discussion is it wrong to date multiple people at once? (no exclusivity yet)

[UnusualBoy]

No, if there's no exclusivity but I feel like it's a waste of time because all your free time is basically split between 2-3 people so at the end you're not knowing any of them properly or not enough to get something meaningful out of them.

[TiaTamera]

31 minutes ago, LoveInStereo said:

Dating multiple ppl is fine if you’re not exclusive & you’ve had that convo but it’s just polite to be discrete about the details surrounding it. Telling someone you’re seeing other people hoping to motivate them to change their behaviour is game playing & manipulative. It’s dating, not contract negotiations for a salary

Yeah one guy I was dating tried doing this. It failed and I blocked him  He wanted me to do something for him that some other woman did and said how most men will choose a woman like that because of what she did. He said her actions raised his standards and he would be lowering his standards if he’s with another woman and she doesn’t do the same. I had no idea what that had to do with me 

 

31 minutes ago, The Man Who said:

If you’re starting to get to know somebody in hopes it’ll lead to a relationship, then I don’t get why you’d want to be talking with other people. That would feel like a major red flag to me as it’d make me feel like they had commitment issues. 
 

I don’t think going on multiple dates is wrong, but if you’re still in contact with one of those people you dated, there’s obviously something there, so why would you still be going on dates at that point? It makes you seem like a f-boy. 
 

 

Because people aren’t special and don’t deserve exclusivity until they’ve earned it.

 

It only give f-boy vibes if you’re assuming they are sleeping with everyone they date.

24 minutes ago, Pendulum said:

I feel like "dating" is more perceived as a mutual situationship these days, or a less-dirty name for "exclusive" FWB. Basically a relationship without the responsibility of a relationship. I hate that

Yeah it’s disgusting to me. We have regressed so much as a society. I understand everyone’s goal isn’t to get married but if it is, you cannot give everything a person is supposed to earn via marriage before you are even in an exclusive relationship and then get mad when it doesn’t work out. It was one thing where we regressed from things being accessible only through marriage (sex, children, living together, loyalty/exclusivity, etc) to it being okay as long as you’re in an exclusive relationship, but now these things are culturally okay even without exclusivity. They are called “situationships” now  before you know it, having a kid with someone who you never were exclusive with is going to be the norm, instead of being seen as a “loose” thing to do or a “one night stand”.

[TiaTamera]

I did and now I’m married 

If I didn’t I wouldn’t be because my now husband was the 3rd guy I went on a date with (technically 4th because I planned a date with someone else for that week as well. His just happened to be like a day before or something).

 

 

1 minute ago, UnusualBoy said:

No, if there's no exclusivity but I feel like it's a waste of time because all your free time is basically split between 2-3 people so at the end you're not knowing any of them properly or not enough to get something meaningful out of them.

Not necessarily (although I did go on two dates in one day. I thought it was kind of iconic cause the timing was perfect! I had just enough time to change clothes before the next date came )

 

it made me not hard pressed if things didn’t work out with one of them 
 

I wasn’t desperate and didn’t have to compromise on my standards just so I can be in a relationship 

 

It wasn’t that hard to get to know multiple people are once. No one is that special and no one is that interesting 😂 It’s like a job interview. If your resume is good you get qualified for a 1st round interview (first date). If that goes well you get a second one, and so on and so forth until you get hired (commitment). I think this is how it should be because you are judging someone on facts (against your standards) and not your heart (because you’ve slept with them as most people are doing now that’s why they think it’s wrong to date more than one person at a time). People are being dickmatized and heartbroken.

[simplywohoo]

No but don't be surprised if they drop you once they find out 

[Kimi]

Ask them first lol, it they are okay with it it’s fine if they’re not they’re gonna stop seeing you. Communication people  

[Bussea]

people need to communicate more. there’s nothing wrong with dating around, but you should let people know if you’re talking to other people so they can know their place with you 

[Asscatchem]

1 hour ago, Illuminati said:

Major red flag, android user behavior

android users have the bigger problem of finding a date to begin with

[Bosque]

3 hours ago, Asscatchem said:

if youre not official/exclusive with someone yet and the pace is kind of slow is it wrong to date other people to get a better sense of what you want?

 

 

 

 

I would assume that what you “want” is a relationship? What exactly are you going to figure out about yourself by going on another dinner date or giving your hole up to a rando? 
 

you can do whatever you want but if we were casually dating and I find out you’ve been meeting other guys I’d personally lose interest. 

[Asscatchem]

17 minutes ago, Dephira said:

I would assume that what you “want” is a relationship? What exactly are you going to figure out about yourself by going on another dinner date or giving your hole up to a rando? 
 

you can do whatever you want but if we were casually dating and I find out you’ve been meeting other guys I’d personally lose interest. 

I don't just want a relationship. I want a relationship with the right person. How am I supposed to know if that is the right person if I'm not meeting other people and learning what I truly want?

 

If someone is upset that their casual partner is seeing others, it might indicate their own failure to advance the relationship if they wanted more commitment.

[DamianSolo]

Yes, it's wrong to date multiple people at once. And it's a sign of bullshit to come, honestly. If I were dating someone who was still going around dating other people, at the same time, I'd send them on their way and tell them to lose my number. It's like gay guys never had home training, or learned how to act... like, it should be obvious that it's an issue.

[shinyshimmery]

I have never been in the position of dating multiple people. It takes so much energy to focus on just one lol, can't imagine how managing multiple people would be. But tbh, if I want a serious relationship, I would date only one person at a time, you can read people by the first date most of the time.... and if you're not feeling it, then don't waste their and your time. 

[shinyshimmery]

3 hours ago, Asscatchem said:

That was my question in the OP too, is it a good idea to tell them that you're seeing other people? I kind of want to in order to let them know that they're not just dating someone who wants to be in a relationship but rather someone who's looking for the right person.

I mean if we're talking we met at a speed dating event, and this is the first time I met you... then yeah, that's fine. But if we've been talking for days or even weeks via messages or w/e.... this would tell me you are unserious and put you in the friendzone immediately. 

[Asscatchem]

47 minutes ago, shinyshimmery said:

I mean if we're talking we met at a speed dating event, and this is the first time I met you... then yeah, that's fine. But if we've been talking for days or even weeks via messages or w/e.... this would tell me you are unserious and put you in the friendzone immediately. 

Its obviously unserious if youre not exclusive yet or havent expressed your desire to be so

[dumbsparce]

If you have developed deeper feelings for someone, how can you date other people at the same time "just in case"? I just don't understand it.

Exclusivity is not a contract. It's something that comes naturally and is a non-verbal agreement between 2 people (yes, TWO) who don't feel the need to seek other partners anymore.

If none of the above are true in your case, then you're not dating anyone. You're just fuckcking multiple guys who are also decent people.