16 Years On ATRL: Letting Go Of My Past Self

[MusicLoverDude]

Today marks 16 years since I joined ATRL. I've celebrated this anniversary quite a bit over the years. I've always felt comfortable here talking about music and just enjoying it, even if my opinions over the years were also controversial because I was the definition of an immature teen when I joined. I was also a socially awkward one because of my autism and my blogs back in the day definitely are a testament to that because I always asked the most random questions in there (such as a couple about wet dreams I had) or being all celebratory because Miley Cyrus beat Britney Spears in a Survivor. But i loved playing games in the games section and being in the Your Top Ten, Base and Charts sections.

 

Over the years though, I have also realized that my actions and choices have led me down a path on here that I don't want to continue at this point in my life. Being 14 when I first joined and watching everyone try their hardest to shade each other and their faves, I tried to emulate that way too much over the years - combined with the fact that I am VERY overdramatic, VERY intense when I speak and VERY messy. Evidentally I wanted to be a shady mess so that people could laugh and get some joy, much like how everyone on here wants to be like that for the kiiis. With me, it always ended up backfiring and it just didn't work. 

 

I was also bullied a lot over the years. Not AS much here, but it definitely happened from time to time. I'm chubby, I'm autistic and I can be socially awkward. So those three things alone just made me a natural target. I was cyberbullied a lot more on other sites which contributed to a lot of my insecurities and low self-esteem that has taken me years to work through the trauma it created. And one thing that I've realized this year is that I became exactly the type of person that bullied me all those  years ago as a teen. I was the one dishing out personal insults. I was the one dishing out personal attacks. I was the one instigating things. While there were still times when people picked on me over things, I still acted horribly with members on here in the past and over the past year. And I do not want to go down that path anymore. I'm about to turn 31 in a couple months and I want to continue using this site and enjoying it, but I also need to make the change I need to in order to not go down that dark path anymore - holding myself accountable is the first step. 

 

I can't change anything I said or did in the past, but I can change how I am on here going forward. I'm still happy to have a place like this to go to after all this time, and I hope everyone on here has a great Thanksgiving and holiday.

[Contessa]

You may or may not remember our unpleasant interaction a few months ago. Truth is, being on an online forum we can get in our heads sometimes interpreting texts in the way we perceive them, which can lead to unnecessary friction. And of course, sometimes we inadvertently use this site to blow off some steam at the expense of others.

I apologize for my unnecessary rudeness to you. And like you, I have also wanted to change how I interact with folks online, and understandably have my weaker moments from time to time. So I applaud you for the change you are making. it may be a long journey, but it is worth it. 

[SoldierofLove]

 

This is giving

 

 

and I'm here for it 

 

Happy sweet sixteen 

[LadyDiana]

Oh wow, you were here when Hard Candy and E=Mc2 were released, you saw Gaga raise to fame, fail, her second comming and fail again... you really wittnesed some stan history!

[MusicLoverDude]

2 minutes ago, LadyDiana said:

Oh wow, you were here when Hard Candy and E=Mc2 were released, you saw Gaga raise to fame, fail, her second comming and fail again... you really wittnesed some stan history!

Yep. ARTPOP first week sales and everyone laughing at the Monsters is honestly an S tier ATRL moment that I'll never forget. 

 

56 minutes ago, Contessa said:

You may or may not remember our unpleasant interaction a few months ago. Truth is, being on an online forum we can get in our heads sometimes interpreting texts in the way we perceive them, which can lead to unnecessary friction. And of course, sometimes we inadvertently use this site to blow off some steam at the expense of others.

I apologize for my unnecessary rudeness to you. And like you, I have also wanted to change how I interact with folks online, and understandably have my weaker moments from time to time. So I applaud you for the change you are making. it may be a long journey, but it is worth it. 

It's ok. It's water under the bridge. It won't be easy because I'll still be provoked by certain people and I'm not going to give in. 

[ChooseyLover]

I saw you on some rate threads and you were serving taste, hunny. We're here for your redemption arc!

[Katamari]

Always duplicated but never replicated or however that phrase goes 

 

legend

[Alldeezy]

We you love MLD  you actually are and always will be a big part of this site, I get the feeling bullied part especially being autistic because I struggle with that daily too, even on here I feel left out because of it while being here for 17 years.  I guess because all the members we did grow up with most of them ain't on this site anymore   but i'm happy you were one of the OG 2000s members that stuck around along side a few others.  screw the negative members here tbh. 

 

 

[JoeAg]

I've loved every interaction I've had with you, that's all I gotta say! 

[Hollywood.]

I'm sure we may have interacted here and there over the years, but ATRL was wild back in the early 2010s. (I'd like to perma delete a lot of the stuff I posted in that Dirty Talk thread back then). Kinda crazy coming back here after a few years and seeing people I bantered with a decade ago, all grown up. 

 

At the end of the day, as long as your enjoying yourself is all that matters.