tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[ceremonials]

oh i forgot to do fave couplets. will edit them in tomorrow if you care girlies

 

[SaintWest]

thanks for the reviews hennies  @ceremonials @Jackson @Citrus 

[Jackson]

There's buzz going around that moon has started reviews 

[touya kinomoto]

14 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

oh i forgot to do fave couplets. will edit them in tomorrow if you care girlies

 

Of course we care. 

[Denim]

Awwww thanks for the really great review ceremonials!!! Besides making it less repetitive and fitting the theme a bit better, is there anything I could do to make it better

[Moonchild]

[Denim]

1 minute ago, Jackson said:

There's buzz going around that moon has started reviews 

I dont think i ever got a round 1 review from him

 

[Denim]

Just now, Moonchild said:

a Legend has arrived

[Moonchild]

Just now, Covergirl said:

I dont think i ever got a round 1 review from him

 

N, yeah, sorry about that y'all. I'll try to do them individually for anyone who really wants one. Oh, and anyone who did cryptids this week is getting bonus points from me.

 

[Denim]

1 minute ago, Moonchild said:

N, yeah, sorry about that y'all. I'll try to do them individually for anyone who really wants one. Oh, and anyone who did cryptids this week is getting bonus points from me.

 

It's fine!! you still did scores quickly so i appreciate you, keep on fighting the daily day moonchild bae! ( i thought it was cute, it wasn't! )

 

[ceremonials]

so i wanted to do hints last round but unfortunately didnt really get around to it since we were all swamped. but here we are  Reminder that this is only my personal top 10, and there's three other judges that  could've scored you completely differently.

 

top ten :

 

#1 

 

#2 

 

                                                                                         #3         

 

#4  

 

#5    

 

#6  

 

#7 

#8 

 

#9 

 

#10 

 

DISCLAIMER: The hint may refer to the song or the username - they're not all directly related to the song titles for example.

 

get hunting girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[touya kinomoto]

11 minutes ago, Moonchild said:

N, yeah, sorry about that y'all. I'll try to do them individually for anyone who really wants one. Oh, and anyone who did cryptids this week is getting bonus points from me.

 

LEGEND!!! 

 

Send me a review! Rip me to shreds! Tear me to pieces!

 

But be gentle.

[Dylobs]

2 hours ago, Jackson said:

 

@Gastrodonatella – Persephone

Oh, look at you changing up the actual myth. Loving that concept. This is definitely stronger than last week’s entry. Floor/laurel is definitely a forced rhyme, something you fell victim to a couple times. “Peters out” is this song’s mommy, where another choice of words would have been stronger, but take note that I’m not giving you a 5 because of that so don’t go awf. Your meter and flow were impeccable, and there was nothing wrong with the other aspects of the song that would make me take off points.

 

 

@Covergirl – Lady in White

When I first read this I was thinking this read like a base level fefe song, and then I remembered he’s your frequent collaborator/ghostwriter/mentor so it made sense. I like the line “I’ll be here waiting/patiently fading”, but the chorus was otherwise lackluster and didn’t offer much. I would have loved a bit more vivid imagery in the verses, but the storytelling itself was pretty top notch.

 

 

@PoKiTaurus – Promise Ring

“I won’t take it off/cause we never got it on” was clever. Unfortunately, that’s about all I liked here. Some lines read really awkwardly, like “don’t worry baby I’m still clean”. The verse ended up being a laundry list of things you did that night instead of a cohesive storyline. I would have loved to see you showing rather than telling with this song. It’s possible to know what is going on in a song and where you’re going with the themes without stating every little thing that happened.

 

 

@KatyCatPH – Zephyr’s Song

This was definitely a step up from last week’s song. It still wasn’t perfect, but you seemed to do a lot more right this week. The storytelling was strong and the song flowed much better. A big issue came in the form of easy grammatical errors, such as “all my eyes could saw”. If you’re not already, make sure someone proofreads your song before you submit it. The song also would have benefitted from a little more complex language, but that’s something to worry about at a later time.

 

 

@UFO – A Love in a Lie

“Someone has finally matched my beauty” OK wow way to be conceited. “Reversed Midas touch” was clunky. I LOVED the flow of the prechorus, which is interesting because I rarely like short lines and sections. “I feel you/not with my hands” WOO that line. This song seemed poppier than what you usually write, but I really loved it. The simpler language let the emotion really shine through, and ended up being one of your strongest songs for me.

 

 

@Speezy – Break and Swallow Steel

OK what is up with your titles and concepts this season? Girl, are you a sex addict or something? The parentheticals were a little unnecessary. You could have just included them straight into the verse. But wow this song is so confusing, but in a kinda good way? I don’t really like songs that are this sexually direct usually, but the whole dynamic of the relationship was interesting enough to where it didn’t feel like a gimmick and ended up working.

 

 

@mxtthewdelrey – Black Dog

This started out OK, but then it went into typical mxtthew territory. The chorus was a bit too blunt. “Black dog, kill me” is perhaps too direct for the first line of a chorus, where most choruses hit their climax towards the end. But I guess “turn all of/my guts into a spread” wasn’t much more effective as a punchline. You should have continuedon with the glowing eyes motif instead of going quite so morbid in such a completely blunt way. But I think you knew what you were doing, as usual, so just do you.

 

 

@Aurora – Loch Ness

Well moonchild and citrus are probably going to give you 10s just for choosing a cryptid. But I guess I can give you props for choosing a topic that most people would be scared of, and executing it rather well. I think you’re turning into the one to beat this season, which is impressive given your already astounding track record. There were only a few awkwardly phrased lines, like “leaves my body watertight” and “I’ll gladly take the risk”, which wasn’t quite the strong closing chorus line I was hoping for.

 

 

@FCKNAmbrosia – Love Wine

First off, I’m sorry again for not getting the challenge to you earlier. I’m not taking any points off for you because of that. I could definitely tell this was rushed, from little editing errors (“held you hand”) to awkward phrasing (“heart shot”). I know you’re a good writer, though, so I’ll assume the errors and lack of anything interesting really going on here are a fluke and due to the circumstances at hand, so I’ll just patiently wait to be slayed by you next week.

 

 

@Dylobs – The Dylogent Horitculurist

I literally wanted to BTGOG myself just typing that title. “Wields his axe above his head/To swing it like a bat” is 100% redundant because axes and bats are swung the same way, so simile CANCELLED. And not you basing your song after a ****ing yuh-gi-yoh card. But honestly, this wasn’t your best entry, so it would probably be a good idea to not write your song over a day after the deadline next time. The flow was all off in various places and the theme itself wasn’t incredibly strong or clear.

 

 

1 hour ago, ceremonials said:

 

batch two

 

@OreGuy, “Bal Bal”

 

Okay wow, props for actually following the theme. I mean I know we said in the challenge post that it could be anything mythology related, but that was sort of the basic route. This was the riskier route, so I admire you for picking something like this! It’s pretty obscure, but reading through your source it’s actually quite interesting. Reading through it at first without reading your source material I thought the tone was really...weird. Like it had a creepy vibe to it. But I think that tone really works after reading through that.

 

As for the rest, I don’t know that you pulled it off perfectly, and there were some missteps here and there. Some lines were just awkward or out of place, and some just felt like the wrong word choices.  I don’t think English is your first language (if it is I’m sorry lol), and the fact that you can write at all in another language, let alone LYRICS is impressive in and of itself. I’ve taken five years of Spanish and I know damn well I would not be able to write a song in Spanish If that is the case, then i think the language barrier is your biggest hindrance. My biggest suggestion would be to send your song to as many contestants as you can before you submit, and they can help you catch things like this. I know that can be intimidating as well - I feel weird asking people to read my songs, but you’d be surprised. Many people in this competition are willing to help.

 

Still, your ambition and tenacity this week (and every week) was and will continue to be inspiring. Keep at it.

 

@MattyTacos, “Dreamspell”

 

Okay, I actually really liked that chorus. You did that honey. It sort of just sounds like pretty words with not a whole lot of substance, but it was a satisfying chorus nonetheless. The rest of the song was kind of...all over the place? To me it seems like you had a lot of ideas for this entry and sort of just meshed them all into one. The imagery goes from one place to another very quickly, and that was kind of jarring. The imagery was pretty consistent in the chorus, and I think that’s what makes it stand out the most. The verses also feel really sloppy in terms of meter and such, which again just makes the chorus look more like the only part of the song that matters. The chorus is arguably the most important part, but it shouldn’t be the only focus. In the furure I want you to have some more concise concepts - have a good idea of what you want to do before you start writing, and it kinda fixes the consistent imagery problem by virtue. Two birds one stone.

 

@Tsareena, “El Chupacabra”

 

Oh wow. Another person that actually went for cryptids! Iconic. And this was another risky one as well. This was good, though it did feel like it went for a bit longer than it should have, even if the lines were relatively short - some of them felt too similar to other lines to warrant their existence. Your imagery was very consistent, that’s for sure, and you never wavered from the concept you set out to create, and that was quite impeccable. Your rhyme scheme was again pretty much non existent, but again that’s not always a bad thing. Not all songs have to rhyme. The interesting structure and the “mother” refrain kind of makes up for this, but it still felt a tad unlyrical at times. Besides the chorus (which felt more like a hook to me, but I digress), that sounded very lyrical for some reason. Maybe it’s my inner Gaga stan. Ma ma pa pa perfect illusion teas.

 

In terms of actual content, I think this was about sexuality, maybe? Or it could’ve been a racial commentary, but I don’t know. It definitely could’ve been both, and I think the Chupacabra was a very unique way to portray that. It doesn’t make perfect sense if that is the context you intended, but it’s still a very interesting take on a very tired concept.

 

@funnellegs, “Without a Goodbye”

 

This felt like a typical funnellegs song, in terms of writing style at least,  but a cute one nonetheless. I really like the story you chose to model and I think you portrayed it well. I didn’t really get the context of the first verse at all until I read the explanation, but rereading it now it makes perfect sense. There were still some lines I would have changed though - particularly the “shrink” one, that seemed pretty forced to me. In terms of subject matter this felt like a change of pace for you, and while I’m sure that can  be said about most people this round, I still appreciate your willingness to step outside your box. But I want to see you step out of it even more. Your writing style is very concise but it also feels a bit formulaic at times, and that can get tiring after ten rounds. Maybe try experimenting with new rhyme schemes, or maybe just different, interesting concepts like you did this week.

 

@EmojiClothes, “If Looks Could Kill”

 

Okay, I really like your the concept behind your explanation, but unfortunately it didn’t really come through when reading the song, even after reading through it a second time. The inspiration is there, but it’s somewhat loose, and I wish it was slightly more tied down. It also feels like there should be a little more narrative going on - if you planned to give us a backstory, then I wish there was a bit more “story” to it, you know? Instead, it felt like you focused more on conveying the theme of the song, and I think that’s fine, but some character development does get lost in the process. In the future I hope you can find a more cohesive balance between these two, but as is, it’s not a huge issue. I still liked this piece, but with some refinement it could’ve been elevated a lot.

 

@Gastrodonatella, “Persephone”

 

 

@Covergirl, “Lady in White”

 

 

Okay no but I really liked this. The imagery was cute, the story was cute (well, sad, but you get what i mean), and each verse representing a different season was hella cute - though this did make the song pretty long, and it kinda felt like it didn’t need to go on for that long. Maybe some of the repetition could’ve been taken out, idk. My only other qualm would be that the mythology was sort of...loose? Like, I could see the inspiration from the myth you chose to model in your song, but at the same time that wasn’t really a “myth”. I know folklore was included in there as well, but idk, that’s a tiny bit of a reach as well. The point is that it was executed well, and it was.

 

@PoKiTaurus, “Promise Ring”

 

Okay, so the inspiration here was fairly loose, and it felt pretty shoehorned in. It felt like you wrote a different song and then threw in some mythical imagery in here and there, instead of wanting to go that route from the beginning. The story itself isn’t the greatest but isn’t awful either. I think your biggest issue continues to be the forced rhymes. There’s a lot of them in  this song, almost too many to go over. It seems like you place a lot of importance on rhymes in your songs. Instead, I think you should focus on what you want to say with each of your songs, and have rhyme be a stepping stone that gets you to your end result. Whether this means more ambitious concepts or just more well thought out narratives, I think you could benefit a lot from either.

 

@KatyCatPH, “Zephyr’s Song”

 

Okay wow, this was a huge improvement over last week. It’s not the perfect song for this round, but you went from weird novelty pop song to an actually thoughtful piece of work in less than one round, and that alone shows your determination and willingness to learn. I admire that. I admire also how closely you follow the original in terms of narrative, though at times it felt like a retelling of the story, it was still a nice way to read this story with some added character development. It wasn’t the most ambitious choice of myths, just essentially about a jealous homewrecker, but I think you executed it well. Though I wish there was a bit more of you in this, it still has a lot of personality and charm and it shows your determination as a writer.

 

@UFO, “Love in a Lie”

 

OMG, all the  background info. Euphoressay indeed. It was appreciated though, though I felt like I really only needed to know who Narcissus was. He was the only thing integral to the plot, and most other things felt tacked on to add to the imagery. Still, they do add to the tone and overall vibe of this piece, which helps. I do think the repetition throughout was kind of unneeded, as it was something that didn’t really need that much emphasis, but stylistically it was cute. I also think the chorus was a bit too long to leave a lasting punch, but it was still probably the most compelling part of the song. In terms of narrative I guess I wish there was a bit more closure - in a sense, it doesn’t go anywhere. He’s in the same place he was at the beginning of the song, but maybe that’s the point. Maybe that’s his punishment. If so, cute.

 

@Speezy, “Break and Swallow Steel”

 

[DISCLAIMER: NO I HAVE NOT TRIED THESE THINGS.] I love you. I’m also screaming at you doing a sex song again, especially on a week like this. Are you gonna do them every week despite what the challenge is? Bitch I’m here for it. It was interesting route to take for, sure. I’m not sure we’ve had many BDSM songs in PH I think I would’ve liked this more on a different week, as the mythology inspiration is very shoehorned in. It’s there, but seems like it was thrown in at the last minute. Chain imagery is also heavily discouraged in PH for some reason, but that’s usually when it’s used in a metaphorical sense. Here it’s literal so I’ll give you a pass.

 

@mxtthewdelrey, “Black Dog”

 

Okay, I was feeling this until we got to the chorus. Things took a turn there, and there is a MAJOR and very abrupt shift in tone. We go from sort of creepy to all out murderous and gorey, and it was extremely jarring. The verses are pretty nice actually, but that chorus brings it down several pegs I’m sorry to say. In the future, I want you to try to be more consistent in this regard - your themes are always out there and you always stick to them conceptually, but your tone should also match them, and it shouldn’t change (at least, not that abruptly) throughout the song. I think sometimes you focus more on the musical aspects rather than lyrical aspects, as in you imagine them as songs rather than just lyrics. That’s an effective way to write, but just remember that we don’t see them in the same way you do, and things can  get lost in translation.

 

@Aurora, “Loch Ness”

 

Wow, the way you are pressuring these girls even with a rushed song. You did that bitch. Again there’s not many holes I can poke in this so I apologize for another shorter review. The bridge felt a little expository to me, in the sense that it didn’t add much to the narrative that wasn’t already there, and it didn’t add much meaningful closure there. It felt kind of like a placeholder. I also don’t like how the rhyme scheme there is different from the rest of the song, but again that’s a small nitpick. Your writing is strong as ever, and this was a cute way of showing some diversity as well, even if you were forced into it. (That’s not to say you’re a one-note writer, I don’t know if that’s true, but I think a lot of people were forced out of their box content-wise).

 

@FCKNAmbrosia, “Love Wine”

 

“Mirror” almost always sets you up for a forced rhyme, but hey, at least you didn’t go with “clearer”. I think this was an interesting route to take, and it was handled okay for the most part. There’s not a lot going on in the song other than what’s happening at a surface level, but what’s there is cute. I was sort of uncomfortable while reading this, but I somehow felt like that was the desired effect. Love wine is also kind of a weird term, and I think we all know what it means in the context of this song, but I wish it was expanded upon a little more. I would like to say the same about the vampire motif but it’s expanded pretty fully - but it still feels kind of empty. Like I’m missing some kind of metaphor that would help me resonate perhaps a little better.

 

@Dylobs, “The Dylogent Horticulturalist”

 

That title I hate you so much. I actually really liked this though, despite it being rushed (I assume? You’re the last one, so). So props on that. It just feels a little unfinished, like there could have been more to it. But what you do have is really quite good. I don’t know why the garden imagery works so well but it really ties everything together? You did that. Grass imagery king.

 

Thanks guys.

 

btw it wasn't based on a yugioh card literally I thought it was just a funny way of saying I'm basing it off the grim reaper lmao

 

i get it being unpolished tho  

[CountryBritney]

Sorry I didn't submit everyone. I've been in hospital, and everything's a bit of a mess right now. I only had a chorus of my song hence why I didn't submit but yeah, good luck guys : ) 

[ceremonials]

Just now, CountryBritney said:

Sorry I didn't submit everyone. I've been in hospital, and everything's a bit of a mess right now. I only had a chorus of my song hence why I didn't submit but yeah, good luck guys : ) 

OMG what happened :(

 

 

[touya kinomoto]

6 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

so i wanted to do hints last round but unfortunately didnt really get around to it since we were all swamped. but here we are  Reminder that this is only my personal top 10, and there's three other judges that  could've scored you completely differently.

 

top ten :

 

#1 

 

#2 

 

                                                                                         #3         

 

#4  

 

#5    

 

#6  

 

#7 

#8 

 

#9 

 

#10 

 

DISCLAIMER: The hint may refer to the song or the username - they're not all directly related to the song titles for example.

 

get hunting girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wtf cere. This is too hard. 

[touya kinomoto]

3 minutes ago, CountryBritney said:

Sorry I didn't submit everyone. I've been in hospital, and everything's a bit of a mess right now. I only had a chorus of my song hence why I didn't submit but yeah, good luck guys : ) 

Oh my! I hope you are okay sis.

[ceremonials]

12 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

so i wanted to do hints last round but unfortunately didnt really get around to it since we were all swamped. but here we are  Reminder that this is only my personal top 10, and there's three other judges that  could've scored you completely differently.

 

top ten :

 

#1 

 

#2 

 

                                                                                         #3         

 

#4  

 

#5    

 

#6  

 

#7 

#8 

 

#9 

 

#10 

 

DISCLAIMER: The hint may refer to the song or the username - they're not all directly related to the song titles for example.

 

get hunting girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hetero bump

[Denim]

my song is called lady in white and my username is covergirl and my song is about someone waiting for their husband who went to war

 

does mine apply to any of them

[ceremonials]

Just now, Covergirl said:

my song is called lady in white and my username is covergirl and my song is about someone waiting for their husband who went to war

 

does mine apply to any of them

[Moonchild]

1 minute ago, ceremonials said:

hetero bump

You should get that checked out

[ceremonials]

Just now, Moonchild said:

You should get that checked out

rude 

[Denim]

Trevenant is a ghost type (my song references dying/ghost) and it's ability is harvest and i have the word harvest in my song

[CountryBritney]

5 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

OMG what happened :(

 

 

No one's really sure. I've been struggling to walk for over a year now. Not to the extent that I can't but it feels like I've walked fifty miles when I've only walked five minutes. It's now going up into my thigh.

 

I'm just really concerned that I'm going to end up in a wheelchair or something if this keeps up. As a twenty one year old, fairly healthy woman, it just feels like a major shock. 

 

I asked Jackson for a 24 hour extension because I was dosed up on drugs and stuff that they'd given me but I just couldn't bring myself to do anything other than sleeping. 

 

Shame because my song would have slayed and beaten all your asses ;) 

[touya kinomoto]

My somg title stars with a Z. Isn't that Porygon Z in 10th place? Did you give me a high score @ceremonials?