discussion How to not lead a bitter, hateful existence?

[EnigmaticAndroid]

These are some things I've been learning in rehab, and by myself (and woth my therapist) as I prepared for it:

 

Gratitude. Be thankful for everything, good and bad. Try and figure out what you can put into a less than ideal situation. Find the silver linings. Stop always wishing for more, or thinking about how there's never enough. Go through a few things you're grateful for every morning. Live with a gracious mindset. There's a proven link between gratitude and happiness. 

 

Accept what you cannot change and understand what is in your control.

 

Be patient, understanding, and empathetic. Be a good listener.

 

Learn how to be more vulnerable and open in a healthy way. I read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and it affected me profoundly. 

 

If you don't have one already, try to develop a real sense of community. And not just your friends that you kiki and go to the clerb with. Find something bigger than yourself. 

 

Write down every resentment you have. Every single one, ever. Go through what happened, your role or position in it, your feelings about it, and talk about it with someone who can handle it (ideally a therapist). Save it and add onto it as necessary or destroy it. 

[tjspy]

I came to think that everybody is a minority in some aspect and has their own struggles. No point on envying, because I don't know what are the pains of others, and also, any good thing comes with a price.

 

So yeah, there's absolutely no reasoning for that. I'd rather make myself have the things I want if possible. If not, it was not meant to be and that's fine. Why would I care about others having more money, more sex, better bodies, or wtv? We'll all be dead in a while and nothing of this actually matters. They'll all be old, they'll have accidents, they'll have their insecurities, they'll have their hearts broken, they'll want to be somebody else too. 

 

To me there's no point in overthinking life and society, and get into comparrissons. Just by doing this, you're assuring yourself to feel better than the person you were envying before and they'd problably be the ones being jealous of how you see life. 

Edited March 27 by tjspy

[Tudors]

Not using this site or letting it's users control you in any way.

[shyboi]

Reading, specially about stoicism

 

understanding that you are just a sack of proteins glued together traveling on a big rock across the universe helps too

[ohwow]

weed

[AvadaKedavra]

I try to see that even with my unfortunate situations, there are people much worse off. Like all those in palestine or all over the planet in very awful situations or life tragedies
 

Also, over time, I've realized that many people pretend, but sometimes not even the richest or those who have everything are truly happy. I have so many friends and wealthy people with depressing lives. So many with the perfect everything but theyre hidin things.  Everyone is always lookin for something. Social media is so fake. Is everyone showin their best but not the nights feeling sad.
 

ALSO, I try to have perspectives, and just as the universe creates like 50% of horrible people, there are also people with very kind hearts in the world, even if they're not visible. Each person is just trying to survive.

So, sometimes i just accept reality how its is. The good, the bad. Breath. Dont focus on the wrong things. Focus on the positives and how to make a happier life for you
Also recognizin how Jealousy is a natural mechanism of survival. Its ok. The problem is dweeling in it i think we all feel jealousy.
Is something we need to learn to turn off. 

Edited March 27 by AvadaKedavra

[MatiRod]

I focus on the fact that life is a gift and there are lots of people who have it much worse than me.

 

And I go to the gym and eat healthy, which has a huge positive effect on my mental health regardless of what mess is happening in my life.

[Xtina23]

idk about ya'll, but I like to strut my #bangerz

 

me on a causal Wednesday

Edited March 27 by Xtina23

[If U Seek Amy]

I dealt with this for a number of years and overcame it. For me personally what I realized was causing it was primarily over consumption of negative media (some is okay in moderation to stay up to date on the world), perspective on life (do you choose to focus on the negative or positive? You do not have to be ignorant to focus on good), stop assuming people who "seem" happy and well off are actually so (most people hide their demons and have many more problems than they let on), acceptance of your station in life (fighting it is a part of what is causing you misery), beginning a healthy lifestyle (sleep, working out, sun, diet, water, etc), and slow but steady progress towards your goals. It won't be immediate but over time you do begin to feel better and happier and have so much gratitude for small things. 

 

Most of the time I talk to bitter and miserable individuals a combination of the following appear: doom scrolling/too much time online and on negative media, too much social media in general due to comparisons and constant anger/fear baiting, poor health in multiple forms often due to tech addictions, not much or no social interaction time irl offline, focus on the negatives of the world and things out of their control (a lot of unhappiness results from lack of control and not accepting it), and they just sort of stew in it all instead of just beginning somewhere and making progress.

 

Something I also want to throw in is many people nowadays care so much about how they appear. Whether it is looks, intelligence, being right/smarter than others, more successful, whatever. Choose to live for you and not for others. Even if you are not consciously do it see if you are subconsciously doing that in some way. 

Edited March 27 by If U Seek Amy

[qegqeg]

Honestly, I think quitting the internet, but it's almost impossible 

[Cyanide]

As a recovering people pleaser, that anger and resentment of things that happened to me in the past eventually fueled me to truly be on my side. I think it's valid to be angry at the state of the world and the lives and dynamics we are forced into. Everyone is dealt different cards in life but where there is a will there is a way! Focus on what would truly truly make you happy in life  

[Digitalism]

What type of advise are you expecting to get from this place when it is fueled by hate?

[Specter]

Some really nice posts here. Will respond to them soon... but I frankly find it hard to apply most of the advice

[Kern]

Don't be a stuck up ***** like ATRL+ users!

Edited March 29 by stupidjock

[Alldeezy]

I just accept I'll never be lucky with love, friendship or career so I just accept i'm slapped with the irish unluck and live my life alone while everyone around me is now happily in relationships have friends and family around them .. those people now see me and belittle me to the point they remove me out of there life.  so in a way the people who have everything are the bitter ones now.   sometimes I do envy them but can't do much however I wouldn't wish even people I hate with my life :( 

 

[DAP]

I cope through humor. Easier to process things and regulate my emotions and sense of self. It also stimulates my curiosity. 

[AMIT]

1. Realize that most things that affect you happen outside of your control. This applies to both ''bad'' and ''good'' things, though mostly the bad ones. The good ones are told to be out of your reach until you check some arbitrary boxes imposed on you by people with money. 

 

2. Recognize that the way we live right now and the way we go about things is not the ''best way'' or the ''only way''. Most of our societies (certainly most of the ones we often hear about) are extremely hierarchized and that's not a ''natural state of things'', no matter how much people try to convince you otherwise. We didn't get here from a ground-up effort to consolidate our way of living; it was imposed on us by a group of people whose descendants are still keeping us under their control utilizing power and violence.

 

3. Stop believing everything people tell you especially about what you should or should not do. Start questioning things. Everything. Authority (the bad kind) does not like questioning, it likes obedience and compliance. Most of what we learn is what the ruling classes wants us to learn to their benefit, not ours. Stop accepting crap just because everyone around you seemingly does too.

 

4. Radicalize yourselves. Stop repeating the mistakes of the people that came before you. Start learning about how the system functions and the ways you can make an impact, because they exist. We live in extreme times. Things are getting worse and will continue to get worse. It's not going to be easy, but it is necessary and ultimately will benefit all of us. 

[Specter]

 

I need to respond to some of these earnest posts, even though I am struggling big time to apply the advice at all

[Batsy Armada]

I've seen enough to know that the grass is not always greener on the other side. We often look at people, sometimes, as if they're living these perfect lives and have everything figured out. These are the people who, when you examine them a bit more closely, have the most challenges and struggles in life. I used to know someone like this—he had a Lamborghini, always had a girlfriend, wore the best clothes, recorded music, always had people around him, etc. but he couldn't even feed himself, had no place to actually call home, was being consistently and constantly cheated on and had rocky relationships with his parents, to say the least. He was someone I used to be jealous of, honestly, when I very first met him; but then the massive cracks started to show as I began to actually get to know him. And I was always doing a hell of a lot better than him.

 

I'm grateful for what I have and have accomplished in life. I'm still searching and finding my way in a lot of regards, but there are still people who would, literally, kill to be in my position. Gratefulness, for my own struggles and challenges in comparison to others'.