beatinglikeadrum Posted May 17, 2018 Posted May 17, 2018 51 minutes ago, RihsusChrist(ATG) said: @ultraviolence.xx thank you for the fair and balanced review. And me and @beatinglikeadrum being inspired by the queen! Well,She is THE Queen Of Alternative Music.
ultraviolence.xx Posted May 17, 2018 Posted May 17, 2018 1 hour ago, RihsusChrist(ATG) said: @ultraviolence.xx thank you for the fair and balanced review. you're welcome sis! good work!
ultraviolence.xx Posted May 17, 2018 Posted May 17, 2018 (edited) U MAGAZINE THIS WEEK'S TRACK REVIEWS This post rounds up the second of three installments of our reviews of this week's chart debuts. Further installments will be posted in later digital issues. @Overprotected – "Back and Forth" okay, this is very cute. it’s an improvement on your song last week in the fact that there’s a meter and a simplicity here that fir the challenge very well. i love the send off of “we really don’t need to take things so damn slow”; that feels very much like something that’d be in a radio hit today. i also like the way you take advantage of pop structure changes, like shortening the second verse and extending the second chorus. i can tell that if an artist were to buy this, it’d be a radio smasher even if some of the lines aren’t executed as well as others. favorite part: “you see today i’m feeling fine / so don’t blame this on my inhibition” @Kylie Jenner – "Like a Prayer" okay, wig. this is like if Madonna took a Madonna song and made it even more Madonna. like an old Madonna classic updated to her Hard Candy/Rebel Heart era. “don’t contain and repress / don’t refrain, just confess” is one of the most gorgeously slick hooks i’ve seen in this competition so far, i’m shooketh. this song just borders the line between serious and kitschy in a really successful way. some of the lines are almost in Gaga territory in terms of being too over-the-top (the lethal/steeple couplet, for example) but overall it really successfully straddles the line. favorite part: what i quoted above @UFO – "The Renaissance" okay king, i’m bombarded with metaphors. we are ashes AND made of stardust AND works of art AND artists? how are we both works of art AND artists? that was the first thing i noticed in reading this, which is good, because it means everything else is great. (oh, also, WTF is the present future? girl! your time-space vision is too complex for my plebeian-ass mind!) i love the change from “damaged goods” to “valuable” :’( i’d similarly love to know what your influence was this song because as usual you’re serving pop sucking the t*ts of art and it doesn’t sound like a bonafide radio smasher. (still a great song tho so idrc) favorite part: “all the colours uncensored” wig @Gastrodonatella – "Shadow Tag" okay, bear with me here – and you’re still getting a super high score, because it’s technically flawless and lovely – but this whole song feels somewhat anodyne to me. it might be because so much of your work is so strong, but nothing here stands out to me as extraordinary. it feels like a typical Gastrodonatella song. now for the few technicals: walking THROUGH lights? ouch, sis, sounds glassy. (not gassy, but gLassy.) the “city lights / eyes lit” next to each other feels a bit redundant. the “my heart beats fast / my feet move faster” feels kind of corny? is that intentional? ugh, i feel like it’s just not connecting. like i’m looking at it and realizing it’s perfection but it’s not hitting me in any way. favorite part: “our eyes lit up with wanderlust / flickering like neon signs”; also “off to nowhere on our own” is super cute @Xedretinz Lododnz – "Teenage Dream" okay SLAY at meeting the challenge with such ease. the pre-chorus and chorus are FIRE and would totally smash on radio, i can feel it. my european feelers smell a #1 dance/club chart hit. i like that you’ve got a good sense of rhythm and cute poppy lines in here without getting too cutesy or clichéd. slay a bit, sis. i don’t really have anything else to add because i can’t just just say “slay” 80 times over again. favorite part: “i never felt like this before / ‘cause i’m used to being numb” @Tsareena – "Dancing on My Own" the chorus is really repetitive, but i can totally see it working in a produced setting. so you’re kind of setting yourself up for a loss by choosing the best song of all time as your namesake, but you actually do a pretty good job of living up to it. d @ you saying “Robyn sweetie…” in your explanation d. i think i’d like the “loneliest / fairest” lines better if they rhymed; that could be a really cool setup. some of the rhymes aren’t great – “beat/heartbeat/heat/feet,” for example, and “night/moonlight” – but aside from those you avoid pitfalls in that department. overall i liked it a lot and good job etc. favorite part: “days spent dreaming of nighttime”; “haven’t felt this in forever / a comfort i can’t remember” @PoKiTaurus – "Remember When" okay, this is adorable, but it doesn’t really seem to be doing anything new. i know that’s a common thing in real pop music, but i was expecting something out of the ordinary here that would tell a new story, but it seems to be something i’ve heard quite a bit before already. also i hope there was more than one date before a marriage proposal because whew a bitch moves QUICK. other than that there isn’t really anything to critique because it’s not full of bad stuff, just full of stuff i feel like i’ve heard before. however: the way the song progresses and ends with a really cute old-people scene made me a bit teary. that’s cute af. favorite part: “now we’re all grown up / but we’re not falling apart” Edited May 18, 2018 by ultraviolence.xx
Speezy Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 My wig would fly if there was a Digimon challenge based on Data,Virus, Vaccine and null a Challenege!
Nait Phoenix Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 @ultraviolence.xx As for my inspiration, I was actually inspired by Mariah Carey's and Hozier's songwriting. Mariah has this way of making her lyrics simple, but adding those nuances that don't make it juvenile and I took the ball rolling from there. If anything, lyrics from "My All" like "vividly emblazoned in my mind" and "I'm thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight" fueled most of the chorus. As for Hozier, I loved the idea of using the term "take me to church" as a euphemism for "sex" so I kinda went the same route; however, you're free to interpret it how you wish: it could be about going deeper into a person's psyche, it could be going deeper into a person's pants, I don't judge, music is universal!
ultraviolence.xx Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 3 minutes ago, Nait Phoenix said: @ultraviolence.xx As for my inspiration, I was actually inspired by Mariah Carey's and Hozier's songwriting. Mariah has this way of making her lyrics simple, but adding those nuances that don't make it juvenile and I took the ball rolling from there. If anything, lyrics from "My All" like "vividly emblazoned in my mind" and "I'm thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight" fueled most of the chorus. As for Hozier, I loved the idea of using the term "take me to church" as a euphemism for "sex" so I kinda went the same route; however, you're free to interpret it how you wish: it could be about going deeper into a person's psyche, it could be going deeper into a person's pants, I don't judge, music is universal! yeah, it felt like it was written vaguely enough to fit the interpretation of whoever was listening to it, which i think is cool. i love when that happens!
ultraviolence.xx Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 they need judges like me! they need judges like me! so they can get on their f***ing keyboards and tell me "job"! chun-li!
Hug Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 No top of the week because sales statistics haven't came in. ctrl+f your name because I'm not dealing with this server. beatinglikeadrum - “The Praying of Job” So, I’m going to be honest, the whole PH12 “job” meme made this a tad funnier than it should’ve been, but if anything, I’m impressed you managed to both reference a meme AND a biblical story. That’s a first. There’s some issues that could be easily fixed, such a grammar mistakes (“you supposed to love me, you supposed to care” for example) that getting someone to proofread your entry could help prevent, so that’s something I suggest doing, if you haven’t already. I’m not going to say this couldn’t be pop, but it would definitely be a bit more on the controversial side, like something Madonna would do, which is honestly a more predictable spin as far as PH goes...that isn’t bad on its own, but there’s not much separating it from a typical PH entry, and this round was designed to draw you a bit away from that. Nait Phoenix - “Tricks of the Trade” I’m gonna take a jab at what this song means, Feel free to tell me if I got it right. This is a song about...getting new experiences with people, places, and things with someone more “cultured”, (I guess we can call it that) with that sort of thing. It’s the only meaning I can derive from it, because the concept seems pretty vague. The writing itself is fine, and I could definitely sense a pop melody to it, so on that front you did well. I just there was a clearer idea of what was going on. minho - Dream in a Dream Since you, once again, wrote about nothing, my review will be about nothing. Citrus - “Fruit” Why is this an essay, what the fuck. Anyway, you had fun and that’s what matters. <3 Obsession - “Difficult Romance” This is a great example of a pop song not needing to be completely banal and void of anything lyrically substantial. You had a fun, easy to understand metaphor that fits well with the type of song you’re trying to write, and it was compelling despite being easy (pleasant) to read. The meter here is great, and made even stronger by the fact that filler is basically non-existent lyrically. That’s an issue I feel many would think they could get away with because they’re “writing pop”, so I’m happy to see that you didn’t feel that way. Overall, a great entry from you. SeanKevinMusic - “Run Away With Me” This song, while I got a sense of “pop”, felt entirely too familiar. I’ve heard these sentiments before, I’ve heard these metaphors before, and there’s nothing keeping it fresh. From what I saw last week, you do have more interesting ideas, and it’s a bit of a shame you opted for something that’s safe, if not too safe, instead. Luckily, the next round isn’t pop, but I would still suggest coming with a concept that isn’t overly common, or a way to express a familiar idea that feels different. RihsusChrist(ATG) - “Specter” The meter here is very solid, and it gives off “pop” from how tight it is, so you succeeded on that front. The concept is also very fun and whimsical, so on that front, too, you succeeded. I would say the fault lies in some lines that sound awkward for rhymesake; for instance, “...exorcism of the mind / Specter, please go away / Peace, I need to find” is very Yoda-like. You wouldn’t say it like that if you didn’t need a rhyme there. That’s one of the more obvious examples, but there are others. More slant rhymes (like wrought/fault) would do you well on that front, so I would suggest trying them more so you can have natural-sounding lines. Overprotected - “Back and Forth” I could see it being a pop song, that’s a good start. However, I think something more interesting could be done lyrically. Playing with the idea of directions more with metaphors could have been a great place to start. The meter could also be a lot more solid, while it isn’t the worst, it is a pop challenge, so having a tighter meter would’ve elevated this a lot. These things can also apply to future rounds, not necessarily just pop. Kylie Jenner - “Like a Prayer” This was a fun entry! We love casual blasphemy. On a serious note, though, this did about what I was hoping for -- a song that doesn’t take itself entirely too seriously, but is fun and has some witty lyrics that keep it from being dull and familiar. You looked like you enjoyed writing this entry, and I enjoyed seeing it. Well done. UFO - “The Renaissance” This really put the ART in ARTPOP huh. I like how the message of the song slowly revealed itself as it went on, kind of like looking at a painting until you “get it”. Was it intentional? Idk, knowing you maybe it was. The chorus is what sells any semblance of pop to me, because otherwise it felt closer to poem...still, it was a unique approach to the challenge which was cool. Gastrodonatella - Shadow Tag Xedretinz Lododnz - “Teenage Dream” So the way you wrote this song has made it clear that it’s a pop song, so good job on that front. I also really like the pre-chorus...I think. I don’t know if you send your songs to other people, but I think sending to someone could help a lot. :eyes: Tsareena - “Dancing on my Own” So I actually thought this was a good concept to do for this round. I’m surprised something like this isn’t done more often in PH, but there’s something really bittersweet in this that I really enjoyed. You’re mostly getting better at the rhyme thing, too! Maybe the part with beat/heartbeat but otherwise your rhymes were fine, and your meter was good, too. Overall this was solid. PoKiTaurus - “Remember When” This was cute and sentimental, although the story’s pace was really fucking quick. I imagine that this being sung would have lots of pauses between lines for like a cute acoustic guitar or something. This really hit the nail on the head as far as writing a pop song goes. I think adapting yourself to the word limit star challenge held you back more than anything, because adding a bit of personal detail would have elevated this a lot. Still, a really solid entry and you’re quickly showing that we shouldn’t write you off. Kunst - “Toxic” Well I’m happy to see that your idea of Toxic wasn’t a redux of Britney’s. Still, I feel like the lyrical themes I’ve seen from you in the past are here still! I’m glad you didn’t try to abandon your identity for a challenge. I think the bridge was the best part of the song, with how you took the “what a toxic thing you are” and gave it a different spin. This seems like a good start/rough draft that you couldn’t really push further, which I understand. We have bad weeks sometimes! Speezy - “Please Deliver to Heaven (P.O Box 000) We love this innovative title, and it looks like you had a lot of fun writing this song, which I also love! You wrote what seems to me is an eccentric pop song, so you also satisfied challenge requirements so...way to go. :eyes: Temporal - “October Blue” Do I get pop from this...at all? No. Does it matter? No. This was a great entry regardless! I’m glad SOMEONE decided to focus on writing something good as opposed to something that fit the challenge criteria. Achilles. - “Brand New” I figured this challenge would be right up your alley and...I was right. This read like a genuine song and you making it a duet was a fun touch that nobody else did. You knew how to make a pop-sounding song and keep it fresh, so nothing really to say here except well done. Auburn - “Celestial” The chorus to this was pretty strong as far as a tangible rhythm goes...well actually, the whole song is. So, in that instance, you really got the challenge criteria down. ceremonials - Odyssey It's time to jump up in the air Jump up, don't be scared Jump up and your cares will soar away And if the dark clouds start to swirl Don't fear, don't shed a tear 'cause I'll be your 1-Up girl MattyTacos - “Your Ego” Oooh this is an entry. Seriously, though, I get it’s a “pop” entry, but adding those random “oooh”s add nothing to this and reads as the cheapest filler you could find. Speaking of, the chorus reads more like a pre-chorus or something...that’s to say, it feels like it’s building up to something, rather than it being the pay off someone would be looking for in a chorus. The verses feel like they’d be better choruses, even. (For a second, I thoguht the second verse WAS a chorus because it’d be a decent one) and in a pop song specifically, when a chorus feels like an afterthought, it’s not a good sign. OreGuy - “Believe” So, despite a couple of awkward lines (“Turns out wrong / Again” being the biggest example.), this was a fairly straight-forward pop song that satisfied requirements and doesn’t really do much more than that. Something a little more inventive would’ve done a lot for this. Corsola - "Pray For Karli </3" I'm not religious.
Speezy Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Hug said: Speezy - “Please Deliver to Heaven (P.O Box 000) We love this innovative title, and it looks like you had a lot of fun writing this song, which I also love! You wrote what seems to me is an eccentric pop song, so you also satisfied challenge requirements so...way to go. :eyes: Serving “you got a low score, k bye ” But it was Verse 1,Chorus,Bridge and Outro were fun to write. I’m not a big fan of the Pop genre but I did feel limited at some points Edited May 18, 2018 by Speezy
Hug Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 4 minutes ago, Speezy said: Serving “you got a low score, k bye ” But it was Verse 1,Chorus,Bridge and Outro were fun to write I didn't do scores yet You didn't have any glaring issues in your song, and I would've pointed out that the themes were familiar for you, but I realize it's kinda your thing so I didn't bother. I think you did fine this week.
ultraviolence.xx Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 (edited) U MAGAZINE THIS WEEK'S TRACK REVIEWS This post marks the final installment of our reviews of this week's chart debuts. @Kunst – "Toxic" i’m envisioning this chorus having a bad ass delivery with the line breaks it just reads like it’s got this excellent belty ascent. okay i don’t know why you opened with “this isn’t a prank entry” when it’s EXACTLY what i wanted for this round: a well-written, catchy, non-derivative pop song. the bridge had some forced rhymes but other than that i’m a huge fan of this entry. i want it to be an actual song, ariana grande or someone. “alcohollywood avenue” a clever opening. “cigarette / etiquette” yas mama. ugh so much to praise honestly. favorite part: “perfect stranger in the dark / what a toxic thing you are” @Speezy – "Please Deliver to Heaven (P.O. Box 000)" girl what is it with you and these long-ass titles this season, serving FCKNAmbrosia. i mean it really has no consequence but it sends me. the second half of the first verse is giving me major selena gomez vibes. ok executive decision: the word “engorged” is BANNED from all future rounds of PH until the end of time, delete it fat, i am SCREAMING. “i ask in bare skin”: i don’t entirely understand this line. “let a new start begin” is redundant. also for whatever reason in “if you’re gonna do it / then just do it (do it)” the final “do it” sent me. i don’t know why. girl i’ve seen better from you :( favorite part: “you’re such a handful / can’t wait to get my hands full” is selena af @Temporal – "October Blue" the line the title comes from is S U C H a slay, jesus h. christ, girl. what in the fat **** did you think i wouldn’t like about this?? it’s like if kacey musgraves were suddenly a sensitive poetess. the droplets spelling out the name is lowkey too cheesy for me but that’s the only thing that felt slightly over the line. “reminder” and “summer” do not rhyme, in any way, but it works anyway. wig. bonus points for calling golden hour a classic album. in terms of the challenge, it doesn’t feel overtly poppy, but i could see it working in a golden hour-type setting (not just because you name-dropped it), which is quite pop, so i’ll say that suffices. @Achilles., – "Brand New" the prechorus of this is simple and wigging me. “who can put at ease my mind” is phrased awkwardly for the sake of the rhyme, so i’d try a lil harder to make the sequencing of that not sound so stilted. “nought” is too 1800s for a 2018 radio smash, but i appreciate it anyway. “who knows all the things i like” feels juvenile to me for some reason – it reminds me of a parent grocery shopping for her kids and thinking of which ones like turkey and which ones like ham or something like that. d that’s a specific mess. but overall i think this is really good and a cute duet for the pop charts. favorite part: “you give me feelings that are brand new / you give me something to hold on to” @Auburn – "Celestial" okay, wig, the chorus is definitely my favorite part. this is a chorus built for pop radio, folks. i love successful challenge. the second verse feels more successful to me than the first – the first one feels stilted and forced whereas the second one feels more natural and reads easier. the internal rhyme of “light” and “night” too is a wig. the bridge is cute, too – not as forced as the first verse. favorite part: “streaks of light within the night / as we stream across the sky” @ceremonials – "Odyssey" not trying to serve jackson but the first two lines of this really do remind me of a song i’ve written. d. bitch is this about a ****ing video game again, super mario odyssey, i swear to god… okay, i feel similarly to mr. donny’s review in that i acknowledge this is a great song with technical mastery – and it’ll be scored as such – but the emotional resonance is absent for whatever reason. maybe because it didn’t feel like there were any stakes? i love the word “transcend” so great job fitting that in here, even though you didn’t know i loved it. favorite part: the post -chorus :’( @MattyTacos – "Your Ego" is this about trump? i’m choosing to believe it’s about trump. A+, take him down. i’m wigless. the bridge is totally my favorite part – it’s an AAAA scheme but doesn’t feel forced at all which is difficult to accomplish but you’ve done it. it doesn’t read insanely poppy to me but it’s a good song so i don’t really care. the fluid line is kind of odd and i didn’t understand it. also, “turning the world frozen” is kind of an odd way to phrase that. other than those minor qualms, slay. favorite part: “how can you take from what nature’s given?” GET the climate change deniers, jade! @OreGuy – "Believe" ugh the chorus is so simple but so effective. this is pop music at its finest y’all. the verses are very good too but something about the chorus really shines, especially i think because it’s so simple yet it says so much. ugh i stan. don’t have anything else to add because there aren’t any other issues. well done! favorite part: “all i ever said it’s you that i need / all i ever want is you to believe”; “but things are difficult it seems / when someone else is in the sheets” @Corsola – "Pray for Karli </3" this review is as many words as your song is "Sonatine" ugh, the first two lines are so evocative. this is overall cute and i’d love to see whatever catchy radio chorus accompanies this. the third verse was kind of a scream because it just feels like you’re trying to use music-themed words (just because they all come at the end of the line, so the repetition effect). i’d love to see this as a whole-ass song but even how it is it’s very cute. favorite part: “a musician to my core / but with words my lips can’t find“ Edited May 18, 2018 by ultraviolence.xx
Kunst Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 i appreciate both Hug's and Uvi's reviews whew @ me delivering such a divisive cheating anthem
Speezy Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 4 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said: girl what is it with you and these long-ass titles this season, serving FCKNAmbrosia. i mean it really has no consequence but it sends me. the second half of the first verse is giving me major selena gomez vibes. ok executive decision: the word “engorged” is BANNED from all future rounds of PH until the end of time, delete it fat, i am SCREAMING. “i ask in bare skin”: i don’t entirely understand this line. “let a new start begin” is redundant. also for whatever reason in “if you’re gonna do it / then just do it (do it)” the final “do it” sent me. i don’t know why. girl i’ve seen better from you :( favorite part: “you’re such a handful / can’t wait to get my hands full” is selena af the drag but I am screaming at you screaming . hjshsjsz not you being sent by the prechorus . Judges I promise not to send anything related to sex next round
Temporal Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 Tempogre - #1 Kunst - #2 Citrus - #3 Kylie - #4 Cere - #5 Gas/Obs - #6/7 Cors - #8 me/UFO - #9/10 From Uvie’s hints, I’m not compiling a list for Hug’s x
OreGuy Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 7 hours ago, Hug said: OreGuy - “Believe” So, despite a couple of awkward lines (“Turns out wrong / Again” being the biggest example.), this was a fairly straight-forward pop song that satisfied requirements and doesn’t really do much more than that. Something a little more inventive would’ve done a lot for this. 6 hours ago, ultraviolence.xx said: @OreGuy – "Believe" Reveal hidden contents ugh the chorus is so simple but so effective. this is pop music at its finest y’all. the verses are very good too but something about the chorus really shines, especially i think because it’s so simple yet it says so much. ugh i stan. don’t have anything else to add because there aren’t any other issues. well done! favorite part: “all i ever said it’s you that i need / all i ever want is you to believe”; “but things are difficult it seems / when someone else is in the sheets” Oh wow, you guys somehow liking what I've come up with in less than an hour is surprising! Thanks Really appreciate it.
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted May 18, 2018 ATRL Moderator Posted May 18, 2018 thanks for the reviews hug and uvie <3
MattyTacos Posted May 18, 2018 Posted May 18, 2018 16 hours ago, Hug said: No top of the week because sales statistics haven't came in. ctrl+f your name because I'm not dealing with this server. MattyTacos - “Your Ego” Oooh this is an entry. Seriously, though, I get it’s a “pop” entry, but adding those random “oooh”s add nothing to this and reads as the cheapest filler you could find. Speaking of, the chorus reads more like a pre-chorus or something...that’s to say, it feels like it’s building up to something, rather than it being the pay off someone would be looking for in a chorus. The verses feel like they’d be better choruses, even. (For a second, I thoguht the second verse WAS a chorus because it’d be a decent one) and in a pop song specifically, when a chorus feels like an afterthought, it’s not a good sign. I get your complaints, although when the song is sung the oooh would be necessary for second takes & what not. But, I get it's a songwriting comp so that's just seen negatively & taking up space, although my word count was way shorter than asked. But, I'm glad you liked the verses! 16 hours ago, ultraviolence.xx said: U MAGAZINE @MattyTacos – "Your Ego" Hide contents is this about trump? i’m choosing to believe it’s about trump. A+, take him down. i’m wigless. the bridge is totally my favorite part – it’s an AAAA scheme but doesn’t feel forced at all which is difficult to accomplish but you’ve done it. it doesn’t read insanely poppy to me but it’s a good song so i don’t really care. the fluid line is kind of odd and i didn’t understand it. also, “turning the world frozen” is kind of an odd way to phrase that. other than those minor qualms, slay. favorite part: “how can you take from what nature’s given?” GET the climate change deniers, jade! The way I see it is we're all just beings trying to connect and intertwine ourselves with people we want to share our world with, but when someone has too much pride to be open & vulnerable it stunts the ability for us to connect. Y'know? I'm glad you liked the song otherwise, thank you!
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