Archetype Posted May 20 Posted May 20 6 hours ago, tiagol88 said: Only i didn't go back. I blocked him everywhere and for some reason i now feel better. Didn't ask him why he wasn't honest with me before, why he decided to tell me something like this the way he did...nothing. Just turned him off everywhere. Didn't even try to look for an explanation, no drama. Nothing. This is you being smart, wise, and protective of your time and energy. People like this guy you were seeing are beyond oblivious and I genuinely wonder how they function in society without needing someone to explain everything to them like a child. Have patience for people who are willing to be open and honest with you, ignore the rest. 1 2
Cain Posted May 20 Posted May 20 I was in a relationship for nearly a decade with someone I could just not figure out no matter how hard I tried, he cheated and lied and I tried time and time again to figure out why, to talk about it, to try and understand Since letting that relationship go I've also let go of the need to try and get people, I'm a very open and honest person and I empathise with people easily, so if I feel that's not reciprocated and guys pull weird stunts I just let go of them immediately I've wasted enough time on people that can't communicate themselves, I'm not gonna do it for them 2
єѕℓαм Posted May 20 Posted May 20 Good on you for respecting urself and knowing ur worth and yeah i'm the same once u cross me i go houdini
cuteboyzay Posted May 20 Posted May 20 I don't block people because I do believe people can change and apologize, but at the same time I am VERY good at letting people go emotionally and detaching myself from them. I've always grown up that way though tbh, and learned to enjoy people in the moment. And if they started trying to "get me jealous" especially guys that like me or keep certain secrets from me that have some sort of violation to our connection that he knew was wrong to do. THAT'S when I start creating distance from him. The guy you were dealing with does not sound like he had the best interest for you, while it sounded like you did for him. I don't think blocking him immediately like that was the best thing to do, but it was evident that he was not someone to really trust. So I'm happy you weren't gonna allow yourself to put up with that anymore!
alexrex Posted May 20 Posted May 20 I find it interesting how this tends to happen mostly to guys, and among the gay community it's very present. I believe it has to do with the way we are raised. There is a lack of emotional intelligence and how to effectively communicate our feelings (most of the times they teach us to suppress our emotions) so we end up not being able to tell what's happening to us and ghosting people, because that's the easiest thing to do. We protect ourselves that way, but we repeat the cycle over and over again. Girls have to deal with this bs all the time, and I find them to be way more careful and conscious about their emotional part. They have to deal with men not being able to tell what's wrong. 1
Wooper Posted May 20 Posted May 20 It's better to be bitter and alone than hanging desperately on to a fleeting relationship. My ex of 7 years broke up the relationship a total of 5 times because of his own insecurities. Years later I'm still scrambling to pick myself together and cope with the trust issues. But i never blocked him. I really see that i also grew from that relationship. And blocking feels poisoning every happy moment that we had as well. What helped was to see that we're all troubled some sort of way. And we're all trying to make the best of it. And with my bf now I noticed that we both have grown a LOT from relationships prior and that we can be a better version of ourselves for each other.
tiagol88 Posted May 20 Author Posted May 20 1 hour ago, Wooper said: It's better to be bitter and alone than hanging desperately on to a fleeting relationship. My ex of 7 years broke up the relationship a total of 5 times because of his own insecurities. Years later I'm still scrambling to pick myself together and cope with the trust issues. But i never blocked him. I really see that i also grew from that relationship. And blocking feels poisoning every happy moment that we had as well. What helped was to see that we're all troubled some sort of way. And we're all trying to make the best of it. And with my bf now I noticed that we both have grown a LOT from relationships prior and that we can be a better version of ourselves for each other. Your situation is different. There was history there. Someone that was a part of your life for at least 7 years. I never blocked an ex as well. I blocked this one so that won't have the urge to let him into my life for real whenever he wants to be back. It's mostly done to protect myself in an early stage against someone that was barely part of my life really.
John Slayne Posted May 20 Posted May 20 i mean was it ever established that you were a monogamous couple? if so then yea your reaction is more justified, even if extreme. if monogamy was never explicitly established then it's kind of on you to get your hopes up without clarifying what the other guy wants from your relationship. although the fact that he felt hesitant to tell you about going out with someone else is a sign of unclean conscience on his part...
John Slayne Posted May 20 Posted May 20 8 hours ago, alexrex said: I find it interesting how this tends to happen mostly to guys, and among the gay community it's very present. I believe it has to do with the way we are raised. There is a lack of emotional intelligence and how to effectively communicate our feelings (most of the times they teach us to suppress our emotions) so we end up not being able to tell what's happening to us and ghosting people, because that's the easiest thing to do. We protect ourselves that way, but we repeat the cycle over and over again. Girls have to deal with this bs all the time, and I find them to be way more careful and conscious about their emotional part. They have to deal with men not being able to tell what's wrong. we get the worst of both worlds. we are socialised as men (meaning we are not taught emotional intelligence and how to express our feelings) but also shamed for our sexuality and lacking positive role models for relationships. and even when we do form healthy connections literally half of society prays for their downfall and tries to punish us for them. we really have to work harder to make a relationship work, on the flip side gay divorce rates are lower than those of straight couples so once we make it through all the hurdles, we are more likely to be in it for life
Patient Zero Posted May 20 Posted May 20 (edited) All the dating apps have made dating easy and hard at the same time. It's so easy to find sex, if you want to. But finding something serious is hard because of that. People will always try to find grass that's greener. This really sucks for people who want to be in a serious or monogamous relationship. And you did well. Don't let anyone ever take you for granted. Edited May 20 by Patient Zero
Gesamtkunstwerk Posted May 20 Posted May 20 49 minutes ago, Patient Zero said: All the dating apps have made dating easy and hard at the same time. It's so easy to find sex, if you want to. But finding something serious is hard because of that. People will always try to find grass that's greener. This really sucks for people who want to be in a serious or monogamous relationship. And you did well. Don't let anyone ever take you for granted. We also just live a time where people value shallow attention and validation, from as many as people as possible, over deep validation from a few people they actually care about Social media effect ig 2
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