discussion More Rude: Not Replying vs Stating you're not interested

[Illuminati]

Neither honestly. I guess when you leave them on read you give them a false sense that maybe you'll reply eventually but as long as you're not hostile it's not rude

[UseYourIllusion2002]

44 minutes ago, Donquizote said:

Not replying is more rude, but stating you're not interested can lead to unintended consequences like people curse at you.

That's why if I am not interested with someone who messages me, I will straight away block them.

All of this. 

I'd also add that if you seemed like you were interested, went on a date already, or even hooked up, you should send a text stating you're not interested. If the conversation between two people seems to mutually fizzle, that's even better because you don't have to let the person know. But if you only texted and it was really brief or just small talk, then you don't really owe them anything. 

[iiswhoiis_max]

I'd rather say nothing because once I say I am not interested I get bad comments about how they were never interested in the first place etc 

If someone doesn't reply despite being online I get the hint and move on. 

[alexrex]

It can often be perceived as rude or hurtful, but telling someone that you are not interested is being honest. It gives a closure to whatever thoughts or intentions that exist from any of the parts involved. 

 

Ghosting is rude, but it also means "I'm not interested" or "I'm not available". (or I'm not horny anymore )

 

Grindr truly is a school of these things. 

[Lady Claire]

Not replying is far more rude. We're adults, we can say we're not interested in a nice/polite way. If the other person can't deal with it, then it's their problem.

 

However, this only applies on dating apps, since we are on it looking for something... on social media you don't have to reply to anyone if you don't feel like it and you're not rude for that. You're not looking for anything on Instagram, it's not a dating app.

[Hurem]

45 minutes ago, bjorn said:

You don't owe strangers online anything.

 

38 minutes ago, MerveAksak said:

I hate when it happens. like I dont owe you anything 

 

17 minutes ago, ScorpiosGroove said:

i'm sorry but a lot of them are not worthy of a response, they're random (and often times weird/creepy) people, i don't owe them anything  

You all sound so pretentious  

 

You don't owe anyone anything, but when did it become so hard to be kind?

[lillavend3r]

33 minutes ago, Dante Silva said:

Chatting despite having no interest

Leading someone on kinda rude too idk 

[MerveAksak]

2 minutes ago, Hurem said:

 

 

You all sound so pretentious  

 

You don't owe anyone anything, but when did it become so hard to be kind?

I'm pretentious for not being wanna be cursed at? 
this is my my experience %70 of the time I got a negative reply after I told them I'm not interested in a kind way. Either I was called not good enough anyway, or just straight out cursed at

[HeavyMetalAura]

I don't think either are rude, as long as when you say you aren't interested you do it politely. 
 

That being said, I prefer when someone just doesn't respond (and I respect it by not messaging again). Then I can at least delude myself into thinking maybe it just wasn't seen or he didn't have time to reply

[BGKC]

I just never replied when I wasn't  interested. I don't think I owe a stranger (especially a horny MAN) an explanation as to why I'm not physically attracted to them. No response is a response and I'd eventually block them if they don't catch the hint. What's rude is when someone starts insulting you for not replying. Makes you feel as tho you dodged a bullet, literally. People are killed by responding and meeting up with some of these psychos. Plus the people who insult you for not responding will most likely still insult you for expressing that you're uninterested. So.. 
 

Now it's different when you match with someone and there's no response after you reach out bc what? 

 

 

Edited Saturday at 05:24 PM by BGKC

[no_better]

Not replying is more rude. You gotta respect honesty, transparency, and openness even if you don't like the response. It's respectful of the person on the other end

[LewisK]

Just now, Donquizote said:

Not replying is more rude, but stating you're not interested can lead to unintended consequences like people curse at you.

That's why if I am not interested with someone who messages me, I will straight away block them.

This. People get so offended and vocal about not replying, but I've come across way more people that have insulted me or similar than people that say "ok".

 

Blocking feels a little violent for me, but that's just my perception.

[UnusualBoy]

Not replying, that says a lot about your manners.

 

As people have said, you can say I'm not interested and move on, if the person starts bugging, block them and end of it.

[LewisK]

Just now, Hurem said:

Not replying or blocking is the worst. To me, it implies that you think the person on the other end is not worthy of a response.

 

Say that you're not interested. If they start spamming you with messages, block them. It's really not that complicated.

I think that's a dramatic reading, but a lot of people think like that.

 

Sometimes is not that easy. For exampe, if someone introduces to me with a proper text message, being nice and all of that, and I'm not interested, I tend to reply with kindness as well. But most of the introductions are just "Hi" and it seems rude to me to reply straight away with "I'm not interested, have a nice day!" or whatever. Because in fact, I've got a lot of replies like "Oh, I just said "hi" and you assumed a lot of things, you narcisist!" or whatever.

 

Really exhausting.

Edited Saturday at 05:34 PM by LewisK

[Rith]

they all boil down to the same conclusion, why do you care about how they inform you about this? 

[DarkGa]

Not when saying no to the wrong person can lead to being stalked and harassed.

Edited Saturday at 05:58 PM by DarkGa

[Arrows]

Depends. If you've been texting for some time? Politely reply that you're not interested. If you've exchanged 3 messages? Then an explanation isn't really needed.

[dumbsparce]

How is saying "I'm not interested" rude in any way? It's hurtful, sure, but it's also honest and time saving. It's up to the receiver how to handle rejection.

[PrettyHurts]

neither. you dont owe strangers anything 

[Joesuxx]

Usually a no reply is fine. Very often I'll use a no reply as an indication of lack of interest and sometimes that hint isn't recognised by the other party. If they send multiple messages or keep telling me they're interested then I'll tell them it's not going anywhere to spare them embarrassing themselves further. It's not a negative thing, it doesn't mean you're unattractive, it just means you're not for me. People can't handle that and see it as rejection and I find that concerning - if you tried it on with a stranger in a bar and they said no, would you then stand there and call them rude etc? People don't owe you mutual attraction. 

[toast]

Technically not replying is more rude, but people need to understand that no one is owed a response + if people want to respond, they will. In a sense not replying is a clearer indication if disinterest, since sometimes people see the reply as a greenlight to ask follow-up questions . I typically don't get upset when people don't respond to me because in my mind it's the same thing as saying they're not interested.

 

Believing that you're entitled to a response when the other person's done nothing to indicate that they're interested is also a problem.

Edited Saturday at 06:15 PM by toast

[PerfectCure]

1 hour ago, Hurem said:

 

 

You all sound so pretentious  

 

You don't owe anyone anything, but when did it become so hard to be kind?

It sounds borderline sociopathic. No one said to engage with everyone texting you but to think so highly of oneself is not healthy either. 

[bjorn]

1 hour ago, Hurem said:

 

 

You all sound so pretentious  

 

You don't owe anyone anything, but when did it become so hard to be kind?

Sending out a Hi to 100 people and expecting everyone to reply back is crazy and entitled. It's only unkind to block people without a real reason imo. It's not unkind to not reply. Not reply is also an answer. 

[Raphy23]

Not replying. 

[smartalek22]

57 minutes ago, Hurem said:

 

 

You all sound so pretentious  

 

You don't owe anyone anything, but when did it become so hard to be kind?

If it's on something like Grindr then you literally won't have time or the effort to do it to everybody who messages you. And even using the word message is being nice, a lot of "activity" on Grindr is borderline spam. Extremely low effort "hi" spammed a billion times from blank profiles, profiles that are a blurry picture of some landscape with no information, users that are ridiculously out of your age range, and many more weird things going on. On platforms where you can freely message without already matching first this is inevitable. They do not deserve my time to even acknowledge their "message", plus what are you even supposed to say to a blank profile? Ask? No, you're supposed to send one with your first message if your profile doesn't have one. 

 

That's not even going into how many activity on Grindr are spambots sending fishing links. 

 

Ain't nobody got time for that.