M!X Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 To me it actually sounds like you do not have a choice and you are being forced into marriage by your parents which is sad because if not, then why would you want to get married lmao, just stay single and enjoy your closeted life, you would be making your life much harder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuteboyzay Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 8 minutes ago, Dad said: Mess you dragged me a bit there. I agree but i will still have my family and be able to create my own family with a wife that understands. I don't feel like i will be missing out on much not being open with my sexuality I know a lot of DL Men that have this mentality. And they become progressively more selfish as time goes on. And they end up becoming abusive towards their wives, their children, and everyone else due to this type of entrapment. I'm saying this to you for your safety and your future family. Please don't try and live a life you were not designed to live. Please live your truth and save yourself YEARSSS of regret and therapy. It's not easy. But it will be worth it bookie. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damien M Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 16 minutes ago, Dad said: Mess you dragged me a bit there. I agree but i will still have my family and be able to create my own family with a wife that understands. I don't feel like i will be missing out on much not being open with my sexuality Oh trust me you are missing out on a LOT. Coming out is hard but life goes on. You gain a new type of freedom. but, if you coming out is dangerous and unsafe, then do what you need to do. Just be upfront and aware of the long term. Like, you'll have kid. Kids see (and know) a lot. They'll find out their dad was hooking up with men while being married to their mom. They may not know the original arrangement (and will you tell them? Likely not). Think HARD. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad Posted June 5 Author Share Posted June 5 4 minutes ago, cuteboyzay said: I know a lot of DL Men that have this mentality. And they become progressively more selfish as time goes on. And they end up becoming abusive towards their wives, their children, and everyone else due to this type of entrapment. I'm saying this to you for your safety and your future family. Please don't try and live a life you were not designed to live. Please live your truth and save yourself YEARSSS of regret and therapy. It's not easy. But it will be worth it bookie. I don't think that would ever be me tbh, i don't see having a wife and family as a burden, it is a blessing tbh, getting to start your own family. I know it sounds wrong and i don't mean to offend but i feel like all children need a mother and a father, i know that is going to be controversial to say but that is the way it has always been. Again i don't mean to offend anyone by saying that, it is my opinion only. I really can't see myself starting a family with another man, sure men are good for hookups but i don't really think of them as much more than that, maybe i am slightly bi idk 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anthinos Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 Sorry, but that's just wrong. I would never do something like that and I really don't understand how you can live like that. I would rather die. It goes against your nature. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thuggin Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 Secrets are like cancer. Living that lie will eat you up and gradually catch up with you. And even if it doesn't, do you really want to have kids and a wife who go to their graves never knowing who their father/husband really was? That the romantic attraction wasn't real? If you must marry a girl then marry a lesbian, like others mentioned. I think you're also hard coping by telling yourself that life is always going to be better than living openly as a gay man. Life as a gay man can be exactly what you want to make it. I'm also in a monogamous relationship (1 year so shorter than the others) and have no plans of ever changing that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glitch Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 Aren't you a charmer, can't imagine what that poor girl must see in you... 3 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheep Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 (edited) 1 hour ago, Dad said: Please no bottom queens telling me how awful i am for considering this So then why did you post on the whitest, most culturally unaware forum that is almost exclusively used by bottom queens. OT: I guess the ideal option would be to find a willing and knowing beard but that would be next to impossible. Edited June 5 by Sheep 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onyxmage Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 If you are NOT trolling then I will say this, we all need to do what we have to do to survive. People who dont live in extremely homophobic countries where its dangerous to be out will judge you for your actions but they are just ignorant. If you feel like you will not grow to resent the woman I see no reason why you cant basically have a platonic marriage. Best of luck friend. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raphy23 Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 23 minutes ago, Dad said: I don't feel like i will be missing out on much not being open with my sexuality Sure but life changes. It may work for a while. But then you fall in love with a guy you are seeing and keep telling him you will leave your wife to be with him.. when the time is right. which is just one example of a potential stressful situation that may arise in your plan. You can't control who you fall in love with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anthinos Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 Just now, Dad said: I don't think that would ever be me tbh, i don't see having a wife and family as a burden, it is a blessing tbh, getting to start your own family. I know it sounds wrong and i don't mean to offend but i feel like all children need a mother and a father, i know that is going to be controversial to say but that is the way it has always been. Again i don't mean to offend anyone by saying that, it is my opinion only. I really can't see myself starting a family with another man, sure men are good for hookups but i don't really think of them as much more than that, maybe i am slightly bi idk This is homophobic. Men are good for hookups and nothing else? Believe it or not, we also have feelings. And yes, you can be in a monogamous relationship as a homosexual couple. I should really leave this forum. I only read crazy stuff like this on atrl. 5 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damien M Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 1 minute ago, Dad said: I don't think that would ever be me tbh, i don't see having a wife and family as a burden, it is a blessing tbh, getting to start your own family. I know it sounds wrong and i don't mean to offend but i feel like all children need a mother and a father, i know that is going to be controversial to say but that is the way it has always been. Again i don't mean to offend anyone by saying that, it is my opinion only. I really can't see myself starting a family with another man, sure men are good for hookups but i don't really think of them as much more than that, maybe i am slightly bi idk "All children need a mother and father…that's how it has always been" literally NOT true. There are tons of kids brought up by grandparents, random uncles or aunts, family friends. Kids in single parent households. Siblings even. Kids being raised by two people of the same gender is NOT that dramatic. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raphy23 Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 13 minutes ago, cuteboyzay said: I know a lot of DL Men that have this mentality. And they become progressively more selfish as time goes on. And they end up becoming abusive towards their wives, their children, and everyone else due to this type of entrapment. I'm saying this to you for your safety and your future family. Please don't try and live a life you were not designed to live. Please live your truth and save yourself YEARSSS of regret and therapy. It's not easy. But it will be worth it bookie. !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Next Day Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 Honestly, you should do what feels right. If you truly believe this is the way you want your life to be and not just an alternative way out because you don't want to face scrutiny by your family: Do it. You have very traditional view on marriage. It's not something I agree with. At the same time, it's not my life and I didn't grow up like you. I can't imagine what it's like to not have grown up with the romantic marriage ideal. And I'm not the biggest fan of the institution of marriage in general, so I couldn't judge which model is the "correct" one. The only thing I would ask you to do is be brutally honest with the girl. She deserves to know everything if you actually care for her. Closet gay men had loving relationships throughout all of history. They didn't choose it and they lived with happiness anyway. Nonetheless, your views on gay relationships are very judgemental and stereotypical. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lüwís Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 Not sure why you took the time to even post this as it sounds like you've already made your choice. Just stay in the closet and marry the poor woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimyGhoul Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 1 hour ago, Dad said: So in my culture being gay is seen as wrong, i don't plan on ever coming out. Luckily i come across as masc so have no issue in hiding it. Marriage is seen as a duty more than something done for love, normally it is arranged by both families and then its made to work. I've been meeting with this girl who is interesting in getting married to me, i haven't told her i am gay, but we have hooked up and even though it is not my preference i can still manage to do the job and look after her/provide a good life, i do genuinely care for her and will keep her happy always. I can't really see myself growing old and being all by myself like all gays normally are, no family, no partner, scrolling through grindr for some company, it is honestly sad. She wants to start a family with me and i am happy to do that for her, i feel like it is a win win situation. Is anyone here in a similar situation? Please no bottom queens telling me how awful i am for considering this You have a lot of internal homophobia that is probably a result of your culture. Your perception of a gay culture and a gay person's life is extremely skewed. I genuinely feel really sorry for you :( I hope you find happiness someday. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad Posted June 5 Author Share Posted June 5 1 minute ago, The Next Day said: Honestly, you should do what feels right. If you truly believe this is the way you want your life to be and not just an alternative way out because you don't want to face scrutiny by your family: Do it. You have very traditional view on marriage. It's not something I agree with. At the same time, it's not my life and I didn't grow up like you. I can't imagine what it's like to not have grown up with the romantic marriage ideal. And I'm not the biggest fan of the institution of marriage in general, so I couldn't judge which model is the "correct" one. The only thing I would ask you to do is be brutally honest with the girl. She deserves to know everything if you actually care for her. Closet gay men had loving relationships throughout all of history. They didn't choose it and they lived with happiness anyway. Nonetheless, your views on gay relationships are very judgemental and stereotypical. Yeah i am going to be open with her about it. I'm going to let her know that i am attracted to men but i will treat her well and raise a family with her, look after her needs etc etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweeftie13 Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 I don't want to judge you and unfortunately I don't know you personally so I don't know what your feelings are, but reading your post it seems like you like the idea of having a girl next to you... Have you ever thought about being bisexual and not gay? Or perhaps, since sexuality is a very complex subject of the individual labels "gay", "bi", "lesbian", perhaps you are sexually attracted to men and sentimentally attracted to women, something that happened a lot in ancient times (Ancient Greece with παῖς and εραστής) and also happens in nature. Whatever you choose: Open your heart and do what you feel, you are the only master of your life and you have the RIGHT to respect yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kataraqueen Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 I don't think most people can relate in this thread as far as arranged marriages in your particular culture go. From the friends I have that were to be put in an arranged marriage, some form of attraction did exist at the very least. If it's normal to cheat in your culture, go ahead with what ever you want I suppose. If it's not, well... Maybe consider what you'd be giving the woman you'd marry. A life married to a man who never truly loves her... I don't wish that upon any woman, and I think it's a moral failing on your part to not recognize this at the very least. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad Posted June 5 Author Share Posted June 5 5 minutes ago, Sweeftie13 said: I don't want to judge you and unfortunately I don't know you personally so I don't know what your feelings are, but reading your post it seems like you like the idea of having a girl next to you... Have you ever thought about being bisexual and not gay? Or perhaps, since sexuality is a very complex subject of the individual labels "gay", "bi", "lesbian", perhaps you are sexually attracted to men and sentimentally attracted to women, something that happened a lot in ancient times (Ancient Greece with παῖς and εραστής) and also happens in nature. Whatever you choose: Open your heart and do what you feel, you are the only master of your life and you have the RIGHT to respect yourself. Yes i think this perfectly describes me, i didn't even know that was a thing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thuggin Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 1 minute ago, Sweeftie13 said: I don't want to judge you and unfortunately I don't know you personally so I don't know what your feelings are, but reading your post it seems like you like the idea of having a girl next to you... Have you ever thought about being bisexual and not gay? Or perhaps, since sexuality is a very complex subject of the individual labels "gay", "bi", "lesbian", perhaps you are sexually attracted to men and sentimentally attracted to women, something that happened a lot in ancient times (Ancient Greece with παῖς and εραστής) and also happens in nature. Whatever you choose: Open your heart and do what you feel, you are the only master of your life and you have the RIGHT to respect yourself. How much of this is just comphet though And the reason it happened in Ancient Greece is a similar mentality to what the OP has: "A little sexual fun with men means nothing because seriously partnering with a man isn't even an option and doesn't even make sense. Ultimately everyone wants to partner up to reproduce." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
montacelo Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 (edited) Quote I can't really see myself growing old and being all by myself like all gays normally are, no family, no partner, scrolling through grindr for some company, it is honestly sad. I lost all sympathy I had for you after this part, but I guess it's not suprising seeing what kind of culture you come from. Edited June 5 by montacelo 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mean Trees Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 (edited) I could not be a woman being d;cked down by a gay Madonna stan at that. No offense OP. Edited June 5 by Mean Trees 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Technicolor Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyboi Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 Just now, Mean Trees said: I could not be a woman being d;cked down by a gay Madonna stan at that. No offense OP. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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