Miku, Nightcore, Super Mario/Pokemon BGM, Momoland, Loona ldjksfdksjfdlk I do NOT play when it comes to my inspirations, references, credits and receipts. me literally listing the entire music industry Natalia Kills is GAGGING at the promo.
Galah Posted July 13, 2018 Author Posted July 13, 2018 done half, will judge the other two when I get home from work good luck all x
Galah Posted July 13, 2018 Author Posted July 13, 2018 2. @ceremonials – “Redemption” This was pretty fantastic and honestly the calibre of what I was expecting (or at least hoping for) this challenge to produce at this stage of the tournament. It was a simple structure but had no filler, clever lyrics flowing one after the next, a good sense of progression with the evolving hook, both strong one-liners and couplets, and vivid everyday imagery that elevated the narrative you wanted to convey tenfold. Unlike some of your other entries as of late, this didn’t feel incomplete, in fact I can’t think of any major or even minor changes. I could suggest additions, such as a bridge concept or an extra extension of the hook, but they would just be nitpicks because this is pretty great as-is. Your verses in this song are probably the best I’ve ever seen you submit for this tournament. Thank you and good luck with moving on to Episode 10. 3. @minho – “fountain” While I liked this overall, the parts I loved I *really* loved. The seaside and moonlit sonata couplet was divine, most of what I’m referring to as the second verse (from “Falling” to “hoping”), the lyric about the blue hour and the following stanza were all magnificent. There were brief moments that felt a little familiar such as the thoughts running through your head / words never said parallel, more implied rain imagery, diving into the waves/person, but nothing outstandingly bad either, just… could have been more unique. Small nitpick, but I don’t feel like the title fits the song. It also felt like some of the remaining unused senses were kind of crammed into the second-to-last section just to cover all bases, rather than being delicately interwoven throughout the song. Overall, the good outweighs the average, so this is still a big success. Thank you and good luck with moving on to Episode 10. 4. @UFO – “Hyperreality” This was certainly a unique concept. I love the way you hijacked ceremonials’ season aesthetic of video games and kinda snapped with this. What I love most about it is the concept, exploring a VR world and how realistic that can feel was a clever way to interpolate the senses. I also did get a bit of a quirky PC Music electronic vibe which is partially what you were going for, so congrats on doing that in a positive way. Unlike your last few entries, this sort of slipped back into the too much/unrefined realm with the super long verses and pre-choruses; by comparison your chorus and bridge were perfect. Not that it’s judged, but most of your explanation wasn’t necessary either. Moving into the final stage of this tournament, I think that is your biggest hurdle, identifying when too much is too much, and how to take it back a notch and form a better final product in the process. Carly Rae Jepsen wrote over 200 songs for EMOTION, yet only the best made the final cut, and the end result is a masterpiece. I feel your time would be better spent doing a similar culling process rather than writing up a lengthy explanation. Thank you and good luck with moving on to Episode 10. 5. @Citrus – “Rope Swing” This was a cute lil’ country bumpkin bop, not quite peak Kacey Musgraves level, but it was still solid. There were plenty of well-written and expertly set-up and executed lyrics, which is always great to see from you. Your second verse is probably my favourite in this song, because there are so many lyrics that you have to think over for a second before it really sinks in what is being communicated here and once it does, it makes it all the more rewarding. That’s the sort of feeling I wanted to get out of this challenge, more so than just imagery or onomatopoeia, but actually feeling something, and you did that. As far as the usage of the other senses though, it would have been nice to see a somewhat even distribution of senses rather than a predominately sight-oriented imagery song with just a scattering of the other four. What you’ve done is fine, but it could have been better, is all. On a personal level, like with other songs that deal with somewhat controversial subject matters (i.e. child death, assault, abortion/teen pregnancy) from a perspective that isn’t necessarily autobiographical, there is a level of disconnect that can’t be overcome. For the most part though, I think you handled this subject really well and it still took me on a journey. Thank you and good luck with moving on to Episode 10.
UFO Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 (edited) Thanks for reviewing my explanation dfklgj seriously tho, thank you! it's something I need to work on but I've improved a lot throughout the season so I'm happy. Edited July 13, 2018 by UFO
Citrus Posted July 13, 2018 Posted July 13, 2018 If Gassy and I are gonna lip sync, at least make it a CRJ song
Citrus Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 Saint figuring out what score he has to give to all of us to make sure Will stays
beatinglikeadrum Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 (edited) Time goes so fast. Already Episode 9. Waiting for .5 season Edited July 14, 2018 by beatinglikeadrum
ultraviolence.xx Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 U MAGAZINE THIS WEEK'S TRACK REVIEWS Gastrodonatella – "Firefly Symphony / Blue Ghost" this is one of the best songs i’ve read this season, and throughout my entire (brief) PH history, really. it feels like an epic folk classic, storytelling à la mark kozelek. although it can be a bit wordy at times, and it probably could have existed around 600 words without losing anything too substantial, i ****ing stan. I feel like it’s too long but I feel it as a passive observation, not as something that feels like a detriment to the song overall. some of the lines feel so Gastrodonatella, it feels like you clipped them from other songs and pasted them here (example, “their heartbeats matched the tempo of the flickering yellow lights”), but unnonirregardless, i’m in love. I love it not in the sense that it made me feel something in any strong way, but in the sense that I read it and kind of point at it and gesticulate toward it like a proud dad going “THAT’S MY SON!” that kind of thing. this is not something they ****ing made, this is some professional like … this **** is in different areas! what the ****! Ceremonials – "Redemption" the first verse I sang to the tune of “sky full of song” with absolutely no reason for doing so or explanation as to how it came about. THIS is what i’ve been missing from you in the past few rounds, the sense that you’re really carving art out of words. a few rounds from you have felt kind of phoned-in but this, this is not something they ****ing made! (and then the chorus I sang to the tune of daughter’s “still”! what the ****!). the synchronicity of the verse structure is beautiful, in the way the second line features two references to body and the third line features a superlative and the fourth line begins with an article, ahhhh we stan grammatical talent. i’m getting the sense that this is a very strong round overall which is stressing me out. no actual critiques here, there isn’t a line that felt out of place or worded less well than the rest, so basically this is 169 words of nothing minho – "fountain" oh wow oh wow… at first I was underwhelmed but the more I kept reading the more things fell into place and I began to understand the big picture… the parts of this that feel odd to me are lines like “it’s funny how we never plan these things,” where that stanza as a whole breaks from rhyming, but overall I really like it and the mood that it creates, I can almost feel it! the senses are incorporated very naturally too for a shorter song, they don’t feel shoehorned in or anything. overall a definite success! you’ll have to forgive me, though, for not feeling this is as great as some of the other entries this week, because this was definitely a week of maximalism all around, but I do like it a lot. UFO – "Hyperreality" I… i’m not really sure how I feel about this tbh. I think there are positives and negatives. this is overall really really good, obviously, but it’s not my favorite UFO entry, which I think might come down to personal taste. the parts of this I liked the most were the parts that were somewhat minimalistic – the bridge is BEAUTIFUL, for example – and the parts that I liked the least were the verses, which were very wordy and felt like they’d be difficult to capture sonically. some of the tech-y words worked, but some of them felt corny (“hack my brain,” the “malfunction / function” line, “(the game will shut down now)” the “game over / cheat the system” pair of lines. i’m also not a huge fan of the line “i’m hypersensitive, so I glitch etc.” – I think it would be better if you found a visual way to demonstrate hypersensitivity instead of spelling it out as such. I LOVED “pixel-perfect,” though – it felt like the perfect representation of what you’re going for here, and it’s a twist on a common phrase, which could go wrong if done incorrectly but I love it here. Citrus – "Rope Swing" my first thought reading this title is suicide. projection? maybe. anyway, on to the song. okay, so from the first verse, it is apparent this is NOT about suicide. what it IS is cute as hell. i’m confused about the two red lines in the second verse. wait, ok, since you’re talking about showing are the “lines” like a pregnancy test? or is one line positive? lmao I don’t know. but I think that’s what you’re talking about. this is giving me miranda lambert vibes in delivery even though it’s a bit too progressive for her. I LOVE the “I swore to God no giving up” couplet. the “first little blow of rain” was entirely accurate and so country; how do you do it? I think you need to fashion a country alter ego to live in for an entire season, because you excel at them so thoroughly. I really thought you were going to turn the last line of the chorus into something like “every swing goes back up” at the end and i’m mostly glad you didn’t. my only real critique is the word “fashion” in the first stanza which feels a bit too SAT for a song of this caliber (all tea, all shade, bitch, all offense).
ultraviolence.xx Posted July 14, 2018 Posted July 14, 2018 @Gastrodonatella @ceremonials @minho @UFO @Citrus
Citrus Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 2 hours ago, ultraviolence.xx said: wait, ok, since you’re talking about showing are the “lines” like a pregnancy test? or is one line positive? lmao I don’t know. but I think that’s what you’re talking about A scream at none of y'all gays knowing what a pregnancy test is
Galah Posted July 15, 2018 Author Posted July 15, 2018 11 minutes ago, Citrus said: A scream at none of y'all gays knowing what a pregnancy test is to be fair it was kinda ambiguous and different tests have different indicators I only knew b/c I skimmed the thread before I reviewed
Hug Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 14 hours ago, beatinglikeadrum said: Time goes so fast. Already Episode 9. Waiting for .5 season
ultraviolence.xx Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 18 hours ago, Citrus said: A scream at none of y'all gays knowing what a pregnancy test is sry i’m SO sexually responsible i’ve never had a scare
SaintWest Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 (edited) @Gastrodonatella – “Firefly Symphony/Blue Ghost” Serving length. We love a size queen. I haven’t read all of the other judge’s reviews yet, but I don’t really get the criticism that I have seen. I think this was written really well. I think all songs should take you on an emotional journey of highs and lows, and I think this song did perfectly. My only complaint is this isn’t really a song – it’s a poem. But, it was written too well for me to justify that dragging your score down. But the ending of Blue Ghost was perfect. @ceremonials – “Redemption” “There is a guilt in the air that cigarette smoke can’t erase.” Oh wow. The first two verses were good but that whole verse really sold me. This was very tight and solid. There were no big wow moments for me, but it will still score well, and is my favorite entry of yours this season. Next week…please give me a longer song, though. For me, it’s really hard judging a song highly that has only three verses and a repeating chorus, all of which are short. @minho – “Fountain” Why did nobody write a song called sonata this season? A disappointment. Anyways, “Into you, I want to dive” is…not really how we speak. Avoid rearranging sentences for the sake of a rhyme. I think this was very abstract and poetic and I like that a lot. “You’re the waves, you’re the tide,” was a little too been there, done that for me, but thankfully, the rest of your song didn’t feel too derived from metaphors and ideas that have been written to death. @UFO – “Hyperreality” Serving a Black Mirror episode title, with a spoken intro? We love a queen of being extra. The first line of verse one was…a lot. I understand what you were going for, but it just felt like too big of a mouthful. “The echoes of your heart close in, breaking through the beat of mine,” was positively fantastic though. "Small pulses are sent all around in me like teardrops on a lake,” is again, excellent songwriting. You do a great job at writing lines that like, that are relatively simple but really gut punch you. All in all, you wrote a lengthy song that was engaging and well written, and that is a INCREDIBLY hard to do in less than a week, so congrats. @Citrus – “Rope Swing” “Your heart can break a hundred times but the first one is the worst,” aw Citrus...you made me like something you wrote. Damnit. And you based if off of Desperate Housewives, the Emmy award winning drama that ran on ABC from 2004-2012 and starred Eva Longoria, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Hoffman? Guess I have to stan. But really, this was good. Nothing really knocked my socks off; the central theme of the rope swing didn’t really connect with me, and felt very separate from the rest of the story. I think I would like to see a song that’s personal to you if you make it to the next round. I think you could really shine. Edited July 16, 2018 by SaintWest
smholiv Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 :binoculars: thank you, the line in question was based off of existing source material and was the inspiration for my overall song so i opted not to rearrange it. But I get what you mean since it can read awkwardly!
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