discussion More Rude: Not Replying vs Stating you're not interested

[Trent W]

This is a recurring issue in dating apps or ig, but when someone messages you and you are not interested do you think its more rude to say you are not interested or just not replying ever?

 

This happens more with men, but some keep pushing it even if you have never replied.

 

Sometimes I think stating you are not interested is like pouring gas to a fire.

 

 

[Donquizote]

Not replying is more rude, but stating you're not interested can lead to unintended consequences like people curse at you.

That's why if I am not interested with someone who messages me, I will straight away block them.

[Loca]

1 minute ago, Donquizote said:

Not replying is more rude, but stating you're not interested can lead to unintended consequences like people curse at you.

That's why if I am not interested with someone who messages me, I will straight away block them.

All of this. Blocking is the correct option. 

[Hurem]

Not replying or blocking is the worst. To me, it implies that you think the person on the other end is not worthy of a response.

 

Say that you're not interested. If they start spamming you with messages, block them. It's really not that complicated.

[bjorn]

You don't owe strangers online anything. If you've been dating for a while the only correct answer would be stating you're not interested any longer. 
If first time chatting then honestly no reply or block or saying not interested should be fine. 

[PerfectCure]

Stating you're not interested is actually a polite way to end a conversation on both ends. Not replying is not rude but sends the message in a sharper manner.

 

Blocking the individual DMing you if they just sent one message is straight up the worst option mentioned in this thread, why are we pretending it's the correct way to handle this situation? 

[Bussea]

Not replying. It's basically saying they're not worth a response and their feelings are insignificant. Atleast if you tell me you're not interested, you're respecting me enough to be direct with me

[John Slayne]

it might be controversial but in my opinion no response is a response. why should i waste my time typing up a message to someone i don't want and why should i be wasting their time by making them read the message? especially on hookup apps like grindr, if someone doesn't respond to your hello just keep it moving. i never understood why some people are desperate to hear someone else say they're not interested, like... there's plenty of fish in the sea, go message someone else. 

 

edit: this is especially true for blank profiles that demand a response... like literally who are you and why should i talk to you? 

Edited Saturday at 04:24 PM by John Slayne

[toy soldier.]

In an ideal world saying you're not interested, but people get crazy on Grindr 

Sometimes I wanna have a normal chat so I reply and then they make everything sexual even when I clearly don't engage, so now I just don't reply if I'm not into them sexually. I don't see how it's a big deal tbh  

[MerveAksak]

14 minutes ago, Donquizote said:

stating you're not interested can lead to unintended consequences like people curse at you.

This. I hate when it happens. like I dont owe you anything 

so I never respond in the first place because of the possibility of this happening tbh, I dont care if I seem mean

Edited Saturday at 04:25 PM by MerveAksak

[AxelFox]

I mean sure, stating you're not interested is more courteous.

 

But being on the other end of it, it stung more being told I'm not their type than those who just ignore and never reply. So that's what I do as well. As someone said above, no response is also a response. 

[Dear Reader]

Not replying is the rudest, for me. If I'm not interested, I'll just say it. If things go south, I'll just block them.

[IMadeYouReadThis]

If you haven't met, not replying is fine. It might sting if you've given someone the wrong impression at first but they'll get over it.

 

If you've met a couple of times, ideally tell them you're not interested but you don't owe anyone an explanation. You can still kind of get away with ghosting as well. 

 

If you've met more than a few times, it is indeed rude to cold turkey stop talking to someone. The least you can do is say I'm sorry I'm not feeling it, but if there's a glaring reason, telling them can be the right thing even if it's not the right thing.

[livelikemusic]

Not replying/ignoring is worse, especially when your profile states "I respond to everyone!" Lying-ass *******.

 

But when telling someone you're not interested, it could be done with a bit more... consideration, too.

[Cottonmouth]

Neither. People need to get over it when on the apps. The worst is when they can't take no for an answer or expect a reply when they are a blank profile or have dissapearing pictures. 

[Devin]

ghostin/not replying is rude imo.

 

1. u lead someone on to believe something that is not.

2. ur a coward for not being honest with them.

3. u leave a bad impression on yourself

4. lack of communication is a red flag

[Dante Silva]

It depends how I feel, I use several methods.

 

Ignoring someone: Completely justifiable if they have contacted you from a blank profile and don't send a face pic in chat.

 

Blocking someone: For the above reason - only they keep trying to engage you in chat and say things like "I will send my face pic once we've arranged to meet".
 

I find this ridiculous as viewing someone's face pic is essential to helping you decide whether or not you are in to them enough to even want to meet them in the first place.

 

Also, there is a type of guy on Grindr who only ever does temporary/ throw away profiles lasting for a day.
 

This type of guy will contact you and try his luck each time he makes a temporary profile (some every weekend). He will act oblivious to the previous occasions he contacted you when he received an instant block.

 

Chatting despite having no interest: Sometimes someone will send a Facepic privately, be polite to you and want to chat. Because the person conducts themselves well, I chat to them (even though I don't fancy them) but I am prepared to pretend that I do.

 

If they have a problem or something on their mind, I will try to help them the best I can but the moment their profile states they have been offline for an hour, I will passively block them.

 

I haven't encountered anyone else who does this.

 

Edited Saturday at 04:38 PM by Dante Silva

[glitch]

This is kinda why I hate apps like Grindr where people can message you without matching first. In situations like that I think it's perfectly acceptable to not reply, since you've given zero indication that you're interested in that person. 

 

Equally if you're just chatting on an app and haven't met yet, sometimes the conversation dries up or the other person has zero chat and then I'll just stop replying.

 

If you've actually been on a date or have been talking for a while then I think you owe someone a bit of an explanation or at least to say you're no longer interested.

[Material Girl]

no response is a response 

[ScorpiosGroove]

24 minutes ago, Hurem said:

Not replying or blocking is the worst. To me, it implies that you think the person on the other end is not worthy of a response.

 

Say that you're not interested. If they start spamming you with messages, block them. It's really not that complicated.

i'm sorry but a lot of them are not worthy of a response, they're random (and often times weird/creepy) people, i don't owe them anything  

[Babydoll.]

neither are rude at all IMO. but i think kindly saying youre not interested in someone is at least polite lol.

[LostInStereo100]

It depends. 
 

Dating apps for example, you literally don't owe strangers anything! Blocking or not responding is what I do on there. 
 

if you've already connected, like exchanged numbers or social media, and you are no longer interested, you damn better communicate your feelings that you are not interested. 

[Peroxide]

It depends really…

 

Ignoring someone (or even blocking someone) is justified if the person is being WAY too intense or borderline hostile.

 

I think after you meet someone… and if there's no chemistry, the right thing to do is to message and just say something like "Hey, thanks for the coffee, was nice meeting you, although I'm not sure if we're romantically compatible. Etc"

 

Ghosting/ignoring someone after a few meets is incredibly rude.

[Philo]

I think both are fine. Straight up saying you are not interested is probably the best, as it clears the air quickly. I don't see the problem with not replying either, as long as it's only a few texts in and there was not much of an engagement in the chat in the first place. Ofc, ghosting after arranging a date or even later, is rude, if it's one-sided.

 

I actually think blocking is the worst. For me it conveys a message that "you are so f-ing ugly that I don't even wanna look at your (blank) profile." This might be an internal conflict for me, and I understand that I'm not everyone's type and the most attractive person on the planet, but I just don't understand why they won't just stop responding or say that they are not interested.

 

Personally I only use blocking if a chat gets way too uncomfortable. I would not block just for sharing a face / body pic.

Edited Saturday at 04:53 PM by Philo

[prézli]

8 minutes ago, Babydoll. said:

but i think kindly saying youre not interested in someone is at least polite lol.

This.