Thoughts on long distance relationships?

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly five months and he is absolutely perfect and amazing in every way, but the only downside is that we're currently long distance (he lives in Oklahoma and I live in Philadelphia). However, regardless of there being 1,279 miles between us, I still feel like we've been able to make the relationship work which I'm really fortunate about considering a lot of people have pessimistic mindsets when it comes to the concept of long distance relationships (despite there being a 60% success rate). I've already seen him three times since we started dating (he spent ten days with me recently and finally met my family!) and he's going to be spending over a month here starting on the 19th which I'm really hyped about. It does get hard sleeping alone and not having him in my presence, but the amount of fun we have when we're reunited makes the difficult wait very worth it.

 

Our end goal is to close the gap in the fall next year because he's going to try to transfer to a university in my city for his sophomore year of college, but if he isn't able to move to my city I'm going to try my hardest to move with Oklahoma with him considering I got good job security and my parents are more than willing to assist me with moving. 

 

Edited 12 hours ago by YourFavoriteWeapon

[makeme]

Kind of young to be moving to another state for a boyfriend but live your best life 

Spoiler

Hope you are college aged like your bf is 

 

Edited 11 hours ago by makeme

[Suilen]

I believe that they can work out, but they require a great deal of maturity, patience and trust in your partner, so it's not for everyone.

[bielneira]

Too hard to manage.

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

20 minutes ago, makeme said:

Kind of young to be moving to another state for a boyfriend but live your best life 

  Hide contents

Hope you are college aged like your bf is 

 

19 and 24 but we're both happy and the age gap isn't a concern for either of us 

 

[Slap]

I would avoid them. It's easy to think love conquers all but the added complications it provides can be a lot to manage. I think unless you have a clear plan to be together (with a mutually agreed upon timeline and plan) then it's probably not a good idea. But it sounds like you have that so I wish you the best 

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

5 minutes ago, Slap said:

I would avoid them. It's easy to think love conquers all but the added complications it provides can be a lot to manage. I think unless you have a clear plan to be together (with a mutually agreed upon timeline and plan) then it's probably not a good idea. But it sounds like you have that so I wish you the best 

We both definitely have that and consider communication to be our strong suit. I initially had an aversion to the idea of long distance (especially over a thousand miles) but the love we have for each other makes it all worth it

Edited 11 hours ago by YourFavoriteWeapon

[Brooklyn Baby]

It is difficult but doable if you're both on the same wavelength. I've been in one for three years.

 

It's not easy for gays to find love so I hope this works out for you. 

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

7 minutes ago, Brooklyn Baby said:

It is difficult but doable if you're both on the same wavelength. I've been in one for three years.

 

It's not easy for gays to find love so I hope this works out for you. 

Thank you for the well wishes and I hope you and your partner close the gap soon  How far is he from you may I ask?

[Robyn.]

I believe it works only if you guys have projects to move together and close the gap.

 

I find it more easy to bear with it if you know it's temporary.

I'd have a hard time not knowing how long the distance will last, so it's great you guys have something to look forward to.

[Aramis]

5 hours ago, Suilen said:

I believe that they can work out, but they require a great deal of maturity, patience and trust in your partner, so it's not for everyone.

This.

[Cheers]

Nah not gonna work. But you're young (assuming you're the 19 year old) and will eventually learn. 

[John Slayne]

imo it can only work if it's long-distance for a specific amount of time and you have a mutual understanding that you want to live together eventually. 

 

i wouldn't pay attention to success rate statistics as they are very flawed. most people don't have long-distance relationships for a reason. also not to be a debbie downer but he's 19 and you're probably his first bf, it is statistically very unlikely that will be together forever. that said, i do wish you the best but just make sure that whatever you (both of you) are doing you are not jeopardizing your careers and education for each other

[Schami66]

My boyfriend and I lived in a long distance relationship for 1,5 years. We met in my home country and I recently moved to his country. It was a trip but it was really worth it.

 

What really helped me was to know when the long distance will be over. We dated for six months (saw each other like twice a month for a few days). 

 

I NEVER wanted to be in a long distance relationship but it wasn't bad, to be honest. Being with him is much better but having this short time with him made us use and appreciate the shared time a lot more, I think.

 

Good luck to both of you!

[JoeAg]

no, i'm sorry, i have trauma around a partner moving across the country for me. I really do not recommend it. my ex boyfriend and I started dating when I was 18 and about to graduate high school and he was 22 and only after a few months he decided he wanted to follow me out to Colorado to live near me while I was in college. so for new years 2016 he came out to Boulder to live right near me. it went horribly. he hated living here and it caused such a HUGE strain on our previously amazing relationship. we broke up in february 2017 and it was a MESS. proceed with caution for sure, it's a very complex thing to navigate imo 

[JoeAg]

good luck to you guys though! long distance isn't the end of the world, in fact it can make you grow stronger if you know how to navigate stuff well

 

I think the biggest problem with my ex bf and I was the age difference. I was in the prime of my life, fresh and still a teenager and so ready to explore and so high energy, but he was already growing lazier and lazier.  it was SO bad omfg. I wrote a whole breakup album about him in 2017 lol

 

we were just in such different stages. this is why that now as an almost 28 year old I refuse to date anyone younger than 25. they just are notttt on my level yet lmao

[getBusy]

As long as you have a plan to get together (and it seems like you do), it's worth trying. 

[makeme]

7 hours ago, YourFavoriteWeapon said:

19 and 24 but we're both happy and the age gap isn't a concern for either of us 

 

Well make sure he can afford out of state tuition. 
But imo it's a no for me. Neither of your frontal lobes are even fully developed you should not be moving across the country 

[JustHoran]

Not worth it. I'm the one sliding in these long distance boyfriend's DMs and the other person has no idea  So many of them literally talk about breaking up with there partners and are not as loyal as you think. Good luck!

[Joesuxx]

Don't ask for people's input on this. If you feel it's worked well for you both then let it sustain. Long Distance and people's ability to make it a success depend on a whole heap of nuances, such as trust, commitment, realistically if you both want it to be king term etc. nobody knows the two of you better than yourselves. However you're only young, if you wanna move and give it a go then do it. It's a big step and if it doesn't work out at least you had the courage to take it, experience living away from home etc. you'll make good memories and have some adventures. My grandma says "if it doesn't feel right then you know what the right thing to do is", and the advice has done me alright tbf. 

[shyboi]

as long as that direct transfer is arriving monthly everything should be fine 

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

5 hours ago, Cheers said:

Nah not gonna work. But you're young (assuming you're the 19 year old) and will eventually learn. 

I'm the 24 year old 

 

5 hours ago, John Slayne said:

that said, i do wish you the best but just make sure that whatever you (both of you) are doing you are not jeopardizing your careers and education for each other

 

5 hours ago, Schami66 said:

Good luck to both of you!

 

3 hours ago, JoeAg said:

good luck to you guys though! long distance isn't the end of the world, in fact it can make you grow stronger if you know how to navigate stuff well

Thank you guys

 

2 hours ago, makeme said:

Well make sure he can afford out of state tuition. 
But imo it's a no for me. Neither of your frontal lobes are even fully developed you should not be moving across the country 

He's going to try to get a good scholarship to the school (which is very likely given that all the other schools he applied to gave him one). Fingers crossed! 

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

2 hours ago, JustHoran said:

Not worth it. I'm the one sliding in these long distance boyfriend's DMs and the other person has no idea  So many of them literally talk about breaking up with there partners and are not as loyal as you think. Good luck!