discussion How to be friends with people who plan to emigrate?

[Starfish]

I have 2 friends. With both of them we have been friends for about 4 years. They both  want to emigrate and leave the country in about 1 year which will probably cause our friendship to fade away and slowly die since we won't be able to meet and text only communication becomes mundane over time and they will have a whole new life to start.

 

It makes me weary of putting much more effort into our relationship when they are just thinking about leaving anyway. Like the relationship is headed for death anyway so why bother? They are both planning to go to far away countries which are expensive to fly to so visits are not an option.

 

How would you handle these sorts of situation? Just discard them even before they leave? Or should I ignore the future and live for the present? I feel so confused and unsure about how to proceed. 

[DAP]

Increase your flexibility so you'll be able to fit into a suitcase. 

[Bubble Tea]

It's very normal in New Zealand. Because we're such an isolated pair of islands, people always want to move overseas and usually do for a few years before realising eek the rest of the world is hot and overcrowded and they come back to start families etc.

 

If I were you I wouldn't be bitter that they're leaving, it's normal for people to come and go in love, if you foster the relationships you care about, even if they're long distance, you never know when they might come back.

 

If you truly care about them, you should remain friends. It's also a part of getting older, partners and jobs draw people away. You end up having to constantly make new friends and meet new people - it's life baby 

[sugarysunflower]

Never try to lose permanent contact of your great friends. If you were truly friends you would both make contact to keep in touch, even if sparingly, in the future. 
 

Plus you never know what doors it could lead to later in life. You now have a global network. 

[Illuminati]

You're not dating them to have to plan your retirement with them. Enjoy the time you have together and be happy for them, most of your friends are gonna be temporary because they're autonomous beings who have their own lives and ambitions.

 

I grew apart with many of my friends but found that some people, quite a lot actually, are willing to reconnect no matter how much time has passed and it feels just like the last time you've been with them. Except you have hours of stories to catch up with

[Starfish]

1 hour ago, DAP said:

Increase your flexibility so you'll be able to fit into a suitcase. 

They both go to countries I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole

 

1 hour ago, Bubble Tea said:

If you truly care about them, you should remain friends. It's also a part of getting older, partners and jobs draw people away. You end up having to constantly make new friends and meet new people - it's life baby 

That's just the thing though at this point I could spend the time I spend with them on something else like making new friends. I see where you are coming from though. 

 

57 minutes ago, sugarysunflower said:

Never try to lose permanent contact of your great friends. If you were truly friends you would both make contact to keep in touch, even if sparingly, in the future. 

You are right of course. I have a friend who moved away 9 years ago. We still write and check in from time to time but it's so surface level and not because of me. I try to communicate well and give a lot to work with but then when I ask him about how he is doing he just gives generic vague answers. 

[Vermouth]

In the world of the internet it's easier than ever to keep in touch.

 

Chill.

[Mrnoniee]

you do know you can always be friend without expecting something in return?
why can't you try to have a good time while they're here?

[Vixen Eyes]

Ive been talking to someone that lives in Brazil since 2018. I think y'all can manage. 

Sure there's times where they won't respond and vice versa. It happens but doesn't mean you've lost interest.

[Cheers]

People come and go. Continue to have a great time with them, the great memories will be worth it.

[Starfish]

24 minutes ago, Mrnoniee said:

why can't you try to have a good time while they're here?

I try so hard to do that. It just doesn't come naturally. 

[getBusy]

I haven't lived in my home country for over 10 years. After all this time, my best friends are STILL my best friends. 
 

Friendships are hard work, but if both parts are in it, it's so worth it. I think right now the question you need to ask yourself is if you want to put in the work. 

[superben]

You might have a free place to stay and a local guide next time you visit that country, so

[Prodigal Self]

8 hours ago, Starfish said:

I try so hard to do that. It just doesn't come naturally. 

Then cut them off if you can 🤷‍♂️ If it's not enjoyable anymore and you're actually able to then cut them off 🤷‍♂️

[Cain]

12 hours ago, Starfish said:

Like the relationship is headed for death anyway so why bother?

Why would you think like this? You're not friends with someone as an investment