tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[Jackson]

6 hours ago, Covergirl said:

Are we expecting Sunday results?

idk if the other judges will be done by then but i want to do them tomorrow 

[swiftie13]

Every non flop PH season has a moment where we all stan the best lyrics of all time, The Roof by Mariah Carey so I'm just gonna leave this here for your enjoyment and daily inspiration.

 

 

 

 

It wasn't raining yet
But it was definitely a little misty on
That warm November night
And my heart was pounding
My inner voice resounding
Begging me to turn away
But I just had to see your face
To feel alive
And then you casually walked in the room
And I was twisted in the web
Of my desire for you
(And I was twisted)
My apprehension blew away
I only wanted you
To taste my sadness
As you kissed me in the dark

[Chorus:]
Every time I feel the need
I envision you caressing me
And go back in time
To relive the splendor of you and I
On the rooftop that rainy night

And so we finished the Moet
And started feeling liberated
And I surrendered as you took me
In your arms
(You took me in your arms)
I was so caught up in the moment
I couldn't bear to let you go yet
So I threw caution to the wind
And started listening to my longing heart
And then you softly pressed your lips to mine
And feelings surfaced I'd suppressed
For such a long long time
(And I was lifted)
And for a while I forgot
The sorrow and the pain
And melted with you as we stood
There in the rain

[Chorus]

Last night I dreamed that I
Whispered the words I love you
And touched you so very
Subtly as we were kissing goodbye
(Pretty baby - How I'm missing you)

 

[Chorus]

Edited September 10, 2017 by swiftie13

[ceremonials]

batch one x

 

@ultraviolence.xx, “Take Me to the Water” (HERETIC)

 

I think this really read like a Florence song, even if most of your songs tend to So that was good. There were parts that felt a bit too...melodramatic for someone like Florence, specifically the last line in the chorus. It seems to be a recurring theme you’ve had throughout all your entries, which is nice, but it felt out of place here. The repetition of “These spirits never let me sleep was pretty effective as well, though I do think it became a tad tiring by the time we reach the end. Still, I imagined them like the background vocals in “Delilah” so that perhaps flavored my perspective a bit. I also felt the “to find what I’ve been looking for” in the second verse was a little lazy, since it was so similar to the one from the previous verse, but essentially just watered down. The line just doesn’t punch enough to justify it being there again, unless there was some new twist on it.

 

Overall, I think you nailed this challenge, but maybe mainly because your style is essentially a more grandiose version of Florence’s. It felt like you toned things down to make them more accessible like the prompt said, but I think a few of the nuances that make both your and her style unique was lost in the process.

 

@UFO, “Escape the Heavens” (HERETIC)

 

In terms of technicalities, this was by no means a Florence song. She rarely f***s with her rhyme scheme and though her song structures might seem complex by ear, on paper they’re pretty standard. This definitely wasn’t standard in terms of structure - though not all of her songs are, and this structure wasn’t too crazy anyway. I wouldn’t judge you too harshly for not including fine details like this, since it was nowhere to be mentioned in the prompt, but it did take me out of the experience a bit, and it didn’t flow nearly as naturally as 90% of the other Florence songs. Some examples of this would be the jagged stones line, while I really love the couplet as a whole, the first part was extremely clunky.

 

That said, I think conceptually this is quite interesting, and I think I could see Florence singing about something like this, even if songs like Seven Devils are kind of scarce in her discography. The hook was pretty solid and probably the most consistent part of the entire piece, which was of course appreciated. Unfortunately, I think the rest of the song is just too long. Some lines are too long and it results in them becoming clunky, and  the outro and the bridge definitely could’ve been condensed into one. I think moving forward, you should try not to accomplish so much, because it can be the reason you fall short. I tell most people to do more with their songs but I think I’m gonna suggest the opposite for you. Do less. With a writer like you, I think simplicity is the better route to take, and maybe you’ll explore that in future rounds.

 

@Hug, “Kaleidoscope Skies” (HERETIC)

 

This was a tiny bit of a reach for a Florence song. I sort of struggled to imagine her singing at parts, but at other parts (mainly the verses), it felt very her. Death is not that common of a theme in her songs as well so I don’t think you could make that reach either - but I don’t think you really have to. It’s still pretty justifiable as a Florence song, just maybe not all the way through. Speaking of the verses, they were definitely the strongest part for me, and I didn’t feel any real attachment to the chorus or pre chorus, which is weird since I feel like that’s usually one of your strong points. It did feel more accessible than the typical Florence chorus though, so points for that. I just wish it packed the same punch the verses do while also being toned down, but that’s a very niche and specific request, so I digress.

 

Overall I think you hit the mark with this challenge - you didn’t exactly soar above and beyond, but I think I can blame that on you not being familiar with Florence as an artist, and that’s fine. In the real world, if you got hired for a writing camp, you might not know who the artist is either, so it’s important to be able to mimic people’s styles at the very least, and this song is proof of your capability of that.

 

@Gastrodonatella, “The Picture on the Wall” (NEW ROADS)

 

Okay, this was almost another 10 but unfortunately there were a few slip ups. You occasionally changed the rhyme scheme and meter for seemingly no reason, such as the second half of Verse 2, and it ruined the otherwise flawless flow. It seems like maybe this was done to help the story move along and tie it altogether, but I feel there was maybe a better way to go about it. The rest of the lines were short and sweet, full of nuance and emotion, and felt like a country song (which is pretty hard to do on paper, or at least do it well). The lines felt like Dolly to a tee. I just wish all of it was as consistent as most of it was, if that makes sense?

 

If we take out the outro and the second half of verse two though, then we have another 10 on our hands, so it can’t be all bad, right?

 

@funnellegs, “Tomorrow’s Ghost” (HERETIC)

 

“My painted lips tremble as we flicker in the dark / Two bodies in tandem but only one beating heart” BITCH  a couplet. Anyway, I’m pretty sure you’re British so I think you have a certain perspective that others who chose Florence might not have, and that definitely added to the experience for me. Even if we ignore the imagery, the subject matter, any of the literary devices used, it still reads like a Florence song to me.

 

Still, there were some parts that Florence would definitely not use, some examples would be the “side effect” line, and perhaps the “nobody” line in the chorus. I think this isn’t directly related to Florence though - even if this was just for a free round or something, I think those lines would still feel out of place. Again, this feels like a very typical funnellegs entry, with a bit of Florence flare here in there. You seem to be stepping out of your box more and more with each round and whether that’s willingly happening or the challenges are forcing you to, I can’t say. But I welcome it. You’re a very competent writer, but I think you will find greater success in trying new things.

 

@minho, “Storybook” (NEW ROADS)

 

Okay, so I get why this is a Dolly song, but it wasn’t enough of an emulation of her style for me. The storytelling element was definitely there - maybe not with the most focus, but it’s there. The emotional draw is there, and while that can be said about many country artists (female ones anyway ), it is especially true for Dolly. Unfortunately, that’s about where the similarities end. In terms of writing style, this is way too much of your style and not enough of hers. Because of this, I couldn’t imagine her singing this at all throughout most of it. You had a really flawless balance in the first verse - it felt like you, but still like her. The same could be said about the chorus, and I think these two parts are both the strongest parts of the song as well as the only parts that could really pass of as Dolly. Verse 3 could’ve been deleted altogether, tbh.

 

That said, I do like the song itself. If this were a different round, less restrictive to style maybe, then I think this would’ve worked a lot better, but as is, it’s a great song, but not the greatest Dolly emulation.

 

@Tsareena, “Lamb” (HERETIC)

 

Nnn, the trigger warning. Thanx sis. I do think this was a bit too...on the nose for Florence but subject wise it wasn’t a miss by any means. Your writing seems a tad more verbose than usual, which is fitting, given the prompt, and it evens your styles out decently well. What this song really suffers from is the lack of a rhyme scheme though. There’s rhymes here and there sure, but no definite structure to it. In that sense, it was at times hard to read naturally. You really need to start including definite rhyme schemes in your songs. You’re have a good sense of word choice, and you’re conceptually one of the strongest contestants this season (poor Corsola.), but you’re held back most by your refusal to mould your song into a certain formula. I’m always here for people trying new things in terms of structure, because sometimes even if the song doesn’t flow well, it can work if the rest of the aspects are strong enough. I think a good example of this would be your song from last week. But I think you could really shine if you used a more traditional structure. I’d recommend starting with ABAB, and maybe build on it from there.

 

@FCKNAmbrosia, “Castaway” (HERETIC)

 

Screaming at your entry LITERALLY taking up 7 pages of the Google Doc. I’m fine with that though, since now I have less songs to read than I initially thought Also wow @ you doing a collab, I don’t think that’s ever been done before. In that sense it seems like a risk, but I mean, no one ever said it

be a collab, so collect those royalties henny.

 

Okay onto the actual song. As always, there were a  few ARTPOP word choices that could’ve been avoided - things like “belly of the sea”, “abyss sand” and “water flow”. Also, you did NOT just rhyme sea gulls with eagles, did you? The chorus however was ARTPOP in its finest form, and I really loved it. The castaway hook is an absolute slay in both of the choruses. Also, I felt like the “you” parts felt more like Florence, and her parts felt more like you, so that was weird, but not gonna lie I wasn’t paying much attention to who was singing what. Still, it was a clever way to bridge both of your styles seamlessly, even if wasn’t pulled off the best.

 

[Denim]

22 minutes ago, swiftie13 said:

Every non flop PH season has a moment where we all stan the best lyrics of all time, The Roof by Mariah Carey so I'm just gonna leave this here for your enjoyment and daily inspiration.

 

 

 

 

It wasn't raining yet
But it was definitely a little misty on
That warm November night
And my heart was pounding
My inner voice resounding
Begging me to turn away
But I just had to see your face
To feel alive
And then you casually walked in the room
And I was twisted in the web
Of my desire for you
(And I was twisted)
My apprehension blew away
I only wanted you
To taste my sadness
As you kissed me in the dark

[Chorus:]
Every time I feel the need
I envision you caressing me
And go back in time
To relive the splendor of you and I
On the rooftop that rainy night

And so we finished the Moet
And started feeling liberated
And I surrendered as you took me
In your arms
(You took me in your arms)
I was so caught up in the moment
I couldn't bear to let you go yet
So I threw caution to the wind
And started listening to my longing heart
And then you softly pressed your lips to mine
And feelings surfaced I'd suppressed
For such a long long time
(And I was lifted)
And for a while I forgot
The sorrow and the pain
And melted with you as we stood
There in the rain

[Chorus]

Last night I dreamed that I
Whispered the words I love you
And touched you so very
Subtly as we were kissing goodbye
(Pretty baby - How I'm missing you)

 

[Chorus]

stan. Mariah's lyrical and artistic peak

[swiftie13]

13 minutes ago, Covergirl said:

stan. Mariah's lyrical and artistic peak

Butterfly was everything <3 

 

The Roof, Breakdown, Fourth of July, My All, basically every song  

[ceremonials]

Butterfly is in the trinity of Moo albums, ill say that

 

[Tsareena]

11 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

@Tsareena, “Lamb” (HERETIC)

 

Nnn, the trigger warning. Thanx sis. I do think this was a bit too...on the nose for Florence but subject wise it wasn’t a miss by any means. Your writing seems a tad more verbose than usual, which is fitting, given the prompt, and it evens your styles out decently well. What this song really suffers from is the lack of a rhyme scheme though. There’s rhymes here and there sure, but no definite structure to it. In that sense, it was at times hard to read naturally. You really need to start including definite rhyme schemes in your songs. You’re have a good sense of word choice, and you’re conceptually one of the strongest contestants this season (poor Corsola.), but you’re held back most by your refusal to mould your song into a certain formula. I’m always here for people trying new things in terms of structure, because sometimes even if the song doesn’t flow well, it can work if the rest of the aspects are strong enough. I think a good example of this would be your song from last week. But I think you could really shine if you used a more traditional structure. I’d recommend starting with ABAB, and maybe build on it from there.

 thanks. I'll try with more concrete rhyme schemes for future rounds 

[UFO]

This is the issue with me. Whenever I try to keep it simple and stripped back, it's "not enough". So I try to go deeper and flesh things out more, but then it's "too much". I'm kind of over this ****, honestly    

Edited September 10, 2017 by UFO

[ultraviolence.xx]

51 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

I also felt the “to find what I’ve been looking for” in the second verse was a little lazy, since it was so similar to the one from the previous verse, but essentially just watered down.

i was lowkey just trying to go for accessibility thru repetition  but i agree, didn't love that line

 

51 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

Still, I imagined them like the background vocals in “Delilah” so that perhaps flavored my perspective a bit.

exactly what i was going for!! slay

 

51 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

Overall, I think you nailed this challenge

gonna print this out and hang it on my wall

 

 

thank you for your comments, sis  

Edited September 10, 2017 by ultraviolence.xx

[Aurora]

1 hour ago, swiftie13 said:

Every non flop PH season has a moment where we all stan the best lyrics of all time, The Roof by Mariah Carey so I'm just gonna leave this here for your enjoyment and daily inspiration.

 

Spoiler

 

It wasn't raining yet
But it was definitely a little misty on
That warm November night
And my heart was pounding
My inner voice resounding
Begging me to turn away
But I just had to see your face
To feel alive
And then you casually walked in the room
And I was twisted in the web
Of my desire for you
(And I was twisted)
My apprehension blew away
I only wanted you
To taste my sadness
As you kissed me in the dark

[Chorus:]
Every time I feel the need
I envision you caressing me
And go back in time
To relive the splendor of you and I
On the rooftop that rainy night

And so we finished the Moet
And started feeling liberated
And I surrendered as you took me
In your arms
(You took me in your arms)
I was so caught up in the moment
I couldn't bear to let you go yet
So I threw caution to the wind
And started listening to my longing heart
And then you softly pressed your lips to mine
And feelings surfaced I'd suppressed
For such a long long time
(And I was lifted)
And for a while I forgot
The sorrow and the pain
And melted with you as we stood
There in the rain

[Chorus]

Last night I dreamed that I
Whispered the words I love you
And touched you so very
Subtly as we were kissing goodbye
(Pretty baby - How I'm missing you)

 

[Chorus]

 

 

I love how this song just reads to effortlessly even without listening to it, an instant PH #1 classic if it was submitted.

 

Also slay at @FCKNAmbrosia doing a collab.  I was going to write a twenty one pilots & Florence Welch duet initially but figured it'd be a bit much, but I like that you brought yourself into the song. Very clever!

[ceremonials]

15 minutes ago, UFO said:

This is the issue with me. Whenever I try to keep it simple and stripped back, it's "not enough". So I try to go deeper and flesh things out more, but then it's "too much". I'm kind of over this ****, honestly    

Maybe different judges have different opinions, but imo you've always been one to go all out. I think something like Let the Water Fall was a nice balance of both.

[Speezy]

@ceremonials always Deliver reviews 

[ceremonials]

Just now, Speezy said:

@ceremonials always Deliver reviews 

yeah my baby know that I Deliver.mp3

[Denim]

My all is truly magical vocally, the roof is magical lyrically, honey is magical instrumentally

 

Mariah just DID IT with butterfly

[UFO]

24 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

Maybe different judges have different opinions, but imo you've always been one to go all out. I think something like Let the Water Fall was a nice balance of both.

Okay thank you!   it's something I've always struggled with and I rarely find a balance   but when I do, it works e.g. Let the Water Fall. 

 

I think I'm the type of person where I'd rather "go all out" for maximum impact nnn rather than hold myself back, but I do agree it backfires sometimes  

 

My song this week was just really hard to edit   I definitely could've deleted some lines but if I deleted even ONE line, it would destroy the entire song since the storyline is so chronological and it would no longer make sense and then the imagery would be less cohesive and I would essentially be creating more issues within my song so then I would have to totally rewrite it and it probably would've made it worse  I was definitely conflicted this week but in the end I decided to submit my song in its ~purest~ form, hoping the judges could see past some of the technical issues   and tbh I don't think it's too bad technically-speaking, both verses follow the same AABCC rhyme scheme. It's just the bridge and the outro that are more free-form nnnn but I'll definitely keep what you said in mind for next week! It's just difficult for me because it's one of my greatest weakenesses and I don't really know how to properly "solve" it and every week it's like I'm hoping y'all won't think it's "too much" or "not enough" cause it really ****s with my head and I can't really judge myself what's "too much" and what's "not enough" cause obviously I'm the one writing it Nn    but that's a problem I need to work on ffff

Edited September 10, 2017 by UFO

[UFO]

Yas Stan for My All and The Roof!   I love Butterfly    

Edited September 10, 2017 by UFO

[Aurora]

@UFO

[swiftie13]

I'm pleased to see all the positivity

 

A moment!

[poki]

My All was #1 on billboard the day I was born. I'm happy it's part of her best album  Butterfly really is a slay of an album. Too bad it all went downhill from there with Glitter's release date and the rushed Rainbow album. 

 

My song was a little short on purpose because that's part of Dolly's style. 

 

MESS at people being labeled heretics nnnn.

 

I'm gonna be in the last batch again so I guess I'll be getting my reviews tomorrow, or on monday.

Edited September 10, 2017 by PoKiTaurus

[UFO]

1 hour ago, Aurora said:

@UFO

Nnnn thank you, henny!     U2  

Edited September 10, 2017 by UFO

[ceremonials]

me to myself

 

[UFO]

me to myself  

 

Edited September 10, 2017 by UFO

[Aurora]

19 minutes ago, UFO said:

Nnnn thank you, henny!     U2  

I mean this in the nicest way possible, so I hope you take it that way, but you remind me of Christina a bit. Like, you are to songwriting what Christina is to vocals. Obviously you've got mad talent, you wouldn't consistently make it to the pointy end of the competition in each season if you didn't, but sometimes your lack of restraint is your biggest pressure point. But not everything has to be over-analysed and cut right back, anyway.

 

My biggest flaw I feel is not knowing when I've bitten off more than I can chew... but I like taking risks and they don't always work out, and I'm okay with that.

[SaintWest]

If Numbers Girl does worse than her sibling

[Hug]

Omg are we talking about our biggest flaws? I feel that mine is not taking any risks structurally. You could put a lot of my entries side by side and you'd probably find they'd have the same amount of lines.  Or at least very close. I also stick pretty closely to some form of V / PC / C / V / PC / C / B / C so yeah. Sometimes I change that, but mostly not.  

 

4 hours ago, ceremonials said:

@Hug, “Kaleidoscope Skies” (HERETIC)

 

This was a tiny bit of a reach for a Florence song. I sort of struggled to imagine her singing at parts, but at other parts (mainly the verses), it felt very her. Death is not that common of a theme in her songs as well so I don’t think you could make that reach either - but I don’t think you really have to. It’s still pretty justifiable as a Florence song, just maybe not all the way through. Speaking of the verses, they were definitely the strongest part for me, and I didn’t feel any real attachment to the chorus or pre chorus, which is weird since I feel like that’s usually one of your strong points. It did feel more accessible than the typical Florence chorus though, so points for that. I just wish it packed the same punch the verses do while also being toned down, but that’s a very niche and specific request, so I digress.

 

Overall I think you hit the mark with this challenge - you didn’t exactly soar above and beyond, but I think I can blame that on you not being familiar with Florence as an artist, and that’s fine. In the real world, if you got hired for a writing camp, you might not know who the artist is either, so it’s important to be able to mimic people’s styles at the very least, and this song is proof of your capability of that.

Oh well yeah I knew I wasn't going to get it down perfect since I didn't really research into Florence and had little knowledge to begin with, so it at least looking like a good mimicry of it is something!