Specter Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 A Cliff's notes version: A former friend (we recently fell out badly) introduced me to this person that has some common interests and is somewhat fun. We hung out a month or two ago, grabbed some beer & it was nice. Unfortunately both our schedules are very busy, mine especially so; we both wanted to meet each other again. I DID tell them bout the falling out, only to prevent awkwardness if there's a common plan. I would rather not. Fast forward to last week, it's the weekend, and there's a big festival happening across my town that I only learned of a few days prior. I invite them, the goal was to hang out with them and them only. They then decide to make a group of 20 or so RANDOM people on insta for the event like I barely know these people, some people they do not know either lol they just put a link of the event on their stories because "it's more fun that way. Each of us will have different stories." This group also includes the former friend... So anyway, not only did I not go with this group (it was a festival with a lot of different things, so I went off with another friend on a different route and didn't run into them/their club of random insta hatchlings), I have kinda... lost interest dd Like. I did gently tell them that I'd prefer not to turn this into a giant group activity — I like getting to know people OR doing new things, doing both sometimes makes me anxious or awkward and they acknowledge its valid, but like now I am back to a mountain of work and though I feel like an ******* saying this, for Lord knows I'm not socially gifted at all, but someone so socially inept or wishy washy is kind of a turn off. I don't want to meet with them for a bit because they kept guilting me for being swamped with work, how we must meet and then when I actually plan something it's some mess. Thots? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
State of Grace. Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 Oh that's a major turn off. It is especially bad because you did tell him that you'd rather hang out just both of you together. I don't think you're being hard on him at all. You have the right to feel some typa way about him since he didn't even take your wish into consideration. If you still feel like meeting again, then do it, but I feel like this will happen again. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fab Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 hmm it depends tbh. Maybe they had already sort of made plans with that group beforehand, and then decided to include you as well? Going to festivals is kind of the perfect group activity. Maybe since you don't know each other super well yet they were anxious about hanging out one on one? You said you met once before so I think it's a bit much to expect them to accommodate your grievances you have with other people. Otoh the inviting 20 people on Instagram does sound a bit annoying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Specter Posted March 10 Author Share Posted March 10 1 minute ago, fab said: Maybe they had already sort of made plans with that group beforehand, and then decided to include you as well? Actually this wasn't the case. Initially we had decided we would spend the week coming up with things/venues to try out — cafes, bars, activities. I then off-handedly mentioned this festival and then the rest is history ddd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireSky Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 You did nothing wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keshasfillers Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 You did nothing wrong +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glitch Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 I do sort of understand. The first few times you meet a new person one on one it's almost like a friendship date and it can feel kinda awkward if you're still getting to know each other. So moving things into a group setting can alleviate some of that awkwardness. Having said that, if you've made your feelings clear then I think they should've been a bit more upfront about what they wanted instead of just throwing you into this group. It not even being people they know, just a bunch of strangers, is very bizarre I think you're being pretty reasonable. You've only met like once so there's no overwhelming pressure to maintain some sort of long term friendship. If either of you feel like picking things up again down the road then the option is still there. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Man Who Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 As somebody who is more of a loner and isn’t a fan of having big social circles, I would have blocked them the moment I saw that they turned our night out into an Instagram orgy. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archetype Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 Something is clearly wrong with them and you should stay far away. If you want to be polite, you can say you’re not interested but you wish them the best. They sound insane IMO. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana Banana Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 (edited) I don’t think anyone here is in the right. You started all of this with an innuendo and when it didn’t turn positively that would fit your narrative, you are trying to look for an issue, question things in everything else around you but yourself and reflecting things with “I have anxiety so I don’t want 20 people” meanwhile it’s a festival where there’d be hundreds of people. Edited March 10 by Lana Banana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raptus Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 (edited) People who always feel the need to bring 10-20 people with them are red flags. They usually shallow types that don't know how to build real, substantial friendships so they compensate by having tons of "friends" and always trying to be center of attention of such big groups. F*** those people. Sometimes I feel like I'm too old to be around extroverts, they make me want to punch them Edited March 10 by Raptus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pop Life Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 (edited) Getting to know someone one on one can be really awkward, even if you like them. A festival is the perfect chance to buffer some of that with extra people. But it sounds like you were pretty clear with how you wanted the day to go and they ignored that in spectacular fashion. They're definitely in the wrong and deserve demerits, but I might not cut them off completely. Maybe just demote them? Edited March 10 by Pop Life 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Specter Posted March 10 Author Share Posted March 10 8 hours ago, glitch said: I do sort of understand. The first few times you meet a new person one on one it's almost like a friendship date and it can feel kinda awkward if you're still getting to know each other. So moving things into a group setting can alleviate some of that awkwardness. 1 hour ago, Pop Life said: Getting to know someone one on one can be really awkward, even if you like them. A festival is the perfect chance to buffer some of that with extra people. But it sounds like you were pretty clear with how you wanted the day to go and they ignored that in spectacular fashion. They're definitely in the wrong and deserve demerits, but I might not cut them off completely. Maybe just demote them? I hear & get these PoVs but the last time we met we were actually 1 on 1, getting a drink. It was almost like a date I mean it's possible they freaked out this time but I... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glitch Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 54 minutes ago, Phantom said: I hear & get these PoVs but the last time we met we were actually 1 on 1, getting a drink. It was almost like a date I mean it's possible they freaked out this time but I... Hmm yeah but that's my point tbh. Like second time round you wanna switch it up and try something different. A few years ago an ex colleague of mine and I started hanging out again. I remember the first few times we met up we just did the whole dinner/drinks thing. It was fine and we're still friends today, but I remember feeling so nervous beforehand, watching my phone for a reply thinking I was going to get ghosted It definitely takes a few meet ups to get past that initial awkwardness and doing an activity in a group can make it feel a bit less weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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