Jackson Posted October 31, 2017 Author Posted October 31, 2017 10 minutes ago, Corsola said: '' Do “cure” and “more” rhyme in Australian English?'' I'm not sure how it's meant to be said but I imagine it's something like this? https://vocaroo.com/i/s0KmsvgCEEpa I was thinking that but I wouldn't read it that way naturally 5 minutes ago, Tsareena said: the selena vocals . won't cure/ more be seen as like slight rhymes with r ending? Kinda, but usually slant rhymes with similar vowel endings are better than the ones with similar consonants Also I just realized that the finale is a week away and I don't even have a song ready to release for it i better get recording
mxtthewdelrey Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 cure and more definitely rhyme, right? it's like.... k-yor and mor
Jackson Posted October 31, 2017 Author Posted October 31, 2017 1 hour ago, mxtthewdelrey said: cure and more definitely rhyme, right? it's like.... k-yor and mor Americans say cure like k-yer
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted October 31, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted October 31, 2017 1 minute ago, ceremonials said: hi oh? here to punish us with even more reviews?
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted October 31, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted October 31, 2017 Just now, Corsola said: stop posting satan why will you call this cute baby satan?
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted October 31, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted October 31, 2017 I know I'm about to hate him. I stopped at when they started playing the virtual reality game and the little demon has something planned but this face kiiii
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 4 hours ago, Jackson said: WOW! You submitted a title in caps for the first time ever. Am truly shocked. Is your instrumental like an acoustic version of Ghost by Katy Perry? same chord progression! 4 hours ago, Jackson said: Also, who tf sang that? It’s too good. i did 4 hours ago, Jackson said: WOW! You submitted a title in caps for the first time ever. Am truly shocked. only because of the wikipedia-style article 4 hours ago, Jackson said: Its simplicity both hindered and accentuated the lyrics in ways. i literally understand exactly what you mean and agree 4 hours ago, Jackson said: But lyrically, it wasn’t really anything extraordinary. tru! i think part of that was i was sticking too much to the challenge—i was really thinking, "okay, if i were a pop girl leaving my home group, what would my first song sound like?" i guess to my detriment. but oh whell!
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted October 31, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted October 31, 2017 1 hour ago, Corsola said: oh, that's not the one or in his case, the two omg
SaintWest Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) @Jackson Thank you for the review. I'm so happy you liked it. I think the comment that got me the most was the stylistic diversity part. I was trying to shake up my themes this season so everything wasn't Midsummer, and I'm glad it's working. Hope ya'll peeped the kite string at the end of the song. Maybe it wasn't formatted the same in your doc tho. Edited October 31, 2017 by SaintWest
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 5 hours ago, Jackson said: Not jawline in the first line. That probably should have been deleted. (just saw this) so this worked in two ways: • in one sense, it's me making a reference to American Horror Story to please our gay fans • in another, it's me comparing my high-profile boyfriend Shawn Mendes with high-profile actor Matt Bomer to illustrate that, yes, they are both gay . Only the intelligent & the elite ones understood this section. Well versed in American pop culture. My fave singers make me think. Yours?
Aurora Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 @Jackson OK slay at you liking it. I was honestly most worried about that second verse and it was your favourite of the three I wrote for this round (four including bridge, I guess). Not "cure"/"more" causing a mini debate n, they rhyme to me? But they're not a 100% perfect rhyme either so I can see why others who might pronounce them differently wouldn't. Same goes for room/catacomb, which I pronounce as if it rhymes with womb or tomb, rather than comb i.e. to brush your hair. Also mess at you saying I won the round, only to get [REDACTED] @Gastrodonatella style i knew u'd stan kite tho it's a sing Yeah, Saint was like, "you're doing a rap to break it up!" and I was like "ff not me becoming the token rapper of the group shdksalda" but I was happy to tbh. I thought my rap in HAUS was stronger than my solo one, so there you go. Stan the chorus tho! Hug being the standout. @MattyTacos whew slay at us both making Halloween bops, get iT @mxtthewdelrey I'd buy that album tbh
Aurora Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 12 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said: Only the intelligent & the elite ones understood this section. Well versed in American pop culture. My fave singers make me think. Yours?
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted October 31, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted October 31, 2017 13 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said: Only the intelligent & the elite ones understood this section. Well versed in American pop culture. My fave singers make me think. Yours? mood
SaintWest Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 35 minutes ago, Aurora said: Also mess at you saying I won the round, only to get [REDACTED] @Gastrodonatella style i knew u'd stan kite tho it's a sing Yeah, Saint was like, "you're doing a rap to break it up!" and I was like "ff not me becoming the token rapper of the group shdksalda" but I was happy to tbh. I thought my rap in HAUS was stronger than my solo one, so there you go. Stan the chorus tho! Hug being the standout. Even what Gastro isn't here, she's here.
ceremonials Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 @Hug, “Nine of Diamonds” ”poker face is timeless” ummmm tru Ok but this was pretty cute conceptually. I think it was neat how you were able to bridge those two concepts together, since they’re not super famously or obviously connected. I think you linked the object and betrayal pretty well, even if the card/luck puns were getting to be a little much by the end. In that sense, while your imagery was still concise and portrays what you were trying to say exceptionally, it does feel a little one note if the narrative doesn’t go through some major climax, which I don’t think it really does. Some other problem areas were the “message after the beep” line and the use of the word “damnedest”. The former was a little too forced for me, and the latter is just phrased awkwardly. If it’s any consolation, I can’t tjonk of anything to replace “damnedest” that wouldn’t change the meaning, but alas. Overall, this was good, and consistent throughout, though I wish the narrative had a bit more interaction. I feel like this had a lot of standout lines, and a lot of them really punch, like the one I quoted below. ”From the whole deck of cards I drew the Nine of Diamonds / Money won’t buy honesty, but a poker face is timeless” @Tsareena, “Sunflower” Okay this was pretty cute. The imagery was super consistent, and while I don’t fully understand the complexities of what’s going on connotatively, it seems like a message simple enough for most people to resonate with. The chorus growing as it went on was wig-defying, especially in the context of the song. A really cute detail. I still took issue with some lines though - like the last line in Verse One. It seems like it’s missing a word or something? I also felt like the repeating lines in the chorus weren’t necessary, and I like the layer choruses a lot more than the first few. On the other hand, Verse 3 feels a little filler-y, and I don’t think this song needed four verses. Overall, this feels like your most polished entry yet, even if there minor hurdles here and there. “Gold hues of the Sun in my petals / From my new life in Eden” @MattyTacos, "Beast" This was cute, but the magic/witch imagery thrown in didn't really work for me. It might be halloween-y or whatever but it didn't fit the fox vs wolf theme at all and frankly was just a distraction. I like to stay away from magic imagery entirely tbh because I think it's too hard to pull off. When it's pulled off I'm fine with it, but here it especially stuck out because the imagery was pretty consistent otherwise. There were still a few lines that seemed maybe a little off, like "scrambled waves of good intents". It just feels awkwardly phrased, but I'm not sure how I'd change it. This feels a lot more self aware than most of your songs in terms of direction though, and it is interesting conceptually. One more minor thing was that I felt the chorus was pretty weak, and I'm not sure why. It just didn't stick with me, and felt kind of forgettable compared to all the action in the verses. "Night binds blood of the hounds To the magic on the hills of the cherry tree" Lovesick, "Choose One" I kind of pictured this as a Little Mix song. without Jesy. An improvement already. I think the premise of this song is cute, though I wish it was took a little more seriously. Three women coming together to take down a cheating man on a diss track sounds legendary, and it low key was but I think it was held back by the different perspectives in the verses. Matt's verse in particular was funny and enjoyable to read (perched for her debut tbh), but it was a lot more comical than the other two so it stood out a little. I wanted to see more anger, which is something most of you didn't really touch on. It was like disappointment, saddness, and then not giving a f***. I guess that's a pretty realistic adaptation, but giving this some more anger could've been really beneficial. Overall, this was fun, and didn't take itself too seriously, though I kinda wish I did. But maybe that would take away its charm. "His hidden eyes conceal a fog of mystery / His lips stain me with a streak of misery" @mxtthewdelrey, "Sulphur" "Nurse Judith left the group after their trinogomous lesbian relationship stopped working. She soon went back to the d*ck and wrote this love song after rediscovering men. She longed for them all along." yassss Judith u look so good Okay bitch, you're back into the forced rhymes and they're worse than ever which is a death sentence this late in the game. How did his favorite loaf of bread wound you? Concerned. I screamed at a lot of these lines because they're very odd and out of place, and it seems like they were put in there for comic relief or something. It would be one thing if the whole thing was comical because that's what Judith felt like in the group song, but parts of it feel a little more serious, mainly the chemistry references. I think maybe that's just cause it warrants a more academic tone? Either way, I think the chemistry idea is pretty cool and the chorus isn't awful. But there are a lot of lines that should not be making me lol. "I'll be your Princess Peach / Eat my porridge on a beach" HAUS, "Haus of Cards" The concept, the characters, the execution, yas mama. They all felt unique but tied together. The verses were nice and had a logical progression, the chorus was strong and memorable, and while not a super interesting concept, it was handled pretty well. Take my money. @ultraviolence.xx, "Worlds Apart" Okay, I think this was super boring conceptually, but it was full of emotion so I'm kinda okay with it. I still wish there was a bit more to it, though. The chorus for example is essentially only two short lines, so it doesn't leave a lot of room for development. I also don't really like the use of babe/baby lyrically, I know it's super common in actual songs and contextually it works within the actual recording, but just reading it makes it sound kind of choppy. I don't have a lot to say about this, but it's just cause there's not a lot here like I mentioned earlier. I'd say it's one of your weaker entries for me, even if it's full of emotion that doesnt quite make up for the structural issues. I think the melodies/music/etc in the recording do make up for this, but I can't take that into account. But as is, this is still a pretty competent entry that needed some more development. "these lonely nights and bright city lights won’t do it for me tonight / all i want and all i need is you" @SaintWest, "Kite" This was amazing, even if it did dive into a few too many PH tropes for me. I won't score you too harshly for this, but it does seem like homophobia is a common subject in Platinum Hit, and after reading hundreds of songs, it gets tiring. But I think it's dumb to score people low for doing things that are "PH cliche". The metaphor you use was what saved it for me though. It was creative and concise, and also consistent throughout. I think you could've done a little more to make this stand out, but the piece makes up for it with trademark SaintWest succinct style and cute kite imagery that I think really works for a topic like this, oddly. How does it feel to be Beyonce? "Someday I'll float far away and find a brand new home / Gliding on the tailwind's path as they watch from below" @Aurora, "Digging Your Grave" The verses were absolute slays, but I can't help but being let down by the chorus. I don;t know if it's because it's choppy or it lacks the punches nearly every couplet has in the verses, but it leaves me unsatisfied. The bridge felt a little messy too, especially the last line The verses were nearly perfect though, and while they're promptly interrupted by the chorus every time, they alone make up for almost all of it. The line below. Overall, this was still pretty good and I don't have much to say about it other than the bland chorus, which unfortunately does weigh it down a little. "I’m done with second guessing, I’m done with second best / I’d rather be the first to tear your heart out of your chest"
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 7 minutes ago, ceremonials said: I'd say it's one of your weaker entries for me did you lie? no thanks for the review sis
Aurora Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 @ceremonials It's so funny because all I had was the chorus for DYG for at least a couple days. The first verse just came to me randomly night before the deadline and some of the bridge was originally the second verse, but I didn't think it read as much like a rap as I wanted to I switched it out and wrote a new one. I was genuinely shook by the rap verse because I thought it was gonna flop. The chorus was structured differently initially and way more pop so maybe that's why it didn't translate so well, it was kind of a 'add a bit of this, add a bit of that' situation and I guess I didn't get the balance right. The melody in my head is a bop tho! Also stan HAUS. Who knows, perhaps we'll have a reunion some day.
Aurora Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 also I think I might revise my album track list at some point "Confessions" might be Japanese Bonus Track'd and "The Gift" might just be a soundtrack single for 'Arrival II: The Second Coming'. "Haus of Cards" can be my Reggaetón Lento for the re-release!
mxtthewdelrey Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 Loving those reviews @ceremonials !!! Nurse Judith is a comedy genius
Aurora Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 Camila being 2017's it girl. I know Camila isn't v popular around these parts (at least Havana isn't) but hopefully this is a sign of things to come. 2017 has been a pretty dead year as far as pop girl slayage, maybe Miss Cabello is bringing pop girls back to the #1 position (or at least the Top 2). When was the last Top 2 by a pop girl as the only lead? I genuinely can't remember. EDIT: It was Sia's "Cheap Thrills", September 3rd 2016. Over a year ago.
SaintWest Posted October 31, 2017 Posted October 31, 2017 @ceremonials thank you thank you thank you 48 minutes ago, Aurora said: EDIT: It was Sia's "Cheap Thrills", September 3rd 2016. Over a year ago. Stream #SantasComing4Us
Aurora Posted November 1, 2017 Posted November 1, 2017 so we have: - reviews (and scores?) from jackson - reviews (and scores?) from austin - scores from citrus (reviews coming w/e) - just waiting on fefe?
ATRL Moderator feelslikeadream Posted November 1, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted November 1, 2017 I don't have time for full reviews, but will do very short ones in a moment. Also, what's supposed to rhyme with "deck"?
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