ultraviolence.xx Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Just now, Lane Boy said: Ok, who thought it would be funny to kick me out? I know the room exists y'all... omg did we get blocked is that what happened
Bandito Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Just now, ultraviolence.xx said: omg did we get blocked is that what happened Nevermind, we're back!
Hug Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Nobody got kicked. Dubtrack has these problems sometimes. We aren't that petty hygfds [well we are to some people but they deserve it]
poki Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Chat isn't working there an I just got a message the room doesn't exist lmao
Jackson Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 1 minute ago, Lane Boy said: Nevermind, we're back! Still not working for me ugh
ceremonials Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 maybe our substitute room will work https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/biancasweave
ultraviolence.xx Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 1 minute ago, Lane Boy said: Nevermind, we're back! me: "oh, good, lemme go back" *boots ends* *tries to send message* *message fails* *refreshes page* "this chat room doesn't exist"
Hug Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Just now, ceremonials said: maybe our substitute room will work https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/biancasweave That room don't exist for me neither
Aurora Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Nice challenge. At least I can't be tempted to redo one of my entries. Justice for Set Sail, tho. Btw Island was blocked by Temporal, iirc.
Jackson Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 2 minutes ago, Aurora said: Nice challenge. At least I can't be tempted to redo one of my entries. Justice for Set Sail, tho. Btw Island was blocked by Temporal, iirc. idts just cause I know Island got a 9 and Temporal's never had a 9+ song I wanted to do Set Sail but I couldn't find it EDIT: it was #2 on the shitlist but #1 raw score so I'm counting it!
Aurora Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Jackson said: idts just cause I know Island got a 9 and Temporal's never had a 9+ song I wanted to do Set Sail but I couldn't find it It was the round Temp got the +1 score booster, I think. I'm at work so I can't check. But Island would have been #1 based on pure score anyway. Edited August 19, 2017 by Aurora clarification
UFO Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 17 hours ago, Dylobs said: this song reminds me of SNAKES who stab me in the back 17 hours ago, Aurora said: omg I almost posted her superior version Nnnnnn Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a UFO wait that sounds shady ajkfa
touya kinomoto Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 I got a draft done. It's very basic and compared to Erased, it's very ****. I really don't know a thing about songwriting. Smh.
UFO Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 (edited) 4 hours ago, Queen Conchita said: @Jackson - Are there any links to winning songs that I can go back and read to see how in depth the songs are? Here you go sis! my #1 hit song from last season (btw it's only my second #1 after my domestic abuse anthem Tough Love ) Let The Water Fall Type: Water VERSE From a leaf, water droplets travelled down the stem Then they dripped into my mouth like I’d been poisoned Now the rush of waves inside of me makes more sense From the licking of lips to every inch of skin PRE-CHORUS Rivers of movement glisten in my eyes So I untighten, let you flow inside CHORUS In between the rocks and lily pads You came crashing hard, crashing into me In between the dry patches of land You brought the power of the seven seas Too scared to dive in, I try to swim back But you pull me close away from the shore And I let the water fall And I let the water fall Into me VERSE Never again, a mistake from your first hugging touch Pull away, I can’t behave when your clouds sit above Close to burst, I didn’t learn so educate my lust Desert dry, your moon-lit tides caress every border PRE-CHORUS Rivers of movement glisten in my eyes So I untighten, let you flow inside CHORUS In between the rocks and lily pads You came crashing hard, crashing into me In between the dry patches of land You brought the power of the seven seas Too scared to dive in, I try to swim back But you pull me close away from the shore And I let the water fall And I let the water fall Into me BRIDGE Now I’m breathing underwater Unveiling my eyes to see the new Atlantis There’s a lot to discover here Particularly when it comes to you and I Now I’m living like I’m water No more restrictions, only free-flowing nature Now we delve deeper and deeper Now we delve deeper like two oceans together CHORUS In between the rocks and lily pads You came crashing hard, crashing into me In between the dry patches of land You brought the power of the seven seas Too scared to dive in, I try to swim back But you pull me close away from the shore And I let the water fall And I let the water fall And I let the water fall, fall Into me this is my other #1 song , I won it for the Storytelling challenge: Tough Love Spoiler VERSE He would cruise the sunset with me And we would hold hands like everything was fine But I would bury the darkness Underneath the fake starlight we hid behind My heart was tethered to his waist And we would embrace like everything was right Each kiss – a lie, only had pain on my side PRE-CHORUS Love’s mist took over when I ran back to him I thought it’d be over but nothing ever is And nothing was all I did CHORUS Every waking moment I would cry Not in fear but to make you realise Thought it was my fault, thought you would change But hit after hit it stayed the same I felt so weak, I felt so numb Without, without, without your tough love I fell too deep into your heart And I became used to your tough love VERSE I wondered if I could hurt you too See you die a thousand times, bruise after bruise I waited for you to undo The emptiness I feel when I’m not abused By you, and I’ve come to lose All sense of identity, there is no use Fighting when you’re stuck in a room with old news If this is love then I can’t understand PRE-CHORUS Love’s mist took over when I ran back to him I thought it’d be over but nothing ever is And nothing was all I did CHORUS Every waking moment I would cry Not in fear but to make you realise Thought it was my fault, thought you would change But hit after hit it stayed the same I felt so weak, I felt so numb Without, without, without your tough love I fell too deep into your heart And I became used to your tough love BRIDGE Been five years counting and now I can begin To live without a ghost who’s still haunted I tried everything but pain was all I knew Maybe I had to fall before I could bloom I will miss you, I will miss you but I won’t miss this tune CHORUS Every waking moment I would cry Not in fear but to make you realise Thought it was my fault, thought you would change But hit after hit it stayed the same I felt so weak, I felt so strong Without, without, without your tough love I fell too deep into your heart But now I can live without your tough love PRE-CHORUS Love’s mist took over when I ran back to him I thought it’d be over but nothing ever is And nothing is all I fear this is another song of mine that reached #2 last season nnnn I decided to share it to show how the judges appreciate different styles/subject matter as long as it's executed well: Dear Whoever Is Listening Spoiler VERSE When I wake up the birds sing my nightmares back to me I wish I could sleep myself away for eternity I'd drift off to a land where time stops, a shattered hourglass But my soul returns to the concrete world, my dreams lost in the sand Night falls, I'm trapped under sheets with vodka by my side Birds call, my figure revealed in the dark I'm paralysed Tears drop, I look above but faith falls and I follow it down Downstairs where my grandfather clock chimes back and forth, back and forth, back Daylight rises, now my heartache has turned to breaking This mind-locked feeling now feels more real than my surroundings On my knees, it's like I'm praying to myself for the answers I want to feel the Earth and feel it within, a yearned belonging PRE-CHORUS Feet are on the ground but somehow I can't feel the earth Distorted sense of time, I wouldn't mind if the truth hurts CHORUS Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began? I don't want to live as someone else, all I want is to live alive I don't want to feel false feelings, all I want is freedom from lies I don't want to live your simulation like my life is never mine I don't want to live your story with the ending already in mind With the ending already in mind VERSE Kids cry on battlefields, we watch through televisions I close my eyes to ease the pain, the birds are still screaming I close my ears to feel sane, I know that won't change anything I look towards the empty sky and there are no angels in sight I want to sail my mind away but I'm stuck on Earth My mind's a freak hurricane, it spirals and wrecks this world No one is listening, we're all talking with our ears shut We're only hearing what we want to, blindly killing each other Forth and back, back and forth, the clock's leaving me behind So I try to chase its hands but now night starts creeping back Now what do I do when I'm searching for another world Yet in this cold universe everything feels alien to me? PRE-CHORUS Feet are on the ground but somehow I can't feel the earth Distorted sense of time, I wouldn't mind if the truth hurts CHORUS Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began? I don't want to live as someone else, all I want is to live alive I don't want to feel false feelings, all I want is freedom from lies I don't want to live your simulation like my life is never mine I don't want to live your story with the ending already in mind With the ending already in mind BRIDGE Lucid dreams come back to me Release me from this stolen reality Lucid dreams come back to me Release me from this fate, these fading memories Now what do I do as one person, weakened By my perception, it's playing tricks on me One person against this made-up universe I controlled nothing but the imaginary I loved nothing but what had been planned for me And I'll finally sleep with nightmares ending And I'll smile once again It could change everything And I'll finally die Knowing that I lived for me And I'll finally sleep, birds singing sweetly CHORUS Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began? I don't want to live as someone else, all I want is to live alive I don't want to feel false feelings, all I want is freedom from lies I don't want to live your simulation like my life is never mine I don't want to live your story with the ending already in mind Dear whoever is listening, can I write what happens at the end? Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began? I don't want to live as someone else, all I want is to live alive I don't want to feel false feelings, all I want is freedom from lies I don't want to live your simulation like my life is never mine I don't want to live your story with the ending already in mind Dear whoever is listening, can I write what happens at the end? Dear whoever is listening, oh, dear whoever is listening Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began? Dear whoever is listening, can I write what happens at the end? Edited August 19, 2017 by UFO
ceremonials Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 I'm gonna do a sequel to No Sun on the Horizon x I imagine if people do either of my songs, that's the one they'll do. Idk how I'd go about Hourglass, tbh. But I'm here for someone trying it, it will make me that much more wigless if i end up liking it
UFO Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 (edited) 30 minutes ago, KatyCatPH said: I got a draft done. It's very basic and compared to Erased, it's very ****. I really don't know a thing about songwriting. Smh. Keep going sis! This first phase is all about settling in and figuring yourself out as a songwriter. You probably won't get eliminated either since a lot of people don't submit the first round. Try to include some metaphors, similes, vivid imagery but you don't need to overdo it. Think of these techniques as tools to convey your message or a certain feeling/thought/image to your audience. If you want to write a love song, write a love song. If you want to write a song about depression, then write one. As long as it's executed well and has substance it'll come across to the judges. But definitely don't write FOR the judges. Start with what you're feeling or what you want to say in your song and work from there. Don't write FOR the judges, write for yourself but also keep in mind how your lyrics will seem like to someone who will read them for the first time. Also, don't feel as though you HAVE to write something complex or whatever. "Basic" is fine and the judges will appreciate it as long as there's some meaning behind your lyrics and it all flows. A true basic song is something lacking in originality, imagery, meaning, emotion and everything else and I'm sure your draft isn't like that. Also, try to avoid basic rhymes like "cat" and "hat" or "side" and "ride" and instead incorporate more slant rhymes like "above" and "touch" or "hurts" and "earth". It'll give off an impression that your lyrics aren't "basic" without coming across as unnatural. Another tip: everything you include in your song should be for some kind of effect or impact. For example, including repetition in your chorus could create a sense or urgency or conviction. Make sure every line in your song counts and is there for a reason! As a new writer, I'd say focus more on the emotion of your song and painting an image inside someone's head right now. At this point of the competition I'd say those things are more important than experimenting or the technical stuff. The more you write, the more comfortable you'll feel experimenting later on and you'll pick up some of the technical stuff along the way (e.g. meter, structure). Good luck! Edited August 19, 2017 by UFO
UFO Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 (edited) 2 hours ago, Jackson said: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ROUND 1 : PLATINUM HITS ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Welcome, contestants old and new, to the first challenge of Platinum Hit 11! This week will feature the first of 11 new or revamped challenges. Yep, you read that right, every single challenge this season will be either something entirely new or twist on a Platinum Hit classic. For round one, I want to get everyone acquainted with our expectations. Obviously, the game's #1 goal is to help you find your own voice as a writer, but in doing so it can help to explore other songwriting styles. Each judge grades on their own criteria, but I personally look at a combination of three core elements: technique (meter, rhyming, etc), imagery (word choice, etc), and emotion. This week's challenge requires you to pick one of the following Platinum Hit classics, all songs which hit #1, and use it as inspiration for your own song. This can be taken loosely. You may choose to be inspired by titles, themes, lines, structures, etc. Ideally, I'd like to see each of you adopt something you don't normally use in your writing and experiment with it. When sending your song, please list which song you chose as inspiration, and don't forget to label the parts to your song and give it a title. Entries are due via PM to me by Wednesday, August 23rd at 11:59 PM EST. SONGS (I chose only songs which were posted publicly in a Platinum Hit thread. If you'd like your song removed, tag or PM me to let me know) @Jackson - Siren Song Reveal hidden contents Nestled up tight deep in the cove A man found a wife to share the shore But as the night falls she hears the call The waves dance to her siren song Sweetly she slips away Leaving no trace, no ripple, or wave Unknowingly he slumbers on While she sings her siren song No man can resist The roll of her hips The rush of lust on her lips Making hurricanes by night Until the morning light As she cruises back to her life on shore Every man loses his pride To drift into her tide To feel her melody across their skin But suddenly they drown In a killer’s hands fall down Someday they will pay for their sins So she lifts her sails and turns her back Innocently leaves the attack She crawls in bed as her man dreams Of a fantasy girl, his own private queen Until the next night when she slips away Under moonlight she fools her prey Promises love, glory, and fame For a hopeless night in the ocean spray No man can resist The roll of her hips The rush of lust on her lips Making hurricanes by night Until the morning light As she cruises back to her life on shore Every man loses his pride To drift into her tide To feel her melody across their skin But suddenly they drown In a killer’s hands fall down Someday they will pay for their sins But secretly The man rises from his dreams And stumbles to the shore to find his love But crushed and crazed He won’t let the men escape Till the bottom of the ocean is their home Every man loses his pride To drift into her tide To feel her melody across their skin But suddenly they drown In a killer’s hands fall down That man they will pay for their sins Every man wants to hum along To drown in the depths of her siren song But even that girl gets a little lost In the harmonies of her siren song @MattyTacos - Scarlet Bitch Reveal hidden contents Chorus 1Her hands on the trigger, look fast or you’ll miss herShe bangs him twice, one in bed, and one in the headBoys wanna kiss her, cause her lips taste like sweet cherry liquor Verse 1Echoes scream from the black and white tv screenGuns and boys, the perfect dreamSirens behind her howling of red and blue, baby can’t you tell she’s bad for you?But of course, as you always doYou don’t have a clue, no honey you never doChorus 2Her hands on the trigger, look fast or you’ll miss herShe bangs him twice, one in bed, and one in the headBoys wanna kiss her, cause her lips taste like sweet cherry liquor She’s a Scarlet BitchOh, she’s a Scarlet BitchYeah, she’s a Scarlet BitchBridge 1All the boys sip their cola, they feel like they know herThey remember her now, from Susie who lives downtownTill her man said, “Oh you know it all now?” “But you don’t know this,” and she didn’tShe got shot in the head, fell down in her bedFunny cause the other day she said she was better off deadVerse 2Scarlet and her mustang Sweet Roman, come rollingShe says she’s from out of town, just roamingDon’t love her, her heart is brokenDon’t love her, she has chosenBridge 2She uses her bullets and boys to escape her lifeBut what happens when she runs out of ammo And there’s no boys to be found partying tonight?Will she finally realize the true emptiness insideWill she put on her lipstick and eyeshadow and try again tomorrow night?Chorus 2Her hands on the trigger, look fast or you’ll miss herShe bangs him twice, one in bed, and one in the headBoys wanna kiss her, cause her lips taste like sweet cherry liquor She’s a Scarlet BitchOh, she’s a Scarlet BitchYeah, she’s a Scarlet Bitch @ceremonials - No Sun on the Horizon Reveal hidden contents I’ve drifted through space and I’ve drowned in timeI’ve waited for centuries for the stars to alignI’ve felt their warmth as they began to brightenI’ve imagined a life with no sun on the horizon I’ve prayed on my knees for the light of dayI’ve turned to the darkness since you went away I’ve wandered alone through the constellationsI’ve heard the holy truth and felt no consolationI’ve seen the whole world and I’ve watched it crumbleI’ve imagined no light at the end of the tunnel I’ve prayed on my knees for the light of dayI’ve turned to the darkness since you went away I’ve witnessed the unholy and the divineI’ve been to the planet where the Sun doesn’t shineI’ve found the beauty in such complete silenceI’ve learned to let go and I’ve forgotten defiance I’ve prayed on my knees for the light of dayI’ve turned to the darkness since you went away @ausdaniel - A Higher Power (Season 6) Reveal hidden contents (Verse 1) A cosmic cascade of colour A sight to heal the eyes Marvelling at the beauty Under the Northern Lights (Verse 2) Stand back and behold The colours across the sky The impact of the glow Under the Northern Lights (Pre Chorus) Take me, bring me, closer then ever before Some kinda, idea, waiting to be explored Take over, control, I’m giving it all up I’m giving it all up, to… (Chorus) The midnight sky, so full of colour Odd for a sad July Feel a connection, with a world’s wonder A bond you can’t deny The lights will free me, ease me The lights will lead me, heal me So now I’m ready, to hand myself up To a higher power (Verse 3) Nature’s winter magic Constantly drawing me in Defies any kinda logic Yet it makes perfect sense (Verse 4) When one needs meaning They’ve gotta open up their minds You can find it in anything But I found it in the Northern Lights (Pre Chorus) Steal me, hold me, in your warm embrace Some crazy, feeling, but now I feel complete Take over, control, I’m giving it all up I’m giving it all up, to… (Chorus) The midnight sky, so full of colour Odd for a sad July Feel a connection, with a world’s wonder A bond you can’t deny The lights will free me, ease me The lights will lead me, heal me Now I’m ready, to hand myself up To a higher power (Bridge) It’s been so dilatory, held back from me But I’m finally holding it in my hands It’s been so agonising, when it’s missing from me But I can finally rest with it’s in my hands I’ve been longing, waiting, searching I’ve been screaming, tossing, turning Searching for a way Searching for it all to fall in place (Chorus) The midnight sky, so full of colour Odd for a sad July Feel a connection, with a world’s wonder A bond you can’t deny The lights will free me, ease me The lights will lead me, heal me So now I’m ready, to hand myself up To a higher power Reveal hidden contents @8thPrince - Erased @Hug - Drowned in Neon Reveal hidden contents ‘Drowned in Neon’ By Hug (Round 1: The Single Cover) [Verse 1] It’s a technicolor ocean With a burning neon sky The smoke inside’s like summer rain And music pulls the tides The waters throw me through the room I’m washed in beats and lights I dive into the discotheque And swim throughout the night [Chorus] The crowd is drowned in neon I’m floating out at sea The waves of wasted people Are crashing into me I’ll ride the tide of dancers I’ll never think of land I’ll try to hide the handprints That time left in the sand [Verse 2] It’s an empty-feeling ocean Though it’s packed so ever tight The sea can hardly take away What kills me deep inside The waters toss me through the room I’m thrashed by beats and lights I fall into the discotheque And swim like I’m alright [Chorus] The crowd is drowned in neon And I’m lost out at sea The waves of wasted people Are crashing into me I’ll ride the tide of dancers And wash up on the land I’ll try to find your handprints That time left in the sand [Bridge] I look into the neon sky And there’s never any stars On every technicolored night I swim into the ocean far I look into the neon sky And I never see the moon On every technicolored night I find myself still stuck on you It’s all my fault, I can’t forget You’re not around, you’re in my head It’s all my fault, I can’t forget I can’t forget, I can’t... [Chorus] The crowd is drowned in neon And I’m lost out at sea The waves of wasted people Are crashing into me I’ll ride the tide of dancers And wash up on the land I’ll try to find your handprints That I left in the sand @Vulnicura - Island Reveal hidden contents v1 the sands of time have withered these bones roaring waves clawing at land’s edge once a proud land, my own fortress now an empty isle i call home lived as a king with fulsome fortune ready to renounce this rusted throne pre c weeping child, do not mourn death comes for us all while these thoughts are my own i ask you, let me go chorus a halo on my head, a wire in my neck ready to let go, to find my second home it stalks the halls, it takes my friends yet here i remain, in slow decay so i wonder when will death come to my bed? v2 the curse of age has robbed me of color etched its scars into this mortal coil and now hidden in the cold morning haze missing the embrace of my lover accepting the end of my glory days let me sleep, so i may dream of summer pre c weeping child, do not mourn death comes for us all while these thoughts are my own i ask you, let me go chorus a halo on my head, a wire in my neck ready to let go, to find my second home it stalks the halls, it takes my friends yet here i remain, in slow decay so i wonder when will death come to my bed? bridge are my body and soul my own? disease has torn me apart i suffer alone i know, you mean no harm but in my heart, all i hear is singing morphine alarms o sweet child, do not weep listen to my dying wish please, kill me in my sleep pre c weeping child, do not mourn death comes for us all, while you are by my side, i beg you, let me die chorus a halo on my head, a wire in my neck ready to let go, to find my second home it stalks the halls, it takes my friends yet here i remain, in slow decay so i wonder when will death come to my bed? @Citrus - To Reveal hidden contents "To" MotherSon . VERSESome nights I came home at two when the alarm was set for four,I tried not to wake you when I peeked around your door,Just to hear you breathing, an excuse to see your face,Your guiltless sighs convinced me I would get you out of that place,I’m sorry for what I couldn’t give you, I’m sorry you just had me,I’m sorry your father didn’t get to, meet the person we knew you’d be,I’ve made a lot of bad choices baby, but when I look back at my life,In a sea of awful memories, you’re an island of what I got right . CHORUSAll the pain it costAll the times you lostI would bear for youAll the nights you brokeAll the times you chokedI would bear for youEverything I haveEverything I doI give to youI give to you . VERSE Last night I came home at two when the alarm was set for four, I tried not to wake her when I peeked around her door, Her hair is new and wispy as it frames her cherub face, Just like the woman in the picture above the fireplace, Couldn’t find one of you and dad when your cigarette wasn’t lit, But I had never seen you smoke because you say I helped you quit, I’m sorry for what you must go through, I’m sorry I wasn’t a better son, I’m sorry my daughter won’t get to, meet the woman who taught me to love . CHORUS All the pain it cost All the times you lost I would bear for you All the nights you broke All the times you choked I would bear for you Everything I have Everything I do I give to you I give to you . BRIDGEYou acted like it’s nothing but it meant so much to me,To see you walk across that stage for this family’s first degree, I know where you’re coming from but you don’t understand, The smile on your face was better than the paper in my hand,Promise me one last thing, my boy, before I let you go,Hold her hand, be her perfect man, and make sure that she knows, . OUTROAll the things she’ll choose,All the times she’ll lose,You would bear for her, All the nights she breaks, All the tears on her face, I will bear for her,Everything I have Everything I haveEverything I do Everything I’ve earnedI give to you I give to her @Jackson - Stardust Reveal hidden contents STARDUST Written for the label challenge: Birthright Ent. verse The sunset melts to darkness, gives way to cosmic glows I'm wrapped in silver moonlight as headlights guide me home Romantics in the sunlight give way to carnal sins And rational emotions dissolve as lust sets in So tiptoe down the hallway, take the third door on your right And text me when you get there, it's too late to knock tonight You look better than your pictures, you're so handsome in this light But you’re not here for small talk and I’m not here to waste your time chorus This moment is a shooting star That filters through my hands Your body's made of stardust Locked in an hourglass We're just two passing comets On to other rendezvous So until the morning breaks us I'll make the most of you verse Your body leaves me starstruck, your rhythm takes my breath With every empty kiss I hope this moment never ends I'll mirror every movement, use our bodies till we're spent Maybe if I give my all you'll see me once again If only these emotions gripped your heart each time we kissed In twenty minutes I'll be one more name upon your list There's galaxies of others that shine brighter than I do So maybe I'm just lucky that your orbit crossed mine too chorus This moment is a shooting star That filters through my hands Your body's made of stardust Locked in an hourglass We're just two passing comets On to other rendezvous So until the morning breaks us I'll make the most of you bridge Mourning doves awake me But I won't open my eyes I reach out for your body But there's just sheets on your side I’ll spend my whole day waiting For words that never come You’re just another glimmer Lost with the rising sun chorus This moment is a shooting star That filters through my hands Your body's made of stardust Locked in an hourglass We're just two passing comets On to other rendezvous So until the morning breaks us I'll make the most of you If you have any other prior #1s you'd like to include, please post them or PM them to me! Reveal hidden contents [A] From the cold, white cream You drowned in your dark coffee To its sweet cloud of steam Rousing me from a lost dream Like these things, one day Memories of you will fade Yes, there will come a day Where you too will be erased Like the lingering body heat Between two hands that unfold Even that gentle warmth’s Dissipates into the cold Like your sigh hung in the air On a bitter Christmas Day Yes, there will come a day Where you too will be erased [R] If you catch the taste of tears you’ll think back to our shore The scent of tangerine perfume will fill an empty room “I can’t move on” will echo there but with each passing day You’ll be convinced there comes a day when I’m erased, too [A] Like the creases in the sheets Where someone used to sleep I trace your shape with my pinkie But you’re far beyond reach Somewhere far beyond ears Wedding bells ring and decay Yes, there will come a day Where you too will be erased Like the light space on a wall Where a portrait hung before Or the marks of furniture Pressed into the carpet floor Like these things, one day Memories of you will fade Yes, there will come a day Where you too will be erased [R] If you catch the taste of tears you’ll think back to our shore The scent of tangerine perfume will fill an empty room “I can’t move on” will echo there but with each passing day You’ll be convinced there comes a day when I’m erased, too ooh. this is interesting 2 hours ago, Jackson said: Sure if you send it to me so that everyone can use it nnnn let me send Let The Water Fall and Tough Love the shameless self-promo Edited August 19, 2017 by UFO
touya kinomoto Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 11 minutes ago, UFO said: Keep going sis! This first phase is all about settling in and figuring yourself out as a songwriter. You probably won't get eliminated either since a lot of people don't submit the first round. Try to include some metaphors, similes, vivid imagery but you don't need to overdo it. Think of these techniques as tools to convey your message or a certain feeling/thought/image to your audience. Don't write FOR the judges, write for yourself but also keep in mind how your lyrics will seem like to someone who will read them for the first time. Also, don't feel as though you HAVE to write something complex or whatever. "Basic" is fine and the judges will appreciate it as long as there's some meaning behind your lyrics and it all flows. A true basic song is something lacking in originality, imagery, meaning, emotion and everything else and I'm sure your draft isn't like that. Also, try to avoid basic rhymes like "cat" and "hat" or "side" and "ride" and instead incorporate more slant rhymes like "above" and "touch" or "hurts" and "earth". It'll give off an impression that your lyrics aren't "basic" without coming across as unnatural. Another tip: everything you include in your song should be for some kind of effect or impact. For example, including repetition in your chorus could create a sense or urgency or conviction. Make sure every line in your song counts and is there for a reason! As a new writer, I'd say focus more on the emotion of your song and painting an image inside someone's head right now. At this point of the competition I'd say those things are more important than experimenting or the technical stuff. The more you write, the more comfortable you'll feel experimenting later on and you'll pick up some of the technical stuff along the way (e.g. meter, structure). Good luck! Thanks for this sis. I greatly appreciate it. Though I almost choked when you mentioned something about rhymes. I got like lots of them. "Side" and "hide", "meet" and "feet", "nice" and "lies" and a couple more. Wanna critique what I have so far?
UFO Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 (edited) 7 minutes ago, KatyCatPH said: Thanks for this sis. I greatly appreciate it. Though I almost choked when you mentioned something about rhymes. I got like lots of them. "Side" and "hide", "meet" and "feet", "nice" and "lies" and a couple more. Wanna critique what I have so far? No problem! Nnnnn I was like that with rhymes when I first got into songwriting. Rhymes aren't really that important, they're just there to make everything flow and for emphasis. You don't even need to make every line rhyme tbh but, as a new writer, rhymes are a good foundation to start with. This is a rhyme scheme I really like using: A - lies B - trust A - inside B - above C - away (this line and word is emphasised because it's the only one that doesn't rhyme AND it's at the end) "Nice" and "lies" is a pretty good slant rhyme though! although the judges will probably drag you for the word "nice" since it's basic as hell I personally wouldn't use "nice" unless you're being ironic and sure! PM me sis Edited August 19, 2017 by UFO
Speezy Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 I can't even think maybe I should start writing then look at a inspiration then rework things
Jackson Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 It's OK if your song doesn't live up to the song you're being inspired by, most of these are like the highest scoring songs ever There's no way you can write one of those every week
Recommended Posts