tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[mxtthewdelrey]

12 minutes ago, SaintWest said:

6. Matthew

wow I love this  thanks!

[Hug]

Gastrodon does better in higher tiers because Grass types are all in lower tiers and grass isn't really a popular coverage type!

[Citrus]

58 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

@Citrus i KNEW you were gonna be a stunt queen  

I debated giving you any real reviews at all but my kind side won out

[mxtthewdelrey]

i write pretty much all my songs with a melody in my head

[Citrus]

2 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

judges can't grade it on melody and often times the melody won't perfectly match your meter. in your head you might give words like "your" two notes and then on paper it only represents one and gets your flow damaged. its even worse with polysyllabic words 

Hm. I never had issues with this and I always had a melody in my head. Of course, I always wrote with a word's syllable count being exactly how I thought was phonetically. Like I didn't do that "yoooooooouuuuuuuuu" stuff. 

[Jackson]

 

@UFO – Dancing with Disaster

Girl, you can’t just call a chorus a bridge and hope to get away with it; so, in that sense, flop! Plus, with that semi-long hook in there, not only did you not get rid of your chorus, you used TWO in one song. I do like the hook, however, and I typically stan dancefloor smashes because they manage to marry pop with PH style writing pretty well. That being said, the imagery you used wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before (melting, waves, etc). Also, this was a pretty overt appropriation of Godty’s Dance with the Devil!

 

 

@Tsareena – Oyster

I read the first few lines, and was like “oh, this is gonna be a cute love song”, and then not even 4 lines in I was hit by “of you feasting on all of me”. Girl, we’ve talked about this. I think we need to set up a PH date between you and Speezy to get all this sexual tension out. And it’s not that I don’t like sexual songs, or even overt sexual songs every once in a while, but sometimes a little bit of subtlety goes a long way. An oyster isn’t really something I wanted to see fetishized either.

 

 

@funnellegs – A Passage of Time

OK, you said you were trying to cut the crap (metaphors, etc) to try and make the meaning of your song more apparent, but I’m not really sure what this means. Beyond that, it felt like you were a little too limited with the structure you gave yourself. The lines were extremely short and incredibly uniform, which didn’t provide anything interesting in the way of face value content. The point isn’t to cut out all imagery and metaphors from your song, you can still use them and have a very direct, clear theme to a song, but that wasn’t the case here.

 

 

@MattyTacos – Loveless Humans

By the time you read this, our snapchat streak will probably be dead, unless you miraculously save it in the next hour or so, so **** YOU, 429 days for nothing? That’s almost as upsetting as your nursery rhyme-esque mouse/house rhyme.

EDIT: As I was posting this review I saw you snapped me and saved the streak, so I guess I can reveal that I thought this was your best entry this season.

 

 

@keshaspearsxo – Moan

Not you writing a sex song after being completely against them for SEASONS on end. It wasn’t a completely typically sex song, so points for that, but it was awkward at times and the “chocolate” line is a complete mess. I can’t tell whether the final couplet is brilliant or disgusting, but it got a reaction out of me, so good job there.

 

 

@mxtthewdelrey – Bitter After Dark

“Read receipt plays on my mind all day” was awkward, and an internal rhyme like “read receipt repeats” would have been much cooler. This was completely random, and imagery like breaking sandcastles didn’t fully connect. Additionally, the rhyme scheme a little all over the place, having random sections that rhymed for no apparent reason. I’m fine with songs that don’t rhyme, but keep it consistent. Lastly, the titular line didn’t make full sense and I’m really not sure what bitter after dark means.

 

 

@Nait Phoenix – Cloudless Sky

Oh wow, I’m GROOVING to this flow. Rhyming polysyllabic words is pretty risky, but it PAID off here. I liked how you utilized repetition without needing a chorus, using structure and theme to make up for it without the song feeling like anything was missing. I didn’t quite like a few lines, like “when it all could end with a drop” and “when my paradise is teased like bait”, and the fact that you used the sea twice albeit in different settings.  The end was pretty genius as well, how you tied everything together. The only thing I would have improved in that stanza would have been to provide a more powerful punch line.

 

 

@Covergirl – Smokin’ the Romance out of Me

“The smoke comes out my mouth” n how redundant. I don’t know if I would call a night “angst-filled” either. I did like the way you framed the song though, and I always live for this bhad bhoy type imagery. Your flow was a bit off throughout, however. Make sure you’re not only syllable counting, but reading your songs out loud to make sure the stressing lines up line to line.

 

 

@KatyCatPH – Cardiff Love

Once again using my UK obsession against me, wow. I did like the concept of the song overall, but it read a bit too plainly. Pro tip: never use the word strife in a song because 9.999/10 times it’s forced. I loved the last stanza, as it painted a more vivid picture than the rest of the song and carried a certain amount of emotional weight. When going for more direct subject matter (aka not wrapping a song in a metaphor), make sure you’re still using interesting, unique language and ensuring your emotion shines through the piece.

 

 

@Speezy – Beautiful Disaster

“Always felt beautiful because no one saw my pain” I’m not sure about the likelihood of that line being valid, seeing as most people are insecure in what they hide rather than what they show. I liked where you were going with this moon manipulating the tide, but the execution was a bit off. I liked the meaning of the hook and how you portrayed it. The bridge was a bit messy (like just wipe your tears before they fall of your fave), especially the vest line.

 

[mxtthewdelrey]

@Jackson oh wow DRAG me

 

When will I EVER write a song that gets unanimous praise

[Hug]

[Moonchild]

[Tsareena]

Love can be sexy you prude 

[Citrus]

1 minute ago, Gastrodonatella said:

i can't stop crying. we did it kids

Jiwmdjdjeje

[Jackson]

1 minute ago, Tsareena said:

Love can be sexy you prude 

as an asexual i don't get it :(

[Hug]

5 minutes ago, Moonchild said:

Hugamar(tin)i? Wow.

[Citrus]

13 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

yeah but that's not how real songs sounds. there's no music where every word is pronounced exactly as you would speak it, which is why a melody takes away from the lyrics themselves when you're judging solely on the lyrics

I played to win henny

[Tsareena]

2 minutes ago, Jackson said:

as an asexual i don't get it :(

 your limitations are not my problem 

[MattyTacos]

I totally forgot that I submitted an entry this week

[Moonchild]

 

@Gastrodonatella -

I liked this a lot. You used the constraints of the challenge to strengthen your song, which is the point of this phase. I thought the structure suited your song well, and you did that with the gradual transition from hope to hopelessness. You took some risks with your phrasing (“with eyes emerald green”) that paid off for you. I would’ve liked a more central metaphor throughout the song like the leaf/branch in the first verse. We get a new metaphor with each stanza, and they all work, but the song could’ve been stronger if it became more than the sum of its parts.

 

@Hug -

This was a cool approach and props for using “favela.” The nursery rhyme element came through, but the songwriting was hit and miss. The middle eight was the strongest part of the song to me because it used repetition to build Bella’s character until she was “dancing for herself.” The verses had more obvious lines like “she works day and night” and “she knows she deserves something better.” I appreciate the creativity of your songs this season, so keep at it.

 

@minho -

I enjoyed this. We’ve all written love songs or obsession songs, but your language elevates it here. I didn’t think I’d ever appreciate “bizarre prism of light” as a lyric. There were a few places where I felt the rhythm wasn’t consistent. And I don’t think your bridge adds enough to make a strong ending. Solid song, though.

 

@SaintWest -

The idea behind this song was good, but I think you got too focused on the cosmic imagery. We don’t need the moon, stars and stardust in the first three lines of a song, and I wasn’t convinced by some lines like “tracing every constellation outlined on your face.” I think cosmic imagery works best if you use it as a backdrop, and it felt like the main event here. I did enjoy your story and concept, though.

 

@ultraviolence.xx -

Ehh, I wasn’t completely sold on this one. I like how records are prominent in the song, but I don’t otherwise get a strong sense of focus or vision. And not him waiting months to ask the speaker out and the speaker using some employee to give the guy a phone number. There’s a good song in here, probably in the record shop or the candlelit apartment with music playing, but it’s not there yet.

 

@Aurora -

Props for doing a rap song, and I can pick up enough of a rhythm to get the feel. The lyricism felt mostly like rambling, though. We get identity crisis, Mean Girls, then acting, then prisons, then latitude and compasses. It doesn’t have a strong direction, and we’ve heard small town struggle before. You have skill, obviously, so I’d only recommend to collect all of your thoughts for a song before you write it.

 

@UFO -

Repeating “hooks” and “bridges” is using a chorus, henny. We use challenge requirements to push and improve you. That said, I don’t think this song is quite there yet. While I know it’s about addiction, it’s a bad boy love song on the surface. And I feel like I’ve heard at least five Taylor Swift songs handled the same way. Your line length was a bit too long, too, and it makes some lines awkward (“Or is it lust - why do I always gravitate to what's dangerous?”). Addiction and love have been written about for forever, so you have to find new ways to write about them or write about them very well.

 

@Tsareena -

The challenge with sex songs is that you don’t have much to hide behind. Sex isn’t an original theme, so the song’s success depends on your ability to create a mood and write well. I don’t think this quite got there. We know how sex works, so you don’t need to tell us how salty, silky or slippery it is. Tell us the emotions, how this person affects you personally. And let the mood dictate the metaphor if you use one, not the other way around. Oysters aren’t sexy, sorry, n.

 

@funnellegs -

Most songs are rooted in either lyricism or narrative, but any song needs a bit of both to be successful. You have a solid rhythm and narrative here, but I think the lyrics let your song down. The rhymes are a bit too easy, the phrasing is a bit too awkward (“into the night we’ll drive”), and overall, it feels more like you’re telling a story than writing a song. Some lines were great (“You’re the same person by name / But nothing else has stayed the same”), but I wanted to know more. This song is on its way, but it needed to be pushed more.

 

@MattyTacos -

I agree that this narrative is a bit much to convey in one song. Songs are small things, so you usually need to deal with moments and single concepts. I liked the small elements of repetition here and you had a pretty good thing going. Just keep the challenge in mind and how you can make its constraints (like no chorus) work to the advantage of your song.

 

@keshaspearsxo -

Yas, I’m here for your Erotica era. There were a few minor issues: the stressing is different for “never hurt” versus “your pervert”, the rhythm seemed a bit off in some aspects. I liked what you went for, though I wish you kept more of the sensory elements (vanilla, chocolate, leather) going throughout the song. I like that you went a bit out of your normal realm, too. Keep it up.

 

@mxtthewdelrey -

This feels like a break-up song that someone would write down in a journal. And it’s good for that purpose, but it’s restrained by that as well. We don’t have a history with the speaker in the song, so we can’t fully relate to his anxiety without context. We don’t ever really know what the other guy did, even though the whole song is in response to it. The song conveys that the speaker is anxious, but the why, the how, the sensory details are a bit lacking. I like your language. You know how to write a song and wrap your words around a concept. This song just needed a bit more for me to connect to it.

 

@Nait Phoenix -

This song isn’t really coherent. It probably needed a chorus, but that’s not an option here. You spend several stanzas asking these abstract questions, but you should answer any questions you explicitly bring up. They should build to something or lead to a grand finale, but that didn’t happen. So, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say with the song. The language is pretty. Try to focus your thoughts and work out in your head what you want to say with each song before you write it.

 

@Covergirl -

N, girl, this isn’t the song to have a unicorn/**** rhyme. I like the concept of the song and I think it’s pretty successful. You get the sort of drug-induced haze but the repetition of “I breathe it in, I cough it out / The smoke comes out my mouth” grounds the song. Why didn’t you submit this for Amy in the label round? This song isn’t perfect, but everything works well enough for what the song wants to be.

 

@KatyCatPH -

Whew, that one night/strife/pillow/you go verse was rough. When you’re writing a song, try to write in an everyday way. You’ll need to be lyrical, obviously, but words like “thus” stand out because we rarely use them. I think the “Cardiff love” repetition would’ve worked better if you changed the last line more. Right now, the song doesn’t go deep enough. I want to see the bed, the clothes, the other guy. I want to know how leaving affects the speaker emotionally and physically. I want elements of flashback, what brought them together, how the speaker felt when they were together. You’re treading the surface, and you need to dive in. Check out “Kiss to Kiss” by Cher or “Call Your Girlfriend” by Robyn to see how you can take this concept further.

 

@Speezy -

I get where you’re going with this, but I wasn’t fully sold on the comparison of someone with self-esteem issues to a natural disaster. I think the metaphor should’ve been introduced a bit earlier and given another verse to explore the sort of nuance. The moon/ocean was the most successful part of the song to me. Your language is pretty; I think the song just needed more time and room to realize itself.

[Speezy]

Thanks Judges  I honestly miss my sex anthems  but I’lll find another method that sticks

[mxtthewdelrey]

Oh wow @Moonchild thank you so much  

[Moonchild]

2 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

i appreciate the stanning for me but why'd it take you 5 rounds to start judging  

Who knows, but I'm judging now. Would you prefer I stopped?

 

[Jackson]

@Gastrodonatella @Hug @minho @SaintWest @ultraviolence.xx @Aurora @UFO @Tsareena @funnellegs @MattyTacos @keshaspearsxo @mxtthewdelrey @Nait Phoenix @Covergirl @KatyCatPH @Speezy

 

 

 

RESULTS LIVE IN 23 MINUTES

[SaintWest]

its funny cuz the fossils in the sky line was one of my best lines yet no one has mentioned it i think i'm #6 again tho   

 

 

Edited September 24, 2017 by SaintWest

[MattyTacos]

I haven't slept in over 24 hours 

[Hug]

1 minute ago, MattyTacos said:

I haven't slept in over 24 hours 

Time to go to bed

[ceremonials]

43 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

similarly there's a lot of water types in higher tiers for her to storm drain off of and counter. she's a bulky water meant to counter bulky waters. lanturn and vaporeon both quake at the sight of her despite vaporeon (normally) being OU/UU and lanturn being NU

the knock off lapras tea