MattieB Posted July 9 Posted July 9 The main problem is that gays go through a stunted phase which their straight counterparts don't. We don't have the luxury of naturally developing crushes, telling our parents, kissing them, going on dates etc before coming of age, we internalize and bottle them up till we leave our parents, by which time we are well into young adulthood, libido through the roof, no room for love just endless lust, not to mention we're all men so horny x2 Not saying this affects every gay the same way but this is basically the underlying problem. I saw a video some days back that said most gay men in hetero marriages learn love from their wives
Sprite Posted July 9 Posted July 9 29 minutes ago, MattieB said: The main problem is that gays go through a stunted phase which their straight counterparts don't. OK but straight men nowadays seem only slightly more interested in commitment than gay men...
MattieB Posted July 9 Posted July 9 15 minutes ago, Sprite said: OK but straight men nowadays seem only slightly more interested in commitment than gay men... I mean... Dont forget they are all still men at the end of the day
Sprite Posted July 9 Posted July 9 19 hours ago, CottageHore said: All the apps specifically geared toward the gay community, specifically gay men, are hypersexualized. I think it's bottom up unfortunately. The community makes the culture/atmosphere not the other way around. 19 hours ago, CottageHore said: it's refreshing to see so many gay men opening up about desiring a true partnership as opposed to throw away sex and I think at the core of most gay men, and most people, that's all anyone wants. They want to feel validated and loved and seen by another but the expectations of a non-heteronormative relationship haven't been modeled to us and we don't know where we fit in to romantic relationships so we resort mostly to sex in hopes it'll turn into more. I thought this too until I found out about how common "open relationships" and "polygamy" is even among straight people. And how do you explain why hook up culture is nearly as prevalent in the hetero community even though they have been given models and expectations of what their relationships look like?
Sprite Posted July 9 Posted July 9 (edited) 9 minutes ago, MattieB said: I mean... Dont forget they are all still men at the end of the day I agree. Which is why I'm puzzled when we look down on men who don't want commitment or ask ourselves why they don't. It's so obvious the majority can't even conceptualize commitment. Edited July 9 by Sprite
Sprite Posted July 9 Posted July 9 21 hours ago, scenekiller said: If you're authentically yourself, not trying too hard, and secure in being alone, you'll have a much easier time finding something deeper and more genuine It a difficult balance though because I can see how "secure in being alone" can also lead to accepting a lack of commitment and accepting casual relationships. 1
Mitsouko Posted July 9 Posted July 9 On 7/8/2024 at 1:25 PM, DAP said: Not so much a 'crisis' as it is an outcome of how we organize society. I think hookup apps attempt to address the alienation people feel when they are isolated but fail by treating the 'experience' of dating like some product to sell, which is completely divorced from any human experience. We don't need to be sold an illusion of a relationship whether it be an app or porn. We need real relationships and we need physical communities to forge these relationships and we need a more collectivized society that would make this mode of organizing conducive. this was hot. lets have sex 1
DAP Posted July 9 Posted July 9 26 minutes ago, Mitsouko said: this was hot. lets have sex Give me time to reset my load count for the month 2
discosean Posted July 10 Posted July 10 There is nothing wrong with being promiscuous as long as one is being safe. None of us here are in a position to shame anyone for their sexual habits.
katara Posted July 10 Posted July 10 (edited) These ideas in the OP Being too reliant on apps/p*rn is the problem not part of the solution Society needs to go back to when community and human connections were the basis of everything. The focus on materialism and greed goes against our nature. At the end of the day we are just another species of apes and to them hanging around other apes and just enjoying the company is all that is important. Edited July 10 by katara
Sprite Posted July 10 Posted July 10 People who think the apps are toxic should just delete them... Or it is impossible to meet other gay men without social media?
Sprite Posted July 10 Posted July 10 Honestly gay culture just changes. It's as simple as that. I too wish the gay community valued commitment more, but I also get angry when I see people resent promiscuity because it shows how some of us are still (ironically) narrow-minded.
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