discussion Dating is way too fast paced today. Your experiences?

[sweetblindness]

I fully agree. I've been single for quite a while and am loving it, though I've dated sporadically and oftentimes experienced very similar situations. I think a lot of people can't handle being single for whatever reason and immediately chase the first person that gives them attention, maybe due to a fear of or discomfort with being alone. But I think a healthy relationship moves at a good pace for both people and neither will feel rushed by the other.
 

I've had people tell me they feel like their time is being wasted if I haven't made up my mind in a couple of weeks, but a couple of weeks isn't enough for me to feel like I know someone well enough to decide whether I want to commit to a long term relationship with them. Obviously there's a difference between taking things slowly and just stringing someone along, but I think the right person will be able to wait or at the very least respect and understand where I'm coming from.

 

I also don't really believe in the idea of "wasted time" when it comes to dating. My time wasn't wasted if I went on a few dates with someone and they decided they weren't interested. We were both able to learn more about what we're looking for in a partner, and hopefully at least enjoy the process of meeting someone new on some level. 

Edited yesterday at 03:16 AM by sweetblindness

[Gesamtkunstwerk]

1 hour ago, sweetblindness said:

I fully agree. I've been single for quite a while and am loving it, though I've dated sporadically and oftentimes experienced very similar situations. I think a lot of people can't handle being single for whatever reason and immediately chase the first person that gives them attention, and maybe a fear of or discomfort with being alone factors into someone wanting to rush into a relationship. But I think a healthy relationship moves at a good pace for both people and neither person will feel rushed by the other.
 

I've had people tell me they feel like their time is being wasted if I haven't made up my mind in a couple of weeks, but a couple of weeks isn't really enough for me to feel like I know someone well enough to decide whether I want to commit to a long term relationship with them. Obviously there's a difference between taking things slowly and just stringing the other person along, but I think the right person will be able to wait or respect where I'm coming from.

 

I also don't really believe in the idea of "wasted time" when it comes to dating. My time wasn't wasted if I went on a few dates and the other person decided they weren't interested. We were both able to learn more about what we're looking for in a partner, and hopefully at least enjoy the process of meeting someone new on some level. 

I'm taking this emotionally mature energy with me

[Alldeezy]

one guy Im sorta talking too said he loved me .. nearly about to tell him im not interested because im sorry how can you be in love with me when you live in a different state and we hung out twice   

 

 

 

i know I got bpd and I do catch feelings stronger than most but its also hard for me to catch feelings since it has to be someone im attracted too and I don't just love someone overnight like most people

[Mordecai]

10 hours ago, John Slayne said:

one thing i will say and i'm not sure this necessarily works but... my friend told me not to have sex on the first date and i thought it was bs but then i tried it and made the guy wait 3 dates and that guy is now my partner so... maybe there is something to that theory lol

The reactions I get when I say this  not only is sex is a VERY intimate thing for me, but I like to prioritise creating an intellectual and emotional connection to see if there is something deeper as opposed to a superficial physical connection with sex (especially when there is so much emphasis put on the latter when it comes to gay men). It very easily weeds out those who have genuine intentions from those who use dating as a means to a hookup

 

OT: I'm relatively new to dating but one issue I keep encountering (that has been discussed on here already) is that people just don't know what they want. If I had a dollar for every time a guy said to me they were after dates and then proceeded to just want to sleep with me I'd have a fortune  and of course the one time I have a genuine connection with somebody he's in the next city over. I hate it here

[Europe]

The pace is not the problem. It is that most people are not in the place emotionally to be able to have a lasting relationship (if they even honestly want that, many just lie about it, even to themselves) and they don't know what to do about it, how to fix it.

[Gesamtkunstwerk]

21 minutes ago, Europe said:

The pace is not the problem. It is that most people are not in the place emotionally to be able to have a lasting relationship (if they even honestly want that, many just lie about it, even to themselves) and they don't know what to do about it, how to fix it.

Yes, this also true, emotional immaturity is probably one of the reasons that makes people rush into relationships, even without knowing what they actually want

[Melancholy]

I had a long conversation with this guy I was seeing because he wanted to "end things" (when we never actually "started" anything) and one of the things we talked about was the pace...at that point we've only known each other for 6 months and he said it feels like I was still not committing or whatever leading him on and stuff and I told him I just wanted to take some time to get to know someone first when we've never even spoken before couple months back and he said he feels the opposite where to him it's better to start dating right off the bat lol maybe i'm moving too slow?