ATRL Moderator Legend E Posted September 1, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted September 1, 2017 I think I'll quit. I am very busy right now and I don't have time for this anymore Maybe next season
mxtthewdelrey Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 @Jackson please don't deduct points off me, i'm sad!
mxtthewdelrey Posted September 1, 2017 Posted September 1, 2017 1 minute ago, Gastrodonatella said: wow good point i know
ATRL Moderator feelslikeadream Posted September 2, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted September 2, 2017 2 hours ago, ceremonials said: batch one tonight eeeeee who's in batch 1?
ceremonials Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 25 minutes ago, feelslikeadream said: who's in batch 1? batch one @Mezik, “Restart” Okay, so um...the inspiration here was pretty loose. I know that was a stipulation last round, but in future rounds, I should be able to know what you’re writing about without having to read an explanation, you know? Like let’s take the pokemon challenge for example - I should be able to know what type you did just by reading the song, and I shouldn’t have to ask you for it. I’ll give you a pass here, though, since not everyone is going to know every myth by heart. However, I still wish the connection was a little more developed. It felt a tad bit shoehorned in. Still, I do like what you have in terms of actual content. It’s again nothing groundbreaking conceptually, which in this round is a bit of a hindrance, since many people will surely be going all out with their concepts. But it was still cute and charming, and I like that. I still want to see you step out of your box in the following weeks, though. Love songs won’t work forever. Favorite Couplet: “Now I heard you’ve stayed back in that mining town we called home / I bet you’re still down by the river, wondering why I became so cold” @ultraviolence.xx, “Numbered Days” Okay, so there were definitely some strokes of genius in this. You have a lot of potential, my dear. In terms of writing style, I think this is pretty similar to your first entry - which i wasn’t the biggest fan of, but I think it works in this context a lot better. It feels Shakespearean almost??? Still, there were still a few word choices the good sis Shakespeare definitely wouldn’t have used, and that did take me out of the experience a bit. With a few of these lines changed, I might’ve given it a 10 tbh. It was also a tad melodramatic, but if it’s supposed to be sort of Shakespearean, then that makes total sense. Some lines were just too much though, mainly “seize” and “corpse” lines (these are the word choices i was talking about as well, for the most part). Still, I really enjoyed this. Thank you for euthanizing my wig. Favorite Couplet: “My sweet Eurydice, your hair the shade of autumn’s leaves / And luscious as the grass that grows between the towering trees” @Hug, “Tu’er Shen” Okay, I was not feeling this until I got to like, the bridge. Conceptually I think it’s really cute. I mean songs about being gay are definitely cliche, but I think this was a very interesting take on it. I know the first two verses/chorus were necessary for the song to make sense in accordance to the myth, but I don’t know, the narrative felt like it was moving very slowly at that point. It quickly picks up towards the end of the song though, and in my opinion that makes the rest of the song worth it, honestly. I feel like everything you needed to say with that song was within those two sections of the song, so in a way it feels over-centralized, and the other parts of the song just feel sort of expository, even if they were necessary for the song to make sense in the long run. Still, the absolute punch of those lines made the whole journey worth it. Favorite Couplet: “Though my heart no longer beats, the love I felt still stands / For every man who just like me, found love in another man” @minho, “Cat’s Waltz” Okay, wow. ARTPOP. The concept, the rhyme scheme, the execution. It’s serving Vulnicura (member) a bit, but perhaps a bit more lyrical than songs I’ve read from him. You really stuck to the concept throughout the whole song, to the point that each half of the song are sort of mirrors of each other, and I think that complemented your theme perfectly. It was a weird choice for a mythology round, (well, a weird choice in general) but I think you pulled it off exceptionally. I guess my only major issues are with the rhyme scheme, and that’s not something that’s definitively “wrong”. AABC always just reads as kind of unlyrical to me, so I usually take issue with it, unless it’s done super well. But I also don’t really like when people use AABB or ABAB every week, so props for doing something different. It really made your entry stand out from the others for me. Favorite Couplet: “On a cherry wood branch, dressed in my finest white / I stare square at the moon, as the two of us stride” @keshaspearsxo, “The Owl” https://media.tenor.com/images/c1a9bb1948718a2f928fe34e24d45b0c/tenor.gif No, but seriously, I do like that quote. A slay. I don’t have much to say about this I guess, it’s pretty short and to the point. At times it did feel a bit too...formal? Like, I wish some of the word choices were a biT more colloquial. Still, I think maybe you went for this kind of tone because of the subject matter, and if that’s the case, then bravo, But it did rub me the wrong way a couple of times when I first read through it. Still, this was a concept I did not expect to see in this round and I surprisingly enjoyed it much more than I thought I would have. Favorite Couplet: “For the Owl of Minerva only takes its flight / Unnoticed in the gathering shades of night” @Glassmouth, “Unicorn Blood” “I intended for this song to be cheesy” Good, cause it was. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it was a bit too campy at times for my liking. Your rhyme scheme is once again nonexistent, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. It certainly doesn’t help the cadence of this piece, which is quite erratic might I add. Conceptually it’s alright, I figured it was about something homo cause of the unicorn title, but it didn’t really come full circle til i read your explanation. It’s essentially a rehash of two common PH tropes - homosexuality and death, and I don’t know that it expands on either of them enough to warrant their inclusion. I know I’ve said a lot of negative things, but I didn’t hate this. It was quite cute acually, and with some refinement, it could’ve been really original and interesting. In the future, I’d like to see how your songs work with a definitive rhyme scheme. You have a unique voice (in writing), and I think this could complement it well, as it does with most writers of poetry and lyrics and such, so it’s something you really need to hammer down in the next few rounds if you wanna make it to the finale. Favorite Couplet: “It might be enough to know that our blood / Will be on the rocks painting rainbows” @SaintWest, “Olympia” Okay, wig. I can’t say much about this. The meter in the verses is pretty messy as opposed to the flawlessness of the chorus, and the fire imagery was maybe a tad cliche, but it was done well and not oversaturated. This was a huge improvement over your song last week for me, and I really liked that one as well. Keep your feet on these girls necks. Favorite Couplet: “A promise land is out there that’s consistent with its views / Won’t have to flee to deities to finally erase you” @Nait Phoenix, “Gemini” Okay, this was a cute concept for a love song actually. (Wait, aren’t Gemini twins? The incest). I’m kidding of course, but I did really like this. It could’ve been handled slightly better though - the chorus for example is pretty lackluster compared to the rest of the song, which is the opposite of what you want. Also, I really hate that “missing piece” line but the “missing peace” one was kinda wig??? Overall, this is very concise and consistent. Everything feels tied together and complete, and yet somehow empty. I think it’s the chorus, which was just a tad underwhelming. Favorite Couplet: “I ask to dry your every tear / The darkness that you hold, I’ll make it disappear”
poki Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 Perched for the inevitable skull dragging of my song. Buy "Gypsy" by Lady Gaga on iTunes plz.
smholiv Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 wow that was really quick! thank you for the review ~
touya kinomoto Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 Ready for the draggings. Let me finish my farewell song ASAP.
Hug Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 8 minutes ago, minho said: wow that was really quick! thank you for the review ~ Okay but I did actually call your song standing out for judges. Impact.
Aurora Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/platinumhitlers visit for a confidence boost
Glassmouth Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 well, i can't even pull campy i better quit and just write Anthony Part. II
fountain Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 (edited) 23 minutes ago, ceremonials said: Still, I think maybe you went for this kind of tone because of the subject matter, and if that’s the case, then bravo It's a philosophical enigmatic song about the blurriness of reality, and the tone is certainly implied to reflect that idea of questioning life and being thought provoking! Thank you though I'm glad you liked it Edited September 2, 2017 by keshaspearsxo
Hug Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 22 minutes ago, ceremonials said: Okay, I was not feeling this until I got to like, the bridge. Conceptually I think it’s really cute. I mean songs about being gay are definitely cliche, but I think this was a very interesting take on it. I know the first two verses/chorus were necessary for the song to make sense in accordance to the myth, but I don’t know, the narrative felt like it was moving very slowly at that point. It quickly picks up towards the end of the song though, and in my opinion that makes the rest of the song worth it, honestly. I feel like everything you needed to say with that song was within those two sections of the song, so in a way it feels over-centralized, and the other parts of the song just feel sort of expository, even if they were necessary for the song to make sense in the long run. Still, the absolute punch of those lines made the whole journey worth it. Yeah, I can get songs about being gay are cliched. I tend to avoid them if at all possible, mostly because its such a minor part of my life that it doesn't typically inspire anything out of me, but I thought the person becoming a god to watch over homosexual men was...a CONCEPT. That's why I decided to go with it. I also think it kinda stands out in a round filled with mythological creatures and grand stories of gods, it's about a simple man and his ascension to a god f. Anyway, I can also understand it feeling a bit stagnant til the bridge. I'm...not the best with story-telling, and it felt basically necessary for this challenge, so it was a struggle as someone who captures moments rather than timelines, if that makes sense. At least the lines themselves were good I was really proud of them as individual pieces. Thank you for your review.
Speezy Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 I know Judges will drag me from the UK to the US and back for my song.
ceremonials Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 4 minutes ago, swiftie13 said: whats tea oh.....
SaintWest Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 1 hour ago, ceremonials said: @SaintWest, “Olympia” Okay, wig. I can’t say much about this. The meter in the verses is pretty messy as opposed to the flawlessness of the chorus, and the fire imagery was maybe a tad cliche, but it was done well and not oversaturated. This was a huge improvement over your song last week for me, and I really liked that one as well. Keep your feet on these girls necks. Favorite Couplet: “A promise land is out there that’s consistent with its views / Won’t have to flee to deities to finally erase you” Me trying to figure out when my lucky streak is ending.
SaintWest Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 1 hour ago, Hug said: Yeah, I can get songs about being gay are cliched. I tend to avoid them if at all possible, mostly because its such a minor part of my life that it doesn't typically inspire anything out of me, but I thought the person becoming a god to watch over homosexual men was...a CONCEPT. That's why I decided to go with it. I also think it kinda stands out in a round filled with mythological creatures and grand stories of gods, it's about a simple man and his ascension to a god f. Anyway, I can also understand it feeling a bit stagnant til the bridge. I'm...not the best with story-telling, and it felt basically necessary for this challenge, so it was a struggle as someone who captures moments rather than timelines, if that makes sense. At least the lines themselves were good I was really proud of them as individual pieces. Thank you for your review. Your concept honestly for this week was the best I read. Sorry to the others!
ultraviolence.xx Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 1 hour ago, ceremonials said: @ultraviolence.xx, “Numbered Days” Okay, so there were definitely some strokes of genius in this. You have a lot of potential, my dear. In terms of writing style, I think this is pretty similar to your first entry - which i wasn’t the biggest fan of, but I think it works in this context a lot better. It feels Shakespearean almost??? Still, there were still a few word choices the good sis Shakespeare definitely wouldn’t have used, and that did take me out of the experience a bit. With a few of these lines changed, I might’ve given it a 10 tbh. It was also a tad melodramatic, but if it’s supposed to be sort of Shakespearean, then that makes total sense. Some lines were just too much though, mainly “seize” and “corpse” lines (these are the word choices i was talking about as well, for the most part). Still, I really enjoyed this. Thank you for euthanizing my wig. thank you sis i was going for a classic sound, shakespeare makes sense as a comparison! i'd love to know more of the wordings you thought were awkward if you would be able to point them out to me
Jackson Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 58 minutes ago, swiftie13 said: whats tea tell @Lémur to submit and @Dylobs while you're at it
fountain Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 3 minutes ago, Jackson said: I'm about to start reviews xx Post batch 1 after mine is done thanks x
Jackson Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 2 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: Post batch 1 after mine is done thanks x Here for it!
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