ATRL Moderator Legend E Posted March 21 ATRL Moderator Share Posted March 21 I might want a bit of an extension I have most of it written, but I still need to finish it. I am also not extremely happy with it lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldwide angel Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 nnn got scared i wouldn't have anything to submit but i'm almost done 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djcalpal Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Submitted I hope y'all like metaphors. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatinglikeadrum Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 My song is such a flop. I cant. It was so rushed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATRL Moderator Legend E Posted March 22 ATRL Moderator Share Posted March 22 Sending it in a few mins. It's a mess. Hope you enjoy (Yes, I just submitted it twice cause I didn't know for sure if it went through ) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 In 3/5 ATRL songwriting competitions I've competed in my R1 song has been my lowest scored/ranked I like my song this week but we'll see how the judges like it 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Invisibility Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 Resent and redid my song's bridge, very content w it now! Just to add to the pile of great butterfly songs: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kern Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 I'm writing something finally Will try to finish within next few hours 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 Starting judging Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kern Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 (edited) 6 hours ago, stupidjock said: I'm writing something finally Will try to finish within next few hours By the way my account got hacked and somebody is threatening to finish and send a song I'm currenly working very hard on. Nothing will be send untill I'm ready Edited March 22 by stupidjock 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 2 hours ago, Hug said: Starting judging Deadline passed 10 hours ago and no reviews? Flop judges Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 If y'all are still planning on submitting, we don't have late penalties if you get them in before we finalize judging! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 Hello Am still in the studio label has locked us in here and threatening not to release us until the song is done, we're currently on a vape break xx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 Debuting my NFR! era with my first track, "He'll be dancing on his roof, all alone" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 2 hours ago, Hug said: If y'all are still planning on submitting, we don't have late penalties if you get them in before we finalize judging! King Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 4 hours ago, fountain said: Hello Am still in the studio label has locked us in here and threatening not to release us until the song is done, we're currently on a vape break xx The studio has been evacuated due to excessive fumes from our vapes. This is delaying my song!! I have to wait until it is deemed biologically safe to re enter. The worst part is we accidentally left a vocal take looping, and it was me messing up the big high note at the end :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack! Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 Work kinda got the best of me this week in the end. Next will I'll submit I promise! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 🦋 The Songs of Round 1 🦋 hurricane326 - "The Edge" Invisibility - "Glass Pain" Armani - "Butterflies" Julia Fox - "wedding gowns made of clouds" AccioMiley - "Philly" helpthomas - "optional" blastoisebaby - "Cocoon" OreGuy - "A Butterfly's Thorax" Jackson - "Paper Wings" djcalpal - "A Little Butterfly" Rotunda - "Twentysomething" beatinglikeadrum - "Psyche" worldwide angel - "i miss you" Legend E - "Butterfly, You Give Me Butterflies" Weld_E - "The Dragon and the Butterfly" Prisoner - "He'll be dancing on his roof, all alone" stupidjock - "Digital Butterfly" Thank you to the seventeen wonderful writers who have helped to make this round one of the most competitive since the debut round of Golden Hit's second season back in 2022! The judges now have all of your entries and reviews will be posted over the course of the next few days. If you still wish to submit a last minute entry, please try to do so ASAP. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccioMiley Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 Im nervous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 @helpthomas Unfortunately your document has not been set up for sharing! Please enable this so the judges can review and score your song. Quick tutorial if you (or anyone else) is unsure how to do so: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punisher Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 sorry i don't think i can submit for the first round im so busy rn, the load should be taken off by tuesday though! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helpthomas Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 1 hour ago, Aurora said: @helpthomas Unfortunately your document has not been set up for sharing! Please enable this so the judges can review and score your song. Quick tutorial if you (or anyone else) is unsure how to do so: oop! done 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 Once again I'd like to thank everyone who participated in this first round of Golden Hit: Season 6! It's wonderful to see so many new and familiar names. As this is the first round, I've made my reviews more in-depth, highlighting some of the things I loved, as well as some potential areas of improvement. Pt. I Spoiler 1. hurricane326 - "The Edge" You never fail to fascinate me with how you are able to conjure up and execute such highly elevated concepts so swiftly. Venturing down the chaos theory path was definitely one of the more difficult interpretations of the prompt, but I love how you have gone about this. It still feels very connected to you as a writer given its association with historical American weather events, but this also feels a bit more commercial for you in some ways. I love alliterations and you've used them fantastically in your verses here. I also enjoyed inclusions such as, "beating my brazen wings,” and, "a harmless flutter to coordinate their fate,” which connected it back to the butterfly imagery. As always, a strong first offering from you and I'm highly anticipating another string of superb songs from you. Could this be your season at last? 2. @Invisibility - "Glass Pain" Firstly, I'd like to highlight that you took inspiration from a significant event in your own life that could be considered somewhat traumatic and made something beautiful from it, which in itself really embodies the essence of a butterfly's transformation I feel. I think incorporating religious imagery can be very effective when used correctly, and I definitely see the connection with stained glass windows in churches, but I don't think it was a necessary inclusion as it took some of that impact and weight of it being a personal experience away for me. I thought the play on words in the title was clever, and your third verse was the highlight of the song for me, particularly the couplet, "Give back stillness, make me whole / Fit these shards into a better mold,” Had you exchanged some of the religious themes for lyrics that connected back to butterflies in a stronger manner, I think that would have really elevated this piece for this challenge. As is, it's still a wonderful first outing for you and I am eager to see what is next. 3. @Armani? - "Butterflies" Welcome to the tournament! I enjoyed that you brought a fresh perspective to this tournament, as often when we see romantic songs submitted, the object of the narrator's affection is typically male given ATRL's core demographic. You built the song around the idiom of having butterflies in one's stomach, and it's a classic combination that just works. There was a good sense of movement from the first to the second verse, and it was good to learn a bit more about why this person is so important beyond just being an old flame. I would have liked to see you flesh out the bridge a lot more, as what you have is great and connects to both the butterfly concept and romantic feelings perfectly. One thing I will say is that this definitely felt like a legitimate song's lyrics and there was no confusion about whether this was lyrics or poetry, as is often brought into question in these tournaments. Looking forward to reading what else you come up with! 4. @Julia Fox - "wedding gowns made of clouds" It's wonderful to see you return after taking a break for a couple of seasons! The absence of your distinctive style has certainly been noticed. What I'm constantly drawn to with your lyrics are the conceptual ideas you always come up with. I think there's almost a sort of beauty in English not being your first language because you turn phrases that perhaps native English speakers would never be able to think of, and it always gives you a point of difference. I like that your song sits in a universe where the presence of butterflies doesn't feel at all random among the forest and airy imagery. There were a few phrases that fell a bit flat here and there (“you put me the crown, I put you the ring,” and, "it haven't disappear,”) but on the whole I liked the direction and approach to the challenge and found this an enjoyable read. 5. @AccioMiley - "Philly" Welcome to the tournament! This was a pretty tried and true formula structurally at least, which I think is a smart choice for your first offering in this tournament because on a fundamental level you're ticking all of those boxes. Unrequited love has definitely been a common theme in my own writing so I found this decently relatable, which is always a positive thing. Again, your usage of butterflies makes perfect sense and is used well within the context of your song, being a strong central element in your chorus rather than just a throwaway lyric. To take this to the next level, I would have loved to see even more of a personal touch here. The titular lyric referencing Philly was a step in the right direction because it wasn't so generalized, and added some context. I love a mix of specific little details that are unique to the people referred to in the song in combination with more general ideas about relationships and romance. All in all, I'd say this was a great look into what you're capable of as a writer! 6. @helpthomas - "optional" Welcome to the tournament! One thing that caught my attention off the bat was your song title… on the submission form you listed it as "optional", but on the document itself (and as the lyrics of the song would suggest) it appears to be "Try"? Outside of that, this was a magnificent start to your time in this tournament! Loved the way you incorporated multiple meanings of words within the same line (“feel" in the opener, "sense" in the second verse). It's often difficult to incorporate polysyllabic words without them feeling forced, but your use of "metamorphose" in the chorus was masterfully balanced. You mentioned you felt it may come across as a bit wordy, but I disagree… if anything I wouldn't have minded more (longer verses, perhaps a pre-chorus?) because this was so good! However, I appreciate you not just adding in more for the sake of it. My only small piece of constructive criticism is that I think having a few more unique lyrical ideas or metaphors would have taken this piece to new heights, but as is, it's already one of my favorites of the round thus far. Very excited to see what else you have to offer! 7. @blastoisebaby - "Cocoon" Welcome to the tournament! The first thing that I noticed about your writing was your aptitude for internal rhyming. The placement of "changing,” "fading,” and "waiting,” in the first verse was catchy and established a good sense of rhythm instantaneously. It's clear to me you have a vision of where this song would be headed sonically based on these rhythmic choices and the repetitions, which is wonderful to see. I was hoping somebody would head down the path of metamorphosis, and I think you've done a solid job. I wonder about the specifics of the numbers chosen in the second verse (“4 weeks,” "crowd of 54,”) as I thought it may have been a clever reference to a butterfly's cocoon cycle, however that appears to only be 5-21 days. I also really enjoyed how you changed the color of the butterfly's wings from warm colors representing happiness to cool colors representing sadness in the outro, and the similar dichotomy between the scent of cherry blossoms and the everglades. Looking forward to your next offering. 8. @OreGuy - "A Butterfly's Thorax" Fantastic to see you back again after a little while away. Okay, I can see the vision here. So you're comparing the process of a performer getting into full drag with how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? That's kinda camp actually! Although I can hardly hear "drag queen" and "butterfly" in the same sentence without thinking about Asia O'Hara… fortunately this song wasn't near the disaster that ended up being. I like how you even took the time to include a bit of social commentary in the second verse: "Going back on the same train / Corporate people's the sea / We belong at the same zoo / Just different audience to please,” I'm kinda gagged? I don't think the pre-chorus added much to the song and could have been worked a bit more, but honestly that's my only critique. A fun and fresh concept, looking forward to your next. 9. @Jackson - "Paper Wings" This feels very much like a classic Jackson song: snatched meter, gorgeous rhyming, and a good sprinkling of religious imagery. You're obviously a skilled lyricist, so my comments are largely going to be personal takeaways and preferences. The pre-choruses here were divine and my favorite sections of this song; couplets like, "You tell me you're ready, my love are you sure? / I don't want to taint something so bright and so pure,” are pure poetry. Conversely, there's a suspicious amount of sexually suggestive subtext in the chorus: the "origami" lyric is reminiscent of that one Selena Gomez lyric in "Fetish", and, "You flutter in my skilled and seasoned hands,” is probably the most delicate way I've ever seen someone refer to themselves as promiscuous. This song didn't feel as focused as some of your best works, in which almost every lyric is a call back to the central theme. Here we jump between natural themes to bed sheets to origami, with a sprinkling of religious imagery in between, which was perhaps one element too many for me and made it feel more disjointed than it should? The bridge was a complete collapse though, perhaps my favorite section of the round thus far. It's always a pleasure to read your writing. Pt. II Spoiler 10. @djcalpal - "A Little Butterfly" Welcome to the tournament! I was initially a bit worried seeing you start your song with such long line lengths, but the meter in this couplet is so tight and every word flows after the next so seamlessly. This seamlessness continued right through the first verse into the pre-chorus, which set up for a fantastic first impression of your writing. The second verse isn't as tight but is still very good, however the closing lyric here, "You're not the one for me because of you I am so very strong,” felt a little clunky just to fit the rhyme. This was a very cute song though, but I really would have loved a bridge, it felt as if it was building up to something, and continuing on from that second verse to reveal how the "butterfly" writes their own truth would have been stellar. This was a strong first offering and I hope you continue to submit for future rounds. 11. @Rotunda - "Twentysomething" Welcome to the tournament! I'd like to highlight your decision to write about something personal to you, especially on your first outing in a writing tournament like this. Sharing a piece of writing for the first time is never easy, let alone one inspired by one's own experiences. There was definitely a darkness to this song that I wasn't necessarily expecting to see from such a seemingly light-hearted challenge prompt, but I love that you subverted that expectation. The way you wove butterfly references into various sections of the song was great and amplified the connection to the prompt without feeling forced. Honestly the only takeaway I have for you is… keep doing what you're doing because I found this to be a very well composed piece and couldn't really think of any notes to improve it. Amazing start to your season! 12. @beatinglikeadrum - "Psyche" Oh wow I love your approach to this challenge. This is what I love about open-ended inspiration challenges because there's always submissions like this one that I never would have thought of, and it's so exciting to see. Here I was anticipating a song about the human psyche, but delving into Greek mythology is such a great angle. This definitely reads like poetry a lot of the time, which I'm not against. Very strong spoken word vibes in the verses, or something akin to a Joanna Newsom performance. My main piece of constructive criticism for you would be that some of the lyrics here are quite wordy, which makes it hard to establish a consistent sense of rhythm, which is beneficial to have even in more poetic or spoken word pieces such as this. Love the conceptual ingenuity though, and very excited to see your next offering as well. 13. @worldwide angel - "i miss you" So glad to have you back again! Hug and I were sort of in a state of uncertainty when you posted on the Songwriter's Studio thread that you were keen to write again, and now look at us! So we kind of have you to thank for the season going ahead when it did. You've always had a strong stream-of-consciousness feel to your writing that sets you apart from others and makes your writing very unique. Often that works in your favor a lot, however in this piece I do wonder if there were more opportunities for you to revisit earlier lyrics and connect them to the butterfly theme more strongly? For instance in the second verse there's not a whole lot of connection to the prompt, where I can see you could have reworked the "presidential" lyric into something involving "monarch", also referencing the butterfly species. Always love to have you in this tournament, and I just know this season is going to be the one you earn that Golden Hit! 14. @Legend E - "Butterfly, You Give Me Butterflies" Ooh we love a double feature, incorporating both a metaphor and idiom in the titular lyric here. I like the angle you went with here, likening this object of your affection to an idyllic and beautiful creature such as a butterfly. I enjoyed the imagery and meaning behind the flowers and the weeds lyrics, and most of the metaphors here made sense and aided the narrative of the song well. Couple of things, this may sound like an odd critique in the butterfly challenge, but I felt as if there were almost too many direct uses of the words butterfly/butterflies (especially in the chorus). Sometimes, less is more! Metamorphosis is also a process one must typically undergo themselves, so using it to mean changing someone else in the final stanza didn't really work for me. These things aside, this was another good offering and a reminder of why you're always doing well in these tournaments. 15. @Weld_E - "The Dragon and the Butterfly" Welcome to the tournament! This was such an interesting submission, at times it almost read like a classic folklore tale or something written as a cautionary tale for use in an animated film or something (that's a compliment!) Rhyming is obviously a key aspect in many songs, but it's just as important to experiment with different rhyme schemes and patterns to keep a sense of movement. In your verses you use AABB, and in your pre-chorus and chorus it's entirely AAAA[...], which can be really difficult to do in prolonged stanzas without at least some of the lyrics feeling a little forced just to end on a perfect rhyme. That'd be my main piece of advice for you, to play around with different rhyme structures (try ABAB, or ABCB), and even experiment with internal rhyming (where not just the last words of each line rhyme). I liked the creativity and introduction of another flying creature into this song, and look forward to your next piece. 16. @Prisoner - "He'll be dancing on his roof, all alone" Oh wow oh wow, well this is a rather ARTPOP connection to the challenge prompt, huh? I love when people push the boundaries and subvert expectations by finding connections to the prompt I never would have considered (we've had a few this round), however this might be just a bit too tangential for me. In a venn diagram of literal and metaphorical songs about butterflies, I feel this sits firmly outside of that. As for the song itself, I liked it! I found it a little hard to follow at times, but it was definitely full of some pretty imagery I could visualize. I definitely would have loved to see some references to butterflies brought to the forefront of this piece for the sake of this brief, but I appreciate you taking a more abstract and experimental approach. I'm curious to see how this will fare in a round with a dozen or more songs with really strong yet equally creative connections to the butterfly theme. 17. @stupidjock - "Digital Butterfly" I'm honestly kind of surprised that it took seventeen songs for somebody to think of this concept, because it's a really clever and relatable way to utilize the butterfly imagery in a way that feels natural and relatable when talking about trying to "catch" someone's attention, like trying to catch a butterfly with a net. I think your second verse here is the stronger of the two, simply because you have tied it back to the butterfly theme a little better (the "rare one" lyric, and alluding to wanting to be caught). I know you struggled a bit with this prompt but I think your concept here is solid, and with a little more time this could have been polished even more. Thank you for submitting, and I hope inspiration strikes you a little earlier in the next round! 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 I got up early to do some of these reviews before work but progress is slow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 Next round? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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