discussion Bisexual Men & Women What Have Been Your Experiences in the Queer Community?

[Namie-Knowles]

Due to it being pride month, I want to know the experiences of other people with a place in the Queer Community. This post also applies to those who consider themselves Pansexual, Demisexual, or anything that could be seen as Bisexual adjacent by larger Queer society. 

[Trent W]

Honestly I've met a little but of everything in the community, but mostly unstable and too promiscuous would be something I would describe, and well most men are like that

 

Girls are a little bit more stable, but most of them just want a man that does the heavy lifting in the relationship and they are useless in sex/romance. Is shocking how the experience between a girl-friend(a friend who is a girl) is so much better than an actual girlfriend as a romantic partner.

 

Both worlds have their pros and cons so in my case I will probably just keep someone who makes me happy, the gender thing is just useless for me.

[WitnessOblivia]

I'm a bisexual man.

Generally speaking, my experience in the community has been positive.

My biggest issue is with gay men denying the existence of bisexuality, which is truly hurtful. I haven't experienced this nearly as much from lesbians or trans people. 

Straights are also guilty of this, but I guess you just don't expect it from your own community. 

[Bussea]

@Supervillain

[BOAZ]

As a bisexual man I've always had to endure the ridicule from gay men who tries to erase bisexuality or undermine it as an excuse to hide sexual repression - i remember a joke from Will & Grace that says it was a "a rest stop on the highway to homo" - the general feeling i got was this. Not everybody is like this of course

 

But I remember once I was about to hook up with one guy and he canceled on me after i mentioned my bisexuality because he was like "it makes me sick that you could have sex with me and then wanting to do it with my sister"

[BlondGuts]

Men still want to smash and girls want to smash depending on how liberal they are. Conservative, hillbilly girls are not into it but city girls may be!

 

In terms of casual sex though, men are by far easier to hook up with than girls. From my perspective, hole is hole 

 

 

[Gorjesspazze9]

As a Bi, I noticed The gay men online are way more annoying than my gay besties offline. Maybe that's just my algorithm tho

[zweigson]

i haven't had any experiences with gay men trying to erase my bi identity, if anything they are attracted to it. however, i have had many women do it 

[BrokenMachine]

I haven't come out so my experiences in the daily haven't been many. I'd describe myself in some bi-demisexual spectrum. My libido only comes like two or three times a year, and only when I'm close to feeling way too lonely and depressed, so it isn't the best outcome. When I reach that point I search for guys because I know we're way too easy (and because Grindr is way less bureaucratic than Tinder )

 

Most of the guys I've met in those situations have been really nice, I guess because I can 'filter' people too well. Then, when I go into daily talking and stuff with some of them that's when I notice we're not compatible for a relationship . Out of those situations I have friends of the community, each one with a different personality so I wouldn't put them all in the same sack.

For some reason I feel like my closer circle thinks I'm gay (some of them have explicitly told me so), and I guess that's why women never approach me or never try anything romantic with me 

[theweekend]

57 minutes ago, WitnessOblivia said:

I'm a bisexual man.

Generally speaking, my experience in the community has been positive.

My biggest issue is with gay men denying the existence of bisexuality, which is truly hurtful. I haven't experienced this nearly as much from lesbians or trans people. 

Straights are also guilty of this, but I guess you just don't expect it from your own community. 

they're just dumb because they thought calling themselves bisexual would be a good excuse to protect them from family homophobia, so as they could declare themselves gay they think bi doesn't exist because of their own experience

 

[sweetblindness]

I would echo what others in this thread have said already. As a bisexual male I have often felt like people don't really take my sexuality seriously, believing that I either must be straight or gay or that I'm just in denial about being gay. Truthfully I can't imagine a world where I like only men or only women. I think if people were a little more open-minded and less inclined to put everyone's sexuality into a neat little box, we'd all be better off, but that's a different discussion entirely.

[Dante Silva]

From a drag queen perspective someone telling me they are bisexual means very little. It's a vanilla wallpaper term I barely even remember once it's been uttered but somehow my forgetfulness of that never seems to get in the way of sex.
 

What I do remember though is when they confess they've been married 10 years (or whatever) and they wish I could teach their wives how to give a bj.

 

Not that I'd ever kiss and tell because i'm not actually an extrovert and there is nothing like the rush, frequency or hedonism from the grade A class of d that drag queens get offered or the multiple demographics we get offered it from.

[JoeAg]

where should I start? 

 

lol idk I'd say I've had a lot of great experiences and a good amount of sh*tty ones too. for reference, I've hooked up with more men in my life, but I've dated more women. I think the first time someone told me to "pick a team" was a group of neighborhood gays and lesbians at a party I was at when I was around 15 or 16. they were all obviously older than me (late 40s-mid 50s) and I don't know why they thought that saying that to a teenager was appropriate to any degree. I WILL say that in general girls are more weirded out by me being bi than guys are. I feel like there's a complex in the bisexual community where there's a more easily identifiable aesthetic with bisexual women than bisexual men. a LOT of bisexual men I've met have been hypermasc, women-focused, only bisexual and HETEROromantic. in fact, me and my friend Matt are THE most effeminate bisexual men I know. I don't know why! and it feels alienating a lot of the f*cking time! people have this idea/fixation that bi men are all gonna be bro-ey and former frat bros and clean cut and mostly into women and not having fluid aesthetic and internal experiences. well that AIN'T me. I'm extremely in touch with my feminine side, but I'm also in touch with androgyny, which indeed is its own thing! as you can see in my avi < I have a mustache and long hair lol. I'm a hunty at my core! I just so happen to also be attracted to women and non-binary people. and you know what else? my sexuality VERY much fluctuates awl the time. like some days I'll be just feeling 95% into men, some days I'll only be wanting romance and seeking out women primarily. sometimes I just wanna bottom. other times I really crave hooking up with women. hell, my whole dang LIFE is fluid. there needs to be more visibility for bisexual men out there tbh. I know a lot of people have this notion about some women being "bisexual" for attention, and obviously that has its own issues that the world needs to get over and validate women. it's f*cked up and unfair! but it's also incredibly f*cked up that men who are bisexual are often thought to be disgusting and that we're supposed to all be hypermasc. there are SO many societal issues concerning us bisexuals. NONE OF US HAVE TO PICK ANY SIDE! we're bi! we're not half anything and half anything else. we're whole, and we should be f*cking respected more! f*ck! and if any of us wanna joke about our own selves, we're free to do that too. I've also had some issues with women I've been with when I say that I'm "gay af" like they don't know that gay can also be an umbrella term. girl, I'm bi, but if I'm saying I'm gay af I'm referring to myself with the umbrella term of the queer community sometimes. ADDITIONALLY! I also don't like when people unnecessary chime in with sh*t like "oh I would've NEVER guessed that you were bi! I thought you were just gay 100%!" like shut up you f*cking idiot. there are so many better ways to say that that WON'T INVALIDATE ME. I've also had my oldest brother (who I thought was also f*cking bi???) telling me I shouldn't tell my parents when I date girls or boys because it'd confuse them. um? NO?? my parents are boomers, sure, but they KNOW I'm bi and they've KNOWN that I've been bi since I was 13, that's 14 years of me being out! they KNOW I date men AND women so idk why he was suddenly saying that sh*t a few years ago. it f*cked me up.

 

anyway! I do love my life, but it's extremely stressful sometimes being bi and having to like prove that my sexuality is legit. ugh! we need to stop bi erasure as much as we can

[loveisdead9582]

Not bisexual, but I've run into enough men who claim that they're bisexual only to find that that they kissed a guy on the lips (not even full blown make out) once. They have zero desire to date or have sex with someone of the same sex at all - nor have they ever. 
 

I've also met some bisexual men who legit have problems with people doubting them because they've only ever had partners of the opposite sex - both dating and sexually. I sympathize for them because they get a lot of ridicule due to the timing never really working out for them to explore. Where you live may also influence your partner selection. 
 

I've seen the same with women who are bisexual as well - both sides. Very few males or females that identify as bisexuals typically favor both sexes equally (at least in my experience). They are out there obviously but it's kind of a tough line to walk since there's such a stigma against (especially male) bisexuals both in the LGBTQ+ community and the hetero world.

Edited June 6 by loveisdead9582

[kataraqueen]

36 minutes ago, JoeAg said:

where should I start? 

 

lol idk I'd say I've had a lot of great experiences and a good amount of sh*tty ones too. for reference, I've hooked up with more men in my life, but I've dated more women. I think the first time someone told me to "pick a team" was a group of neighborhood gays and lesbians at a party I was at when I was around 15 or 16. they were all obviously older than me (late 40s-mid 50s) and I don't know why they thought that saying that to a teenager was appropriate to any degree. I WILL say that in general girls are more weirded out by me being bi than guys are. I feel like there's a complex in the bisexual community where there's a more easily identifiable aesthetic with bisexual women than bisexual men. a LOT of bisexual men I've met have been hypermasc, women-focused, only bisexual and HETEROromantic. in fact, me and my friend Matt are THE most effeminate bisexual men I know. I don't know why! and it feels alienating a lot of the f*cking time! people have this idea/fixation that bi men are all gonna be bro-ey and former frat bros and clean cut and mostly into women and not having fluid aesthetic and internal experiences. well that AIN'T me. I'm extremely in touch with my feminine side, but I'm also in touch with androgyny, which indeed is its own thing! as you can see in my avi < I have a mustache and long hair lol. I'm a hunty at my core! I just so happen to also be attracted to women and non-binary people. and you know what else? my sexuality VERY much fluctuates awl the time. like some days I'll be just feeling 95% into men, some days I'll only be wanting romance and seeking out women primarily. sometimes I just wanna bottom. other times I really crave hooking up with women. hell, my whole dang LIFE is fluid. there needs to be more visibility for bisexual men out there tbh. I know a lot of people have this notion about some women being "bisexual" for attention, and obviously that has its own issues that the world needs to get over and validate women. it's f*cked up and unfair! but it's also incredibly f*cked up that men who are bisexual are often thought to be disgusting and that we're supposed to all be hypermasc. there are SO many societal issues concerning us bisexuals. NONE OF US HAVE TO PICK ANY SIDE! we're bi! we're not half anything and half anything else. we're whole, and we should be f*cking respected more! f*ck! and if any of us wanna joke about our own selves, we're free to do that too. I've also had some issues with women I've been with when I say that I'm "gay af" like they don't know that gay can also be an umbrella term. girl, I'm bi, but if I'm saying I'm gay af I'm referring to myself with the umbrella term of the queer community sometimes. ADDITIONALLY! I also don't like when people unnecessary chime in with sh*t like "oh I would've NEVER guessed that you were bi! I thought you were just gay 100%!" like shut up you f*cking idiot. there are so many better ways to say that that WON'T INVALIDATE ME. I've also had my oldest brother (who I thought was also f*cking bi???) telling me I shouldn't tell my parents when I date girls or boys because it'd confuse them. um? NO?? my parents are boomers, sure, but they KNOW I'm bi and they've KNOWN that I've been bi since I was 13, that's 14 years of me being out! they KNOW I date men AND women so idk why he was suddenly saying that sh*t a few years ago. it f*cked me up.

 

anyway! I do love my life, but it's extremely stressful sometimes being bi and having to like prove that my sexuality is legit. ugh! we need to stop bi erasure as much as we can

found the guy that does britney's captions!!

 

(totally agree with your opinions given tho generally ppl are just so... emotionally deranged)

[JoeAg]

15 minutes ago, kataraqueen said:

found the guy that does britney's captions!!

 

(totally agree with your opinions given tho generally ppl are just so... emotionally deranged)

lollll her captions where? I wish 

 

and EXACTLY!!

[Happylittlepunk]

I'm bi and my experience is the same like a lot of people here. Many gays try to erase my identity and at often the once trying to force me to pick a side. I could never see myself only dating or hooking up with men. I love women and I find them extremely attractive. I've mostly been with women then with guys but that's just my own preference. A lot of experiences with men have not been very enjoyable. Which is why at times I just see myself as straight. Hooking up with men is way easier than with women. But my experience being in a relationship with women has been far better than with men.