discussion Gays, can you date someone who is religious? Is it self-disrespect?

[DevilsRollTheDice]

Less to do with me being gay, more to do with me hating religion and thinking it's completely irrational. So, personally, it's a no! Don't begrudge others for a yes unless the religion includes self hating elements (though it does more often than not).

[Kummercell]

I've dated a few devout Catholics before and I was very attracted to that aspect of them tbh

[Before Today]

2 minutes ago, State of Grace. said:

Yes because it literally is none of my business. A person's relationship and interpretation of their religion is their own, as long as they're not harming anyone. If they find a way to reconcile their faith and their queerness then I'm happy for them. I have "dated" a few religious guys before (they pray, fast, etc) and it was never a problem for me personally tbh. 

 

I think I would only draw the line if they're very conservative, self-hating, and riddled with so much internalized homophobia/religious guilt to the point where they think our entire existence is "wrong". I'm aware that it is out of their control in most cases, and it takes ages to unlearn all of that religious trauma and brainwashing but I just can't deal with it.

I see. Can I ask if you're a Muslim and live in a Muslim majority country too or am I mistaking you for some other user? I was raised Muslim and currently still live in a Muslim majority country, so maybe our experience are more relevant given the similar context (: I'm seeing a guy who also fast and prays 5 times a day. I wanna have an open mind be respectful, but I'm not sure how accepting he is of his gayness. I'm aware this is a conversation I should have with him one on one but I wanna have some insights how to approach it. I used to date another gay but he's also an atheist so there is no gay guilt and felt easier on that part.

[Before Today]

5 minutes ago, TaggedGalaxy said:

Been there done that and never again. They are so brainwashed and filled with self hate. When I became the embodiment of everything he struggled to accept about himself and made me feel unwanted it ****** my mental health up for a long time

Exactly what I'm worried about. I don't mind other gays having their own beliefs, but when it comes to dating it proves me to be a bit challenging. I'm always not sure what to ask and how.

[shimind]

such people Di*k will be b*mb af. CC Jonathan baily from fellow travellers. 

[BOOMBAYAH]

Being gay and a devout Christian, Muslim, or Jew is impossible because these religions prohibit romantic or sexual relationships with someone of the same sex. You can be both gay and devoutly religious, but you would have to live in repression. The only way to follow Abrahamic religions and maintain a romantic or sexual relationship with someone of the same sex is by adopting a progressive interpretation of the faith (which TBH even most straights do nowadays). For example, one of my close friends is a Christian who attends church every week, but he follows a more basic framework of Christianity - emphasizing being kind, forgiveness and positivity, and not stealing, cheating, lying, etc. - rather than fully immersing himself in its doctrines. 

Edited July 15 by BOOMBAYAH

[єѕℓαм]

Yeah i don't mind 

[Cain]

6 minutes ago, BOOMBAYAH said:

Being gay and a devout Christian, Muslim, or Jew is impossible because these religions prohibit romantic or sexual relationships with someone of the same sex. You can be both gay and devoutly religious, but you would have to live in repression. The only way to follow Abrahamic religions and maintain a romantic or sexual relationship with someone of the same sex is by adopting a progressive interpretation of the faith (which TBH even most straights do nowadays). For example, one of my close friends is a Christian who attends church every week, but he follows a more basic framework of Christianity - emphasizing being kind, forgiveness and positivity, and not stealing, cheating, lying, etc. - rather than fully immersing himself in its doctrines. 

This is a critique I often don't understand when people say 'you can't be gay and religious' because a lot of straight people are progressively religious as well, they will often pick and choose what parts of religion work for the current timeframe and their own personal lives, but they are still religious. Why can't that be the case for queer people?

 

When people talk about being queer and religious they often talk about being the most conservative kind of religious, but the majority of religious people in the West (gay or straight) are not that 

 

Obviously being repressed, self-loathing, traumatized and having trouble accepting your own sexuality can be consequences of being raised religious, but those seem like separate issues to me when it comes to dating someone than just the fact that they have a faith. Hell I was raised extremely atheist (my parents are borderline anti-religion) and even I deal with those internal issues 

[JoeAg]

one thing that's great about human nature is the fact that we have the option to pick and choose certain aspects or practices and hold them tight if they feel symbolic or important to us in a cosmic sense. for example, I was raised in a jewish household. I've disowned almost all of my jewish religious past, but I definitely am proud to have been bar mitzvahed and I think I might celebrate yom kippur every year (or almost every year) of my life even if I don't believe in god anymore. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the symbolism of that holiday, full renewal by fasting one day to let the long year be wrapped up and the body gets a tabula rasa. and at the same time? I'm non-religious, agnostic at my most intense moments maybe

 

so I think I wouldn't love to be with someone who is so staunchly religious that they'll blindly follow ancient texts without adhering to the progressive mindset of recognizing antiquated sh*t vs. sh*t that reasonably can be applicable to their respective emotional well-beings today. of course, there's a lot of subjectivity here, but I get a bit freaked out by those cross necklaces that show jesus on the crucifix and I hate how circumcision is a ritual in judaism. forge your own path and if you want to draw some inspiration from religion, I think that can be a beautiful thing. but if you're gonna be so strict about your religion that it gets in the way of our relationship, then it's a huge no. I think I'd want to just be with someone like me, agnostic or non-religious tbh

[Riverbank]

Never

[Khal]

Nope.  Yet to meet a religious gay that wasn't secretly self-hating and touched in the head in some way, which makes sense considering the mental gymnastics and cognitive dissonance needed to partake in a religion that mostly thinks lowly of you.

 

That's not to say irreligious gays can't also have issues, but I'd like to limit the number of people with issues in my dating pool.

[Robyn.]

From my experience, religious men tend to be in the closet, so it's a no. I've dated two religious men, both muslim. It doesn't work, and will never work. It's not about accepting, but more about coming to terms that your cultural differences will be a problem at one point or another. 

 

For starters, in my experience I've had to live a secret relationship, so it's not really a healthy start for a relationship and you can't really think about doing regular stuff when you live so deep in the closet (such as living together, having family come over, etc.).

 

And then, there's also a lot of brainwashing, but that's just my take on this. For instance, it didn't make sense to me for them to pursue a literal homosexual relationship while being so stuck up about doing other things (drinking, smoking, etc.) that were considered sins.   Pick and choose I guess.

 

 

[dinorhino]

Generally no because I think it's stupid as **** to be both gay and religious and I wouldn't be able to respect them, particularly any sort of Christian or Muslim. I have some theoretical leeway for religions like Sikhism/certain sects of Judaism and the like

Edited July 15 by dinorhino

[State of Grace.]

34 minutes ago, Before Today said:

I see. Can I ask if you're a Muslim and live in a Muslim majority country too or am I mistaking you for some other user? I was raised Muslim and currently still live in a Muslim majority country, so maybe our experience are more relevant given the similar context (: I'm seeing a guy who also fast and prays 5 times a day. I wanna have an open mind be respectful, but I'm not sure how accepting he is of his gayness. I'm aware this is a conversation I should have with him one on one but I wanna have some insights how to approach it. I used to date another gay but he's also an atheist so there is no gay guilt and felt easier on that part.

Yeah I was raised Muslim (although I haven't identified as one since high school) and I still live in a Muslim majority country. I completely understand how you feel because I was constantly anxious about having that conversation as well.  It naturally happened one day with one of them when we were talking about our childhood. As for the rest, I just sensed it from the way they comfortably talked about their sexual experiences and when we hooked up. None of them were LT relationships or went very far (for other reasons) so I can't really tell if it would have caused a problem later.

 

I feel like the red flags always start showing by the second date though, but always be aware of them just in case they start popping up during further dating. If you're still unsure about how accepting he is of his gayness, you should just approach it with an open mind and explain your concerns to him. He will totally understand it if he's the right guy.

Edited July 15 by State of Grace.

[MasterExpose]

No they'd cut me off their lives and I wouldn't stand them either

[Reginald]

I probably wouldn't. 

[BOOMBAYAH]

9 minutes ago, Cain said:

This is a critique I often don't understand when people say 'you can't be gay and religious' because a lot of straight people are progressively religious as well, they will often pick and choose what parts of religion work for the current timeframe and their own personal lives, but they are still religious. Why can't that be the case for queer people?

 

When people talk about being queer and religious they often talk about being the most conservative kind of religious, but the majority of religious people in the West (gay or straight) are not that 

 

Obviously being repressed, self-loathing, traumatized and having trouble accepting your own sexuality can be consequences of being raised religious, but those seem like separate issues to me when it comes to dating someone than just the fact that they have a faith. Hell I was raised extremely atheist (my parents are borderline anti-religion) and even I deal with those internal issues 

Because it's not really about religion. Beyond religious beliefs, I think societies have historically had a deeper issue with gay people simply because we are different - it's irrational, much like racism. Arguing with these people is futile because, as you mentioned, most religious people in the West are either 1. Progressive or 2. Not Devout. If they have a problem with gay Christians/Muslims/Jews, etc., it's more about their own bigotry than a need to uphold religious sanctity.  

[P.O.P]

If women can be with religious men, so can you 

[Raphy23]

Overly religious no.

 

I am not religious but I believe in a God and am spiritual in my own way.

[jordanjm]

Absolutely not. Even if I was straight, I wouldn't date someone with any truly held religious belief. 

[Raphy23]

22 minutes ago, dinorhino said:

Generally no because I think it's stupid as **** to be both gay and religious and I wouldn't be able to respect them, particularly any sort of Christian or Muslim. I have some theoretical leeway for religions like Sikhism/certain sects of Judaism and the like

How about zoroastrianism?

[DawnAnti]

1 hour ago, DawnAnti said:

Gays  be asking everyone to respect them but don't respect everyone, if his beliefs don't effect me at all why would I care if he is religious so yeah i would date them 

Those disliking this can **** my ****

[Vixen Eyes]

1 hour ago, DawnAnti said:

Gays  be asking everyone to respect them but don't respect everyone, if his beliefs don't effect me at all why would I care if he is religious so yeah i would date them 

It would affect you if he asks you to go to church with him on every Sunday or getting your eventual kids (if y'all want them) baptized, etc

[DawnAnti]

3 minutes ago, Vixen Eyes said:

It would affect you if he asks you to go to church with him on every Sunday or getting your eventual kids (if y'all want them) baptized, etc

Not against you precisely but I don't know if some of you are actually this slow or act this way to troll cause as i said "if it doesn't effect me in ANY SORT OF WAYS"

[dinorhino]

16 minutes ago, Raphy23 said:

How about zoroastrianism?

I know very little about that religion so it would be up for review