tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[ultraviolence.xx]

Just now, Lane Boy said:

Ok, who thought it would be funny to kick me out? I know the room exists y'all...

omg did we get blocked is that what happened

[Jackson]

dub just ****s up every other night  

[Bandito]

Just now, ultraviolence.xx said:

omg did we get blocked is that what happened

Nevermind, we're back!  

[Hug]

Nobody got kicked. Dubtrack has these problems sometimes. We aren't that petty hygfds

 

[well we are to some people but they deserve it]

[Year of Shadow]

Chat isn't working there an I just got a message the room doesn't exist lmao

[Jackson]

1 minute ago, Lane Boy said:

Nevermind, we're back!  

Still not working for me ugh

[ceremonials]

maybe our substitute room will work

 

https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/biancasweave

[ultraviolence.xx]

1 minute ago, Lane Boy said:

Nevermind, we're back!  

me: "oh, good, lemme go back"

 

*boots ends*

 

*tries to send message*

 

*message fails*

 

*refreshes page*

 

"this chat room doesn't exist"

[Hug]

Just now, ceremonials said:

maybe our substitute room will work

 

https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/biancasweave

That room don't exist for me neither  

[Jackson]

OK seems to be working now?

[Jackson]

don't go in austin's flop alt one

[Aurora]

Nice challenge. At least I can't be tempted to redo one of my entries. Justice for Set Sail, tho. Btw Island was blocked by Temporal, iirc.

[Jackson]

2 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Nice challenge. At least I can't be tempted to redo one of my entries. Justice for Set Sail, tho. Btw Island was blocked by Temporal, iirc.

idts just cause I know Island got a 9 and Temporal's never had a 9+ song

 

I wanted to do Set Sail but I couldn't find it

 

EDIT: it was #2 on the shitlist but #1 raw score so I'm counting it!

[Aurora]

5 minutes ago, Jackson said:

idts just cause I know Island got a 9 and Temporal's never had a 9+ song

 

I wanted to do Set Sail but I couldn't find it

It was the round Temp got the +1 score booster, I think. I'm at work so I can't check. But Island would have been #1 based on pure score anyway.

Edited August 19, 2017 by Aurora
clarification

[UFO]

17 hours ago, Dylobs said:

this song reminds me of SNAKES who stab me in the back

 

17 hours ago, Aurora said:

omg I almost posted her superior version

 

 

Nnnnnn 

 

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a UFO

   

 

wait that sounds shady ajkfa

 

[touya kinomoto]

I got a draft done. It's very basic and compared to Erased, it's very ****. I really don't know a thing about songwriting. Smh.

[UFO]

4 hours ago, Queen Conchita said:

@Jackson - Are there any links to winning songs that I can go back and read to see how in depth the songs are? 

Here you go sis!     my #1 hit song from last season

(btw it's only my second #1 after my domestic abuse anthem Tough Love )

 

Let The Water Fall

Type: Water

 

VERSE

From a leaf, water droplets travelled down the stem

Then they dripped into my mouth like I’d been poisoned

Now the rush of waves inside of me makes more sense

From the licking of lips to every inch of skin

 

PRE-CHORUS

Rivers of movement glisten in my eyes

So I untighten, let you flow inside

 

CHORUS

In between the rocks and lily pads

You came crashing hard, crashing into me

In between the dry patches of land

You brought the power of the seven seas

Too scared to dive in, I try to swim back

But you pull me close away from the shore

And I let the water fall

And I let the water fall

Into me

 

VERSE

Never again, a mistake from your first hugging touch

Pull away, I can’t behave when your clouds sit above

Close to burst, I didn’t learn so educate my lust

Desert dry, your moon-lit tides caress every border

 

PRE-CHORUS

Rivers of movement glisten in my eyes

So I untighten, let you flow inside

 

CHORUS

In between the rocks and lily pads

You came crashing hard, crashing into me

In between the dry patches of land

You brought the power of the seven seas

Too scared to dive in, I try to swim back

But you pull me close away from the shore

And I let the water fall

And I let the water fall

Into me

 

BRIDGE

Now I’m breathing underwater

Unveiling my eyes to see the new Atlantis

There’s a lot to discover here

Particularly when it comes to you and I

Now I’m living like I’m water

No more restrictions, only free-flowing nature

Now we delve deeper and deeper

Now we delve deeper like two oceans together

 

CHORUS

In between the rocks and lily pads

You came crashing hard, crashing into me

In between the dry patches of land

You brought the power of the seven seas

Too scared to dive in, I try to swim back

But you pull me close away from the shore

And I let the water fall

And I let the water fall

And I let the water fall, fall

Into me

 

this is my other #1 song , I won it for the Storytelling challenge:

 

Tough Love

 

Spoiler

 

VERSE

He would cruise the sunset with me

And we would hold hands like everything was fine

But I would bury the darkness

Underneath the fake starlight we hid behind

My heart was tethered to his waist

And we would embrace like everything was right

Each kiss – a lie, only had pain on my side

 

PRE-CHORUS

Love’s mist took over when I ran back to him

I thought it’d be over but nothing ever is

And nothing was all I did

 

CHORUS

Every waking moment I would cry

Not in fear but to make you realise

Thought it was my fault, thought you would change

But hit after hit it stayed the same

I felt so weak, I felt so numb

Without, without, without your tough love

I fell too deep into your heart

And I became used to your tough love

 

VERSE

I wondered if I could hurt you too

See you die a thousand times, bruise after bruise

I waited for you to undo

The emptiness I feel when I’m not abused

By you, and I’ve come to lose

All sense of identity, there is no use

Fighting when you’re stuck in a room with old news

If this is love then I can’t understand

 

PRE-CHORUS

Love’s mist took over when I ran back to him

I thought it’d be over but nothing ever is

And nothing was all I did

 

CHORUS

Every waking moment I would cry

Not in fear but to make you realise

Thought it was my fault, thought you would change

But hit after hit it stayed the same

I felt so weak, I felt so numb

Without, without, without your tough love

I fell too deep into your heart

And I became used to your tough love

 

BRIDGE

Been five years counting and now I can begin

To live without a ghost who’s still haunted

I tried everything but pain was all I knew

Maybe I had to fall before I could bloom

I will miss you, I will miss you but I won’t miss this tune

 

CHORUS

Every waking moment I would cry

Not in fear but to make you realise

Thought it was my fault, thought you would change

But hit after hit it stayed the same

I felt so weak, I felt so strong

Without, without, without your tough love

I fell too deep into your heart

But now I can live without your tough love

 

PRE-CHORUS

Love’s mist took over when I ran back to him

I thought it’d be over but nothing ever is

And nothing is all I fear

 

 

this is another song of mine that reached #2 last season    nnnn

I decided to share it to show how the judges appreciate different styles/subject matter as long as it's executed well: 

 

Dear Whoever Is Listening

 

Spoiler

 

VERSE

When I wake up the birds sing my nightmares back to me

I wish I could sleep myself away for eternity

I'd drift off to a land where time stops, a shattered hourglass

But my soul returns to the concrete world, my dreams lost in the sand

 

Night falls, I'm trapped under sheets with vodka by my side

Birds call, my figure revealed in the dark I'm paralysed

Tears drop, I look above but faith falls and I follow it down

Downstairs where my grandfather clock chimes back and forth, back and forth, back

 

Daylight rises, now my heartache has turned to breaking

This mind-locked feeling now feels more real than my surroundings

On my knees, it's like I'm praying to myself for the answers

I want to feel the Earth and feel it within, a yearned belonging

 

PRE-CHORUS

Feet are on the ground but somehow I can't feel the earth

Distorted sense of time, I wouldn't mind if the truth hurts

 

CHORUS

Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began?

I don't want to live as someone else, all I want is to live alive

I don't want to feel false feelings, all I want is freedom from lies

I don't want to live your simulation like my life is never mine

I don't want to live your story with the ending already in mind

With the ending already in mind

 

VERSE

Kids cry on battlefields, we watch through televisions

I close my eyes to ease the pain, the birds are still screaming

I close my ears to feel sane, I know that won't change anything

I look towards the empty sky and there are no angels in sight

 

I want to sail my mind away but I'm stuck on Earth

My mind's a freak hurricane, it spirals and wrecks this world

No one is listening, we're all talking with our ears shut

We're only hearing what we want to, blindly killing each other

 

Forth and back, back and forth, the clock's leaving me behind

So I try to chase its hands but now night starts creeping back

Now what do I do when I'm searching for another world

Yet in this cold universe everything feels alien to me?

 

PRE-CHORUS

Feet are on the ground but somehow I can't feel the earth

Distorted sense of time, I wouldn't mind if the truth hurts

 

CHORUS

Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began?

I don't want to live as someone else, all I want is to live alive

I don't want to feel false feelings, all I want is freedom from lies

I don't want to live your simulation like my life is never mine

I don't want to live your story with the ending already in mind

With the ending already in mind

 

BRIDGE

Lucid dreams come back to me

Release me from this stolen reality

Lucid dreams come back to me

Release me from this fate, these fading memories

Now what do I do as one person, weakened

By my perception, it's playing tricks on me

 

One person against this made-up universe

 

I controlled nothing but the imaginary

I loved nothing but what had been planned for me

And I'll finally sleep with nightmares ending

And I'll smile once again

It could change everything

And I'll finally die

Knowing that I lived for me

And I'll finally sleep, birds singing sweetly

 

CHORUS

Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began?

I don't want to live as someone else, all I want is to live alive

I don't want to feel false feelings, all I want is freedom from lies

I don't want to live your simulation like my life is never mine

I don't want to live your story with the ending already in mind

Dear whoever is listening, can I write what happens at the end?

Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began?

 

I don't want to live as someone else, all I want is to live alive

I don't want to feel false feelings, all I want is freedom from lies

I don't want to live your simulation like my life is never mine

I don't want to live your story with the ending already in mind

Dear whoever is listening, can I write what happens at the end?

Dear whoever is listening, oh, dear whoever is listening

Dear whoever is listening, can we go back to where I began?

Dear whoever is listening, can I write what happens at the end?

 

 

Edited August 19, 2017 by UFO

[ceremonials]

I'm gonna do a sequel to No Sun on the Horizon x

 

I imagine if people do either of my songs, that's the one they'll do. Idk how I'd go about Hourglass, tbh. But I'm here for someone trying it, it will make me that much more wigless if i end up liking it

 

[UFO]

30 minutes ago, KatyCatPH said:

I got a draft done. It's very basic and compared to Erased, it's very ****. I really don't know a thing about songwriting. Smh.

Keep going sis!   This first phase is all about settling in and figuring yourself out as a songwriter. You probably won't get eliminated either since a lot of people don't submit the first round. Try to include some metaphors, similes, vivid imagery but you don't need to overdo it. Think of these techniques as tools to convey your message or a certain feeling/thought/image to your audience. If you want to write a love song, write a love song. If you want to write a song about depression, then write one. As long as it's executed well and has substance it'll come across to the judges. But definitely don't write FOR the judges. Start with what you're feeling or what you want to say in your song and work from there. Don't write FOR the judges, write for yourself but also keep in mind how your lyrics will seem like to someone who will read them for the first time. 

 

Also, don't feel as though you HAVE to write something complex or whatever. "Basic" is fine and the judges will appreciate it as long as there's some meaning behind your lyrics and it all flows. A true basic song is something lacking in originality, imagery, meaning, emotion and everything else and I'm sure your draft isn't like that. Also, try to avoid basic rhymes like "cat" and "hat" or "side" and "ride" and instead incorporate more slant rhymes like "above" and "touch" or "hurts" and "earth". It'll give off an impression that your lyrics aren't "basic" without coming across as unnatural. Another tip: everything you include in your song should be for some kind of effect or impact. For example, including repetition in your chorus could create a sense or urgency or conviction. Make sure every line in your song counts and is there for a reason!

 

As a new writer, I'd say focus more on the emotion of your song and painting an image inside someone's head right now. At this point of the competition I'd say those things are more important than experimenting or the technical stuff. The more you write, the more comfortable you'll feel experimenting later on and you'll pick up some of the technical stuff along the way (e.g. meter, structure). Good luck!  

Edited August 19, 2017 by UFO

[UFO]

2 hours ago, Jackson said:

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

ROUND 1 : PLATINUM HITS

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Welcome, contestants old and new, to the first challenge of Platinum Hit 11! This week will feature the first of 11 new or revamped challenges. Yep, you read that right, every single challenge this season will be either something entirely new or twist on a Platinum Hit classic. 

 

For round one, I want to get everyone acquainted with our expectations. Obviously, the game's #1 goal is to help you find your own voice as a writer, but in doing so it can help to explore other songwriting styles. Each judge grades on their own criteria, but I personally look at a combination of three core elements: technique (meter, rhyming, etc), imagery (word choice, etc), and emotion. This week's challenge requires you to pick one of the following Platinum Hit classics, all songs which hit #1, and use it as inspiration for your own song. This can be taken loosely. You may choose to be inspired by titles, themes, lines, structures, etc. Ideally, I'd like to see each of you adopt something you don't normally use in your writing and experiment with it. 

 

When sending your song, please list which song you chose as inspiration, and don't forget to label the parts to your song and give it a title.

 

Entries are due via PM to me by Wednesday, August 23rd at 11:59 PM EST.

 

SONGS

(I chose only songs which were posted publicly in a Platinum Hit thread. If you'd like your song removed, tag or PM me to let me know)

 

@Jackson - Siren Song

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Nestled up tight deep in the cove
A man found a wife to share the shore
But as the night falls she hears the call
The waves dance to her siren song

Sweetly she slips away
Leaving no trace, no ripple, or wave
Unknowingly he slumbers on
While she sings her siren song

No man can resist
The roll of her hips
The rush of lust on her lips
Making hurricanes by night
Until the morning light
As she cruises back to her life on shore

Every man loses his pride
To drift into her tide
To feel her melody across their skin
But suddenly they drown
In a killer’s hands fall down
Someday they will pay for their sins

So she lifts her sails and turns her back
Innocently leaves the attack
She crawls in bed as her man dreams
Of a fantasy girl, his own private queen

Until the next night when she slips away
Under moonlight she fools her prey
Promises love, glory, and fame
For a hopeless night in the ocean spray

No man can resist
The roll of her hips
The rush of lust on her lips
Making hurricanes by night
Until the morning light
As she cruises back to her life on shore

Every man loses his pride
To drift into her tide
To feel her melody across their skin
But suddenly they drown
In a killer’s hands fall down
Someday they will pay for their sins

But secretly
The man rises from his dreams
And stumbles to the shore to find his love
But crushed and crazed
He won’t let the men escape
Till the bottom of the ocean is their home

Every man loses his pride
To drift into her tide
To feel her melody across their skin
But suddenly they drown
In a killer’s hands fall down
That man they will pay for their sins

Every man wants to hum along
To drown in the depths of her siren song
But even that girl gets a little lost
In the harmonies of her siren song

 

 

@MattyTacos - Scarlet Bitch

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Chorus 1
Her hands on the trigger, look fast or you’ll miss her
She bangs him twice, one in bed, and one in the head
Boys wanna kiss her, cause her lips taste like sweet cherry liquor 

Verse 1
Echoes scream from the black and white tv screen
Guns and boys, the perfect dream
Sirens behind her howling of red and blue, baby can’t you tell she’s bad for you?
But of course, as you always do
You don’t have a clue, no honey you never do

Chorus 2
Her hands on the trigger, look fast or you’ll miss her
She bangs him twice, one in bed, and one in the head
Boys wanna kiss her, cause her lips taste like sweet cherry liquor 

She’s a Scarlet Bitch
Oh, she’s a Scarlet Bitch
Yeah, she’s a Scarlet Bitch

Bridge 1
All the boys sip their cola, they feel like they know her
They remember her now, from Susie who lives downtown
Till her man said, “Oh you know it all now?” 
“But you don’t know this,” and she didn’t
She got shot in the head, fell down in her bed
Funny cause the other day she said she was better off dead

Verse 2
Scarlet and her mustang Sweet Roman, come rolling
She says she’s from out of town, just roaming
Don’t love her, her heart is broken
Don’t love her, she has chosen

Bridge 2
She uses her bullets and boys to escape her life
But what happens when she runs out of ammo 
And there’s no boys to be found partying tonight?
Will she finally realize the true emptiness inside
Will she put on her lipstick and eyeshadow and try again tomorrow night?

Chorus 2
Her hands on the trigger, look fast or you’ll miss her
She bangs him twice, one in bed, and one in the head
Boys wanna kiss her, cause her lips taste like sweet cherry liquor 

She’s a Scarlet Bitch
Oh, she’s a Scarlet Bitch
Yeah, she’s a Scarlet Bitch
 

 

 

@ceremonials - No Sun on the Horizon

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

I’ve drifted through space and I’ve drowned in time

I’ve waited for centuries for the stars to align

I’ve felt their warmth as they began to brighten

I’ve imagined a life with no sun on the horizon

 

I’ve prayed on my knees for the light of day

I’ve turned to the darkness since you went away

 

I’ve wandered alone through the constellations

I’ve heard the holy truth and felt no consolation

I’ve seen the whole world and I’ve watched it crumble

I’ve imagined no light at the end of the tunnel

 

I’ve prayed on my knees for the light of day

I’ve turned to the darkness since you went away

 

I’ve witnessed the unholy and the divine

I’ve been to the planet where the Sun doesn’t shine

I’ve found the beauty in such complete silence

I’ve learned to let go and I’ve forgotten defiance

 

I’ve prayed on my knees for the light of day

I’ve turned to the darkness since you went away
 

 

 

@ausdaniel - A Higher Power (Season 6)

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

(Verse 1)
A cosmic cascade of colour
A sight to heal the eyes
Marvelling at the beauty
Under the Northern Lights

(Verse 2)
Stand back and behold
The colours across the sky
The impact of the glow
Under the Northern Lights

(Pre Chorus)
Take me, bring me, closer then ever before
Some kinda, idea, waiting to be explored
Take over, control, I’m giving it all up
I’m giving it all up, to…

(Chorus)
The midnight sky, so full of colour
Odd for a sad July
Feel a connection, with a world’s wonder
A bond you can’t deny
The lights will free me, ease me
The lights will lead me, heal me
So now I’m ready, to hand myself up
To a higher power

(Verse 3)
Nature’s winter magic
Constantly drawing me in
Defies any kinda logic
Yet it makes perfect sense

(Verse 4)
When one needs meaning
They’ve gotta open up their minds
You can find it in anything
But I found it in the Northern Lights

(Pre Chorus)
Steal me, hold me, in your warm embrace
Some crazy, feeling, but now I feel complete
Take over, control, I’m giving it all up
I’m giving it all up, to…

(Chorus)
The midnight sky, so full of colour
Odd for a sad July
Feel a connection, with a world’s wonder
A bond you can’t deny
The lights will free me, ease me
The lights will lead me, heal me
Now I’m ready, to hand myself up
To a higher power

(Bridge)
It’s been so dilatory, held back from me
But I’m finally holding it in my hands
It’s been so agonising, when it’s missing from me
But I can finally rest with it’s in my hands

I’ve been longing, waiting, searching
I’ve been screaming, tossing, turning
Searching for a way
Searching for it all to fall in place

(Chorus)
The midnight sky, so full of colour
Odd for a sad July
Feel a connection, with a world’s wonder
A bond you can’t deny
The lights will free me, ease me
The lights will lead me, heal me
So now I’m ready, to hand myself up
To a higher power
 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

@8thPrince - Erased
 

 

@Hug - Drowned in Neon

 

  Reveal hidden contents

‘Drowned in Neon’

By Hug

(Round 1: The Single Cover)

 

[Verse 1]

It’s a technicolor ocean

With a burning neon sky

The smoke inside’s like summer rain

And music pulls the tides

 

The waters throw me through the room

I’m washed in beats and lights

I dive into the discotheque

And swim throughout the night

 

[Chorus]

The crowd is drowned in neon

I’m floating out at sea

The waves of wasted people

Are crashing into me

 

I’ll ride the tide of dancers

I’ll never think of land

I’ll try to hide the handprints

That time left in the sand

 

[Verse 2]

It’s an empty-feeling ocean

Though it’s packed so ever tight

The sea can hardly take away

What kills me deep inside

 

The waters toss me through the room

I’m thrashed by beats and lights

I fall into the discotheque

And swim like I’m alright

 

[Chorus]

The crowd is drowned in neon

And I’m lost out at sea

The waves of wasted people

Are crashing into me

 

I’ll ride the tide of dancers

And wash up on the land

I’ll try to find your handprints

That time left in the sand

 

[Bridge]

I look into the neon sky

And there’s never any stars

On every technicolored night

I swim into the ocean far

 

I look into the neon sky

And I never see the moon

On every technicolored night

I find myself still stuck on you

 

It’s all my fault, I can’t forget

You’re not around, you’re in my head

It’s all my fault, I can’t forget

I can’t forget, I can’t...

 

[Chorus]

The crowd is drowned in neon

And I’m lost out at sea

The waves of wasted people

Are crashing into me

 

I’ll ride the tide of dancers

And wash up on the land

I’ll try to find your handprints

That I left in the sand
 

 

 

@Vulnicura - Island

 

  Reveal hidden contents

v1
the sands of time have withered these bones 
roaring waves clawing at land’s edge 
once a proud land, my own fortress 
now an empty isle i call home 
lived as a king with fulsome fortune 
ready to renounce this rusted throne 

pre c
weeping child, do not mourn
death comes for us all
while these thoughts are my own
i ask you, let me go

chorus 
a halo on my head, a wire in my neck
ready to let go, to find my second home
it stalks the halls, it takes my friends
yet here i remain, in slow decay
so i wonder
when will death come to my bed?

v2
the curse of age has robbed me of color
etched its scars into this mortal coil 
and now hidden in the cold morning haze 
missing the embrace of my lover
accepting the end of my glory days
let me sleep, so i may dream of summer

pre c
weeping child, do not mourn
death comes for us all
while these thoughts are my own
i ask you, let me go

chorus 
a halo on my head, a wire in my neck
ready to let go, to find my second home
it stalks the halls, it takes my friends
yet here i remain, in slow decay
so i wonder
when will death come to my bed?

bridge 
are my body and soul my own?
disease has torn me apart
i suffer alone
i know, you mean no harm
but in my heart, all i hear
is singing morphine alarms
o sweet child, do not weep 
listen to my dying wish 
please, kill me in my sleep 

pre c
weeping child, do not mourn
death comes for us all,
while you are by my side,
i beg you, let me die

chorus 
a halo on my head, a wire in my neck
ready to let go, to find my second home
it stalks the halls, it takes my friends
yet here i remain, in slow decay
so i wonder
when will death come to my bed?
 

 

 

@Citrus - To

 

  Reveal hidden contents

"To"

 

Mother

Son

 

 


 

.

VERSE

Some nights I came home at two when the alarm was set for four,

I tried not to wake you when I peeked around your door,

Just to hear you breathing, an excuse to see your face,

Your guiltless sighs convinced me I would get you out of that place,

I’m sorry for what I couldn’t give you, I’m sorry you just had me,

I’m sorry your father didn’t get to, meet the person we knew you’d be,

I’ve made a lot of bad choices baby, but when I look back at my life,

In a sea of awful memories, you’re an island of what I got right

 

 

.

CHORUS

All the pain it cost

All the times you lost

I would bear for you

All the nights you broke

All the times you choked

I would bear for you

Everything I have

Everything I do

I give to you

I give to you

 

 

.

VERSE

Last night I came home at two when the alarm was set for four,

I tried not to wake her when I peeked around her door,

Her hair is new and wispy as it frames her cherub face,

Just like the woman in the picture above the fireplace,

Couldn’t find one of you and dad when your cigarette wasn’t lit,

But I had never seen you smoke because you say I helped you quit,

I’m sorry for what you must go through, I’m sorry I wasn’t a better son,

I’m sorry my daughter won’t get to, meet the woman who taught me to love

 

 

.

CHORUS

All the pain it cost

All the times you lost

I would bear for you

All the nights you broke

All the times you choked

I would bear for you

Everything I have

Everything I do

I give to you

I give to you

 

 

.

BRIDGE

You acted like it’s nothing but it meant so much to me,

To see you walk across that stage for this family’s first degree,

I know where you’re coming from but you don’t understand,

The smile on your face was better than the paper in my hand,

Promise me one last thing, my boy, before I let you go,

Hold her hand, be her perfect man, and make sure that she knows,

 

 

.

OUTRO

All the things she’ll choose,

All the times she’ll lose,

You would bear for her,

All the nights she breaks,

All the tears on her face,

I will bear for her,

Everything I have

Everything I have

Everything I do

Everything I’ve earned

I give to you

I give to her
 

 

 

@Jackson - Stardust

 

  Reveal hidden contents

STARDUST 

Written for the label challenge: Birthright Ent. 

  

verse 

The sunset melts to darkness, gives way to cosmic glows 

I'm wrapped in silver moonlight as headlights guide me home 

Romantics in the sunlight give way to carnal sins 

And rational emotions dissolve as lust sets in 

  

So tiptoe down the hallway, take the third door on your right 

And text me when you get there, it's too late to knock tonight 

You look better than your pictures, you're so handsome in this light 

But you’re not here for small talk and I’m not here to waste your time 

  

chorus 

This moment is a shooting star 

That filters through my hands 

Your body's made of stardust 

Locked in an hourglass 

We're just two passing comets 

On to other rendezvous 

So until the morning breaks us 

I'll make the most of you 

  

verse 

Your body leaves me starstruck, your rhythm takes my breath 

With every empty kiss I hope this moment never ends 

I'll mirror every movement, use our bodies till we're spent 

Maybe if I give my all you'll see me once again 

  

If only these emotions gripped your heart each time we kissed 

In twenty minutes I'll be one more name upon your list 

There's galaxies of others that shine brighter than I do 

So maybe I'm just lucky that your orbit crossed mine too 

  

chorus 

This moment is a shooting star 

That filters through my hands 

Your body's made of stardust 

Locked in an hourglass 

We're just two passing comets 

On to other rendezvous 

So until the morning breaks us 

I'll make the most of you 

  

bridge 

Mourning doves awake me 

But I won't open my eyes 

I reach out for your body 

But there's just sheets on your side 

I’ll spend my whole day waiting 

For words that never come 

You’re just another glimmer 

Lost with the rising sun 

  

chorus 

This moment is a shooting star 

That filters through my hands 

Your body's made of stardust 

Locked in an hourglass 

We're just two passing comets 

On to other rendezvous 

So until the morning breaks us 

I'll make the most of you
 

 

 

If you have any other prior #1s you'd like to include, please post them or PM them to me!

  Reveal hidden contents

 

[A]
From the cold, white cream
You drowned in your dark coffee
To its sweet cloud of steam
Rousing me from a lost dream
 
Like these things, one day
Memories of you will fade
Yes, there will come a day
Where you too will be erased
 
Like the lingering body heat
Between two hands that unfold
Even that gentle warmth’s
Dissipates into the cold
 
Like your sigh hung in the air
On a bitter Christmas Day
Yes, there will come a day
Where you too will be erased
 

[R]
If you catch the taste of tears you’ll think back to our shore
The scent of tangerine perfume will fill an empty room
“I can’t move on” will echo there but with each passing day
You’ll be convinced there comes a day when I’m erased, too
 
[A]
Like the creases in the sheets
Where someone used to sleep
I trace your shape with my pinkie
But you’re far beyond reach
 
Somewhere far beyond ears
Wedding bells ring and decay
Yes, there will come a day
Where you too will be erased
 
Like the light space on a wall
Where a portrait hung before
Or the marks of furniture
Pressed into the carpet floor
 
Like these things, one day
Memories of you will fade
Yes, there will come a day
Where you too will be erased
 

 [R]
If you catch the taste of tears you’ll think back to our shore
The scent of tangerine perfume will fill an empty room
“I can’t move on” will echo there but with each passing day
You’ll be convinced there comes a day when I’m erased, too
 

 

ooh. this is interesting  

 

2 hours ago, Jackson said:

Sure if you send it to me so that everyone can use it

nnnn let me send Let The Water Fall and Tough Love   the shameless self-promo   

Edited August 19, 2017 by UFO

[touya kinomoto]

11 minutes ago, UFO said:

Keep going sis!   This first phase is all about settling in and figuring yourself out as a songwriter. You probably won't get eliminated either since a lot of people don't submit the first round. Try to include some metaphors, similes, vivid imagery but you don't need to overdo it. Think of these techniques as tools to convey your message or a certain feeling/thought/image to your audience. Don't write FOR the judges, write for yourself but also keep in mind how your lyrics will seem like to someone who will read them for the first time.

 

Also, don't feel as though you HAVE to write something complex or whatever. "Basic" is fine and the judges will appreciate it as long as there's some meaning behind your lyrics and it all flows. A true basic song is something lacking in originality, imagery, meaning, emotion and everything else and I'm sure your draft isn't like that. Also, try to avoid basic rhymes like "cat" and "hat" or "side" and "ride" and instead incorporate more slant rhymes like "above" and "touch" or "hurts" and "earth". It'll give off an impression that your lyrics aren't "basic" without coming across as unnatural. Another tip: everything you include in your song should be for some kind of effect or impact. For example, including repetition in your chorus could create a sense or urgency or conviction. Make sure every line in your song counts and is there for a reason!

 

As a new writer, I'd say focus more on the emotion of your song and painting an image inside someone's head right now. At this point of the competition I'd say those things are more important than experimenting or the technical stuff. The more you write, the more comfortable you'll feel experimenting later on and you'll pick up some of the technical stuff along the way (e.g. meter, structure). Good luck!  

Thanks for this sis. I greatly appreciate it. Though I almost choked when you mentioned something about rhymes. I got like lots of them. "Side" and "hide", "meet" and "feet", "nice" and "lies" and a couple more. 

 

Wanna critique what I have so far?

[Bandito]

One critique done so far!

 

[UFO]

7 minutes ago, KatyCatPH said:

Thanks for this sis. I greatly appreciate it. Though I almost choked when you mentioned something about rhymes. I got like lots of them. "Side" and "hide", "meet" and "feet", "nice" and "lies" and a couple more. 

 

Wanna critique what I have so far?

No problem! Nnnnn   I was like that with rhymes when I first got into songwriting. Rhymes aren't really that important, they're just there to make everything flow and for emphasis. You don't even need to make every line rhyme tbh but, as a new writer, rhymes are a good foundation to start with.

 

This is a rhyme scheme I really like using: 

 

A - lies

B - trust

A - inside

B - above

C - away (this line and word is emphasised because it's the only one that doesn't rhyme AND it's at the end)

 

"Nice" and "lies" is a pretty good slant rhyme though! although the judges will probably drag you for the word "nice" since it's basic as hell  I personally wouldn't use "nice" unless you're being ironic

 

and sure!   PM me sis

Edited August 19, 2017 by UFO

[Speezy]

I can't even think  maybe I should start writing then look at a inspiration then rework things  

[Jackson]

It's OK if your song doesn't live up to the song you're being inspired by, most of these are like the highest scoring songs ever  There's no way you can write one of those every week