discussion My therapist told me straight men don't have gay friends because they're homophobic

[P.O.P]

Why would anyone want a straight friend anyway

 

I want gay friends but have never been able to find one 

Edited July 3 by P.O.P

[getBusy]

She's basically saying most straight men would be insecure about hanging out with a gay guy. Which is 100% true. And yes, that's homophobic behaviour even if they dont have anything against the gays. 

[ICLDXU4HS]

Straight men are very likely to be friends with gays that don't (only) have gay interests and live in a gay bubble. So... not ATRLers. 

 

Edited July 3 by ICLDXU4HS

[Tropez]

A lot of gay people treat straight men exactly how they treat women. Some gay men have this idea that all straight men are secretly gay or just want to hook up with them. How many stories do we hear of gay guys having a crush on their straight friend? Or spying on straight men undressing in the gym locker room? 

[CottageHore]

I mean that's an assumption I tend to make but I'd never voice that to a therapy client because it's not rooted in research or fact, it's a generalization and a pretty incriminating one lol. We're all a little homophobic, even gay people. Just like we're all a little sexist and racist. We live in systems built on prejudice and men especially are judged for their proximity to femininity and that includes "gayness". 
 

But your therapist appears to be letting countertransference seep into your therapy sessions and that's like rule #1 of therapy on what NOT to do. Do you like your therapist and think they're helpful to you? 

Edited July 3 by CottageHore

[Colmillo]

Well, you're therapist is right, a homophobic straight man won't be friends with a gay for obvious reasons, meanwhile a non-homophobic straight man won't mind having gay friends.

[Zylo]

I've usually waited a bit until after it's clear a guy enjoys my friendship to tell them I'm gay. That way, they have no choice but to either confront their internal prejudice or destroy a great friendship. Changed many potential homophobes into chill people just by doing that. 
 

I think your therapist is partially right, but it's not always true. In many cases it's a case of culture and group think. It's certainly possible that if you're in an "in" group, they'll more than likely befriend and you for the social credit alone 

[Happylittlepunk]

Most straight men who are not homophobic have no problem being friends with gays as long as they have similar interest. Straight men are not interested in pop girl stanning, drag race or going to gay clubs etc. 

[Walk_Away21]

6 hours ago, Dear Reader said:

this is a huge generalization and specific to certain cultures/places

i have many straight male friends, but that could be because i'm a masc4masc hairy thick sub bottom 

 

 

6 hours ago, RideOrDie said:

this is a huge generalization and specific to certain cultures/places

i have many straight male friends, but that could be because i'm a masc4masc hairy thick dom top 

 

 

What in the dupe account is happening here

[Batsy Armada]

That seems like a very simplistic view, that can actually be very damaging as it causes doubt in genuine friendships that some people could truly hold dear. I feel like the therapist could do more harm than good in making such a statement towards someone, especially someone who may already feel isolated and persecuted from the world. Shame on your therapist, actually.

[chromatico]

If you're from Eastern Europe then yeah spot on

[dinorhino]

14 hours ago, Donquizote said:

Which is a lie methinks.

I have many straight friends.

Perhaps because I am straight acting in real life

[RideOrDie]

14 hours ago, Dear Reader said:

this is a huge generalization and specific to certain cultures/places

i have many straight male friends, but that could be because i'm a masc4masc hairy thick sub bottom 

 

looking to get pregnant?

 

[Dear Reader]

1 minute ago, RideOrDie said:

looking to get pregnant?

 

I Can Do It With a Broken Arse 

 

[katara]

I also think it's coz a lot of "str8s" cannot trust themselves that they can behave around gays.

 

I really do believe the "sexuality is a spectrum" theory. We pure gays just happen to be at one end of it and there are also pure str8s but I feel a lot of people fall somewhere in between. 

[discosean]

Your therapist is DEFINITELY gay and is on PrEP and is a passaround party bottom everywhere he goes. He is not in a position to lecture anyone about homosexuality. 

[Badger]

12 hours ago, CottageHore said:

I mean that's an assumption I tend to make but I'd never voice that to a therapy client because it's not rooted in research or fact, it's a generalization and a pretty incriminating one lol. We're all a little homophobic, even gay people. Just like we're all a little sexist and racist. We live in systems built on prejudice and men especially are judged for their proximity to femininity and that includes "gayness". 
 

But your therapist appears to be letting countertransference seep into your therapy sessions and that's like rule #1 of therapy on what NOT to do. Do you like your therapist and think they're helpful to you? 

I agree with this. 
 

Your therapist might not be wrong but it's not really appropriate to say that in this instance. 

[Quiqui4eva]

Holy generalization

 

Spoiler

There are some points she has made

 

[PillowCase]

20 hours ago, CottageHore said:

I mean that's an assumption I tend to make but I'd never voice that to a therapy client because it's not rooted in research or fact, it's a generalization and a pretty incriminating one lol. We're all a little homophobic, even gay people. Just like we're all a little sexist and racist. We live in systems built on prejudice and men especially are judged for their proximity to femininity and that includes "gayness". 
 

But your therapist appears to be letting countertransference seep into your therapy sessions and that's like rule #1 of therapy on what NOT to do. Do you like your therapist and think they're helpful to you? 

Yes I would say she is the only one I can be 100% myself with. 

[MatiRod]

I've always had tons of straight guy friends. The ones who might've had an issue with me being gay just didn't become my friends I suppose. In general I've found most straight guys like me because I make a point to listen to them. I think straight guys often don't have people they can really talk to about issues they're going through, they have to put up this macho posturing of toughness, but with me I find they can let that go and open up a bit more, maybe because I'm gay so I'm already operating outside the bounds of what's expected from a man so it encourages them to also let go of those things.

[Cannon]

Lol no? I literally came out to a straight friend two weeks ago and we've been spending more time together.

 

Your therapist sounds very close minded and judgmental.
 

 

[John Slayne]

it's true for many straight men, but not all. also depends on where you live, if you live in a progressive area chances are straight men around you will care less about your sexuality.

[Namie-Knowles]

Yes not ALL straight people, straight men are so oppressed. That is why gay marriage is legal in 36 countries, representing 20% of the world's population. Wait a second...if most straight men weren't homophobic then almost every single country would allow for gay marriage and have proper LGBT discrimination laws in place but they don't. That doesn't sound like the work of an ally I fear. 

 

Bigotry is a spectrum in itself just like anything. The amount of straight men who are low enough on the spectrum to be openly pro-LGBT and not anti or passive to their suffering is the minority. So she spilled there but that is also the case for straight people overall not just straight men.