discussion More Rude: Not Replying vs Stating you're not interested

[uusagii]

Neither of them are rude tbh

[ScorpiosGroove]

1 hour ago, Hurem said:

You all sound so pretentious  

 

You don't owe anyone anything, but when did it become so hard to be kind?

how is this pretentious lol just say you're one of those "hey" "hey?" "???" kinda texters and keep it pushing 

[smartalek22]

3 minutes ago, ScorpiosGroove said:

how is this pretentious lol just say you're one of those "hey" "hey?" "???" kinda texters and keep it pushing 

And they always keep pushing you no matter how politely you decline them been there done that more times than taylor released special edition records 

[swiftawaywithme]

Messaged hot twunk on Insta and am still waiting for a response  I think I'd rather him say he's not interested than never answer, but I get why people wouldn't bother wasting their time if they're not interested.

[ScorpiosGroove]

8 minutes ago, smartalek22 said:

And they always keep pushing you no matter how politely you decline them been there done that more times than taylor released special edition records 

fr !! plus 9/10 they'll just curse you out anyway no matter how polite you are, one sent me random scat pics once after declining bc he was like 3x my age  like irdc if i come across as rude to faceless profiles on a hookup app 

[smartalek22]

2 minutes ago, ScorpiosGroove said:

fr !! plus 9/10 they'll just curse you out anyway no matter how polite you are, one sent me random scat pics once after declining bc he was like 3x my age  like irdc if i come across as rude to faceless profiles on a hookup app 

When they think they can somehow "change your mind"

[bad guy]

Depends. If we match on a dating app but you don't respond to me after a few days/a week, I just unmatch because why are you wasting my time  I've been guilty of not responding but only when someone says "Hi" or only likes my picture, or something lazy like that because I don't know how to respond to that. Finding me attractive ≠ interested in me. And I find that once you actually go out with a person like that the convo is always dry and I have to carry it so I don't waste my time. I prefer just meeting people in person instead of dating apps because of this.

 

But if you have my actual phone number and ask me out and I'm not interested, I'll just say that. Otherwise that's rude and awkward especially if you run into each other. 

Edited Saturday at 06:51 PM by bad guy

[Hollywood.]

I prefer saying you're not interested, and would rather be told this than being outright ignored. 
 

 

 

 

 

[MerveAksak]

29 minutes ago, smartalek22 said:

And they always keep pushing you no matter how politely you decline them been there done that more times than taylor released special edition records 

This is so true. Like some people dont understand what "no" means no matter how kindly you say it (and sometimes even when you say it kindly they think that they can push their luck further)

 

[Sawk]

No reply is ruder 

[Dante Silva]

2 hours ago, lillavend3r said:

Leading someone on kinda rude too idk 

Displaying the warmth of my personality towards someone who has approached me in the right way on Grindr (by sending a face pic from a blank profile and then engaging in conversation) - is me making a point of being kind to that person.
 

The gay scene whether it's IRL or online can be a very cold and lonely place sometimes for certain individuals at certain times and when gay men do 'cold' - it can be Siberia!
 

Therefore, when I recognise someone is in the midst of that type of experience, I simply act as a source of temporary warmth to them.

 

When I engage with people who are polite and have actually sent a face pic, then I am happy to engage and provide some warmth to them conversationally (even though it's only in the short term), as a mark of simple human decency.

 

In such conversational dynamics, I can tell the person is feeling down and just want someone to talk to. Sometimes they even say they are down due to immature interactions they have had immediately prior to them coming to me and I simply see my role as bringing their mood back up.

 

However, once I have brought their mood back up and they have gone offline, admittedly I am almost never there when they next open the app back up.

 

Edited Saturday at 07:53 PM by Dante Silva

[John Slayne]

2 minutes ago, Dante Silva said:

Displaying the warmth of my personality towards someone who has approached me in the right way on Grindr (by sending a face pic from a blank profile and then engaging in conversation) - is me making a point of being kind to that person.
 

The gay scene whether it's IRL or online can be a very cold and lonely place sometimes for certain individuals at certain times and when gay men do cold - it can be plain rude.

 

When I engage with people who are polite and have actually sent a face pic, then I am happy to engage and provide some warmth to them conversationally (even though it's only in the short term), as a mark of simple human decency.

 

In such conversational dynamics, I can tell the person is feeling down and just want someone to talk to. Sometimes they even say they are down due to immature interactions they have had immediately prior to them coming to me and I simply see my role as bringing their mood back up.

 

However, once I have brought them back up and they have gone offline, admittedly I am almost never there when they next open the app back up.

sis not you running therapy sessions on grindr of all places, i kinda respect it even though i would never waste my time in that way 

[Dante Silva]

3 minutes ago, John Slayne said:

sis not you running therapy sessions on grindr of all places, i kinda respect it even though i would never waste my time in that way 

I have done that remotely from the comfort of my sofa with Mitski (or whoever) playing in the background, drinking a nice cup of cocoa NGL.

[St. Charles]

Saying you're not interested and being straightforward is the best route to take. I'd rather handle the consequences of that than be cowardly and block.

[AMIT]

I mean if you're messaging me with the clear intent being sex then don't act surprised when I respond rudely, including blocking/ghosting. I don't care if it's on Grindr or anywhere else. I don't give a **** how horny you are. Period.

 

Now I like to let people down by specifically telling them so, and I at least try to do that often. However sometimes when I'm on those apps I just want to get it over it and block you if I have zero intention of ever having anything with you. Some people will come back and keep trying over and over pretending they don't know you've let them down (and at times more than once) and it's very annoying so I just block those on the spot without a second thought. 

 

With that said I know it's rude to block people in most cases, so I avoid doing that. I like when someone is honest and tells me it's not gonna happen, not just because they're being nice, but more so because turning someone down actually shows conviction. Some rotten individuals (usually narcissists) like to keep you hanging so they'll never actually cut things off, even if it's something extremely casual/brand new and I will continue to wish the absolute worst for those putrid souls. 

[305]

This isn't even like trying to brag but I'm not replying to that many people that I'm not interested 

[Dolce Vita]

not saying anything IS a response. whenever i've said i'm not interested to people, they almost always get mad or passive aggressive towards me 

[superglowy]

No response. Give the person the closure of knowing that bridge is closed and the reason.

[Maneater]

A guy on grindr messaged me to say I wasn't his type which is completely fair, but then we matched on tinder 

 

[Goaty]

I am not wasting my time by going through every message I get on Grindr and replying "not interested"  

[Sir Galahad]

Some members get a lot of messages and don't have the time to respond to people they aren't interested in - there's only so much time in the day.

 

At the end of the day, you don't owe these people your time, especially those you don't know.

[Delirious]

The people here who think replying is the way to go have definitely not experienced some people going mad crazy after it.

 

Chile and the amount of messages you have to reply to + have a 30% chance of getting an insult is ridiculous + person you're replying to might feel bad + you might feel bad yourself

 

Unless someone is extremely nice, no reply is the way to go.

[rhaenyra]

Not replying

 

At least when you say you're not interested, you let them know up front. But I've encountered plenty who've taken full offense to that, as if you killed their pet or smth

[Bubble Tea]

There is absolutely nothing rude about saying you're not interested. That's just a fact

[Dual Lips]

On 1/4/2025 at 5:17 PM, Hurem said:

Not replying or blocking is the worst. To me, it implies that you think the person on the other end is not worthy of a response.

 

Say that you're not interested. If they start spamming you with messages, block them. It's really not that complicated.

This is the correct answer.

 

Saying you're not interested with a reason (e.g., I like masc, I don't like chubby, I like older etc.) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Just saying you're not interested >>> Blocking >>>>>>>>>>>> Not replying