discussion Have you ever dealt with rape/SA?

[Princess Aurora]

Wow. I'm so sorry :( I never experienced anything like this before but I think that it must be traumatic.

[dumbsparce]

I've been grabbed and forcibly kissed in the mouth (with tongue, yikes) by multiple lesbians in the clubs over the years. Obviously this is not comparable to actual cases of sexual assault but it definitely made me feel uncomfortable.

Edited September 14 by dumbsparce

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

4 minutes ago, Saintlor said:

This is horrible to see that practically every response has said they have gone through it

It's very prevalent in the gay male community unfortunately and it really saddens me. I hope everyone here has gotten proper treatment. 

[Zeferino]

I'm glad you're doing better now (:

 

and yes, harassed at 12, then something that became non consensual at 17, and after that been basically harassed twice in plain daylight; kinda saddening that this is so common, but we make it through 

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

1 minute ago, Zeferino said:

I'm glad you're doing better now (:

 

and yes, harassed at 12, then something that became non consensual at 17, and after that been basically harassed twice in plain daylight; kinda saddening that this is so common, but we make it through 

Thank you and I'm sorry to hear what you've gone through  I promise you that your resilience can get you through anything 

[itshyolee]

This thread is so heartbreaking. I personally have not experienced any rape/SA but I have friends who have and it's so sad to see how common it is within the gay community.

 

I can't imagine how traumatic it must be to not only go through it once, but to have it happen multiple times. You're truly a warrior sis and I commend you for being so strong

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

7 minutes ago, itshyolee said:

This thread is so heartbreaking. I personally have not experienced any rape/SA but I have friends who have and it's so sad to see how common it is within the gay community.

 

I can't imagine how traumatic it must be to not only go through it once, but to have it happen multiple times. You're truly a warrior sis and I commend you for being so strong

Thank you so much sis  Everyone here is strong and a: 

 

 

 

[GloryDays]

You're so brave for sharing, sending you love and healing energy your way! 

 

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

2 minutes ago, GloryDays said:

You're so brave for sharing, sending you love and healing energy your way! 

 

Thank you for the sweet words, I really appreciate the love

[Vixen Eyes]

thankfully, ive never been involved in it on either side, but ive had friends in high school who told me their stories about being victims themselves, one instance happened in the school in which one of our male friends had forced one of my closer female friends to touch his dick from outside his shorts

[loveisdead9582]

Experience? Yes. Dealt with… idk. Most of the time I think yes but every now and again…

[EnigmaticAndroid]

I have 3 times. I was groomed by a pedo in high school and SA'd twice in college. That alongside a lot of other domestic abuse and stuff drove me into terrible mental anguish and substance abuse. I'm around 8 months sober now and am doing a lot better. I did 3 months in rehab and it was the best decision of my life. It's possible to heal. 

[EnigmaticAndroid]

I have 3 times. I was groomed by a pedo in high school and SA'd twice in college. That alongside a lot of other domestic abuse and stuff drove me into terrible mental anguish and substance abuse. I'm around 8 months sober now and am doing a lot better. I did 3 months in rehab and it was the best decision of my life. It's possible to heal. 

[EnigmaticAndroid]

I have 3 times. I was groomed by a pedo in high school and SA'd twice in college. That alongside a lot of other domestic abuse and stuff drove me into terrible mental anguish and substance abuse. I'm around 8 months sober now and am doing a lot better. I did 3 months in rehab and it was the best decision of my life. It's possible to heal. 

[Phoenix95]

I have in some kind of way when I was 3/4 years old. It has impacted me massively since that experience. 

[Lagerfeld]

I have... sort of. It was a "when you went to do one thing not the other" kind of situation. It was quite dramatic for me.

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

8 minutes ago, Lagerfeld said:

I have... sort of. It was a "when you went to do one thing not the other" kind of situation. It was quite dramatic for me.

Same girl. It's very eerie to experience but healing is possible. 

[Starshine]

Sorta, people wanted to do things I didn't consent to. I've came across people who don't know how to take "no" for an answer and it's difficult getting out of that situation.

[Alldeezy]

actually yes at a very early age I can't even remember how early. The earliest I can remember i was 7 but I was so young and didn't know any better so I thought he was just playing around.  It finally stopped at 17 once my father past because it was his dad that did it. He couldnt even look at me and I lost contact (which now im glad but at the time I was so confused)  He used to say I was his favourite grandchild too.  It did messed me up for life. Its probably why im very timid and awkward and cant keep a relationship because anything sexual I will panic or will be very picky whenever I will do anything.

 

it took me being SA at 23 by my ex for me to come out about what my grandfather did all those years. 

 

 

I never like hearing anyone else being SA.  but thanks for sharing your story and im sorry you had to go through that

 

 

[TheBoss]

An ex-friend from college SA me three years ago after a party when me and all of my classmates went to bed.

 

We had to share a bed with another friend. This friend and my abuser had hooked up during the party and later my friend told me he regreted it and that he didn't want anything sexual to happen so i told him  "don't worry i'll sleep between the two of you so nothing weird happens", I was sober and the two of them drunk. Next thing you knew he was all under my undies grabbing and touching EVERYTHING, I was in total shock and freezed up. All I remember I could do at that time was saying "No." and taking his hand away from my privates, 10 seconds later he would touch me again, and again and again, eventhough i loudly and clearly told him "No" several times and would push his hand away every time, for what felt like hours I remember, I totally frezzed except from my hand, the tears coming out of my eyes and my lips that said "No."

 

Then in the morning he got up absolutely hangover-less got to the other to chat with our classmates and i got my things and got out of the house and called my dad to pick me up, I immediatly told my college friends and my boyfriend (my abuser used to be part of the group, but he dropped out) and I think the things I was told by people that I loved and cared about hurt me the most, idk how to explain it, but I thought they would be way more supportive? Not that they said anything "Wrong" but I guess I was SO vulnerable at that time, that I expected absolute support. It was like my brain picked and choosed certain phrases that seemed off and kept playing them on repeat on my head "were you drunk?" "are you sure you didn't lean him on at the party" "why didn't you switched beds?" "ugh he always gets like that when he drinks" are things I was not ready to hear at that time, and I could not imagine myself saying to someone I cared about in a moment like that.

 

Thank god I'm better now, and I cut some of those people off from my life, but it definetly affected me for a few years, and it was a process for me and for my family when I told them as well, I still cry sometimes when I get drunk with my college friends and talk about the situation because of how hurt I was by all the questioning from relatives and friends, I guess Til It Happens To You.mp3 you truly don't know how it feels.

 

Thank you for this thread btw I guess I needed to get this off my chest, much love to all of you and take care <3

[JoeAg]

yeah, a few times

Spoiler

about a week and a half before my 16th bday (my birthday is January 2nd and this occurred on December 21, 2012) I was r*ped by a 60-something year old man in a steam room in a gym in Cape Cod. my family goes to Wellfleet just about every summer, and at this point in time we'd go for winter break a few years in a row. so that morning my mom and sister were going to the gym and I was up earlier than normal so I asked if I could tag along and they were like "sure!" and I figured it'd be good because I had started weight training class instead of regular gym at my high school so any extra exercise was good sh*t. anyway, we get there and we all go our separate ways and it turns out that the free weights just so happen to be right next to the men's locker room and me being a curious teenager who already had a high libido, I was like "f*ck it this is enticing I'm going in" so I go in and immediately notice how I'm by far the youngest guy in there. there are a ton of older men in this jacuzzi, and I decide to go into the sauna, where there's only one guy. this is my first time around a bunch of naked men instead of just one, so naturally I'm very excited. I almost feel weird saying this but it's my story so I think it's okay to say… during puberty the first two things that grew were my nose and my d*ck. so I'm like 5'3 at that point and super skinny and I just have a huge d. the guy in the sauna sees it and is like "whew boy! looks like christmas came early for ya!" and I was like "heheh yeah…" and then he leaves and I'm alone in there. I go back out a few minutes later and notice that there's a steam room on the other side of the jacuzzi so I decide to peek in there. it's CROWDED and very hard to see, and there's an older man who's instantly drawn to me and starts grabbing at me and at first I enjoy it but then I'm like "…huh" and even though I'm still technically "turned on," I was really uncertain and he kinda went farther and I gave him some head for like 30 seconds but then I kind of wanted to head out. he quickly slid himself into me and just… went for like 25 seconds before I was like "hey I really gotta go" and pushed him away. when I got back out to the main room of the locker room, EVERYONE stopped what they were doing and just stared. it was really traumatizing in hindsight but at the moment it just felt bizarre. I put my clothes back on and ran out. I didn't work out anymore that day but I walked around until my sister and mom were done. I must've seemed kinda shaken when I met up with them to leave but I just said I was fine when they asked me if I was okay. I ended up telling my parents about it a few days after my 16th bday, at the behest of my best friend at the time. honestly, in retrospect? I don't think I was ready to tell them, and they had very different reactions. my mom was like "I'm so sorry Joe, if you ever see him I will kick his ass so hard he'll be sorry he even ever looked in your direction" and my dad was like "I'm so sorry Joe. you know come to think of it something similar happened to me when I was around your age…" and I STUPIDLY went off on him (which I really regret and want to apologize for on facetime one of these days) and was like "dad! this is about MY experience right now!" and my best friend and my mom agreed. ugh so messy.

 

either way that instance is such a complicated one to recount because as my experience, I can say that even though it was 100% r*pe, I still had an erection the whole time and it didn't feel bad in the moment, it only really sunk in how powerless I felt minutes after it was already over. two Decembers ago, I was in Florida with my family, and on the 10 year anniversary we were driving back to the airbnb from Disney World and it just HIT me out of nowhere and I started crying. my siblings asked what was wrong and I told them and they all kindly consoled me. it was really intense. I didn't think a decade anniversary of a sexual trauma would just BAM! make me cry seemingly out of nowhere 

 

Spoiler

the other really significant one is a bit different cause it was with another of my ex best friends. I've had several best friends over the years who I've had fluctuating sexual relationships with, and this guy was my first in that regard. we were friends from late 2011 all the way til October 2018 (when I eventually ghosted) so he kind of defined my 2010s decade in a lot of ways. he lived in Maryland where I grew up, and once I got to college whenever I'd go on break back home we'd hang out all summer, all winter, all spring… you get the deal. so anyway, summer 2016 when I was dating my ex boyfriend and we were in an open relationship era, I'd hookup with this best friend sometimes. I was kinda getting annoyed with him because he would tell me to come over, knowing I'd have to bike or metro, and be asleep once I got there. he knew I didn't have a car, he knew I barely had any money, he KNEW how long it took me! and yet he'd just be passed out once I got there for a few nights in a row. anyway, one of these nights I got there and he was super drunk and our sexual relationship at this point was a bit unhealthy because we'd just start having sex without even saying any words sometimes. this night, he was super drunk and super horny, and I was just sweaty and annoyed and wanted to relax. he was like "Joe let's bang, you down?" and I was like "no actually can we talk? and just chill and smoke some weed and watch TV?" and he's like "first you gotta help me out" so he brought me into his room and shoved my hand down his pants. I was like "ugh can we not? I just wanna chill and not be sexual tonight please" and he just forces me to play with him until he c*ms. he came within like 3 minutes so it wasn't the worst but when I went to hang out with one of my other best friends (who I'm still super close with!) the next day and told her about it she was like "Joe that's assault… you didn't consent to that." and even though it didn't traumatize me in the same way as that first assault, it definitely has affected the way I get nervous stopping sexual relationships with friends. but I need to realize that my friends NOW aren't nearly as insane as that guy was, and a few other people were…

but yeah it's a lot lol, much love to everyone else who've had similar experiences and are working through their own traumas 

[YourFavoriteWeapon]

27 minutes ago, Alldeezy said:

actually yes at a very early age I can't even remember how early. The earliest I can remember i was 7 but I was so young and didn't know any better so I thought he was just playing around.  It finally stopped at 17 once my father past because it was his dad that did it. He couldnt even look at me and I lost contact (which now im glad but at the time I was so confused)  He used to say I was his favourite grandchild too.  It did messed me up for life. Its probably why im very timid and awkward and cant keep a relationship because anything sexual I will panic or will be very picky whenever I will do anything.

 

it took me being SA at 23 by my ex for me to come out about what my grandfather did all those years. 

 

 

I never like hearing anyone else being SA.  but thanks for sharing your story and im sorry you had to go through that

 

 

 

25 minutes ago, TheBoss said:

An ex-friend from college SA me three years ago after a party when me and all of my classmates went to bed.

 

We had to share a bed with another friend. This friend and my abuser had hooked up during the party and later my friend told me he regreted it and that he didn't want anything sexual to happen so i told him  "don't worry i'll sleep between the two of you so nothing weird happens", I was sober and the two of them drunk. Next thing you knew he was all under my undies grabbing and touching EVERYTHING, I was in total shock and freezed up. All I remember I could do at that time was saying "No." and taking his hand away from my privates, 10 seconds later he would touch me again, and again and again, eventhough i loudly and clearly told him "No" several times and would push his hand away every time, for what felt like hours I remember, I totally frezzed except from my hand, the tears coming out of my eyes and my lips that said "No."

 

Then in the morning he got up absolutely hangover-less got to the other to chat with our classmates and i got my things and got out of the house and called my dad to pick me up, I immediatly told my college friends and my boyfriend (my abuser used to be part of the group, but he dropped out) and I think the things I was told by people that I loved and cared about hurt me the most, idk how to explain it, but I thought they would be way more supportive? Not that they said anything "Wrong" but I guess I was SO vulnerable at that time, that I expected absolute support. It was like my brain picked and choosed certain phrases that seemed off and kept playing them on repeat on my head "were you drunk?" "are you sure you didn't lean him on at the party" "why didn't you switched beds?" "ugh he always gets like that when he drinks" are things I was not ready to hear at that time, and I could not imagine myself saying to someone I cared about in a moment like that.

 

Thank god I'm better now, and I cut some of those people off from my life, but it definetly affected me for a few years, and it was a process for me and for my family when I told them as well, I still cry sometimes when I get drunk with my college friends and talk about the situation because of how hurt I was by all the questioning from relatives and friends, I guess Til It Happens To You.mp3 you truly don't know how it feels.

 

Thank you for this thread btw I guess I needed to get this off my chest, much love to all of you and take care <3

 

24 minutes ago, JoeAg said:

yeah, a few times

  Reveal hidden contents

about a week and a half before my 16th bday (my birthday is January 2nd and this occurred on December 21, 2012) I was r*ped by a 60-something year old man in a steam room in a gym in Cape Cod. my family goes to Wellfleet just about every summer, and at this point in time we'd go for winter break a few years in a row. so that morning my mom and sister were going to the gym and I was up earlier than normal so I asked if I could tag along and they were like "sure!" and I figured it'd be good because I had started weight training class instead of regular gym at my high school so any extra exercise was good sh*t. anyway, we get there and we all go our separate ways and it turns out that the free weights just so happen to be right next to the men's locker room and me being a curious teenager who already had a high libido, I was like "f*ck it this is enticing I'm going in" so I go in and immediately notice how I'm by far the youngest guy in there. there are a ton of older men in this jacuzzi, and I decide to go into the sauna, where there's only one guy. this is my first time around a bunch of naked men instead of just one, so naturally I'm very excited. I almost feel weird saying this but it's my story so I think it's okay to say… during puberty the first two things that grew were my nose and my d*ck. so I'm like 5'3 at that point and super skinny and I just have a huge d. the guy in the sauna sees it and is like "whew boy! looks like christmas came early for ya!" and I was like "heheh yeah…" and then he leaves and I'm alone in there. I go back out a few minutes later and notice that there's a steam room on the other side of the jacuzzi so I decide to peek in there. it's CROWDED and very hard to see, and there's an older man who's instantly drawn to me and starts grabbing at me and at first I enjoy it but then I'm like "…huh" and even though I'm still technically "turned on," I was really uncertain and he kinda went farther and I gave him some head for like 30 seconds but then I kind of wanted to head out. he quickly slid himself into me and just… went for like 25 seconds before I was like "hey I really gotta go" and pushed him away. when I got back out to the main room of the locker room, EVERYONE stopped what they were doing and just stared. it was really traumatizing in hindsight but at the moment it just felt bizarre. I put my clothes back on and ran out. I didn't work out anymore that day but I walked around until my sister and mom were done. I must've seemed kinda shaken when I met up with them to leave but I just said I was fine when they asked me if I was okay. I ended up telling my parents about it a few days after my 16th bday, at the behest of my best friend at the time. honestly, in retrospect? I don't think I was ready to tell them, and they had very different reactions. my mom was like "I'm so sorry Joe, if you ever see him I will kick his ass so hard he'll be sorry he even ever looked in your direction" and my dad was like "I'm so sorry Joe. you know come to think of it something similar happened to me when I was around your age…" and I STUPIDLY went off on him (which I really regret and want to apologize for on facetime one of these days) and was like "dad! this is about MY experience right now!" and my best friend and my mom agreed. ugh so messy.

 

either way that instance is such a complicated one to recount because as my experience, I can say that even though it was 100% r*pe, I still had an erection the whole time and it didn't feel bad in the moment, it only really sunk in how powerless I felt minutes after it was already over. two Decembers ago, I was in Florida with my family, and on the 10 year anniversary we were driving back to the airbnb from Disney World and it just HIT me out of nowhere and I started crying. my siblings asked what was wrong and I told them and they all kindly consoled me. it was really intense. I didn't think a decade anniversary of a sexual trauma would just BAM! make me cry seemingly out of nowhere 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

the other really significant one is a bit different cause it was with another of my ex best friends. I've had several best friends over the years who I've had fluctuating sexual relationships with, and this guy was my first in that regard. we were friends from late 2011 all the way til October 2018 (when I eventually ghosted) so he kind of defined my 2010s decade in a lot of ways. he lived in Maryland where I grew up, and once I got to college whenever I'd go on break back home we'd hang out all summer, all winter, all spring… you get the deal. so anyway, summer 2016 when I was dating my ex boyfriend and we were in an open relationship era, I'd hookup with this best friend sometimes. I was kinda getting annoyed with him because he would tell me to come over, knowing I'd have to bike or metro, and be asleep once I got there. he knew I didn't have a car, he knew I barely had any money, he KNEW how long it took me! and yet he'd just be passed out once I got there for a few nights in a row. anyway, one of these nights I got there and he was super drunk and our sexual relationship at this point was a bit unhealthy because we'd just start having sex without even saying any words sometimes. this night, he was super drunk and super horny, and I was just sweaty and annoyed and wanted to relax. he was like "Joe let's bang, you down?" and I was like "no actually can we talk? and just chill and smoke some weed and watch TV?" and he's like "first you gotta help me out" so he brought me into his room and shoved my hand down his pants. I was like "ugh can we not? I just wanna chill and not be sexual tonight please" and he just forces me to play with him until he c*ms. he came within like 3 minutes so it wasn't the worst but when I went to hang out with one of my other best friends (who I'm still super close with!) the next day and told her about it she was like "Joe that's assault… you didn't consent to that." and even though it didn't traumatize me in the same way as that first assault, it definitely has affected the way I get nervous stopping sexual relationships with friends. but I need to realize that my friends NOW aren't nearly as insane as that guy was, and a few other people were…

but yeah it's a lot lol, much love to everyone else who've had similar experiences and are working through their own traumas 

Much love to all three of you and everyone else reading this who has also experienced it. You guys are so resilient  

[cOe]

If getting my butt grabbed by strangers at gay clubs/being grinded on without my consent (hate it everytime) counts then yes

[Sawk]

 

[Mr.X]

I am so sorry for your experiences, and please know that you are not alone. You're a very brave person to be surviving all of that and to overcome so much. All the power to you.

 

And yes, I did too. I was raped by a neighbour when I was a kid, around 8 years old. He was older, around 20-something. He raped me a few times and I remember a lot of it very often. It is something that never leaves you.

 

Then I was assalted, abused and also raped by many men throughout my life, including a partner when I was already in my 20s. It took me years to overcome that, big time and I can still feel the lingering damage from it all.

 

A few years ago, whilst not being SA myself, I was working as a senior producer for a company and discovered that the director had been abusing, gaslighting, SA and even raping some of the clients we had. It made me sick to my mouth and I developped PTSD to the point of not being able to breathe properly when I am in anxious situations nowadays, still. But a few of us got together and brought the mother fucker down. Eventually, a bunch of hard drives full of pedophilia and other abuse were discovered at his house and he killed himself as a result to escape sentencing by the police.

 

For the past three years, we have been supporting the victims with therapy (both individual and group), and money to support them.

 

I am still recovering from that, to be honest. Just last week I bumped into someone who was a close friend of his and I am actually still recovering as it triggered the **** out of me again...

 

It's something that never quite leaves you, I believe...