discussion Do you mind being asked if you're gay out of the blue?

[dinorhino]

9 hours ago, JoeAg said:

well maybe for others, but that's not the case for me. I've dissected this with my past two therapists at length respectively and it's not that I think of being gay as inferior. for me, it's an association with these older queer people in my neighborhood growing up who, from the time I came out at age 13, and them already being in their fifties, they'd tell me to "pick a side!"

 

i would react strongly in a similarly annoyed manner if someone ever were to assume i'm straight in the way that that girl assumed i was gay 

 

most guys i've dated have been gay and I've loved them and honored them so hard and have felt nothing but complete respect for their sexualities

 

I just personally don't like the invalidation and casual erasure of my identity

Now here's a question for you. In a MLM relationship with another gay guy and either your boyfriend or someone else said you were in a gay relationship or called you a gay couple, would it bother you?

 

I suppose I understand what you mean but I kind of have the inverse problem in a way. I'm technically bisexual but I've never identified as that and I've always identified as gay and want it to stay that way but I remember having some friends very frequently question how gay I was. I never took offence to it but it was definitely jarring because I have internalised my image of being a gay man so people question my gayness made me feel very conflicted 

 

 

Edited June 29 by dinorhino

[A.R.L]

Depends on the context. Because you usually don't ask random people if they are hetero 

[fountain]

I suppose not. What am I gonna do, lie and say no? It should already be pretty obvious, and it's easier to have somebody else put it out in the open than have to worry about bringing it up yourself. 
 

[JonginBey]

If they're asking with the intent of stirring **** up, yes; otherwise, I don't mind.

[Amaranth]

On 6/26/2024 at 4:21 PM, theoghon said:

Interestingly, someone did so at my workplace recently.

 

I found it extremely awkward and uncalled for tbh, please mind your own business and keep pushing

How did you respond? 

[Frappucino]

I wish I'd get asked more often, the amount of times straight bros be talking about "their hoes" to me is just  

[xxxlamb]

On 6/26/2024 at 4:39 PM, dumbsparce said:

It's only a big deal bc your delusion of passing as a straight man has come to an abrupt end.

 

Bet the opposite would be a compliment right?

 

 

(ps we've all been there)

 

why did i read this with Azalea Banks' voice 

[Bubble Tea]

I mean they only want to confirm so they can officially categorize you as a lesser man in their eyes, let's be real

[John Slayne]

depends on who's asking and why. i'm comfortable in myself and i don't mind talking about my love life, but yeah there are some contexts where i'm like 'this is not relevant to the conversation so stop being nosy'

[Poxy]

Totally depends on the context... but I feel like most people know I'm gay already, so if someone asks I actually think they are being malicious... or, maybe they are very naive 

[Cheers]

Yes what about me was giving homoseggsuahl

 

[kataraqueen]

Tbh? It's out-of-line. Just shows a lack of manners. Beyond that, I don't think the question really allows for any interesting follow-up. Unless that reason is you being into me or you wanting to hook me up with someone, it's a conversation stopper in all the wrong ways.

[Inner Insanity]

Depends on why they're asking. From my experience it's not come from a place of malice. It's usually just a conversation starter because they either are themselves or have a relative who is and feel a connection there. 

 

But it can definitely come across as rude and like stereotyping you.

Edited July 15 by Inner Insanity

[Flanders]

Depends on many factors.

 

1. Is the person also queer?

2. context and time/place. If someone did that in the workplace I would send them a look so piercing it makes their stomach drop. 

 

If it's on my personal time I don't mind, but I still think it's a really corny question to ask - it will come up naturally in conversation within 10 minutes so there's really no need to ask. 

[Orsay]

No, I'm happy to clear up any confusion and let them know I'm hetero  

[StonedSoulPicnic]

It annoyed me when I was younger. I don't care anymore.

[Bencharmer]

If its because the person is attracted to me ofc not.

 

If it's because some signs make someone think i click many boxes of the gay stereotype and this person wants to check if the judgement is right.... That doesn't make me good at ease. 

[Raver]

I've only been asked that question by other gays as an adult. 

Most str8 people I've talked to have not asked me that out the blue (since grade school). Usually I let them know if I am comfortable. 

[truthteller]

this is definitely not proper to ask at a workplace environment by any means, unless the person being asked is comfortable without facing any peer pressure to answer. 

[tjspy]

My female coworker (only girl in a str8s team in a mostly gay company) didn't ask, in the middle of a conversation about pride festivities she literally just said "Tiago, how is it?" 

 

I have never told anyone in the company but also didn't try to hide, just never came up. She did said it in a kind way and in a company where 70% of the men are gay, but I was still gagged internaly by the question

Edited July 19 by tjspy