tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[Aurora]

Just now, ceremonials said:

is this true

 

yes, it was only on their EP  they never put it on the album (Paris was the lead single, SJLT was the follow-up etc.)

[ceremonials]

Just now, Aurora said:

yes, it was only on their EP  they never put it on the album (Paris was the lead single, SJLT was the follow-up etc.)

what kind of stupid marketing decision  isnt the ugly one the one who decides the stuff like this? hes truly good for nothing x

[Aurora]

1 minute ago, ceremonials said:

what kind of stupid marketing decision  isnt the ugly one the one who decides the stuff like this? hes truly good for nothing x

oh it was on the Japan edition (along with DLMD and Roses), a true Focus tea  and yes he would be

[SaintWest]

6 minutes ago, Aurora said:

and not you Focus'ing Numbers Boy after going on about it for two seasons. A mess. A The Chainsmokers leaving Closer off their album tea.

when will your fav drag their mediocre hit out across three seasons?  

[Aurora]

1 minute ago, SaintWest said:

when will your fav drag their mediocre hit out across three seasons?  

I've been dragging #Justice4Silhouettes since Season 7, ain't that right @Temporal?

[Temporal]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

I've been dragging #Justice4Silhouettes since Season 7, ain't that right @Temporal?

 

[UFO]

Nothing Ever Stays The Same

 

 

I wish I could be that strength, that wind to carry him
I wish I could be that friend he’s always imagined

But I let him wander, wonder what he did wrong
To be stepped on and forgotten by everyone

By everyone

 

 

Edited September 30, 2017 by UFO

[Hug]

 

 

 

I remember it all, remember it all

The love I'll feel and how we'll fall

♥

[ultraviolence.xx]

me writing my songs

 

 

[MattyTacos]

7 hours ago, UFO said:

Nothing Ever Stays The Same

 

 

I wish I could be that strength, that wind to carry him
I wish I could be that friend he’s always imagined

But I let him wander, wonder what he did wrong
To be stepped on and forgotten by everyone

By everyone

 

 

step on me daddy

[smholiv]

have 12 hours really passed without someone @ ing for hints

[ceremonials]

3 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

@ceremonials hints? x

who are you love x

[ceremonials]

7 hours ago, Hug said:

 

 

 

I remember it all, remember it all

The love I'll feel and how we'll fall

♥

tu'er shen's cover

 

[smholiv]

wow everything titled canvas is immediately amazing isn't it?

 

yes I will do some promo

 

[fountain]

3 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

tu'er shen's cover

 

Did Jsckson add my entry? 

[ceremonials]

1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said:

Did Jsckson add my entry? 

Yes.

[touya kinomoto]

Ooh, a dead thread.

[MattyTacos]

4 minutes ago, KatyCatPH said:

Ooh, a dead thread.

we need reviews 

[Hug]

When the results for Round 1 came out and I was second.

 

 

[ceremonials]

1 minute ago, Corsola said:

And yet it's almost the evening with nothing 

 

 

 

@Hug, “Providence”

 

Okay, I thought this all being in future tense (or most of it) was really cute. It was a stylistic choice that also went along with the round, so you tackled it from multiple angles in that sense. I like that. I think this was very easy to read, the rhymes were simple but still concise enough to be effective. I also like that this was more of a twist than a retelling, since it was clearly more romantic than maternal. I mean, turning it into a love song wasn’t the most ambitious of choices, but you have to at least get points for not simply summarizing the story like I’m sure a lot of other people did. One more thing though, I know you’ve been meaning to use the word “pyrotechnic” but it kind of felt out of place here - well, the firework imagery in general. It was executed well, but it still kind of sticks out to me.

 

“I’ve read our future, front to back / I know it like I know my past”

 

@Aurora, “The Gift”

 

Okay, this was good, but perhaps a bit too narrative-driven. I liked that it was very narrative heavy to a certain extent, because this is a round based around storytelling, but some lines like “He told me not to worry and I nodded with reluctance” were just too unlyrical. It would fit in a short story, sure, but in a song it usually comes out sounding awkward. Like I said if this were a short story it would be great, because conceptually it’s just as interesting as the original, in my opinion. I think making a sequel was an interesting way of going about this, and while it is definitely interesting conceptually just by itself, it sort of lacks the subtlety that makes the original so great. You definitely got the message of the movie across but you directly state it in the final line of the bridge - and maybe there are multiple themes to the movie/story, but this seemed a bit too blunt. Overall, I think this was really good as usual, but maybe a bit too ambitious for its own good.

 

“She shared her daughter’s cruel design / And wondered what I knew of mine”

 

@Gastrodonatella, “Buttercups”

 

Ok, so um, this was a weird entry for you. I did nawt like the first half at all - it was waaaay too vague, didn’t punch at all, and did little more than retell what we already know about the story. It wasn’t bad it just...fails to leave an impression. It got a little better around Verse 2 where there’s actually some personality, and the interaction with the buttercups is quite sweet, so I wish it was expanded upon more. The second chorus was a massive improvement over the first - and I think it’s sort of a response to the first chorus. In the first chorus, there’s just sort of these vague questions/concepts about fate and the future, but in the second chorus you actually answer those questions and take a stance on it. And the epilogue was an absolute slay, because it was everything the chorus was and more. I just wish it was all on this level. Overall, this was very hit and miss for me, both in terms of how its written and how the challenge was executed. This definitely wasn’t your worst, but I know you can do better. I’m blaming it mostly on the challenge though since I know you hated it

 

“The spring wouldn’t be beautiful if winter never came / And happiness is meaningless if we don’t go through pain”

 

@MattyTacos, "Ending Scene”

 

“As I think this thought through” BITCH I know what you mean but they’re gonna drag you for that, prepare. Okay so I thought the connection to the story was pretty loose, but maybe it would be more apparent if the whole “Ending Scene” thing was clearer. You definitely bring it up a lot, but it’s never really...expanded upon.  It’s just kind of repeated, without a whole lot of clarification. So in that sense, the theme of this piece is very muddled and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to get out of it, whereas that was very clear in the original. On the positive side of things, I think you did a good job of keeping your imagery consistent for the most part, which seems to be a weaker spot for you. You seem like a writer who does best when they’re not told exactly what to do, and that shows here. But I can tell you at least tried to step out of your box,  even if you were forced out of it. So I appreciate that, as well as the bittersweet ending.

 

“Touching the glass of the Earth / Am I trapped if I keep you?”

 

@Tsareena, “Nonstop”

 

Okay, I know this is gonna seem like a backtrack, but I think you need to stop focusing on rhymes as much as I told you to. Don’t focus on perfect rhymes, at least - it created some really awkward lines in here, mainly in the verses. While I think some lines were purposefully awkward, others definitely weren’t. Try using slant rhymes - a perfect example is when you rhyme moment with coldest in the bridge. They don’t quite rhyme perfectly, but they still hit the mark. Or maybe you could revert to your original “no rhyme” days, I think I like it better than this. Like I said I never judge rhymes too harshly but there were a lot of forced ones in here. Still, I think this was a cute, albeit kind of loose way to go about the challenge but I liked it conceptually, and as always, the narrative is cute. I feel like I’m telling you to do different things every week, but truthfully I think that’s because you try new things every week. Sometimes you’re forced to, and sometimes you’re just listening to my advice, but either way I think it works in your favor. Ultimately, I think you just haven’t found your style yet, but if you feel more comfortable writing “no rhyme” songs or songs without a definite rhyme scheme, I say go back to it and see where it takes you this time, or maybe try to experiment more with slant rhymes.

 

“But even if it was only for the moment / The memories would warm me at my coldest”

[Hug]

6 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

@Hug, “Providence”

 

Okay, I thought this all being in future tense (or most of it) was really cute. It was a stylistic choice that also went along with the round, so you tackled it from multiple angles in that sense. I like that. I think this was very easy to read, the rhymes were simple but still concise enough to be effective. I also like that this was more of a twist than a retelling, since it was clearly more romantic than maternal. I mean, turning it into a love song wasn’t the most ambitious of choices, but you have to at least get points for not simply summarizing the story like I’m sure a lot of other people did. One more thing though, I know you’ve been meaning to use the word “pyrotechnic” but it kind of felt out of place here - well, the firework imagery in general. It was executed well, but it still kind of sticks out to me.

 

“I’ve read our future, front to back / I know it like I know my past”

While I do agree that the firework imagery isn't...needed? Something establishing a first date was needed, what that was could be anything, but I figured just saying "we'll go on our first date and we'll kiss etc." wouldn't be very lyrical? So having a more romanticized. picturesque version of that was what I wanted. Truthfully, the first date could have been anywhere/anything and overall the songs themes wouldn't change, but the idea it presents did need to be there...if that made any sense!

 

Anyways, thank you for the review and I like the first line in my chorus too. I think it captures the whole entry's ideas well. x

[MattyTacos]

@ceremonials ddd, the ending scene was supposed to represent the daughter's death but I guess I kinda veered from that after the first verse. But thanks, I definitely wanted the imagery to be more cohesive & it's good to hear I pulled that off. Also we have the same fave couplet hihi. 

[Tsareena]

12 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

@Tsareena, “Nonstop”

 

Okay, I know this is gonna seem like a backtrack, but I think you need to stop focusing on rhymes as much as I told you to. Don’t focus on perfect rhymes, at least - it created some really awkward lines in here, mainly in the verses. While I think some lines were purposefully awkward, others definitely weren’t. Try using slant rhymes - a perfect example is when you rhyme moment with coldest in the bridge. They don’t quite rhyme perfectly, but they still hit the mark. Or maybe you could revert to your original “no rhyme” days, I think I like it better than this. Like I said I never judge rhymes too harshly but there were a lot of forced ones in here. Still, I think this was a cute, albeit kind of loose way to go about the challenge but I liked it conceptually, and as always, the narrative is cute. I feel like I’m telling you to do different things every week, but truthfully I think that’s because you try new things every week. Sometimes you’re forced to, and sometimes you’re just listening to my advice, but either way I think it works in your favor. Ultimately, I think you just haven’t found your style yet, but if you feel more comfortable writing “no rhyme” songs or songs without a definite rhyme scheme, I say go back to it and see where it takes you this time, or maybe try to experiment more with slant rhymes.

 

“But even if it was only for the moment / The memories would warm me at my coldest”

 yeah the rhyming this time around was a mess and I'll try looser rhymes though I didn't even catch the coldest/ moment one 

[UFO]

OOP @ceremonials always the first one to come thru with reviews

 

[ultraviolence.xx]

first time i haven't been in the first batch